8 yo boy interested in girls. Yikes.

[Scarlett]

I really wasn't expecting it this early. I've never thought it was cute to ask little kids if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I've always told him that he doesn't need a girlfriend until he is in a position to get married....job, house, mature enough and all that.

 

Well, last night after we got home from Bible Study he came in to my room and said, 'Mom I like someone but I don't think she likes me.'

 

:eek:

 

I said, matter of factly, 'do you mean 'like' as in girlfriend boyfriend?' And he said yes. So I said, 'well, you naturally will start noticing girls, but girls need to be your friend for now. You are too young to have a girlfriend. You just need lots of friends---boys and girls.' And then we discussed this particular little girl who will 'barely talk to' him...I assured him that she does not dislike him---that she is just really shy.

 

Someone please tell me if I handled that right and if not what I should have said to him....

[HappyGrace]

and I was going to ask on here if that seems early!? I could have written your post almost exactly! And I said almost the SAME thing you said, so we must both be on the right track! We are planning to pursue courting rather than dating, so we've always talked to her about those interests being for "later"-like you said, when they're in a position to get married, until then, boys are her brothers in Christ. Thankfully she likes him for the right reasons-godly boy from a Christian home and she likes that he is kind to younger kids, etc. It is shocking though that it started so young, especially because she doesn't see any media that might have the topics of dating, boys, etc., and none of her friends have any interest!

[FlockOfSillies]

I had my first crush on a boy when I was five. DS had a thing for a girl in preschool. It's likely a different level of interest with an 8yo, but it's not unheard of.

[Harriet Vane]

I had my first boyfriend in second grade. His name was Mike, and he went to my church. There was nothing romantic or hormonal about it at all, from either of us. We just really liked each other. At church or at midweek AWANA we stuck together. Sometimes we held hands in a friendly sort of way. Our mothers were friends, so we even had some playdates together. Over time it faded.

 

Until . . .

 

In September of my freshman year at college I went to a mid-day IVCF prayer meeting. There was some weirdo there staring at me. Really staring. Every article of clothing on his body was ripped, he had a dramatic, curly mohawk, and he was wearing an earring.

 

It was Mike.

 

The last time I'd seen him 3 years previously, he'd had a crew cut and dressed far more conservatively. We had lost touch and just happened to end up on the same campus for college. He was a good friend through college, though he was never my boyfriend again.

 

Thanks for the trip down memory lane. Just relax. It'll be okay. You might have his father talk generally with him about treating girls respectfully, but don't make any big deal about this.

[Renee in NC]

My 10yo had already picked out his wife at 8!:lol: (And, yes, he still plans to marry her!:D)

[Daisy]

Maybe we are the oddball family. My DD is 9.5yo and doesn't realize people are ever boyfriend/girlfriend. She just thinks you grow up and get married. She's not grown up so she doesn't even think about it. We have had plenty of talks about sexuality, puberty, etc. so she is not clueless. Although we haven't closed the deal yet with that conversation.

 

I probably would have dealt with my son similar to what you did. I would tell him that one day God has a very special person saved for him and that he doesn't need a girlfriend until he has a job, is ready to get married, and moves out of our house. That would settle that right there as he thinks he is living with us forever. LOL.

[sagira]

I think it's a cultural thing too. Where I grew up (very close to South America) it's accepted and normal that little children like each other. But if they don't that's fine too. At four I announced that I would move in with the boy next door :D I held hands with the same little boy at a Carnaval (the picture shows the boy with a bewildered look on his face :lol:). At seven I had a crush on a boy who had a bad crush on me too (also 7). In fact, when I went on vacation for two weeks to Mexico and Costa Rica, and I returned, that same night his mother called, all anxious. Turns out the whole time he would hardly eat, felt sick and wanted to see me again. His mom rushed him over that night. As soon as he saw me again he was fine. My mom still has a picture of the two of us sitting together on a recliner holding hands :D

 

This was all very innocent. In no way, shape or form did it go beyond holding hands or did we know what it was all about. If anything the first person I wanted to marry was my father.

 

Ds (5) follows pretty girls around and he tells me he has a girlfriend (five years his senior), no two (another two years his senior) :lol: Grandpa (from Cuba) asks him if he has any girlfriends.

