Thank you

[Drama Llama]

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Edited December 31, 2023 by Drama Llama

[fairfarmhand]

I tend to do this when I’m anxious 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

Don’t quote.

Not a teen, but I can tell when DH’s PTSD starts becoming an issue again because he begins exercising and going to the gym excessively.

[Drama Llama]

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Edited December 31, 2023 by Drama Llama

[Insertcreativenamehere]

What do you consider excessive?

 

[Drama Llama]

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Edited December 31, 2023 by Drama Llama

[Clemsondana]

I've got kids who play sports, so they usually do 2 hours a day (and sometimes 4 hours, if both sports practice) although there are some days off.  I've got a boy who will go running if practice is just a workout or any day that doesn't have practice, and usually do some weights too.  When he was a tween he'd go out and shoot baskets for 30 minutes before starting school because he said it helped him focus.  He also seems to go running if exasperated with something.  He doesn't like to sit for too long, so will sometimes do some squats or burpees if we've been sitting, like on a road trip or a family gathering that involves a lot of lounging around while talking.  After road-tripping to where we ate Thanksgiving dinner, kid went out and ran some sprints while the rest of us were visiting.  When I was a teen, we came home from school, did our homework, and then played basketball until it got dark so it seems normal to me.  He says that he feels better when he exercises, and I know that he enjoys playing ball, running, and weightlifting so it seems like a good thing.  

I'll add that practices and workouts are often social.  This kid also sometimes plays pickup games of another sport at church or, if a friend asks, at the park.  Those are just fun and social, although technically they are exercise, too.  

Edited December 30, 2023 by Clemsondana

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I have experience with this, but it is related to an eating disorder, which morphed from OCD, and is also tangled up with general anxiety.

So, this may or may not be relevant to your situation.

Is he trying to hide any of his exercise? eg doing quiet exercise, such as sit-ups or push-ups, in the middle of the night

[Drama Llama]

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Edited December 31, 2023 by Drama Llama

[scholastica]

I would talk to the pediatrician. This would be hard to tell as a parent or from a distance. Every kid is different. 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

51 minutes ago, Drama Llama said:

No, he's not hiding.  

That's good to hear.

It's so hard to know where the line is between a healthy habit (or even coping mechanism) and an unhealthy obsession.

Maybe try to keep an eye on his overall life balance. Is he forgoing other things he used to want to do and exercising instead?

[Drama Llama]

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Edited December 31, 2023 by Drama Llama

[Drama Llama]

1 hour ago, Clemsondana said:

I've got kids who play sports, so they usually do 2 hours a day (and sometimes 4 hours, if both sports practice) although there are some days off.  I've got a boy who will go running if practice is just a workout or any day that doesn't have practice, and usually do some weights too.  When he was a tween he'd go out and shoot baskets for 30 minutes before starting school because he said it helped him focus.  He also seems to go running if exasperated with something.  He doesn't like to sit for too long, so will sometimes do some squats or burpees if we've been sitting, like on a road trip or a family gathering that involves a lot of lounging around while talking.  After road-tripping to where we ate Thanksgiving dinner, kid went out and ran some sprints while the rest of us were visiting.  When I was a teen, we came home from school, did our homework, and then played basketball until it got dark so it seems normal to me.  He says that he feels better when he exercises, and I know that he enjoys playing ball, running, and weightlifting so it seems like a good thing.  

I'll add that practices and workouts are often social.  This kid also sometimes plays pickup games of another sport at church or, if a friend asks, at the park.  Those are just fun and social, although technically they are exercise, too.  

That's reassuring.  

[Kuovonne]

1 hour ago, Drama Llama said:

He's spending on average about 20 hours a week in formal exercise,

I don’t have experience with excessive exercise in a teenager, but I do have experience with teens who engage in 20+ hours of formal exercise per week. Twenty plus hours per week of formal training for a physical extracurricular sounds well within the wide range of normal to me.

Also some things that a sedentary adult might think of as exercise, an active teen might think of as simply a fun social activity.

How does his activity level and volume compare to that of other kids who are serious about the same activities? Is he still able to accomplish all other “required” responsibilities such as school work and chores? Does he have any body dysmorphia or is he happy with his physical appearance?

[JennyD]

I agree that it's so hard to tell. 

Some people just love being active.  My 80yo father spends hours in the gym every morning, then in the afternoon he will go for a hike or hit golf balls at the range for a few hours.  But he has always been crazy for sports and exercise, and now that he doesn't have to do that pesky making-a-living thing, he's free to spend his time doing what he loves most.  My middle son is the exact same way -- he will run with the dog, play basketball for hours and then beg one of us to take him to the climbing gym.  

I myself use exercise as a coping mechanism.  I don't love it for its own sake like my dad and 15yo, but it is invaluable for my mental health.  

If you're getting a sense that something is "off" with your DS, though, I'd trust that.

Edited December 31, 2023 by JennyD

[wathe]

My kids are similar.   

During their busiest seasons, they have daily gym class, then 1.5 hour school team practice daily (longer on game days), then 2h club team practice.   They also do workouts together on top of that.  Plus tournament weekends about once a month, sometimes more.  There are periods where their lives are pretty much nothing but school, exercise, feeding, and sleep.

some kids just seem to need this.  I don't think it's pathological.

