Night Elf Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I'm having an anxiety attack. We've lived in this house for 3 years and it's really starting to wear on my nerves. We only have 2 common areas for family gathering: (1) a kitchen/dining room combo that opens into the (2) living room area. All other rooms are bedrooms, bathroom, and laundry room. My DH has an upright piano in our living room which takes up a great deal of space. He's had it for 40 yrs. and refuses to part with it. I've gotten rid of so much stuff and yet I still feel very closed in. Usually when I feel like this, I cull through my stuff. But I've done that so many times now that I no longer have stuff to go through! I wish I could have my own apartment, all by myself. I have such an urgent and desperate need to be in a clean, organized space that is all mine. So how do I get rid of that feeling? I'm obviously not going to leave my family so I have to work with what I have. I've been moving around furniture this morning but nothing helps. Many things just need to be replaced by more efficient practical things or just tossed altogether. And DH has both heels dug in. And he wonders why I have no desire or motivation to keep the house really clean. I so dislike this whole place!! (BTW, this isn't a DH bashing post. It's a house bashing post! :) ) *panting* venting is emotionally distressing but it's even more upsetting to not have anyone IRL to talk with about these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: When I get this feeling, I have a nice warm bath in the bathroom all. by. myself. You may need to get the family out of the house to do this. Feel better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Night Elf, I'm not a ((hugs)) person, but I'd give you one if I were. I've had this feeling. In the end, it's never the house. Or the stuff. Or the husband. It's usually my psyche that is screaming for more room/to get out/to have something different. Perhaps you and hubby could arrange something so you could just get away from everyone and everything this weekend - maybe only Saturday. It could do you a world of good. Hang in there, asta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in Toronto Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I am so with you. We radically downsized a year and a half ago when we moved from a suburban home outside of Atlanta to an in-town house in Toronto. Half the house for twice the price.... Anyway, there have been some really traumatic moments. We have very little storage space, no garage, and 25 years of married life and all the stuff that one collects. Right now, our shop vac is in the middle of the (tiny) laundry/furnace room. I am trying to convince DH that it's just not worth it to keep the thing. We use it, maybe, once a year, and we just don't have space. Multiply that by 100. I have divested myself of over half my books, 80% of my craft/sewing/needlework/art supplies, tons of clothing,all but one set of dishes. In a way, it's very healthy. I feel psychically lighter. But it's a painful process nonetheless. My current gripe is the exercise bike and free weights all over the floor in our bedroom. DH and one teen son use them. Ugly, cluttered, not the spa-like look I want for the bedroom. They may go into the basement, into a small room where the video gaming stuff is. Anyway, all this to say that I understand exactly how you're feeling. Every room seems to be closing in on us. We have a master plan, but it involves buying new, smaller furniture and more sorting and purging. So we have to go at it slowly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I understand COMPETELY! I moved from a newish,2600 sq feet/ 3 bathroom/ full basement/ 2 car garage home, to a fixer upper, 1000 sq feet/ ONE bathroom/ no basement, no garage home! I had been stomping my feet and throwing a fit about it for YEARS! ( not literally, just attitudinally.) Please don't take this wrong, I am talking about ME, but I finally had to realize that God was teaching me a lesson. There is no changing our living circumstances right now. I am stuck here. So, am I going to "be content" or not? Well, for several years I was NOT! I resented what I gave up. I have been working hard on this and have finally come to a place where I'm liking this stink'in little house - not lov'in the house, but loving my life here and considering this house my home. My old feelings were a reflection of my own negative attitude and my need to adjust and be grateful for what I have. Believe me, I cried buckets many times and swore it was just not okay for a family our size to live in a house this small. I spent a lot of time comparing my home to what I used to have or what others have. Now I think about what other's don't have and I feel so blessed. I know this sounds like platitudes, but it's just true for me. As far as practical things, for me, making what space there is look as nice a possible makes a big difference. Fresh paint, pretty things about but definitely no clutter. I don't keep stuff anymore. Many, many things I had for years are gone. But all the purging in the world can't make more space and I've just learned to be comfortable AND cramped. I'm not saying it was easy. But I've come a long way. One thing I will say I feel bad about. I made my husband feel terrible for several years. I never blamed him for this house, but that's how he felt. I have apologized to him and he is so much happier now that he doesn't have to hear me complain about this house. ( I still slip up sometimes) Again, don't take this wrong. It was MY problem in the same situation. Take if for what it's worth for you. Blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Our house is the same: we have one big area that is four rooms - the kitchen, the dining area, the living room, and the library/toy room. That's the only public area of the house. I wish we had another! Next time I look for a house that will be high on my list. One of my friends has a house with an outside porch, a sunroom, the kitchen, a little library, a living room, and an upstairs game space. That would be so nice to have all those spots! