Teens that feel "sick" all the time?

[SW in IL]

Anyone have or know of a teenager who just feels under the weather pretty much all the time? A friend's son is almost always sick. During the summer months, mom blames the heat. During the winter months, mom blames the cold. During the spring and fall, it's the changing weather, the pollen... It's that he was helping dig up the septic tank in 90+ degree weather... It was a trip he took last summer where he got horribly bug bitten (but didn't feel sick at all during the trip)... Her reasoning goes on and on.

 

I had dismissed it as the heat, the cold, his age (17), etc., for a long time but now I'm wondering about it. Actually it was watching Oprah where someone said that a lot of times that general "feeling sick" is a result of a hormone imbalance. But Oprah is talking about females around menopause, not teenage boys.

 

Any thoughts? Any good way to approach my friend? They have no health insurance so teenage boy hasn't been to the doctor for ANYTHING in over 5 years. I've been trying to gently tell her that she should at least take him in for a check-up, but she says that once he's turns 18 (9 months or so), he can go on his own if he can find a way to pay for it since she thinks that all parental (financial) responsibility stops the moment he turns 18.

 

Thanks,

Sue

[Julie in CA]

I was a "sick" teenager--didn't really feel totally well for several years. It wasn't any illness that anyone could see, nor did I let it slow me down at all, but I sure didn't feel very well.

 

The good news is that I grew out of it, I guess, but it did take a couple of years--probably from about age 15 1/2 to 17 1/2.

 

Is this a kid who'll be enrolling in a community college? If so, he may be able to find some low- or no-cost health care there.

[tibbyl]

My gut reaction is that the young man is either a malingerer or manifesting hypochondria or factitious disorder in effort to deal with emotional problems, assuming this is same young man you have mentioned before. He has complained of vague symptoms that do not intensify over the years. What is getting when he complains? Parental sympathy, retreat to a childlike state, release from chores or other duties, avoiding physical punishment?

[SW in IL]

And I do think there's a component of hypocondria or something to it. But he definitely doesn't get any sympathy from anyone... In fact, quite the opposite. If he's feeling sick, he's forced to stay home and babysit his nieces and nephews while his mom and sisters go out. He still has to cook the meals for the family (mom, dad, sometimes his sisters, their husbands and children) and has to get his schoolwork done (he is homeschooled) on time.

 

He definitely has a lazy streak and a stubborn streak, but what teenager doesn't. He only gets to sleep a few hours at a stretch between chores and cooking (4 hours at night... whatever he can catch in the afternoon), so I'm sure he's tired all the time.

 

Mom doesn't see a problem with this and it's a subject we rarely discuss because we don't see eye to eye... Heck, we're not even in the same zip code on this one! But I understand where she's coming from. Teenager was an accident (sisters are 12 and 18 years older than him) coming after mom had 'put her time in' raising her kids and coming just before her first grandchildren whom they raised for many years.

 

But... I just have a gut feeling that it's more than teenage apathy, though I know that's a component in it. Still not sure what, if anything, I can/will do.

 

I guess mostly I'm just venting and thinking 'out loud'

 

Sue

[klmama]

Honestly, it sounds like chronic sleep deprivation to me. That makes every otherwise small symptom feel big, making the person look like a hypochondriac, and it means the immune system is never functioning at full capacity, so the person really does get sick more often than others. The boy needs 8-9 hours of sleep a night to be healthy. It sounds to me like he will be better off when he really is 18, because then perhaps he can get out of this situation and lead a normal life.

[Harriet Vane]

Could be anemia or thyroid issues. What looks like laziness could just be the bone-deep exhaustion that accompanies an untreated metabolic disorder. Shame on your friend for not at least running a blood test to rule some things out. I'd be tempted, in your shoes, to pay for a blood panel myself (if you can afford it).

 

FWIW anemia can also cause sleep issues--when I was at my most anemic I also suffered major sleep issues. It was very hard. I wonder if this guy is facing that as well.

