Help! Teen wants to change all the plans. (foreign exchange, military academies)

[mom2scouts]

My teen has talked for years about wanting to apply to the academies and, if that doesn't work out, go to college and do ROTC. I've been homeschooling him with that in mind. He's a junior this year, so he'll need to start his academy applications in a few months. He's taking a heavy load of classs (pre-calc, physics, lit.and comp, gov/econ, German 3, ...) and we're working on getting his ACT score higher because he's smart and hard working, but he doesn't always test well.  He has tons of extracurriculars and evidence of leadership skills on his resume, so that's not a concern. Now, after talking with a friend, he wants to apply to a government sponsored foreign exchange program that would have him spend his entire senior year in Europe! He's long been interested in European history and languages, so he would probably love it. In the past few years, he's gone from being somewhat of a homebody to trying lots of new experiences. I'm at a total loss with how to approach this. How would he complete academy applications if he's on the other side of the world? What about college applications? Would we just put everything on hold until he gets back? What would he do when he gets back? Work for a year and start college/academy applications? He just turned 17 (so older side for his grade) and age requirements are a consideration for academies. I wouldn't have trouble graduating him if he spent a year going to school in Europe since he already has almost enough credits to graduate anyway. Our state doesn't even give homeschool graduation requirements, but his credits are in line with a college prep student at local schools. I will admit that I really don't want to send him to the other side of the world for what would have been our last year of homeschooling, but it's obvious it's getting close to the time to let him fly.

Do I allow him to apply to the exchange program? Do I encourage him to continue the course we've set? Do I have him find out if there's a way to start academy and college applications and put them on hold for a year or try to do them from Europe? Do I let him go for the exchange and worry about the other stuff when he gets back? I'm even considering the possiblity of  having him travel with an older sibling who goes to Europe on business to see if that might be a more reasonable option. 

[tampamommy]

"Do I allow him to apply to the exchange program? Do I encourage him to continue the course we've set? Do I have him find out if there's a way to start academy and college applications and put them on hold for a year or try to do them from Europe? Do I let him go for the exchange and worry about the other stuff when he gets back?"

Whew! Take a deep breath, Mama. :) 

I guess I would start to answer your questions by suggesting you ask your ds what HE sees as his plan regarding a year-long venture in Europe and how it jives with his future goals? Does he want to continue applying for colleges, nominations etc while he is there (or does he want to wait to do it upon his return) and if he has not thought this through, then this is a great discussion opportunity to help him consider all the factors and options. What is the cost (or is it completely funded if he is accepted)? Is your family or your son prepared/able/willing to cover possible uncovered costs? Another big question is what would he do specifically while in Europe? Structured development plans for himself such as academics, travel, leadership, etc?? If he plans that year well and it is highly structured, it could be a really unique and positive piece of his SA application. But if it is more like a glorified year-long vacation/fun thing/unstructured "gap year", then it may be viewed in a negative light by the SAs. 

From what I understand, you can indeed complete the SA application process while overseas (each class inprocesses a selection of international appointees each year), but I am not sure how the congressional nomination process for US applicants would occur with your ds overseas. I would suggest he contact your senator and congressmen's offices to inquire about that. Likely, it is not the first time something like that has occurred. And even if it is, I would guess that these offices would work with him if your ds is the driving force behind it. Applying for noms and the SAs from overseas would require him to be super detail-oriented and totally on top of deadlines, allowing for plenty of buffer time. He should also contact DODMerb to find out how he would get his physical examination. Additionally, he should contact a base near where he would be in Europe and research if it is possible for him to do his CFA (Candidate Fitness Assessment) there. And if he can get his recommendation letters for noms and apps lined up or done prior to going abroad, that would be good. The main thing to keep in mind when applying to the SAs is that the nom/app process should be driven by the applicant. Parents can offer counsel and ask questions to help guide a logical thought/decision making process, but you should not be involved in all of the details. Sometimes well-meaning parents become overly involved in the process and that is not good for the applicant's future. The SAs want young people with drive, ambition, perseverance and initiative. Being a cadet at an SA requires an individual to "figure things out" on a daily basis! This process begins before they even arrive with the nom/app process. Both of my children said one of the most frequent phrases they heard in BCT at USAFA was "FIGURE IT OUT."

The main thing I would suggest is to have your ds do the following: 1. Compile a list of all these types of questions and considerations (you can help him brainstorm all the things he needs to think through and research). 2. Research the answers to these questions himself. 3. Have him prepare a "proposal" for you regarding what he wants to do with the Europe trip, his goals, and his plans upon his return. 4. Discuss his plan and ask additional questions as needed. 5. Make sure he thinks through the academic portion -- how will he stay fresh with upper level math, etc? It would be very difficult, I would think, to take a year off of core academics (writing, sciences, math) and then try to enter a SA...or any college, for that matter.