 

I just think an interest in the opposite sex is normal, just as long as it's innocent at these ages, KWIM?;)

[LBC]

Sounds like you handled it well. Just make sure that he doesn't tell her how he feels - or tell someone who might tell her. There is a boy in our lives who has had a crush on my dd since they were 10. At the time, he asked his mom if she thought my dd might be "the one". Unfortunately, his mom didn't discourage that type of thinking. The ten year olds are now 15, and dd still feels very uncomfortable around him. He moons over her all the time. He's a nice boy, but dd will probably never be interested in him if he keeps gazing longly at her every time he sees her.:tongue_smilie: A girl likes to have a little mystery in her life.

 

Lori

[Storm Bay]

It's not unusual. My "baby" brother had a girlfriend in kindergarten, and he's only getting married at 36 (to a different person, fwiw!)

 

I "knew" who I was going to marry for years, although it did change when I turned 6 from a little boy I knew in real life to Prince Andrew. I didn't marry either of them either, thankfully.

 

I know other children the same way, and I think you handled it well.

[swellmomma]

When I was 7 I had my first "boyfriend" we used to play together for the 2 weeks I was with my grandma every summer, then at 7 I spent a month there and he became my boyfriend, we used to hide in the chicken coop or under the kiddy pool kissing. Went on a "date" to the beach(his mom dropped us off then set up her own towel about 20 feet away to keep an eye on us). He and I considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend until we were 14 and he had my grandma phone me to see if it was okay for him to have a local girlfriend in addition to me, at that point we hadn't even seen each other in 3 years. I don't think my parents handled dating right (I was having one on one movie dates by 12, dated a 20 yr old when I was 16 etc), so I am doing things differently with my kids. Ds10 has crushed hard on a few girls over the last couple years, he gets weird about it though and if I wasn't on his case would already be classified as a stalker(he has issues with social skills). DD has had a couple crushes already. I handle it like you did telling them that while it is okay and normal for them to like someone of the opposite sex they are too young to be thinking about boyfriend/girlfriend things, that is for when they are older and more ready to handle all that goes with it (not just the sexual side but all the emotions etc). I tell them for now making good friends is more important than finding a boyfriend/girlfriend.

[PiCO]

I

I said, matter of factly, 'do you mean 'like' as in girlfriend boyfriend?' And he said yes. So I said, 'well, you naturally will start noticing girls, but girls need to be your friend for now. You are too young to have a girlfriend. You just need lots of friends---boys and girls.' And then we discussed this particular little girl who will 'barely talk to' him...I assured him that she does not dislike him---that she is just really shy.

 

Someone please tell me if I handled that right and if not what I should have said to him....

 

Yes, you handled it right. He should keep his feelings to himself right now if he wants the girls to be comfortable around him.

 

FWIW- neither of my daughters is interested in dating. My oldest dd had a boy who was a good frind when she was 4 and he was 7. He always told his mom he was going to marry my dd, but he never told dd so she wasn't uncomfortable about it.

[Cricket]

My 10yo had already picked out his wife at 8!:lol: (And, yes, he still plans to marry her!:D)

 

My 10yo is the same way. He picked out his wife when he was 7. He still wants to marry her even though we live in another state now. He tells me, "Mom, I still haven't met another girl better than her." :lol:

[6packofun]

Aww, it's OK to just avoid the whole boyfriend/girlfriend terminology a bit longer. LOL

 

What we do here is just acknowledge that yes, of course at some point you will like a girl more than the other girls who are your friends! You can get to know more about her if you like and enjoy those feelings in your heart. We might say that even though it's tempting to treat her better and give her a lot more attention than everyone else (boy OR girl) that you know, it might be good to make sure you still have fun with your other friends, too. I want them to consider everyone else's feelings AND not get overly attached or obsessed...because the latter is exactly what they see the kids around them doing!

 

Stuff like that. Strength of emotion towards other people ebbs and flows for *everyone* so we just kind of acknowlege it, don't make it a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, and tell them to have fun with their friends. lol

[hornblower]

Wow.

 

I have an almost 14yo and a 10yo. Neither one has expressed any interest at all in boyfriend/girlfriend things. They hang out in mixed age and mixed gender groups and we don't know many people doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.

