S/O Christmas for Empty Nesters

[TexasProud]

Ok, a little bit of a spin-off.  I started to get a little teary remembering all the stuff we did with the kids.  We still do some of them, but it just doesn't feel the same with just two of us.  For me, that has taken some of the magic away.  I miss having kids to do those things with, though I am really enjoying a lot of the benefits of empty nest. 🙂  But yeah, wish I had kids to do some of these fun things with.  Like watching them make a mess making decorated sugar cookies with aunt and grandparents.  Honestly don't know if my kids will have kids, but I guess I can watch nieces and nephews ( already have one), but not sure if that will help or make me envious. 

[Bambam]

I've wondered about this too. Our young adults are still close enough to come home for the holidays, so we've found different things to do.
No cookies - we made hot chocolate bombs (which I fully endorse buying this in the future, way too much trouble!)
I got a resin jewelry making kit from Amazon this year. I think we can have fun with that. 
One year we did the alcohol ink stuff with ceramic tiles and small glass ornaments. 
I may get the polymer clay out again and see if there is any interest. 

But what happens when the kids don't come? I think I will still make my husband drive through our local large and free holiday lighting place (usually he gets to stay home because he is not interested so it is just the kids and I). 
I may buy the large Christmas tree sticker with ornaments vs. putting up the tree. I like a tree. My DH is not interested. 
We will still put a few lights outside the house (our neighborhood is big into that, we do minimal lighting) because I do enjoy looking at Christmas lights. 
But - I am looking forward to no requirements for the menu for Thanksgiving and Christmas. For years, I've lobbied for just a chicken vs. turkey, but the kids really want a turkey. The various sides -I'd like to cut them down, but the kids want them - and since they are willing to back that up with making those things, I'm fine with that. I think I will enjoy having a more simple meal though if they cannot come. 

We have angel trees (I think that is what they are called) and our local Legacy Closet also has a list of foster kids and present requests. Buying for those and imagining their joy opening can help. 

It's a different season of life. I hope others have great suggestions for ways to make the holidays easier when it is just two of you. 

ETA: I enjoy sending cards, so I like this time of year when I can write personal notes to the folks we send Christmas/New Year's cards to. I especially enjoy getting the few back we get. I kept the ones from last year, and I generally try to keep any picture ones, and I enjoy looking back on those pictures and any cards with real messages. 

Edited November 6, 2022 by Bambam

[Ottakee]

Could you “adopt” a local family or Individual ?   I know of many people that are lonely around the holidays and would love some young grandparents to  do some things with their kids/family, or an elderly person or someone with special needs, etc.

I remember as a lonely college student and even as a you get mom wishing someone would invite me to join in some family activities.

[marbel]

We are approaching the empty nest time. I assume our kids will at some point move too far away to spend Christmas with us, or will get married/otherwise partner up and have Christmas with in-laws, or... who knows what may happen. I don't know if my kids will have kids - one of mine has given a few signals that make me think not. The other... no way to know. 

Anyway, I can imagine traveling, maybe. Or just enjoying home and quiet. (But I am a person who likes quiet.) I will get teary at some points I'm sure. But it is the natural order of things for kids to grow up and spread their wings. My mother was alone on Christmas a few times. She may have been sad but she didn't show it. We would celebrate Christmas the week before or after. The first year I went with my then-boyfriend, now husband, to meet his family at Christmas, my mom and I had Christmas dinner the week before, and we made corned beef and cabbage because she was DONE with turkey and fancied that. I bought her a bunch of used mystery novels from the thrift store and she reported having a cozy Christmas on her own. She may have been lying? But she was a practical person and knew the day would come when her kids would all not be around on Christmas.

OP, you have a church; are there young people who have no one to spend Christmas with? There was a time when we had a lot of young adults (seminary students) in our church who couldn't go home for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas, so they came to us. Those were fun times! 

You could invite friends over for ornament-making or cookie-decorating. Partner up with some others from your church and host a parents-day/night out while doing Christmas things with their kids. Or find a nursing home/assisted living that would like people to send cards to residents. Or visit residents. 

I hope you will find some new ways to enjoy the holidays in a new season of life!

 

 

 

[gardenmom5]

Not totally an empty nester - dudeling is only 17, but yeah, I miss things I could do with littles.   2dd (mom of my grandsons) is coming after Christmas - so that will be fun. There will still be the botanical garden lights, which does have stuff for kids.

[Jean in Newcastle]

50 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Not totally an empty nester - dudeling is only 17, but yeah, I miss things I could do with littles.   2dd (mom of my grandsons) is coming after Christmas - so that will be fun. There will still be the botanical garden lights, which does have stuff for kids.

I love the botanical garden. Thanks for reminding me to schedule it in. (Some years we just never get it on the calendar). 

[MEmama]

I never got to have “magical” holiday time with DS, so there’s no little kid stuff for me to miss, honestly. He'll be here for the holiday this year, but I’d rather travel than have to pull something together at home. 
 

I envision just skipping it altogether and travelling in the future.

[gardenmom5]

15 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I love the botanical garden. Thanks for reminding me to schedule it in. (Some years we just never get it on the calendar). 

I'm hoping the Argosy Christmas ships will be back this year too.   The one year we went on the ships just happened to be right after we'd had a huge snow dump.  Some people on our boat got into a snowball fight with one of the little following boats. It was a blast.

