Giving or receiving?

[BMW]

It dawned on me this morning that a new time of life has come... it's just about official. Not only do we receive fewer cards... but fewer gifts.

 

It's not like my hand is out wanting some material thing. But, those years of childhood... teens... college times... when grandparents, aunt and uncles sent a little something... those years are gone. Even after I married I'd receive gifts for the children. But, my grandparents have passed on and my parents will at most send a card. Aunts and Uncles might send a card, but probably an email.

 

Okay, so that is normal, right? We grow up and we become the ones buying the gifts and sending out the cards... time to focus on the nieces and nephews, cousins... siblings... our children. It just hadn't occured to me prior to this particular season that the baton had been passed. I am the giver, not the receiver.

 

I guess I shouldn't think about receiving gifts anymore... but the little girl in me just does... Anyone else? Do you like a surprise gift? Would you feel disappointed if the season came and went and you didn't get a gift? I look forward to when giving is all that I care about... Just being open, here!

[Tree House Academy]

Yes. That is normal. I, for one, welcomed the change. There is nothing I need that I cannot buy and being at this place in my life makes even the smallest gift that I receive so very special. If my husband were to get me a small gift, I would know it was out of love and not obligation. My mom is living on a small budget, my dh's mom and step-dad are living on retirement. They do buy for the kids, but not dh and I...and we also do not really buy for them.

 

As an example, unexpectedly today, I received a snowman candle in the mail from a friend I have not spoken to in months. It just arrived...as a surprise. I love and collect snowmen and she knows that, so this gift was very special and truly made me smile. :)

 

Welcome to this new stage of life.

[Tree House Academy]

I guess I shouldn't think about receiving gifts anymore... but the little girl in me just does... Anyone else? Do you like a surprise gift? Would you feel disappointed if the season came and went and you didn't get a gift? I look forward to when giving is all that I care about... Just being open, here!

 

No, I actually would not be upset. I think there comes a time and place in life where you can be content with the other "good" around you and presents are not what it is about. Seeing your kids faces on Christmas morning, spending time with your nutty relatives, sipping wine and eating a cheese log with your husband as you watch the tree lights sparkle...THAT is what it is all about. :)

[BMW]

No, I actually would not be upset. I think there comes a time and place in life where you can be content with the other "good" around you and presents are not what it is about. Seeing your kids faces on Christmas morning, spending time with your nutty relatives, sipping wine and eating a cheese log with your husband as you watch the tree lights sparkle...THAT is what it is all about. :)

 

 

Very, very cool! Thanks!

[Haiku]

Would you feel disappointed if the season came and went and you didn't get a gift?

 

The adults in the family stopped giving each other gifts several years ago (except for my MIL, who still gives to everyone and we give to her).

 

I was relieved.

 

My house is stuffed with stuff and it's stressful for me to get more stuff.

 

I'm more than happy to give to the kids and my MIL and let that be it.

 

Tara

[Laurel]

I still get some gifts. My grandmother sends a wreath and I will get one gift from the other side of the family. And my sisters and I still exchange gifts.

 

But to be honest, I really prefer to give rather than receive. I like picking out/making gifts for people. I like putting a lot of thought into it, finding something I know they will enjoy. And I love wrapping gifts. And, it sounds awful, but I tend to be disappointed with gifts, especially from my outside family, as they don't know me very well. And I don't need or want much. So I'm happy to be the giver and not have to fake enthusiasm...

[Jenny in Florida]

As I was holing up in my bedroom earlier today trying to finish a couple of projects for family members and wrapping a few gifts, I suddenly realized that I had not given any thought at all to what I might get. And that I had no particular interest in receiving anything. But I suspect a lot of my attitude has to do with some baggage I acquired in my childhood regarding gifts.

[GailV]

 

I guess I shouldn't think about receiving gifts anymore... but the little girl in me just does... Anyone else? Do you like a surprise gift? Would you feel disappointed if the season came and went and you didn't get a gift? I look forward to when giving is all that I care about... Just being open, here!

 

I don't really care if I get any gifts. My kids will make me some things, and that will be nice.

 

BUT, I know that my love language is NOT gifts. My love language is service, so I'm pretty much take-it-or-leave-it on gifts (the exception being that I hate to shop, so it's sometimes nice if someone will go find some clothes or something that I'd rather not bother shopping for myself -- because then they're doing me a service).