[mom31257]

I realized my 5yo ds was looking at my dd's Limited Too Catalog a couple of months ago, and he acted embarrassed. He says he wants to get married so he can kiss his wife. He is very "touch" oriented in his showing of love to us, especially me. I think we might have to move to a mountain far, far away when he hits puberty!

 

Seriously, I now know we're going to have to be careful with what he sees and teach him carefully about everything in this area. My dh was shown a picture of a naked woman (by neighborhood boys) when he was five and actually had a physical response, if you know what I mean. He still remembers the picture. It's amazing what impacts the brain.

[Robin Hood]

My girls have always liked boys.??? They don't watch tv or see that many movies or any of the stuff that I thought would contribute to that, so it must come naturally. I have always thought it worth teasing that my 10yo has always "had a boy in every port". One from church, one from the west coast, one from so cal, one from each play she was in, one from where ever she was. Each parent would think it was cute that Kate liked her boy and I have fought saying that he was only one of many. I think the whole thing is scarey.

[cillakat]

A boy in our hs group had a crush on dd (when she was 8.5...she's 9.5 now). Fwiw, it might have been brought up by him, but it was encouraged/egged on by dd's ex best friend who has some serious issues with meanness. It was really uncomfy for dd and really for everyone except the mean girl who loved orchestrating.

 

I finally went to the mom of the boy. She was *mortified*. She told her son, kiddo, you're eight, you don't need to like girls in a girlfriend sort of way. everyone is your friend, you play with everyone. now. go. play. with. your. LEGOS!!

 

And that was that.

 

K

[cillakat]

I think it is wholly inappropriate and TOTALLY Gross when adults start egging on little kid relationships. ie 'do you have a boyfriend'....'do you think he's cute' etc etc.

 

I remember being so incredibly uncomfortable in europe as a 7 and 8 yo (traveling with grandma) and the male waiters would treat me like their little girlfriends, kissing my hand or cheek, fawning over me etc. it was icky. I get that there's a different cultural thing in general wrt personal space, but ew.

 

I can't stand it when the boyfriend/girlfriend thing is started BY ADULTS - and that's exactly what it is - when they're in elementary school.

 

Katherine

[yslek]

My brother and dh's sister were "interested" in each other since they were 9 & 8 years old, respectively. Dear MIL, who has always had the goal of marrying her children off to Christians, rather encouraged this, while my parents felt the whole thing was too early and inappropriate.

 

They've been "together" on and off for years, and this past August were married (at ages 23 & 22).

 

My dc were talking about marriage a while back, and T calmly said that he knew who he was going to marry. He mentioned a girl from church. According to her mother (my friend) she has the same idea about T. It's really innocent, though. Really, they just play and talk together, and they're always part of a larger group of kids, with parents around. :)

 

I didn't make a big deal of T's interest in this girl; at least he felt comfortable sharing. (I was pretty boy crazy pretty young, but never told my parents...that's a bigger problem, IMO.) It doesn't seem to be a big deal to him, either.

 

I think you did well to acknowledge his interest without encouraging it. I totally agree with all of the others who are annoyed at adults encouraging boyfriend/girlfriend relationships in young children. What on earth??? :confused:

 

:tongue_smilie:

[cathmom]

My 10yo is the same way. He picked out his wife when he was 7. He still wants to marry her even though we live in another state now. He tells me, "Mom, I still haven't met another girl better than her." :lol:

 

Well, there is no girl better than my dd (unless it's my other dd!) - she's the one Drama Queen's son wants to marry!

 

(shhhh - don't tell my dh, he still thinks she's becoming a nun!)

[Ginger]

"knew" who I was going to marry for years, although it did change when I turned 6 from a little boy I knew in real life to Prince Andrew. >>

 

This brought back a memory. I remember when Prince William was born---I was 9 or 10. And at that point I was determined that he was who I was going to marry when I grew up so I could have a Royal Wedding like Diana's!

[Scarlett]

Thanks everyone. It is reassuring to hear all of your stories. Today I took him to Chuck E. Cheese with one of his female friends and 2 boys. They are all nearly the same age. Anyway....they had a good time and now he is over at the girl's house while dh and I go to dinner with friends.

 

I will just have to keep my eye on him....:tongue_smilie: