Happy Mother's Day

[DawnM]

From a friend:

"Every year, it’s reported that the lowest incidence of crime is committed on Mother’s Day. 
And I think that says a lot about how important it is to keep mothers occupied for a whole day so they aren’t out robbing banks, carjacking, etc. "

[MEmama]

I think this was the first Mothers Day DS actually independently acknowledged (holidays/special occasions have always stressed him out). I woke up to a text that said "Happy Mother's Day! Less than one week before your present arrives!" (meaning him, when he gets home for the summer). I'm on cloud nine today! ❤️

[Kassia]

4 minutes ago, MEmama said:

I think this was the first Mothers Day DS actually independently acknowledged (holidays/special occasions have always stressed him out). I woke up to a text that said "Happy Mother's Day! Less than one week before your present arrives!" (meaning him, when he gets home for the summer). I'm on cloud nine today! ❤️

Aw, that's great!  So happy for you!  ❤️

[Kassia]

I was dreading making the obligatory Mother's Day call to MIL and decided to do it early to get it out of the way.  She's never been a mom to DH or a grandmother to our kids and has been awful to all of us but feels entitled to our care and concern since FIL passed away (before that she had no use for us but now she needs us).  

Anyway, we called and she was in full victim-mode.  "Poor me, no one visits, no one calls, I just sit on the couch crying and waiting to die, blah blah..."  

Thanks to the wonderful Hive, I did a big Pass the Bean Dip and got off the phone quickly.  Done for the day and didn't get caught up in her drama.  🙂  

 

[JustEm]

Happy Mother's Day! I hope everyone has a wonderful day. I wish I could give anyone who struggles with this day a hug, even though I'm not a hugger, or at least speed up time so it was over sooner. 

[mom31257]

Happy Mother's Day! 

We celebrated yesterday because dd is on-call and now working today. 

Ds gave me a handwritten card that was so sweet it made me cry. He sent me a similar text awhile ago. From talking with the kids in recent months, I think they are encountering more and more people who have strained relationships with their parents.  They seem to be appreciating us more and more. 

I really miss my own mother who has been gone 9 years. 

[Harriet Vane]

2 hours ago, Kassia said:

I was dreading making the obligatory Mother's Day call to MIL and decided to do it early to get it out of the way.  She's never been a mom to DH or a grandmother to our kids and has been awful to all of us but feels entitled to our care and concern since FIL passed away (before that she had no use for us but now she needs us).  

Anyway, we called and she was in full victim-mode.  "Poor me, no one visits, no one calls, I just sit on the couch crying and waiting to die, blah blah..."  

Thanks to the wonderful Hive, I did a big Pass the Bean Dip and got off the phone quickly.  Done for the day and didn't get caught up in her drama.  🙂  

 

The bolded really struck me. Misplaced perspective indeed. Dh asked me what he should do to make this day special and I told him all I really care about is connecting with my kids. And of course both kids called and we had lovely talks and when I hung up on the second call, I said happily that the day is complete. I’m still smiling. I don’t want big gifts or hoopla. I just want to hear their voices and have a good connection as we converse.

[HomeAgain]

Happy mother's day!

I started out the day with a quiet house: dh at work, ds13 camping, ds24 at brunch with his gf's family.

I now have a groggy 13yo sitting next to me dealing with allergies in overdrive and ds24 upstairs, glad to not be sitting at a table listening to bad jokes and family sniping.

While they are resting I have done laundry, taken out the trash, worked on my research paper, vacuumed/dusted, and cleaned up the kitchen.  I don't know what's for dinner but I'd like someone else to figure it out!

[Kassia]

10 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

The bolded really struck me. Misplaced perspective indeed. Dh asked me what he should do to make this day special and I told him all I really care about is connecting with my kids. And of course both kids called and we had lovely talks and when I hung up on the second call, I said happily that the day is complete. I’m still smiling. I don’t want big gifts or hoopla. I just want to hear their voices and have a good connection as we converse.

There are definitely reasons why no one calls or visits her.  

We don't celebrate Mother's Day.  My kids all wished me a good one but that was all and that's fine with me.  We have good relationships all year long and that's what I care about.  Like you, I don't want gifts or hoopla.  Glad you had nice conversations with your kids.  ❤️  

[stephanier.1765]

1 hour ago, Harriet Vane said:

The bolded really struck me. Misplaced perspective indeed. Dh asked me what he should do to make this day special and I told him all I really care about is connecting with my kids. And of course both kids called and we had lovely talks and when I hung up on the second call, I said happily that the day is complete. I’m still smiling. I don’t want big gifts or hoopla. I just want to hear their voices and have a good connection as we converse.

DH and I, our children that live in town with their SO's and my niece and her family all converged at my mother's house. Such a great day and all we did was eat spaghetti, look at scrapbooks, and play cornhole. I'm home now and I feel so happy and content.

[marbel]

17 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

The bolded really struck me. Misplaced perspective indeed. Dh asked me what he should do to make this day special and I told him all I really care about is connecting with my kids. And of course both kids called and we had lovely talks and when I hung up on the second call, I said happily that the day is complete. I’m still smiling. I don’t want big gifts or hoopla. I just want to hear their voices and have a good connection as we converse.

This is me. I told my kids that Mother's and Father's Day are not gift occasions anymore. I should have done it years ago, but tradition, I guess? My daughter came over for dinner (my son lives with us still) and we had a nice time. My kids haven't been super close for a few years - they are very different - but it was great to see them in the back yard hanging out. And we had a nice dinner together. 

(My kids actually find me easy to buy for; their Dad is near impossible. But I just wanted them around.)

[Indigo Blue]

20 hours ago, Kassia said:

I was dreading making the obligatory Mother's Day call to MIL and decided to do it early to get it out of the way.  She's never been a mom to DH or a grandmother to our kids and has been awful to all of us but feels entitled to our care and concern since FIL passed away (before that she had no use for us but now she needs us).  

Anyway, we called and she was in full victim-mode.  "Poor me, no one visits, no one calls, I just sit on the couch crying and waiting to die, blah blah..."  

Thanks to the wonderful Hive, I did a big Pass the Bean Dip and got off the phone quickly.  Done for the day and didn't get caught up in her drama.  🙂  

 

My mom is focusing A LOT on getting old. She’s not complaining in the sense of no one visiting, though. She just spends a lot of time when I’m there visiting saying things like, “I’m getting old.” “It’s no fun getting old.” “This or that thing starts to happen when you get old. It will happen to you, too.” “I’m too old to go to all these high school and college graduations in the family now, so I’m not going.” (Lol. She never went to ANY of them when she was young.  She’s only been to golden granddaughter’s white coat ceremony and that was fairly recently…..while she was actually old). My point here is that it’s so nonsensical because there is absolutely nothing wrong with her health. She is 80 and works full time. How lucky she is. I would have such a different outlook. 
 

As for grandchildren not visiting or calling, she just brushes it off as “Oh, well. They just grew up and turned into ‘people’”. (Meaning innocent, formerly doting young grandchildren grow into adults who are now “just selfish and have gone their own way like everyone else.” As if ALL grandchildren grow up, choose to drift away from grandparents and become indifferent. As if all sweet children turn into selfish adults. None of it is her fault, of course. 
 

So there is a lot of time spent on the doom and gloom of aging. And a lot of it is targeted toward trying to make me feel terrified and anxious about aging. Before she was old, she’d just have another topic to doom and gloom about. 
 

I had already visited her earlier this week and, we went out for lunch. So yesterday Dh and I spent the day with the ds who lives in my state. We stayed outside all day doing things and had a wonderful day. 
 

[Kassia]

@Indigo Blue  glad you had a nice Mother's Day and didn't have to deal with your mom.  We used to go to MIL's every Mother's Day and Father's Day plus all the other holidays and it ruined every holiday for me.  Now we only do Christmas for a short visit and it is so much nicer and such a relief not to have to deal with her other than a phone call.  