 

OTOH, my SIL's love language is TOTALLY gifts gifts GIFTS to the point where it's sort of twisted and if you don't give her a nice gift you must not love her. Sigh. It's so very weird to me, but I can see how this attitude has developed over time in her life due to various events, so ....

 

Anyway, not to delve into the weird psychology of my family, but I think some people will totally agree with you that it's fun to still get gifts, some will militantly INSIST on still receiving gifts (like my SIL), and some people like me are sort of relieved that they don't have to pretend to like the weird stuff people try to give them. I think it's just an individual thing.

[Heather in Neverland]

The adults in the family stopped giving each other gifts several years ago (except for my MIL, who still gives to everyone and we give to her).

 

I was relieved.

 

My house is stuffed with stuff and it's stressful for me to get more stuff.

 

I'm more than happy to give to the kids and my MIL and let that be it.

 

Tara

 

:iagree:

 

No adults in our family exchange gifts. We only buy for kids and I LOVE it that way. But I am also not the type that "waits until Christmas" if there is something I need or really want and we can afford it, so I don't feel deprived at all.

 

Plus, times are tough and it is an added financial obligation to have to buy gifts for adults (who really don't need much anyways) so I welcome the relief.

[Blue Hen]

For me it has been a slow process, moving from being the receiver to the giver. Last night DH mentioned that DS#2 did not have the same # or $ spent on him as #1.....we needed to come up with one more item. At the Y this am, as I did my hour work-out I racked my brain over what I could get for this child. Something that would excite him and totally surprise him.

 

I finally thought of it; called DH to see if it was OK to spend that much $$$, and he was thrilled with the idea. He said he had thought about that too but thought I was against it. I left the Y and purchased the item. I have had such joy today thinking about DS getting this item....

 

I do suspect that I'm getting something on Christmas morning though. DH and DSs have been busy in their workshop (I think they are making me a Purple Martin House!)

 

Carole

[jamnkats]

:iagree:

 

No adults in our family exchange gifts. We only buy for kids and I LOVE it that way. But I am also not the type that "waits until Christmas" if there is something I need or really want and we can afford it, so I don't feel deprived at all.

 

Plus, times are tough and it is an added financial obligation to have to buy gifts for adults (who really don't need much anyways) so I welcome the relief.

 

I agree. I honestly cannot remember the last time I received a gift. I find it conspicuous consumption to give a holiday gift when there are so many needy. Unless you've made it yourself and it comes from the heart, I'd MUCH rather a donation.

[Zelda]

I love getting presents. Its just another kind of selfish to want to do all the giving but never let people reciprocate in a genuine manner. Its withholding and controlling.

[Tree House Academy]

I love getting presents. Its just another kind of selfish to want to do all the giving but never let people reciprocate in a genuine manner. Its withholding and controlling.

 

Sure, I think we all love to get presents...but I don't get disappointed when I don't get them either.

 

My dh and I actually don't buy for each other anymore. It became an "okay, let's spend x amount each." Then, on Christmas morning, I had gotten him things that were not quite right (like the wrong strings for his guitar) and he had gotten my things that were not quite right (like a scent I hated from Bath and Body works), yet we both smiled and said thank you and inside, we cringed because we had just had x amount of $$$ wasted on us. Finally, one year, we "came clean" and said...take X amount of $$$ and buy what YOU want and I will do the same. Voila...that worked wonders. The first year, I bought things and wrapped the gifts for myself to open on Christmas. Looking back, how silly! But at the time, I could not imagine not having a present under the tree. Now, as the years have gone by (and I am only 29), I have fallen into the "more blessed to give than to receive" category. My dh and I finally stopped the amount setting and we just buy what we want, when we want, as we can afford it.

 

That said, at church recently, I realized just how much my views of "getting" have changed. They did a gift exchange for the kids at church. There are some kids there that REALLY need presents. Others, like my kids, have more than they know what to do with anyways. It was HARD for me to even allow my kids to have their gifts (even though I tried having their names removed from the gift draw and no one listened to me). So...what I did was buy two gifts, one in each of their names, and donate them to a child in need. This way, I felt I was, at the very least, giving to those who needed. It breaks my heart to know that there are children out there that are lucky if they get pajamas or socks for Christmas. Some get nothing at all.

 

There was a parent here who was saying that her kids, very selflessly, gave up their gifts for Christmas in lieu of buying for a needy family. That just touched my heart...and my dh's and that is what we are going to do in the years to come (when my younger is old enough to understand why and what it means).

