Quirky genes and homeschooling

[maize]

Just something I am musing on this morning.

I was talking with some other homeschool moms recently and noted how many of us there were with kids on the autism spectrum or with ASD traits. It has always seemed to me that the proportion of ASD kids is higher in the homeschool community than would be expected from overall rates of diagnosis, and I have a theory that families whose genes tend towards not-quite-neurotypical (not just ASD, but ADHD and dyslexia and anxiety and anything that makes the brain function a little differently than average) are more likely to homeschool because we fit less well within a traditional school setting. Often the parents themselves were not happy in school as children; they may have been bullied or bored or overwhelmed or just never quite fit in. And then they have children who are quirky and not likely to find school a good fit. I know that has been a big part of my own homeschooling path; I was thoroughly miserable in school most years, and my kids...well, most of them have had a trial run at school and it took an awful lot of scaffolding and accommodation to get them through day to day and their anxiety trended sky high and they never really fit in socially.

I've wondered sometimes how much a self-selective tendency where families with more quirky genetic tendencies are more likely to homeschool contributes to the perception of homeschoolers as quirky.

Obviously not at all a universal thing, there are lots and lots of reasons that people homeschool. And lots of homeschoolers who are not in fact very quirky.

But my kids are are quirky. Their parents are quirky. Quite are few homeschooling families I know are quirky--and I don't think it is on the whole homeschooling itself that causes the quirkiness, the parents have usually been through traditional schooling and are at least as quirky as their homeschooled kids. I suspect there is a fair bit of folks who never would be able to really fit within the system choosing a path outside the system.

Edited August 7, 2019 by maize

[kbutton]

I think it is very likely to be the case, and I think quirky can range from diagnostically significant to people whose personalities are more rare/people who don't particularly think that the cookie cutter way of being is superior or achievable. 

I have never been an "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" kind of person. I'd rather just do something different that I can do reasonably well, lol! When I try to join in something that is not where my priorities or interests lie in order to have companionship, it's not gone well.

We are school failures--we did three years of carefully selected private school. It was a good fit in some ways (very positive environment, nice parents, encouraging), but academics were coming to a head super fast. We also had transportation issues that made our already awful schedule issues even worse (DH works in healthcare and does a lot of shift work). 

[Rosie_0801]

One of my Aspie buddies is thinking of homeschooling her collection of Aspies next year. I was going to say "so did my other Aspie friend," but then I realised most of my friends are Aspies and all the rest of them are homeschooling now. If I'm going to continue my evangelism, I'm going to have to make new friends! 😳

Ha.

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, maize said:

I've wondered sometimes how much a self-selective tendency where families with more quirky genetic tendencies are more likely to homeschool contributes to the perception of homeschoolers as quirky.

 

I know many quirky kids in the public school because the school districts are affluent enough to accommodate reasonably well. The parents would have pulled their kids and homeschool using tutors otherwise. My friend’s child with autism is a senior and has been in public school since kindergarten, and will be going on to community college before transferring to a four year college. Another friend’s child with ADHD (hyper) is a junior and also in public school since kindergarten. What is common among those I know with quirky kids in public schools are that they are dual income families and have at most two children. 

[Lecka]

Yes, definitely.  But when I have known homeschoolers overall, the quirky proportion has been very low.  

My kids are all in public school but my son has autism, and we are definitely more likely to be quirky.  Not all autism parents at all are -- but more than in another group of parents.

I have a personal opinion -- more of us will be wearing ponytails, and I am thinking "yes, either sensory issues with hair in our faces, or we just don't care in a quirky way."  It's not like it means a lot or I go by it a lot, but sometimes I will definitely think "yesssss."  

But the homeschoolers I meet are overall either -- military and don't want to bounce their kids in and out of schools all the time, Christian and part of a nice group based out of their church, or very into education.  

The quirky homeschoolers I know I know from autism-related things or else I knew them while they had their kids in public school, or they may have some kids in public school and some kids homeschooling. 

But those are not most of the homeschoolers I know, so I see it more like -- yes, the quirky parents of the quirky kids, it's pretty common.  Not 100% at all, but is is enough to be something I definitely notice and like to have a chance to meet some quirky parents.  