They did trivia games with the winner receiving tickets to future cruises.  Dh knows his trivia, and gave 2ds the answer to "the last state to make Christmas a state holiday" (Oklahoma.  - the first was Alabama)

[TexasProud]

4 hours ago, marbel said:

We are approaching the empty nest time. I assume our kids will at some point move too far away to spend Christmas with us, or will get married/otherwise partner up and have Christmas with in-laws, or... who knows what may happen. I don't know if my kids will have kids - one of mine has given a few signals that make me think not. The other... no way to know. 

Anyway, I can imagine traveling, maybe. Or just enjoying home and quiet. (But I am a person who likes quiet.) I will get teary at some points I'm sure. But it is the natural order of things for kids to grow up and spread their wings. My mother was alone on Christmas a few times. She may have been sad but she didn't show it. We would celebrate Christmas the week before or after. The first year I went with my then-boyfriend, now husband, to meet his family at Christmas, my mom and I had Christmas dinner the week before, and we made corned beef and cabbage because she was DONE with turkey and fancied that. I bought her a bunch of used mystery novels from the thrift store and she reported having a cozy Christmas on her own. She may have been lying? But she was a practical person and knew the day would come when her kids would all not be around on Christmas.

OP, you have a church; are there young people who have no one to spend Christmas with? There was a time when we had a lot of young adults (seminary students) in our church who couldn't go home for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas, so they came to us. Those were fun times! 

You could invite friends over for ornament-making or cookie-decorating. Partner up with some others from your church and host a parents-day/night out while doing Christmas things with their kids. Or find a nursing home/assisted living that would like people to send cards to residents. Or visit residents. 

I hope you will find some new ways to enjoy the holidays in a new season of life!

 

 

 

To be clear, my kids have no idea.  And yes, I have offered to babysit for some young moms who don't have families in the area so they can go Christmas shopping/and or have a date with hubby in December.  So yeah.  Just different.  Don't worry, I am not horribly sad or anything like that.  Absolutely, I wanted them to fly.  Heck, I am really enjoying getting to focus on personal projects instead of focusing on them.  I will enjoy it.  I didn't mean to make it sound like I wouldn't.  Just a little wistful if that makes sense.

[Tree Frog]

20 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Just a little wistful if that makes sense.

I'm feeling wistful, too. Only our college aged son will be home for the Christmas holiday. Our 2 dd's won't be home for Christmas, though one will be home sometime in December to celebrate Christmas with ds, dh, and I. Neither dd has time off during the holidays and will both likely be working Christmas Day. Thanksgiving will be the same. Only ds will be home. I've anticipated none of the kids coming home the last few years, and have felt thankful they all returned home longer than we expected.

I think part of what I'm feeling, too, is that in the city I'm in, we have a lot of Mexican friends and families who traditionally have their dd's live at home until marriage (or the boyfriend moves in). Once their kids move out, they tend to live nearby, as their parents did with their parents, so they have the continued enjoyment (and sometimes drama) of large extended families. We don't live near our families and have encouraged our kids to go to the colleges they wanted (and could afford) and find the jobs they want, regardless of where said jobs are. We haven't asked them to stay nearby. Sometimes I regret encouraging them to fly. 

[fairfarmhand]

I’m planning on new traditions that involve warm sandy beaches if my kids aren’t nearby to enjoy Christmas fun with me. 
 

Oh wouldn’t it be cool to visit various Christmas themed places at the holidays? Like the tree at Rockefeller plaza or the see Christmas stuff at some of the big cathedrals in Europe? I’d think one could make a tradition of enjoying all the cool cultural Christmas stuff around the world if one had the money to travel each year.

[regentrude]

We changed how we do Christmas. It's very freeing not to have to "do" Christmas on a specific date. If the weather is nice, we can just hike without pressure to do a traditional thing. Last year, we had a fabulous backpacking trip and only got back late on the 24th.

On Christmas day, we have a nice dinner and invite friends who don't have family to celebrate with, or DH's postdocs and grad students from foreign countries. Hopefully DS will come home.

DD will spend the holidays with her bfs family and visit sometime in January. We'll have a nice time then. Christmas is just an arbitrary day.

[Faith-manor]

We will have adult children with us. Usually, we also have our grandsons, but this year they are going to be with their other grandparents, and I am very glad of that because due to distance, lack of vacation for the grandparents on that side, and some health issues, our grandboys do not know their paternal grandparents as well as us. They are great people. It is excellent that they will be there. I will miss them though.

Our Christmas traditions began changing as the kids aged and went off to college. In the past few years they have changed a lot. We have Danish Smorrebrod on Christmas Eve Day, and brunch on Christmas Day. It is way more laid back then during the years when the kids were little and we went back and forth between the two sets of grandparents both of whom were HIGH STRUNG and highly controlling on the holidays, not to mention toxic relatives we were expected to endure. Now we host, we are relaxed and fun loving, and we cut out the toxic people who every single year would make us absolutely miserable with their drama and antics. 

It is an adjustment for sure. But when the kids were little they were always in the church play, the homeschool group play, dh was singing in the community choir, I had my piano students' Christmas recital, plus a choir I accompanied for, plus a choir I directed, plus....Christmas is an insane time for professional musicians and for teachers. I was ALWAYS exhausted and then trying to make the holiday season special for the kids. I actually love and relish how much more relaxec and laid back we were.

I think though that there is a lot of adjustment in the first few years to the empty nest.

I would be okay if we had years in which we didn't celebrate the day, and either hunkered down at home or traveled for fun maybe leaving the Michigan frigidity for somewhere warm where we could kayak, sail, or van camp.