[Alice]

Ok, I'll admit that I've been feeling a bit grumpy this year over this. It's not that I want more stuff but that I feel like I've spent the past month thinking about other people and what will make them happy and it's dawned on me that noone is really thinking about me. I know in an ideal world I wouldn't be bothered by that but I am, just a bit. I do love getting things that I think people will enjoy. I do have joy from giving. But.

 

For me it's more that I get bad gifts rather than no gifts. My husband's siblings will all give me something but it will be something generic that isn't at all about me. I'd love if if they made me something or did something personal but cheap (like pick me out cheap used books). It's not the money...it is the thought that counts. :) Dh and I decided to go out on a date rather than do gifts. My kids are too little to do gifts without me helping them. My parents decided to give us money rather than gifts (for which I'm grateful but it there's a part at me that was stung by my Mom saying it was too much trouble to shop.)

 

Anyway, I'm blessed and I know it and I hope this doesn't come off as whining. To the OP, I hear you. I also feel a bit sad about not getting gifts even though I know it's normal. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

[Jenny in Florida]

Sure, I think we all love to get presents...

 

Actually, no. I truly don't especially like getting presents. It just makes me feel obligated to like them and be grateful. I feel like a performance is being demanded of me, and it spoils any joy I might feel in receiving the gift.

 

As I said, though, I have just a bit of baggage . . .

[Goldilocks]

We live on a pretty small income. I enjoy getting my children the things that they need and want, but feel guilty when I buy things for myself that I need or want.

I look forward to gifts at Christmas because I don't have to feel guilty about getting something for me. Unfortunately, although we buy or make gifts for all our family members, only my in-laws buy something for me. It makes me a little sad. I am embarrassed to say that, but it is the truth.

[Nestof3]

I've always loved both the giving and receiving. I am still at a place in life where my parents, in-laws, husband and sons (well, the youngest ones use Dad's money, but not the eldest) give me gifts. Even my sweet friend Cecilia (daisychics) gave me a gift! :) A 15 year old young lady from our house church is making me something, and we got a delicious platter of cookies from our neighbor.

[LBC]

In my family, nobody likes to shop, so my parents and my grandparents write me a cheque and tell me to do all the shopping for myself and the kids. Unfortunately, I don't like to shop either, but at least this way I can choose what the kids get. For me, I always know how much money I'm getting, and look forward to buying something I've been wanting.

 

So, as I've gotten older I still get the same "gift" as always. The only thing that's changed is that I'm trying really hard to teach my kids to give. They've always received so much from my parents and grandparents ($150 each per birthday & $200 each for Christmas) that I really want to be sure they learn to reciprocate so that they're not always on the receiving end. I don't want them to grow up to be spoiled brats like their mommy.:D

 

Lori

[Zelda]

Sure, I think we all love to get presents...but I don't get disappointed when I don't get them either.

 

My dh and I actually don't buy for each other anymore. It became an "okay, let's spend x amount each." Then, on Christmas morning, I had gotten him things that were not quite right (like the wrong strings for his guitar) and he had gotten my things that were not quite right (like a scent I hated from Bath and Body works), yet we both smiled and said thank you and inside, we cringed because we had just had x amount of $$$ wasted on us. Finally, one year, we "came clean" and said...take X amount of $$$ and buy what YOU want and I will do the same. Voila...that worked wonders.

 

 

 

I think there are people who prefer being withholding to getting gifts. Emotional blackmail...the gift that keeps on giving.

 

I'm with you. My husband and I are pretty explicit in the gifting requests. We usually have a very good idea of what our presents will be and neither of us have a problem with that.

 

I don't feel guilty for being able to afford things when others can't. It doesn't change my views on gifting. Presents aren't a need. It doesn't mean I don't feel compassion and the duty of charity but its not attached to any feelings I have about myself.

 

Children do have too many things, mine included, and it troubles me. But they didn't get them at the expense of a child that doesn't have many things so I don't see those things as related.

[Jenny in Florida]

I think there are people who prefer being withholding to getting gifts. Emotional blackmail...the gift that keeps on giving.

 

Gee, that's kind of a sweeping generalization, don't you think? Just because someone sees things differently doesn't mean they are attempting to manipulate you. Seriously, I'm kind of reeling from the assumptions here . . .

