How many high quality “Inner Sanctum” relationships do you have?

[YaelAldrich]

An example of inner sanctum people:

When I converted to Judaism, I was cognizant that Jews have been persecuted and killed. I wanted a person I literally could trust with my life and assets if we needed to (or need help to) bug out. That was my BFF. 

My BFF also took my call when my sister found out her cancer was metastatic and would need more help and also when she died. He spoke to me with such care and concern during that time right after she died that it still takes my breath away and makes me tear up five years later. 

I find I don't connect on a deep level with a lot of people. I'm a lot of contradictions walking around in a human body. 😆 So most people latch on to the parts they can identify with. That's cool. I don't mind establishing a friendship based on that. But the people who really get my contradictions? And are fun to be around? OMG - one in a million. 

Edited June 16, 2022 by YaelAldrich

[Forget-Me-Not]

My husband. I used to be able to talk about a lot with my mom and another friend, but the current political climate and  Covid has changed that. 
 

In the meantime we moved out of state and I’m finding it hard to meet people I click with. I seem to have lost what little skill I had for making friends and I don’t know where to start anymore. 

[lewelma]

I'm feeling very grateful for my 3 sisters. We have stayed close all these years even though I am half way around the world. 

[Laura Corin]

Husband plus one whom I see every week. One other whom I see twice a year - we don't communicate much but we fall straight back into the friendship of 40 years ago when we do.

[easypeasy]

I said 4-5, but I'm related to all of them. DH and our grown kids. Funny, because I was never one of those "be friends with my kids" kinds of moms, but as they grew up, they became the most amazing friends (except for those frustrating periods around 19 years old with DD1 and DS1 when they thought they knew everything and needed to inform me of that... lol). Like, if I could've designed the perfect friends - it's each of them in their own way! ♥

I trust DH implicitly and we agree on almost everything but, like others have said, he's a "fixer" so I censor what I share with him because I can fix it my darn self! lol Sometimes I wish I had someone to just wildly vent to, but that'd probably be better task for a therapist than unburdening myself on a friend. Since I'll never spend that money on myself, I'll just continue having my fascinating inner dialogues and call it good.

Sometimes, I talk to DH about my day (not complaining, so he's not tempted to "fix" anything) and he'll just flat out fall asleep. 🤪 So, our conversations definitely leans in one direction. 🤣 He's also super busy (owns two businesses that keep him going), so I don't take it too personally, but... still... lol

There are old friends that I would trust and be better friends with if I wanted but, truth be told, I've been a pretty lousy friend since my first DD was born. 😁 I'm super busy, very much caught up in my own thing, and generally uninterested in other peoples' drama. 🙃

Just being honest here - maintaining regular friends take up a lot of valuable time. When I DO have free time, my introverted self wants to crawl away and spend it by myself in quiet - not checking in on a girlfriend to see how she's doing. When I catch up with old friends, though, it's like a day never passed and we pick up right where we left off and don't shut up for 24 hours. Then, it's back to our normal lives!

(...but I still want to be invited to the party so I can fret over it to my husband and get to work to imagine ways to get out of going or at least how to leave early...) 😊 Introversion is fun, kids!

Edited June 16, 2022 by easypeasy

[Carrie12345]

5 hours ago, YaelAldrich said:

find I don't connect on a deep level with a lot of people. I'm a lot of contradictions walking around in a human body. 😆 So most people latch on to the parts they can identify with. That's cool. I don't mind establishing a friendship based on that. But the people who really get my contradictions? And are fun to be around? OMG - one in a million. 

I feel kind of similar, and I think it held me back from my early 20s to my mid to late 30s. I felt like I was so all over the place that I couldn’t possibly find random people who could “fit”.  In one sort of way, I was right.  There’s no 1 person in my life who sees the world entirely like I do and therefore cheers on my every thought. But there are 3 people to whom I can say anything in my head, and 2 might think I’m ridiculous, but they’re okay with it. The other 1 will resonate with that particular thing. And they rotate, depending on the thing.
 

[Lillyfee]

I am very open and trust easily.

I talk daily to my mom and trust my parents with everything. The same with my brother and husband.

I have three childhood friends I talk weekly to and and also talk about everything.

Then I found about 6 really good army wife friends I stay in contact with after we moved and talk weekly to. They basically raised my kids with me, went with me through deployments and we were there for each other in every situation. They know me through and through and are like sisters.

We always have a good circle but after moving it's only the closest ones you stay connected with.

I need friends and I am a very social person and opens up easily.

[lmrich]

It was hard to say how often. I talk to Dh daily. I talk  to  my mom every other day.  My sister  weekly  if not more. My  best friends every  two weeks or once a month. And another friends every few months but  we will stay on the phone for 2 -4 hours.  My daughters are starting to fit into this as well. We have a really healthy relationship and I  think we will be able to remain close as they grown  up. 

I have only made one good friend past the age of 30 (besides for  my dd's) so that is  interesting. 

[Guest]

15 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:

Introvert, Gen X-49 years old, INTJ personality (known for disliking the idea of being known at a very deep level)

That’s a good point; one I had not thought about. When I have taken those tests, I hit the cusp of Thinking or Feeling, so that I could fall under INTJ or INFJ types. Some of the INTJ things really resonate with me, while in other cases, the INFJ profile does. But what you said in your post is a revelation to me, lol, because that’s true. I do not like for people to probe me. If I reveal things to people it has to be in my own good timing. Probe and you get shut out. 

[SKL]

There is nobody to whom I can talk about everything, but different people are my confidantes about different things.  The total of such different people is probably 4 or 5.  There are some things I can't tell anyone, ever.

[Not_a_Number]

Hmmmm. This one is hard to answer. Definitely DH. I also have a couple of good friends I keep in sporadic touch with, but I don't think I tell them everything in the same way as I do DH. 

I also think there are layers of things you can tell people... like, maybe I'd tell everyone about something that I'm angry about, but I might only share the feeling beneath the anger with someone I'm really close to, you know? 

[Grace Hopper]

4 hours ago, Quill said:

That’s a good point; one I had not thought about. When I have taken those tests, I hit the cusp of Thinking or Feeling, so that I could fall under INTJ or INFJ types. Some of the INTJ things really resonate with me, while in other cases, the INFJ profile does. But what you said in your post is a revelation to me, lol, because that’s true. I do not like for people to probe me. If I reveal things to people it has to be in my own good timing. Probe and you get shut out. 

Oh! INTJ here, too. That makes sense. 

[Not_a_Number]

6 hours ago, Quill said:

That’s a good point; one I had not thought about. When I have taken those tests, I hit the cusp of Thinking or Feeling, so that I could fall under INTJ or INFJ types. Some of the INTJ things really resonate with me, while in other cases, the INFJ profile does. But what you said in your post is a revelation to me, lol, because that’s true. I do not like for people to probe me. If I reveal things to people it has to be in my own good timing. Probe and you get shut out. 

I’m the same — I’m on the cusp of the same two.

[sassenach]

I actually have quite a few but the frequency with which I talk to them is super variable. Even with the ones that I talk to infrequently, I can pick right up with and don't hold a thing back. By my calculation there are 7. The frequency runs from daily to twice a year.