NW gal thinking of moving to the South

[Jean in Newcastle]

So - dh and I are thinking of moving our family to Tennessee. If we moved he would pastor a church there. I would be involved in the ministry in some way.

 

We are friendly people:D We are used to waving to the neighbors and chatting in the grocery store. We are also used to telling things like they are in our ministry. Both of us often get asked pretty serious questions that require (in my opinion) honest, straight-forward answers in a kind way.

 

1st question: would that be seen as Northern abruptness?

 

The church we are thinking of candidating at is a 90% African American church. We've visited there and were well received but then they didn't know that we were thinking about moving there. I am caucasion. My dh is Filipino. Our children are mixed Caucasion/Filipino.

 

2nd question: would our inter-racial marriage and inter-racial children run into overt racism?

 

I am used to adapting to other cultures. I grew up in Japan and have married into a Filipino family. But while totally different from each other, both are Asian cultures.

 

3rd question: do you think there would be cultural barriers to working in a church that is both southern and black?

[gamommy]

My husband I were born and raised in New England. We moved south to Georgia about three years ago. I had grown up visiting my cousins, my grandma used to spend several months per year here. I thought that I knew exactly what to expect.

 

I enjoy the weather, way more than I ever thought I would. I enjoy the lower cost of living which has meant that I'm able to be home with our children. I enjoy living in a community which offers a wide range of Christian activities, media, and the like here. We have a wonderful new church family. I feel like our conservative faith is much more respected and appreciated here.

 

We are often teased about our 'bluntness'. I think some folks honestly look for it, others are more teasing. The cultural differences are real and are apparent as we navigate our new lives. I had many close friends and a very active social life up north and I honestly find it difficult to relate with some folks here, we seem to have less in common. We've made many casual friends, but we just don't have the same level of comfort with most folks. I'm often told that our older children (9 and 10 when we moved, now 11 and almost 13) are easily spotted as northeners. Our younger girls mix more easily. At the same time our New England friends and relatives see us as becoming more southern. Go figure.

 

Our decision to move was a prayerful one and the Lord has blessed us here, but it has not always been easy. My dh teaches in a public school about 45 minutes away that is a bit more than 50% African American. He has encountered some racism. All this to say that if the Lord calls you all to go I'm sure that He'll equip you for this ministry, but it may not be an easy path.

[1bassoon]

Wow - gamommy - we have almost identical experiences!! A little freaky, if you ask me. . . . .

 

But to Jean -

 

1st question: would that be seen as Northern abruptness?

 

Maybe, maybe not. It would depend on who you were talking to, and I've read enough of your posts to think that you could gauge that fairly well. In my circle, it's a bit of a joke we all have - someone asks me how we are, and I'll say, "Do you want the Northern or the Southern answer?" Overall, we've found most people to appreciate our honesty and directness.

 

2nd question: would our inter-racial marriage and inter-racial children run into overt racism?

 

Hmm. It would depend how close to a big city you are, imho. The larger cities tend to be better integrated, in a sense, than more rural area. Of course, you're hearing from a woman whose medium-skinned, Portugese dh was called a "dirty Mexican" by one of the students at a well-known Christian school. Nice. My guess is the racism would be more subtle than overt, but as a light-skinned woman, I have a hard time knowing.

 

3rd question: do you think there would be cultural barriers to working in a church that is both southern and black?

 

Maybe not barriers, but cultural issues that you'd need to pay very, very close attention to.

 

This is probably not very helpful - but I was touched by your concerns. Trusting the Lord to give you great wisdom -

[kalanamak]

Jean, you'll be recruiting sweat glands you haven't used since Hector was a pup.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Jean, you'll be recruiting sweat glands you haven't used since Hector was a pup.

 

LOL! This is actually a big concern for me. I don't do heat well.

[Needleroozer]

LOL! This is actually a big concern for me. I don't do heat well.

 

Honestly, having been to Alabama twice in the last year, I would worry much much more about the heat than the possibility of prejudice. On several occasions (shopping trips, a theatre visit, and in parks) I saw mixed race families, and folks of all races. It seemed to me a very friendly and accepting area.

 

I won't even begin to address the northern abrubtness issue- haven't enough experience with that one.

 

I wish you luck in this!!

[mom31257]

May I ask if it is East, Middle , or West Tennessee? I really only know East is why. I grew up there and still have family there.

 

I live in Georgia now in an area with many more African Americans than there were in East Tennessee. We have several African Americans that come our predominantly white church so they obviously don't have a problem with a different race for a pastor, but I would say that most African American churches in this area have the same race for a pastor.

 

If they received you well as visitors, I think that is a good sign. When you visited, did you know you might pastor there? I would find it odd (in how my own denomination works anyway) to have someone visit that might pastor and not make it known. Some might be offended and feel that you were "checking" them out in secret. This is just knowing how people generally are around the south.

 

Of course, the main thing to do is pray. If God wants you there, He'll support you even if the transition is hard for some.

[Kelli in TN]

Both of us often get asked pretty serious questions that require (in my opinion) honest, straight-forward answers in a kind way.

 

1st question: would that be seen as Northern abruptness?

 

If someone asked you the question you have every right to be straigh-forward. And in church the leadership gets to be as straight-forward as God leads.

 

The church we are thinking of candidating at is a 90% African American church. We've visited there and were well received but then they didn't know that we were thinking about moving there. I am caucasion. My dh is Filipino. Our children are mixed Caucasion/Filipino.

 

That does seem like a challenge. Who old is the church? I am in an integrated church, but my church is only about 6 years old and was founded with the intention that it would be culturally diverse. So for our church it is no big deal. But if you are looking a church that has a long history as being a particular culture, you might face more challenges.

2nd question: would our inter-racial marriage and inter-racial children run into overt racism?

 

I am used to adapting to other cultures. I grew up in Japan and have married into a Filipino family. But while totally different from each other, both are Asian cultures.

 

3rd question: do you think there would be cultural barriers to working in a church that is both southern and black?

 

I think there could be. Not that you should not do it, but be prepared for some challenges, I think.

[Jean in Newcastle]

More info - the church is new. It is in Nashville. It was founded by a black evangelist who is a friend of my dh. When we went we thought that the church leadership knew that the evangelist had asked dh about being a pastor there. We quickly found out that they did not know. We did not say anything but have made it 100% clear that we will not move further until/unless it is discussed within the church - esp. the leadership. Dh thinks that this rather big oversight was because of lack of experience with starting a church and finding a pastor.

[FO4UR]

If they have a problem with a pastor of a different color, they won't hire him. Problem solved!:tongue_smilie:

 

Seriously, I think racism makes God very sad! Wherever you go, whoever you are - you will run into problems. I'm assuming you and your dh are in ministry to serve and not to be cosy and comfy (judging by your willingness to speak bluntly and plainly - go you!)

 

My dh is Asian and I am caucasion too.:D He was in the interview process with a church and everything was going very well - until he sent a video sermon. Either his preaching was VERY bad or they noticed he isn't white. They didn't even respond after that.:confused: btw - I saw the video and his preaching was fine imho. Our current pastor thinks God was trying to work on that church, and they rebelled. I don't pretend to know what God is doing, but I can't help but wonder.

 

.....anyway - all that rambling to say that I think you should be open to what God has for you.

[Needleroozer]

If they have a problem with a pastor of a different color, they won't hire him. Problem solved!:tongue_smilie:

 

Seriously, I think racism makes God very sad! Wherever you go, whoever you are - you will run into problems. I'm assuming you and your dh are in ministry to serve and not to be cosy and comfy (judging by your willingness to speak bluntly and plainly - go you!)

 

My dh is Asian and I am caucasion too.:D He was in the interview process with a church and everything was going very well - until he sent a video sermon. Either his preaching was VERY bad or they noticed he isn't white. They didn't even respond after that.:confused: btw - I saw the video and his preaching was fine imho. Our current pastor thinks God was trying to work on that church, and they rebelled. I don't pretend to know what God is doing, but I can't help but wonder.

 

.....anyway - all that rambling to say that I think you should be open to what God has for you.

 

:iagree: You said this very well. Good thoughts.

[Stacia]

LOL! This is actually a big concern for me. I don't do heat well.

 

I think you have valid concerns, though I think the 'northern abruptness' would be the least of them.

 

The heat could be a big issue. My dh is not from the south & I have listened to him complain from March - December every year, all year since we have been together about how it is too hot. (Of course, we're still in the south, so it is doable, lol.) If you are not used to hot weather, you may have a hard time adapting. Make sure you have a house w/ ac, a vehicle w/ ac, etc....

 

Well wishes with your decisions.

[WTMCassandra]

I think the climate will be a pretty big shock. It can be very hot and humid in the summer. Very. As for the northern vs. southern, I don't think that's a biggie. I've lived in the NE, the south, and now the NW. I would say the NE has more of a corner on the market on "forthrightness" as opposed to the NW. ; )

 

(Now, quaking as I make big generalization) Overall I would say the culture is more conservative in the south than in the Seattle area, so that might a surprise as well.

 

As far as the racial issue, I think that depends on the individual church. Mixed-race churches aren't as common in the south, but there are some.

 

But the real issue is that we don't want to lose you from the NW!!! Sigh.

[Danestress]

Nashville is not a small town and my guess as to the difficulty of your issues would be that being a non-African American pastor of a mostly AA church would be the most difficult issue. However, you certainly should expect very open discussions about this and a lot of soul searching before you accepted that position. I would be asking THEM how much of an issue this would be for THEM.