 

I mean, why is it okay to say that people who don't like receiving gifts are guilty of emotional blackmail, rather than to suggest that those who insist on giving us gifts we don't want are imposing on or manipulating us? If I've made my feelings and my wishes clear, and you decide that it's your "right" to do what I've asked you not to do, why is that indicative of a flaw in my character?

 

Children do have too many things, mine included, and it troubles me. But they didn't get them at the expense of a child that doesn't have many things so I don't see those things as related.

 

Well, I would suggest that the two things are related. I don't know about you, but I happen to have limited resources. Don't get me wrong: We have a lot more than a lot of people. But it's not unlimited. So, we do have to choose where our money goes. And every dollar that we spend in one place (on yet more toys and goodies for our children who don't need them) is a dollar that can't go to some other use (such as giving to charities). I don't feel guilt about being better off than others. In fact, I feel truly lucky to be in a position to do something, in my own small way, to make things better for them.

 

For what it's worth, my absolute favorite kind of giving is the anonymous kind. The greatest joy I get during the holiday season is donating through angel tree-type programs to kids I don't know and won't ever meet. So, I'm having a little bit of trouble seeing how I'm blackmailing anyone . . .

[jamnkats]

Gee, that's kind of a sweeping generalization, don't you think? Just because someone sees things differently doesn't mean they are attempting to manipulate you. Seriously, I'm kind of reeling from the assumptions here . . .

 

I mean, why is it okay to say that people who don't like receiving gifts are guilty of emotional blackmail, rather than to suggest that those who insist on giving us gifts we don't want are imposing on or manipulating us? If I've made my feelings and my wishes clear, and you decide that it's your "right" to do what I've asked you not to do, why is that indicative of a flaw in my character?

 

 

 

Well, I would suggest that the two things are related. I don't know about you, but I happen to have limited resources. Don't get me wrong: We have a lot more than a lot of people. But it's not unlimited. So, we do have to choose where our money goes. And every dollar that we spend in one place (on yet more toys and goodies for our children who don't need them) is a dollar that can't go to some other use (such as giving to charities). I don't feel guilt about being better off than others. In fact, I feel truly lucky to be in a position to do something, in my own small way, to make things better for them.

 

For what it's worth, my absolute favorite kind of giving is the anonymous kind. The greatest joy I get during the holiday season is donating through angel tree-type programs to kids I don't know and won't ever meet. So, I'm having a little bit of trouble seeing how I'm blackmailing anyone . . .

 

I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks for speaking for me also.

 

:iagree:

[Zelda]

Gee, that's kind of a sweeping generalization, don't you think? Just because someone sees things differently doesn't mean they are attempting to manipulate you. Seriously, I'm kind of reeling from the assumptions here . . .

 

I mean, why is it okay to say that people who don't like receiving gifts are guilty of emotional blackmail, rather than to suggest that those who insist on giving us gifts we don't want are imposing on or manipulating us? If I've made my feelings and my wishes clear, and you decide that it's your "right" to do what I've asked you not to do, why is that indicative of a flaw in my character?

 

For what it's worth, my absolute favorite kind of giving is the anonymous kind. The greatest joy I get during the holiday season is donating through angel tree-type programs to kids I don't know and won't ever meet. So, I'm having a little bit of trouble seeing how I'm blackmailing anyone . . .

 

Reel away. I never said all people who don't like getting gifts are manipulative. I said, "I'm sure there are people..." You've misread or misunderstood.

 

Its not anonymous now that you've told us.

[Jenny in Florida]

Reel away. I never said all people who don't like getting gifts are manipulative. I said, "I'm sure there are people..." You've misread or misunderstood.

 

Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but earlier, you said this:

 

I love getting presents. Its just another kind of selfish to want to do all the giving but never let people reciprocate in a genuine manner. Its withholding and controlling.

 

 

Its not anonymous now that you've told us.

 

I'm anonymous as far as the receiver is concerned. So, your contention that those of us who want to give without receiving are "emotionally blackmailing" those around us doesn't hold up. I cannot blackmail a child I've never met who doesn't know I exist. As far as that child is concerned, those gifts probably come from either their parents (since some programs allows parents to "shop" for gifts for their children to take home and wrap) or Santa.

 

You know, come to think of it, I guess Santa must be a real basket case, huh?

[lionfamily1999]

Receiving gifts makes me feel uncomfortable. Especially if the gifts is a surprise (I was supposed to buy you something?). It's way too much attention for me, see hobbit hole (but I'm NOT off-putting).