[OhM]

Actually, this sounds like my mom (that is, the boy's symptoms sound like my mom's symptoms). I've always thought of her as something of a hypochondriac, and she was usually projecting those symptoms onto others - especially me. And solely because of my experience growing up, I would have asked if it could be mom projecting onto the boy, but your follow-up post answered that question.

 

Along with what other posters have mentioned, I'd look into depression, as well. In my (ever more infrequent - yay!) bouts, I always suffer a general "ugh-ness" (yes, that's the technical term) physically. With me, it's alleviated with exercise - maybe regular activity would help here, too?

Edited January 16, 2009 by OhM
clarifying

[Tami]

What is his diet like? If he doesn't eat well, he could have anemia, a zinc or vitamin B deficiency, yeast overgrowth, or unstable blood sugar levels from processed sugar overload. Any of these lead to a person not feeling "well." I would attack it with a corrective nutrition plan to increase fresh fruits and vegetables, and to eliminate processed sugar.

[elegantlion]

Sounds like it could be a combination of things. Sleep deprivation being a big one. Depression, lack of self-esteem, or food allergies maybe.

 

I've had periods like that where I have been sick off and on for a long time. My immune system is suppressed and I tend to catch things easily. It created a vicious cycle for me.

 

17 is hard enough without being responsible for feeding your family and feeling like you were a mistake. Turning 18 may be the best thing for him.

[FO4UR]

Sleep deprivation - teens need more sleep than adults, and living with a (mother) family who doesn't cherish you as a loved member sound like the big issues. How sad!

 

The fact that his mom won't take him to the doc for atleast a well check-up says a lot.:glare:

 

["It sounds to me like he will be better off when he really is 18, because then perhaps he can get out of this situation and lead a normal life. "]

 

:iagree:

[Happy]

Four hours of sleep is all he gets? Oh my, that's a huge problem.

 

Frankly, I think MOM is the issue. I'm so sorry she had an 'accident' (I hate that term. Why not 'gift?') and has a late in life child to raise. But she is STILL the mom. It sounds like she is treating the child like a hired hand.

 

All those other things...nutrition, sleep, and possible depression, will probably disappear if the teen gets out of that house and lives on his own. Is there a way you can faciliatate that kind of move for him?

[JFSinIL]

Could he be mildly lactose intolerant? Celiac?

[OhM]

Four hours of sleep is all he gets? Oh my, that's a huge problem.

 

 

 

I completely missed that - yeah - start with sleep deprivation! As others have mentioned - that leads to a host of other problems.

[coralloyd]

I felt this way as a teen. It turned out that I was hypoglycemic and had to cut out the sugars in my diet. No more candy, soda, white bread etc.The only sugar that remained in my diet was basicly fruits, & brown rice syrup (thanks to my mom). It was hardto eat this way as a teen, but worth it. After having my first baby the hypoglycemia went away. Sometimes I think it would have been better if it had stayed. I was so healthy and had so much energy eating this way. Now I still try to eat healthy, but it is so easy to fall off the wagon when you can, without getting sick :D.

[Nicole M]

He doesn't sound "lazy" to me. In my experience, teens who appear lazy, and adults, too, for that matter, are passively resisting a difficult situation. I'd be depressed, too, living in that house. Sounds awful. And the sleep deprivation, lack of health care for the child, that is not okay. It borders on (or possibly is, in fact) negligence on the mom's part.

 

That said, I don't know what I'd do in you situation, if there's anything you can do. I agree with the other poster who said his "health" issues will probably clear up once he's out on his own.

[vettechmomof2]

It sounds like a horrible home life for him.

 

I feel very sorry for him.

 

As for chronic illness: mono( my brother was like this and it took the docs over 6 months to check him for it), I have many auto immune issues and some of those cause me to feel horrible at certain times but the 4 hours of sleep is not enough and she is being abusive to force her son to be Cinderella.

 

She could have easily tried to adopt him out if her life for children was done.

I feel for you as well dealing with someone like this.

 

I have no real ideas on what to say, except she is being exetremely neglectful and unmotherly.