[Indigo Blue]

2 minutes ago, Kassia said:

@Indigo Blue  glad you had a nice Mother's Day and didn't have to deal with your mom.  We used to go to MIL's every Mother's Day and Father's Day plus all the other holidays and it ruined every holiday for me.  Now we only do Christmas for a short visit and it is so much nicer and such a relief not to have to deal with her other than a phone call.  

Thanks. I’m glad you did not have to spend the day with your MIL, and I hope you enjoyed your Mother’s Day. You did a good job with passing the bean dip! What a relief it must be to now only have to give a short phone call. 

I also intentionally did not go to church where our pastor routinely encourages these estranged and difficult parent/child relationships to be mended and repaired. “If you haven’t spoken to your mom in awhile and things just aren’t right between you, you should call your mom today and let her know how much you care about her.” (Repeat on Father’s Day). 
 

(Also don’t go on Easter when he tries to outdo himself every year with a more violent description of the crucifixion than the year before).
 

 

[SKL]

Mother's day!  I hope everyone here had a happy one.  I did!

I have been trying to think of what I feel about Mother's Day.  I've seen various posts of moms feeling neglected by their teens / young adults on this day.  I've never held expectations myself; in fact, I kind of wish my housemates didn't insist on trying to make it a big thing.  (If I had a husband, I would probably expect him to, but I don't.)  My kids are neither uncommonly attentive nor uncommonly detached; some years they've thought of doing something on their own, other years they've been reminded/forced by the aunties.  This year, my elder 16yo forced the younger 16yo to go together and buy cards and flowers (using my credit card LOL), and they got the table ready in the morning.  Not sure whether or not there was outside pressure on them to do this.  (They probably would have cooked for me, but I didn't want a cooked breakfast, so we had pumpkin roll.)

My dad and sibs always did / do Mother's Day for my mom, and my folks always did for their moms.  My sisters and parents even wish me happy mother's day, which I feel is a nice bonus.  The year when I was waiting for my adoption to go through, I received mother's day cards/gifts from them and was so touched!  I am very blessed.

For me, the most important thing is to spend time with my mom, who is 79 years old and not in great health.  I hope my kids learn something from the way I treat and talk about my parents and siblings.  I don't think I would ever tell my kids I want some form of affection from them, but I hope that they will see my needs as they become mature and respond appropriately.  (I also hope that my needs won't be a burden on anyone.)

[Tenaj]

All the kids and grandkids were able to come this year which I enjoyed and my dh and the married and unmarried kids planned the meal with little input from me other than advice which was nice because we are a crew when we are all together.  With my in-laws there were twenty here yesterday.  My 19 yods made homemade lemonade (squeezed the lemons and all) and another fruit punch which sounds like no big deal but he was quite proud of.  Prior to yesterday his biggest accomplishment in the kitchen was ramen noodles 🙂.

I was feeling sentimental in the morning before church and wrote each of my dils, my dd and my mil a short note with some words about why I appreciate them.  My dil who is brand new to the family this year seemed amazed and/or embarrassed to be included because she isn't a mom but I explained our tradition was to honor special ladies in our lives which seemed like a new idea to her so I was glad I included her.

The day was somewhat bittersweet because my eldest and his family (five kids) are getting ready to return to the hospital overseas where they work for the next three or more years.  They've been here for about 8 months this time but  will be leaving in about a month and I can't think about it without tears forming so I try not to think about it. I was a mess the last time they left and that was only for a year.   Their oldest is six and the youngest is 9 months and I can't imagine not hugging them for that long but I know it's where they want and need  to be and I know that communications are easier now than ever before in history but it's going to be a tough month for me.  I'm at the point where I'm almost hoping for an earlier departure just to get it over with which I know is a terrible attitude.  So, I'm giving myself a talking to today to buck up and think on the positive side of life 🙂

 

[Kassia]

@Tenaj that was so sweet of you to write such thoughtful and sentimental notes!  I'm sure they will be treasured forever.  Sounds like a wonderful day.  That's really hard about your ds and his family going so far away for a long time.  😞  I'd be struggling with that too - especially with young grandchildren!