 

I guess I'm just a giver, lol. I like finding the right gift and enjoy watching people open it. It diverts attention away from me and that is a bonus.

[elegantlion]

It dawned on me this morning that a new time of life has come... it's just about official. Not only do we receive fewer cards... but fewer gifts.

 

It's not like my hand is out wanting some material thing. But, those years of childhood... teens... college times... when grandparents, aunt and uncles sent a little something... those years are gone. Even after I married I'd receive gifts for the children. But, my grandparents have passed on and my parents will at most send a card. Aunts and Uncles might send a card, but probably an email.

 

Okay, so that is normal, right? We grow up and we become the ones buying the gifts and sending out the cards... time to focus on the nieces and nephews, cousins... siblings... our children. It just hadn't occured to me prior to this particular season that the baton had been passed. I am the giver, not the receiver.

 

I guess I shouldn't think about receiving gifts anymore... but the little girl in me just does... Anyone else? Do you like a surprise gift? Would you feel disappointed if the season came and went and you didn't get a gift? I look forward to when giving is all that I care about... Just being open, here!

 

I'll admit it, I'm a gifts person. One of my love languages is gifts and over the years my desire for expensive material things has diminished, but I still love gifts. My parents and MIL still buy for us. I love to give gifts too, but receiving them makes me feel special.

 

My birthday is in the spring and it seems like for several years we had several really terrible things happen on or around my birthday and I would spend it in tears. This year my boys (dh and ds) really went overboard with some very thoughtful gifts and it made me feel loved.

 

So you are not alone, BMW.

[LisaKinVA]

We stopped buying individual gifts for nieces, nephews, brothers and SIL awhile ago (financial reasons). When you have lots of large families, it gets to be a bit much. So, we went with more family gifts. Our parents are really the only ones who still receive individual gifts from us.

 

I enjoy receiving gifts -- but I'm a practical sort, too. I've been at a point in my life where I'd rather have something I can use than something that sits.

 

So yes, I've asked for appliances, a nice maple rolling pin... baking equipment... educational things for the family. My MIL and mom both just cringe when they sees my "wish list." :D For some reason, they feel it would be nicer to give me stuff I have to dust and display... I do enjoy certain magazines (Taste of Home, Quick Cooking, Family Fun), and I don't buy those myself. But, they are still pretty practical!

 

I don't receive a lot of gifts, and the number doesn't really matter. I have much more fun giving gifts than opening. But, if I didn't have ANYTHING for my birthday or Christmas (like from DH), I'd be a bit bummed.

 

Gifts aren't my "love language" either -- I'm a service kind of gal. My dh knows the quickest way to my heart is by cleaning the bathroom, putting away the clean clothes, or doing the dishes (without my asking). Makes me warm down to my toes!

[lionfamily1999]

I love getting presents. Its just another kind of selfish to want to do all the giving but never let people reciprocate in a genuine manner. Its withholding and controlling.

I accept gifts that are given to me and they are always a surprise. I just prefer NOT to have that moment when someone else's full attention is focused on me. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I do prefer to give, not because people have to bow down and slave for me all year round, but because I like the warm fuzzies I get from it.

 

I think I understand where you're going with this, and just FYI, not everyone keeps a running tally of gifts given and favors owed. IOW, if you asked me what I got the various people who recieved presents from me last year, I would be hard pressed to remember any of them. If you asked me, when was the last time my neighbor or I did something for eachother and 'who's up' next, I couldn't tell you. I abhore tallies. I cannot stand it when a good deed is called up later, in exchange for a favor, and I despise gifts that come with strings attached.

[Jenny in Florida]

. . . not everyone keeps a running tally of gifts given and favors owed. IOW, if you asked me what I got the various people who recieved presents from me last year, I would be hard pressed to remember any of them.

 

That's true for me, too. Off the top of my head, I don't remember at the moment what I gave OR received last year. What I do remember is the crushing sense that there was just too much stuff and the feeling of failure that I didn't get my husband anything great. But I'm lost on the specifics.

 

And I think one of the reasons I so enjoy the anonymous giving is that a tally is impossible.

 

Edited to add: I, too, accept gifts when they are given, and I do my best to be gracious about it, but it always feels like a command performance. I truly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but it's an act.

[Zelda]

I accept gifts that are given to me and they are always a surprise. I just prefer NOT to have that moment when someone else's full attention is focused on me. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I do prefer to give, not because people have to bow down and slave for me all year round, but because I like the warm fuzzies I get from it.