Older kid needs to move this much.  Younger kid really loves his sport.  It's a free choice for both of them.  Both kids are happy.

I would be concerned if I were picking up on body dismorphic disorder clues, or eating disorder clues.  Neither of those seem to be an issue for my kids -- they just want to jump high and run fast and be strong and play their best, for the joy of it.

[footballmom]

I think it’s really nuanced and a fine line. I guess my mom radar would be pining louder if the exercise / practice / workout ruled their day and they couldn’t / wouldn’t let themselves enjoy anything else until they had spent those hours exercising. 
 

My kids have also spent hours a day for practices / workouts and for the most part enjoyed the exercise and social outlet. One child became a little obsessive with getting their personal workout in and it started to carry into restrictive eating. They recognized it was edging toward unhealthy and loosened up their rigidity. 

[Pam in CT]

Agreeing that a) it's hard to define a bright line; some folks' motors really do run much higher energy; and b) playing team sports and doing other physical activities with other people is, for many, as much a "social" experience as "exercise."

That said, is is also true that it CAN become obsessive / unhealthy, and

15 hours ago, chocolate-chip chooky said:

That's good to hear.

It's so hard to know where the line is between a healthy habit (or even coping mechanism) and an unhealthy obsession.

Maybe try to keep an eye on his overall life balance. Is he forgoing other things he used to want to do and exercising instead?

(we've struggled with eating disorders in our family, and FWIW obsessive exercise IS categorized by ED therapists as a form of "purging" in certain circumstances)

 

If his motor has always run high, and he's always enjoyed doing sports / other physical activities with friends, and he's recently joined a more-intensive-level team with more practice hours / he's jostling for playing time / he's made friends he enjoys spending time with... the absolute number of ~20 ish hours isn't out of norms.

If OTOH he's markedly changed in other realms -- schoolwork, attention, behavior; or if as pp noted is exercising secretively; or if he's verbalizing dissatisfaction his body, or if a great deal of the exercise is solo... I'd be vigilant.

 

(In the US at least, attention issues are way under-identified in females; and eating issues are way under-identified in males, I've learned later than I'd wished.)

[Drama Llama]

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Edited December 31, 2023 by Drama Llama

[maize]

I think that being physically active 40 hours a week for a teenage boy is not developmentally inappropriate or unhealthy.

If the exercise is driven by anxiety--need to please people,  worry about not pleasing or impressing people--I would be concerned about that mindset. 

Not hanging out with friends outside of pick-up games or organized practice seems within the norm for teen boys to me. Pick-up games and practice ARE socializing to them.

Edited December 31, 2023 by maize

[scholastica]

With your additional info and his background, I would be seeking a professional opinion. Start with the child’s doctor. A phone call to lay this all out as you did here and then an in person appointment and assessment. It may just be something to watch, but the doctor can help you figure out if next steps are in order, such as therapy or counseling. 

[mommyoffive]

16 hours ago, Kuovonne said:

I don’t have experience with excessive exercise in a teenager, but I do have experience with teens who engage in 20+ hours of formal exercise per week. Twenty plus hours per week of formal training for a physical extracurricular sounds well within the wide range of normal to me.

Also some things that a sedentary adult might think of as exercise, an active teen might think of as simply a fun social activity.

How does his activity level and volume compare to that of other kids who are serious about the same activities? Is he still able to accomplish all other “required” responsibilities such as school work and chores? Does he have any body dysmorphia or is he happy with his physical appearance?

I have the same kids of teens and normal life is 20-30 hours a week of formal training.  That is pretty normal in the area our kids are in and even going up to 40 hours a week of class time.  It is a bit different and kind of sounds like more, but there are no games so I think it evens out.   Mine do that all summer too, so it is year round.  When they are doing shows the hours increase.  Mine do not do much at home on their own.  Sometimes, but not usually.  They are getting tons of studio time so other than stretching at home doing a whole class at home doesn't happen much anymore.  They are ballet dancers so you shouldn't just do all the stuff anywhere.  We do have a sprung floor studio in our house, but my kids are tall now and can't do all their jumps and lifts with our ceilings. 

But they are always dancing at home in little spurts around the kitchen and I think they would all love to increase hours in studio.  With teachers and friends, which is a big part of the experience. 

[Drama Llama]

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Edited December 31, 2023 by Drama Llama

[PeterPan]

4 hours ago, Drama Llama said:

he has a sense that

I was just telling my ds I want him to watch this video. I did not realize a guy's perspective on exercise, the gym, weight lifting, etc. and just how *common* this issue is of men/guys using it to deal with their issues. I'm not trying to say anything more or imply your ds is doing something (because the issue does address some really sad topics) just that I did not understand that connection. I'm agreeing that it's not crazy to say there's a connection. And this guy in the video, a dpt, seems to be saying deal with the deeper issues. My ds was very skinny and thought if he did LOTS of pullups then he wouldn't get bullied and would be more respected. I was telling him about this video (which I plan to have him watch as part of a health credit) and asked him how that was working out. He laughed, so apparently not entirely well.

Fwiw, my ds was SO unbelievably active until we got his retained reflexes integrated. It might be an oddball thing to check/do if that hasn't been done. Then you could walk down that trauma/stress road and learn techniques like TRE (trauma release exercises) or get the anxiety under control.

 

Edited December 31, 2023 by PeterPan