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I feel the same way! We had a nice house in a nice neighborhood, but my husband wanted to be "out." He found a beautiful piece of property with streams, a barn, beautiful views, pastures, and a house that needs lots of WORK! I don't live outside! I live in the house! I am getting ready to get rid of a lot of stuff and hope that will help, but the bathrooms and kitchen need to be totally redone. It doesn't look like that will happen any time soon. Smaller furniture would help too, but that will also have to wait. I try not to grumble and complain, but it's HARD! I totally understand your frustration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 (edited) Can you fit a comfy reading chair in your bedroom and make that a nice, peaceful sanctuary for you? Or, make a little corner in one of the common areas and get a folding screen to block out the sight of all the junk! I'm personally not bothered by stuff but like to have a quiet area where I can read and think in peace, even if it means I need to have earplugs or noise reducing headphones while my husband and the kids play loudly in a nearby room. Edit: maybe you could post pictures or a layout so we could give you some ideas? I've moved a lot and have had to come up with a lot of different ways to arrange things in different houses, so I have a lot of different ideas that could work for arranging things! Also, I'm sure other people here will have some good thoughts. Edited March 9, 2009 by ElizabethB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 We only have one living area... and our house is laid out in a very linear fashion, so you have to walk through one room to get to another, and all roads lead through the living room. It drives me nuts sometimes. I am working on turning the master bedroom into more of an escape space so that I can go in there and work or just be by myself without feeling cramped, but it's a long process. And every time I get rid of one thing, it seems like two more things want that same spot! I sympathize... so very much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 This is my all-time favorite thread from all my years on this board. Everybody always does such a good job culling, downsizing, etc., that sometimes I feel silly to feel cramped w/ the house we've got. I'm THRILLED to hear people stepping up & saying, "I want more space! I'm tired of getting rid of my stuff!" It's completely refreshing. Thank you, NE. I have no advice for you, but you've made me smile on a warm, muggy Tx day when dh isn't doing what *I* think he ought to do. Surely you can imagine what a feat that is! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 :grouphug: I understand about not wanting to keep a house clean when you feel stuck. Can you paint a room or decorate something the way you want? Do you have nightstand that you can set up as yours? Can you claim a small spot just for yourself? Those are just some of the things I've done in the past. There are times I just have to leave to clear my head, other times I crawl in bed for a short afternoon nap. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I understand. Our house is about 1100 sq. ft. We're going to add a very small room on to our garage which will double as my sanity space and a greenhouse. If you have a big enough plot, you could also put a shed on it and make that yours. Here's an interesting article about a man from Maine who makes "tiny retreats": http://www.cottageliving.com/cottage/homes/article/0,21135,1175435,00.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Yes, I know the feeling. We live an apartment with a similar layout to what you described: we have a kitchen/dining room (but we use the dining area as a school area instead), and a living room. I was just telling someone today, if we just had a family room, like a finished basement, that would make this amount of space so much more comfortable. Our kitchen isn't really a comfortable place, so the really only comfortable place for our family to gather is the living room-- which is small, and after living here for four years, it gets boring being in the same room all together all the time. My biggest complaint though, is our bedroom. Half of it is taken up with my dh's art stuff (huge high tech computer desk with two large monitors, computer accessories, bookshelves, boxes of art supplies, and several shelves of... wait for it... *action figures.* :thumbdown: Not a place I can call my own, that is for sure. I would love to have a comfy chair in there where I could sit and read and relax, but there is no room. Dh has offered to take down the action figures "if they make me that unhappy" (can you tell this is an ongoing topic of debate? LOL), but he really has nowhere else he can put them, so I haven't taken him up on the offer yet. Besides, the computer and monitors and art supplies and books, which he does need to have out, take up so much room in the bedroom that it hardly would make a difference taking down the action figures. Whew, it does feel good to vent!!! Sorry I have no solutions for you, OP, but at least you know some others are in the same boat, and are trying to make it work, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 We lived in a tiny 1000 sq.ft. falling-down-shack of a home, with 5 dc, for 12 years. I totally sympathize with you, and understand that there's only so much culling you can do! It helped me a bit ('course, this was in CA), to arrange a *very* nice place to sit outside. I had a comfy chair underneath an overhanging porch, and I put down a very inexpensive indoor/outdoor rug, and I put a little tray table next to my chair to hold my drink or to pull over and use as a desk when I wanted to work. Yes, sometimes the weather was cold (I bundled up and kept a pretty quilt to take out with me), and sometimes the weather was HOT (iced tea or lemonade), but when I hated my house, I spent a *lot* of time out there! It was the only place that was MINE. I chose every part of it to please only myself. Either way, I'm so sorry you're stuck where you are! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Awesome responses, thank you! FWIW, I have not always hated my house. It's a lovely cozy house. I do wish, however, I had a small spot to call my own. We have a treadmill in our master bedroom that my DH uses every day, so that can't go. There's no room left in there for a cozy chair and frankly it's hard to relax in that room with a great big ugly treadmill only 2 feet from the bed. :) I've just repainted my dd16's bedroom. Next I'm pulling up the carpet and will lay laminated hardwood flooring. We'll be replacing the carpeting all through the house eventually but it's slow going because we're doing it ourselves. When I need some time to myself, I take a bath. I've been known to bathe 2 to 3 times a day. If nothing else, I know *I'm* clean! I do wish my kids would stop coming into the bathroom while I'm relaxing though. My dd10 wanders in to ask "Whatcha doing?" :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allearia Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I understand. Our situation is a bit different in that we didn't downsize, but we did buy this house (1300 sq ft, 2 bd) before we had kids, thinking that it would be fine and we would never need more room. Also at the time we could have bought something much bigger. Now we are stuck here, frankly pretty lucky to have any house at all, no chance any time soon of buying anything bigger. I sometimes get frustrated thinking of the bigger house we could have had. I know we are relatively lucky and with only 2 kids it it isn't too bad but it is so hard to keep the clutter contained and keep the home clean when I am always wishing for something else. For me personally it is more of a personal failing of mine that I am trying to overcome and I try not to complain too much but definitley know what you mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Night Elf, I wish I could say we downsized. I've lived here all of our 10 years of marriage. We have 1100 sq ft with five of us. It is tight. I have a bike right next to my bed. The play area is half our living area, but we've renovated, and I feel excited. Next winter, we are going to do our bedroom, and then all of the rooms will have had a makeover. I am so happy with our living area / office. I'll take pix once my husband's finished building the new toy table. I am a neat freak, and in a small house, it's easy for things to look messy and cluttered. I have purged a lot of stuff, but I feel energized for it. I do think it is healthy for me to get out of the house alone every now and then to recharge. Yes, I would love more space, but even moreso, I love knowing that our house will be paid for in two years or less -- my only consolation since we own the smallest home of anyone we know. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 This is my all-time favorite thread from all my years on this board. Everybody always does such a good job culling, downsizing, etc., that sometimes I feel silly to feel cramped w/ the house we've got. I'm THRILLED to hear people stepping up & saying, "I want more space! I'm tired of getting rid of my stuff!" It's completely refreshing. Thank you, NE. I have no advice for you, but you've made me smile on a warm, muggy Tx day when dh isn't doing what *I* think he ought to do. Surely you can imagine what a feat that is! :001_smile: :iagree: agreed. More space, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I am hoping to downsize, but with this market, not sure when that will happen. I dream of something small enough to be cleaned more quickly. I have gotten rid of just about everything my EX left when he moved out, but I'm expecting a conflict with current packrat hubby when we move. Brutally, it is part of why I want to downsize. He just won't have more room to bring home garage sale stuff. No way you could kick out a 6x6 area from your bedroom, with windows on three sides, radiant heat in the floor...a place to face your rocker OUT and sip tea, all painted a spring green with tiny purple highlights? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 :iagree: agreed. More space, please. Me too. We downsized house for land, but I miss the good space of my old home. Sometimes I dream about that space. I love our 2 little acres...but that doesn't mean I don't miss being able to stretch out and have indoor space. In fact, I miss it a lot. We are not even packrats and I purge anything that is outgrown. I am very tidy, but it's hard...especially when people are home all day and working. A spare room would be wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 could you buy a screen that would hide the treadmill? At least it would be hidden, and look nice. We have a treadmill in our kitchen. While I don't like it, I'm the one who uses it the most, so I can't complain.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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