 

 

Well, I could clarify and say that I like everything about getting presents but the actual receiving of the item b/c I also sweat my reaction and being watched.

 

FWIW, if my comment about some people who don't like getting gifts being withholding control freak doesn't apply to you then its not directed toward you. In fact, my comment isn't directed toward anyone. Its just an observation about a certain kind of person.

[Zelda]

Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but earlier, you said this:

 

I'm anonymous as far as the receiver is concerned. So, your contention that those of us who want to give without receiving are "emotionally blackmailing" those around us doesn't hold up. I cannot blackmail a child I've never met who doesn't know I exist. As far as that child is concerned, those gifts probably come from either their parents (since some programs allows parents to "shop" for gifts for their children to take home and wrap) or Santa.

 

You know, come to think of it, I guess Santa must be a real basket case, huh?

 

I meant what I said. If you want to do all the giving and don't ever let people reciprocate in a genuine manner then you are controlling and withholding. Others having taken umbrage with the comment while going on to say that they don't care about gifts but accept them graciously when presented. That's a totally different scenario and illustrates my later point that not all people who aren't into getting gifts are control freaks.

 

If you find my logic flawed, that's fine and I would suggest that you shouldn't get too bugged about someone's flawed logic which is why I'm not going to worry about the puzzling Santa comment.

[lionfamily1999]

Well, I could clarify and say that I like everything about getting presents but the actual receiving of the item b/c I also sweat my reaction and being watched.

 

FWIW, if my comment about some people who don't like getting gifts being withholding control freak doesn't apply to you then its not directed toward you. In fact, my comment isn't directed toward anyone. Its just an observation about a certain kind of person.

I'm just trying to understand what you mean about being controlling and withholding. That's all.

 

I do know people that refuse presents and lord it over the heads of the givers. They keep tallies, they know who owes them what, why, when and for how much. I know people that enjoy being hurt and forgotton, nursing that feeling in order to hold a grudge. Is that what you're talking about?

 

Love your pic.

Edited December 23, 2008 by lionfamily1999
just an addition

[Zelda]

I'm just trying to understand what you mean about being controlling and withholding. That's all.

 

Love your pic.

 

No, I don't mean that. I don't love the score keeping associated with presents but I think some of that is just natural and not an indictment of character. Its just that so many have expressed the joy they get from giving to others whether the giving is done from a sense of charity or from wanting to show appreciation or affection. I don't think this is a particularly unique quality. I think most people like to give.

 

So, given that most people like to give and derive joy from it it is selfish and withholding to not allow them to do so. Its also irritating from another perspective because its like saying, "Here, I know how much you love to get presents so take these but giving is enough for me (unlike you, who prefers to get presents) so please don't give me anything. I'm all about the giving (unlike you)."

 

Lucille is the best, isn't she?

[Jenny in Florida]

Its also irritating from another perspective because its like saying, "Here, I know how much you love to get presents so take these but giving is enough for me (unlike you, who prefers to get presents) so please don't give me anything. I'm all about the giving (unlike you)."

 

Gee, nothing like putting words in someone else's mouth, huh? Again, this can be turned around: Well, even though I know you don't like to receive gifts, I think that's wrong. I'm just a much better adjusted and more understanding person, because I like it when people give me things. So, I'm going to insist on giving you things you don't want and don't need because it makes me feel good.

 

What if the absolute truth is that some of us enjoy giving (although, truthfully, I'm a whole lot more enthusiastic about giving when it's spontaneous rather than because the calendar says I'm supposed to do so) and don't particularly enjoy receiving? And what if the truly generous thing to do is to honor each person's wishes? Because, you see, I kind of thought that the idea behind giving presents was to let that person know you appreciate them? And I sort of assume that the best way to do that is to care more about their joy and comfort than your own?

 

But I guess I'm just wrong.

[Zelda]

Gee, nothing like putting words in someone else's mouth, huh? Again, this can be turned around: Well, even though I know you don't like to receive gifts, I think that's wrong. I'm just a much better adjusted and more understanding person, because I like it when people give me things. So, I'm going to insist on giving you things you don't want and don't need because it makes me feel good.

 

What if the absolute truth is that some of us enjoy giving (although, truthfully, I'm a whole lot more enthusiastic about giving when it's spontaneous rather than because the calendar says I'm supposed to do so) and don't particularly enjoy receiving? And what if the truly generous thing to do is to honor each person's wishes? Because, you see, I kind of thought that the idea behind giving presents was to let that person know you appreciate them? And I sort of assume that the best way to do that is to care more about their joy and comfort than your own?