[Barb_]

I have a daughter who was like this for....oh....8 years maybe? I thought an autoimmune condition might be causing it because she does have vitiligo and oftentimes one condition is a red flag to search for others. But after having her tested over the years I'm convinced she is in fine health. I believe in her case the causes were A. allergies to our cats (no sneezing or watery eyes to tip us off, just a constant low-level malaise) that aggravated her tendency to B. shut down in exhaustion when she is stressed or overwhelmed. When she was small she would stare off into the middle distance in noisy or chaotic rooms and effectively disappear. I realize this is an autistic tendency and she is convinced she has asperger's although we have never had her formally diagnosed. But still to this day, when she is in the middle of a personal crisis (and when she lived at home as an introvert with 5 younger noisy siblings, every day seemed like a personal crisis), she will take to bed for days to sleep it off. The difference is, she realizes what she is doing and will take steps to pull herself out of it rather than just blaming her poor health.

 

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I thought I'd share my experiences. Oh, and the rest of our children are absolutely robust and normal, but this child is the product of a different birth father. So who knows.

 

Barb

[Danestress]

That some people are sensitive to certain foods that the rest of us regularly eat - gluten, yeast - whatever. If they had insurance to cover it, I would definitely be going to a specialist to test for allergies, food sensitivities, etc.

I would not want my own child to have to live that way, and I wouldn't want him to feel bad all the time.

[BeachGirl]

I know in my area of at least three free teen health clinics. You may want to look them up in your phone directory. They have either free or low cost medical care for teenagers who need it. The mom may not know about this type of service.

[joannqn]

Frankly, I think MOM is the issue. I'm so sorry she had an 'accident' (I hate that term. Why not 'gift?') and has a late in life child to raise. But she is STILL the mom. It sounds like she is treating the child like a hired hand.

 

All those other things...nutrition, sleep, and possible depression, will probably disappear if the teen gets out of that house and lives on his own. Is there a way you can faciliatate that kind of move for him?

 

:iagree:

 

She said it for me.

 

I had a lot of health issues (depression, debilitating fatigue, insomnia, daily migraines, etc.) in high school due to living with my parents. I moved out days after I graduated. At the end of summer, I stopped by the school to visit some old teachers before I left the state for college. My biology teacher, who knew what was going on, commented that I looked a lot better and asked what had happened. I was surprised that he could see a physical difference!

[Ria]

Any thoughts? Any good way to approach my friend? They have no health insurance so teenage boy hasn't been to the doctor for ANYTHING in over 5 years. I've been trying to gently tell her that she should at least take him in for a check-up, but she says that once he's turns 18 (9 months or so), he can go on his own if he can find a way to pay for it since she thinks that all parental (financial) responsibility stops the moment he turns 18.

 

My only printable thought is that this woman doesn't deserve to be a mother. That poor kid.

 

Ria

[SW in IL]

Now at least I have some ideas of what needs to be done.

 

Depression is most likely an issue and it seems to run in his family along with other psychiatric issues. His diet could be a lot better than it is. They end up having fast food a couple of times a week and most everything they eat is either fried or sweetened. His favorite foods are tater tots (preferably from Sonic) and sweet iced tea (preferably from McDonald's). He also might have some issues with his blood sugar as he gets dizzy and headachy if he goes for more than a couple hours without eating.

 

There are also weight issues that run in the family. He's about 5'10" or 11" tall and weighs 250 pounds or so. He's definitely a big boy.

 

We were hoping to get him up to Illinois for a while this spring (finances permitted) and if he does come up, one thing I'll be insisting on is a Medical Power of Attorney so that maybe I can take him in somewhere and have a simple blood test run. Plus he'd get as much sleep as his body needs. Right now, though, it's looking doubtful that we'll be able to afford it.

 

In the mean time, I'll just keep encouraging him and his mom to try to have him get more uninterrupted sleep and maybe eat better and exercise a bit.

 

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts. At least I feel more like we're trying to head in the right direction even if for now we can't do much more than figure out stop gap measures and make plans for what needs to be done when his age and finances allow.

 

Sue