You certainly can help him think things through. But I think the ball is in his court to have the initiative to answer the questions you bring up with a measured and mature response that shows he has thought things through and is not just "chasing a shiny penny." 😉 If my kiddo was a) not willing to put significant time and effort into researching all these (and probably more) items before deciding to go to Europe or not, and/or b) did not see the necessity to do this and plan things out prior to going...... that would be a red flag for me to say he/she probably doesn't have the maturity to handle such an experience. 

Feel free to pm me if you have other questions. Hope this was helpful!!

 

[mom2scouts]

*puff, puff, puff* Trying to slow down and breathe.😄

Thanks for this reply. Since he sprung this on me, my first question was, "What about applying for academies?" and he said, "I'll still be able to do that." I don't think he's thought through what it will require of him yet. I like the idea of having him research all the considerations and figure out if there's a way he can make it work along with his future goals. Yes, it could be a help on an academy application. Being willing to be immersed in a new culture, language, and academic setting for a year would probably be a positive for an academy cadet . As I said, he's really surprised me lately by being willing to put himself out there to try new things. (Who is this child?) I was thinking he might need to figure out who to contact (liason, academy admissions, congressman/senator, or all of the above?) to see what could be done. If he wants to wait to apply when he returns, he'd better have a darn good plan for what he's going to be doing during the application process.

The program he's looking at is partially funded by the state department, but he would need to come up with spending money for the trip. That's another consideration, but he has shown he's willing to work when he wants something.  The program would require him to live with a family to experience the culture, attend a German high school, and improve his language skills. 

[chiguirre]

If he's serious about the military as a career, there are similar programs for critical languages. I think those might be more useful, plus there are some that are summer programs:

https://exchanges.state.gov/us/program/nsliy

[lewelma]

I know the terror of a change in plan at the end. My ds decided in March of his Junior year that he was not going to university in NZ, but wanted to go to university in the USA. This was a MASSIVE turn because the entrance requirements are completely different. Here are the questions we had to ask:

1) Deep soul searching and lots of dialogue with us that he wanted it for the right reasons.

2) We discussed how much work it would require to do this, and make sure that he was actually willing to do the hard work to make it happen.

3) We came up with a back up plan if it all went to custard.

4) We had to evaluate if we thought what he gained would be worth the money. (uni here is cheap)

5) We laid out the plan of what he had to do for the year, courses, SATs, applications, and made sure it was doable

6) I had to make sure that I had time to do my half of the applications

We had little time to make all these decisions, but we did spend about a month making sure that it was possible, and not a fairy tale.

Good Luck.

 

[maize]

He should call the academies himself and ask about applying from overseas. It can be done--one of my brothers applied from South America and another from Europe, but I wasn't involved in the process and don't know the details. My youngest brother graduated three years ago from the Air Force Academy so it hasn't been that long.

[Matryoshka]

Back in the dark ages when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I graduated at 17yo from high school and took a gap year at a school (not university) in Germany (so I was just about the same age your son will be).  I applied to college from Germany, and since that was decades before the internet, my mom had to airmail me the hard copy college application, which I then filled out with a ballpoint pen in longhand and airmailed back to the school.  I only applied to one school!

These days, with the internet, email, Skype, forms and info at your fingertips online from anywhere in the world, I would think it would be very doable!

[Lecka]

There is a CULP program through Army ROTC.  Just mentioning it exists.  

[EKS]

5 hours ago, mom2scouts said:

How would he complete academy applications if he's on the other side of the world? What about college applications?

My son applied to colleges in the fall of his gap year.  He lived across the country, and we were able to communicate just fine via skype.  If your son will be in a place with good internet, it should be ok as long as he is able to commit the time necessary to get it done.

I'd have him get any major essays done before he goes though.

[ElizabethB]

Someone at one of the bases in Germany should be able to help him apply from Europe, and you can liaison through your local contact.  There are a ton of bases in Germany and a few in other countries.  The academies would actually probably view the experience in a positive light, but you can call and ask.  I graduated from the Air Force Academy and have advised and helped some local interested students.

Edited September 7, 2019 by ElizabethB

[katilac]

On 9/6/2019 at 11:17 AM, mom2scouts said:

 Do I allow him to apply to the exchange program?  

If you would allow him if service academies weren't in the picture, then I think you have to allow him when they are. He may go and still apply to academies and get in. He may also go and decide he doesn't want to apply to academies anymore, or just drop the ball on doing it, or just not get in. And you know what? That's fine, really. People change their minds, and people don't get in to their dream schools, and life still works out.  The one thing I would not do is encourage him to stay the course simply because it's the course, kwim? 17 is way too young to remain on a path simply because it's the path you started on. 

 

[Mabelen]

One other thing to think about is the requirements of the overseas program. Will he actually have the time to do everything that needs to be done? I have read that some programs discourage contact with home so that the student can fully immerse himself in the host language and culture. I would find out if that’s the case and how that would work with SA application plans etc. Good luck!