JennifersLost Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 My oldest ds is turning 16 next week and I have asked a bunch of people in his life (grandparents, friends, friends of the family, etc) to contribute to a photo album I'm making for him. The idea is to have pictures and short notes from all these different people to put in the album - a collection of all the people who wish him well. Everyone's been enthusiastic so far, but I just got my mother's note to include. It's great, except for the last paragraph which essentially lectures him and tells him he needs to take up a sport (he's too intellectual) and he needs to work on his diction. Ummm...really? That's how you're going to conclude an "encouraging" note? This is my mom all over. She always has some flaw to point out that you really, really need to work on. It made my skin crawl just to read it. She emailed the note for me to print out. Can I just "lose" the last paragraph? What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 That is what my sister did. Is your mom going to see this? Honestly, I would, birthday's are not the time for a lecture from a family member that the child doesn't have a seriously close personal relationship with. I could see a father/son exchange where maybe, in the right context, with careful wording this would possibly be good, but a grandparent, probably would not fit all of those criterion(is that how you pluralize that?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I would definitely remove the last paragraph if the rest is ok. If it needed explaining just tell her the beginning was so complete and encouraging that it was just perfect. Maybe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I would edit out that last paragraph. She is a contributer, but not the creator of this gift. You are the creator. So edit without guilt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Well... you do have a few options. Can you email her back letting her know that you enjoyed the note that she typed up but that you have strong feelings about the last paragraph? Or however you would phrase it. If not, will she be seeing this? When I ask myself what I would do... I would print it without the last part and if asked, I would tell my mom why I did it that way (privately!) This is your gift to your child and you have set a tone for it... But, I would also tell my son what grandma wrote in the full note and why I didn't include it... but that's *me*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I would edit out that last paragraph. She is a contributer, but not the creator of this gift. You are the creator. So edit without guilt. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SouljaQT Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I say remove it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the floating cottage Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I would totally lose the last paragraph. Your child's self esteem is much more important. It is such a special occasion and something he is going to look at over and over again. I would be honest with mom only if she asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I would edit out that last paragraph. She is a contributer, but not the creator of this gift. You are the creator. So edit without guilt. :iagree: Well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyinNNV Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 My oldest ds is turning 16 next week and I have asked a bunch of people in his life (grandparents, friends, friends of the family, etc) to contribute to a photo album I'm making for him. The idea is to have pictures and short notes from all these different people to put in the album - a collection of all the people who wish him well. Everyone's been enthusiastic so far, but I just got my mother's note to include. It's great, except for the last paragraph which essentially lectures him and tells him he needs to take up a sport (he's too intellectual) and he needs to work on his diction. Ummm...really? That's how you're going to conclude an "encouraging" note? This is my mom all over. She always has some flaw to point out that you really, really need to work on. It made my skin crawl just to read it. She emailed the note for me to print out. Can I just "lose" the last paragraph? What would you do? I would remove the final paragraph. It is inappropriate. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I agree, lose the negative stuff. Do what is best for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I would edit out that last paragraph. She is a contributer, but not the creator of this gift. You are the creator. So edit without guilt. :iagree: What last paragraph, I didn't see a last paragraph. Did you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 :iagree: What last paragraph, I didn't see a last paragraph. Did you? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 You all are awesome. Yes, I'm doing this. I know in my heart my ds will focus on that negativity and that's all he'll hear. Thanks for the "approval", people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Don't you hate email... especially when it randomly truncates messages? Sometimes technology is just a bear, isn't it? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 (edited) Is your son old enough and secure enough to understand that that's "just her"? Or would it hurt him the same way it's hurting you? I'm just thinking of my own grandmother right now... She died a few months ago, and one of the things that my mom came home with was an old Velveeta box (many years older than I am -- so classically my grandmother!) filled with old letters and things. One of the most precious letters was one my grandmother wrote to *her* mother, that her mother then responded to by writing in red pen all around the margins... The whole things was *hilarious* to those of us who knew these two women. It was almost to painful for my mother to read -- and yet to my father and brother and me (and some others) who knew both my grandmother and great grandmother... It was just so *them*. The bitterness, the biting humor, the criticism... The whole thing. In a way it was *beautiful* to see their personalities (flaws and strengths together!) in such a succinct way. I'm not saying you should leave the paragraph in. But *if* it truly reveals something of your mother, and *if* your son can read it and just see *her* and not be hurt by the criticism... It might be precious to him in years to come. Weird as that sounds. I just think it might not effect him the way it effects you... Especially couched in all those other (truly!) encouraging notes. Or not. I wouldn't fault you for losing that paragraph either. ;) ETA: I didn't mean that *you* are being oversensitive about this. I don't think that. But I do think that the same criticism that can seem deeply wounding from a *parent* can be a lot less painful from a more distant relative, on whom we can have a little more perspective. Growing up with you as a buffer, your son may not find your mothers words as biting as they would be to *you* as her own child. Edited March 4, 2009 by abbeyej Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I would definitely lose it. This is something he should be able to look at in the years to come with fondness and good feelings. I would take it out with no guilt in a heartbeat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I'd lose it too. It was wholly inappropriate. I wouldn't say anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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