 

As for your marriage and your children being inter-racial I'm going to be honest here. I was an adult before I understood that people would refer to that as "inter-racial." I know that makes me solidly clueless, but I grew up in Charlotte which was a smaller city, probably not unlike Nasheville 20 years ago, and while I was aware of a lot of racial prejudice (you really could not have missed it!) I went to school with children of Hispanic and Asian descent, and I don't think I even knew that was a different race. I'm sure they faced stupid questions and jokes, but I don't recall any real antimosity or racial problems. They went to our private schools and our churches and were just part of our lives, as I recall. I have a friend who is married to a Chinese man and they have 5 children. I think their biggest racial issue is that other kids expect Asian kids to make good grade.

 

I do remember that during the influx of Vietnamese boat people, those kids had a really hard time fitting in, partly because of language barriers. But actually, I have a Vietnamese friend who is marrying into a very prominent, wealthy, blond blond blond family this year, and his family doesn't seem to have any issues with it. So I am not sure how much overt racism you will face. I'm not going to claim that there won't be any, but I doubt it will be anything even close to what your congregants have faced.

 

I know those are just my very limited experiences, though.

 

Anyway, you are going to have a very interesting experience if you take this job! I will be really interested in how things go in the new church, what struggles your husband faces, and how God will move in that situation!

[Remudamom]

The bluntness issue surprises me. No one, I mean No One, can be more blunt than an older Southern lady.

[lovemywhirlygirls]

Jean,

 

We LOVE Nashville. It's a great little place. Hope you come to join us.

 

If you do.....the heat will be an issue. Well, the humidity is the actual culprit. July/August is very hot/wet/sticky. We love the YMCA and spend lots of time at the pool in the summer.

 

In general you should not, for the most part, have any issues as a couple here in Nashville. We've got all kinds o' combinations here. Love that. In the church, I agree that the issue may be more 1) That they didn't know you were coming as potential pastors (they would have checked you out while you were there!) and 2) That a non African American person would be the pastor of a mostly African American church. That said, if he's good and they like you, my limited experience has been that this part will fade. 3) In my again, limited experience (with friends), the fact that you are a "mixed" couple will draw them to you on some level because you've, no doubt, come up against people/establishments making things difficult for you.

 

I'm sure I haven't expressed myself well as I am late to leave for an appointment. Please forgive any typos, insensitivities or things not well said.

 

Lean into the Lord and see what HE wants you to do. That's all that matters anyway. Then you're part of HIS plan and he'll be with you whatever happens.

 

Let us know if you come to TN. We'd love to welcome you!

[MamaT]

My husband and I along with our four sons are caucasian, but our adopted daughters are African-American. I live in the mountains of NC, but I can see Tennessee from my front porch. I think you would have less trouble in Nashville with race issues than in the surrounding rural areas. We live in a rural area outside of Asheville, and it is amazing what a difference a few miles can make. There are mixed race couples in Asheville - no big deal. Out here in the country it is a different story.

 

I have found that out here, people are very polite and courteous to us in casual situations. There are some people who will not allow their children to come to our house or have ours over because of their race. My dds have received very hurtful and racist comments from children from time to time since we have lived here.

 

I love the idea of a mixed race church, but haven't been able to find one in this area. We're not going to be segregated in heaven! Race should not matter in church IMO. Pray for God's leading and he will make a way even if it's not easy. SOMEONE has to break ground on breaking down race barriers in the church. I wish you and your family the best as you make this important decision.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thank you so much for the very thoughtful replies! You've made me feel a lot better about these issues.

 

When we lived in Portland OR we had skinheads following us. They harassed dh with racial stuff but they were esp. ugly with me - because I had "polluted our race". It was really scary because we were in a park and no one else was around. So we've experienced some things here in the NW.

 

There is a lot of discussion that has to take place before we can make a final decision on this. So it's still early days yet.

[Geo]

My husband and I along with our four sons are caucasian, but our adopted daughters are African-American. I live in the mountains of NC, but I can see Tennessee from my front porch. I think you would have less trouble in Nashville with race issues than in the surrounding rural areas. We live in a rural area outside of Asheville, and it is amazing what a difference a few miles can make. There are mixed race couples in Asheville - no big deal. Out here in the country it is a different story.

 

Not necessarily so. I live in a rather small town, Franklin (pop 2 or 3000?)---about an hour from you. Our church is

muti-racial, multi-cultural. Personally, I should

add here that I believe in people groups rather than "race," but I understand how it is being used here for clarification. Anyway, within our church of around 300 (BIG for our town) we have,chinese, hispanic, african-american, filipino and caucasian. There are several (5?) bi-racial couples as well as several large adoptive families with a "racial variety" of children. It is so common that my 6yodd (now 10)percieved the differences as random acts of biology. She wondered out loud why we didn't have any dark people in our family, like so many of her friends did. Kind of like that Cinderella musical with Brandi...

black mom + white dad=asian son! Could it be because we are a non-denominational church? I don't know.

I can't speak for any of the other churches around us.

 

Geo

 

P.S. I did hear once that one of the children was told at school (by a classmate) that they weren't allowed to play with her because she was black. I don't think there's anywhere where that doesn't happen, though. Sad.

Edited March 27, 2009 by Geo
add a P.S.