 

But I guess I'm just wrong.

 

Again, if you don't think my assessment applies to you then don't worry about it.

 

I never said anything about imposing gifts on people. I was talking about people being open to accepting gifts.

 

And yes, I guess two people could go around all day bickering about whose feelings are going to be honored which is why I don't put much stock in feelings anyway. But, since its so important to you, I'll tell you what, I won't get you anything. Happy now?

[Garga]

I love getting gifts, even at 35! And it's not my love language.

 

I love when people watch me open gifts, not because I want to have the attention, but because it's my chance to give them a big thank you and make them feel appreciated for getting me something.

 

I also love giving gifts. It's fun to hunt down something for someone. If it's not perfect, so what? As long as it's thoughtful and will be somewhat enjoyed, then I'm happy. Some years I get it dead-on perfect, and some years it's just acceptable. Either way is fine with me.

 

I love receiving practical gifts and non-practical gifts. I don't have a lot of money and I don't buy what I want or even need throughout the year, so it's great when someone can get me something I want or need but can't afford to get.

 

I love giving annonymously. I got some gift certs for a family who isn't getting any presents. I can't really afford it, but I'll just skip our monthly out-to-dinner night for a couple of months to make up for it.

 

I really enjoy Christmas. I don't overdo and keep it lighthearted and fun.

[Jenny in Florida]

And yes, I guess two people could go around all day bickering about whose feelings are going to be honored which is why I don't put much stock in feelings anyway.

 

Well, that explains a lot!

[Zelda]

Well, that explains a lot!

 

:rolleyes:

[lionfamily1999]

No, I don't mean that. I don't love the score keeping associated with presents but I think some of that is just natural and not an indictment of character. Its just that so many have expressed the joy they get from giving to others whether the giving is done from a sense of charity or from wanting to show appreciation or affection. I don't think this is a particularly unique quality. I think most people like to give.

 

So, given that most people like to give and derive joy from it it is selfish and withholding to not allow them to do so. Its also irritating from another perspective because its like saying, "Here, I know how much you love to get presents so take these but giving is enough for me (unlike you, who prefers to get presents) so please don't give me anything. I'm all about the giving (unlike you)."

 

Lucille is the best, isn't she?

I understand now, not sure that everyone does, but I do (if it makes you feel any better, lmbo).

 

She's a trip, love the scrunchy wink.

[lionfamily1999]

Gee, nothing like putting words in someone else's mouth, huh? Again, this can be turned around: Well, even though I know you don't like to receive gifts, I think that's wrong. I'm just a much better adjusted and more understanding person, because I like it when people give me things. So, I'm going to insist on giving you things you don't want and don't need because it makes me feel good.

 

What if the absolute truth is that some of us enjoy giving (although, truthfully, I'm a whole lot more enthusiastic about giving when it's spontaneous rather than because the calendar says I'm supposed to do so) and don't particularly enjoy receiving? And what if the truly generous thing to do is to honor each person's wishes? Because, you see, I kind of thought that the idea behind giving presents was to let that person know you appreciate them? And I sort of assume that the best way to do that is to care more about their joy and comfort than your own?

 

But I guess I'm just wrong.

I think she means more of the martyr, than (from what it seems) you. IOW, the person that makes a big deal and refuses gifts and then makes others feel bad because they like/enjoy/want gifts.

 

I guess it's a balancing act, and from your other posts it seems we're in the same boat. We accept gifts, graciously, but PREFER not to recieve gifts, because of the pressure/acting/spot light/etc.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I would be very sad if I didn't get any gifts at Christmas. Our family, and my extended family, has always done big, big Christmas. Not getting a gift would translate in our family to not being loved. That would be horrible!

 

I love getting gifts for my husband and the kids, but if they didn't get me anything, I would probably cry. Not reciprocating would be rude. I buy gifts for Josh, the three boys, My sister, her husband, my mom, my stepdad, my grandmother, her husband, my dad, my other grandmother, all my dad's brothers and sisters, their spouses, and my cousins, their kids (usually). And then there is dh's family, too.

 

My boys will give gifts to me, their dad, both grandmothers, grandfathers and step-grandad, all cousins, and my sister and bil.

 

And beyond that we also all do angel tree, shoeboxes etc... I love to do the whole anonymous thing as well.