Edit:  But most of the homeschoolers I meet do not see quirky at all.  I meet almost all religious-affiliated, or military -- which can be knowing they have a short tour, knowing a child is behind and they're going to catch them up at home, liking sports a lot and knowing their kids will have weeknights and weekends full of sports because the whole family loves sports, and things like that.  Outside of autism-related things, I have met more people who homeschool because they all love sports and want to have a more relaxed day and less busy-ness in their lives ------- and I think that is less-common, but I have met more people who are that way than who are quirky, in general (with just living my life and meeting people at kids' activities, work functions, etc).  I think I have met more people who have homeschooled an oldest child so that the rest of the family can schedule around the husband's work schedule while the husband works evenings, so they can all be up at night and then sleep until noon.  

 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Lecka

[Lecka]

I think for me -- I meet homeschoolers mostly at other activities, not specifically homeschool activities, and there are probably fewer quirky parents/kids at the kinds of places I am where I meet homeschoolers.  

If that makes sense.  

Like -- before me moved, at soccer, there were tons of homeschoolers and none of them were at all quirky.  Lol.  But most of them were military and all of them wanted to let their kids have a lot of activities and still protect their family time. 

I tended to know more military families there, too, overall.  

But then most of the autism parents I knew were not military (a few were, for sure, but we weren't a majority like at some other things -- like the soccer we went to attracted many military families).  

[Lecka]

For me personally, the autism parents I have known who have homeschooled have struggled to find "homeschool" activities for their kids, or to find social activities for their kids.  i am sure that is self-selecting too, but it's just my experience, that they wouldn't be people I would ever run into if I happened to take my kids to the park and there happened to be a homeschool meet-up.  

Edited August 7, 2019 by Lecka

[73349]

Rings a bell. 🙂

If we made a graph with four quadrants, in which the Y axis is how happy or unhappy people tend to be with the status quo, and the X axis is the extent to which people take it for granted that we're going to go along and do what everybody else is doing, I think a lot of homeschooling parents are going to be on the left half (because public school is the default option in most places) and the lower left is where I think a fair number of us wind up (because school is set up to serve about 60% of children well IME, and finding it unsuitable is one reason people would like to do education in a different way).

DH and I both would've done brilliantly at the right private schools and would've hated being homeschooled by our own moms. (He might've been okay with it if it had been his dad, but school was socially miserable for him. As for me, the ideal would've been two hours a week of tutoring by a great teacher + the rest left to my own devices in a good public library.) But DS? I don't think any other option makes a bit of sense. He didn't even like three hours at preschool.

[PeterPan]

yup.

 

[8filltheheart]

Maybe as homeschooling has grown more mainstream the number of LD/SN students/parents in the homeschooling population has increased beyond a statistical representation (not sure I really agree), but that is definitely not my experience in general long term (and I have an autistic child and multiple dyslexics.)  In my homeschool circles, I don't know many people with kids who fall outside of "avg kid" (meaning most have no LDs, no SNs, and are not gifted).  My kids tend to fall outside of the norm on multiple fronts, but that is not my motivation for homeschooling and for the most part is not discussed in general.

[Guest]

The secular group I helped start has a lot of folks with labels and quirky folks. I think one reason is that we tend to be the “homeschooling due to desperation and frustration with the school system” crowd. The homeschool community in my area as a whole, not so much-there are a lot more people there who always planned to homeschool. There are people who found that they/their children were unwelcome in multiple HS groups before finding ours, and I generally have not found the overall homeschool community to be any more accepting to my quirky kid than the PS Community was. 

Edited August 7, 2019 by dmmetler

[Farrar]

I don't personally feel like I see quirky/neuroatypical parents and families in homeschooling any more than in the general public around here. I do think the neuroatypical kids tend to stand out a lot more in homeschool groups because they are often not trying at all to blend in, something that schooled kids typically do. 

[maize]

1 hour ago, dmmetler said:

The secular group I helped start has a lot of folks with labels and quirky folks. I think one reason is that we tend to be the “homeschooling due to desperation and frustration with the school system” crowd. The homeschool community in my area as a whole, not so much-there are a lot more people there who always planned to homeschool. There are people who found that they/their children were unwelcome in multiple HS groups before finding ours, and I generally have not found the overall homeschool community to be any more accepting to my quirky kid than the PS Community was. 

This isn't an area with a lot of religiously motivated homeschoolers so that definitely impacts the homeschool demographics.

[Wheres Toto]

I'm not in an area with a lot of religiously motivated homeschoolers either and I feel like the majority are homeschooling due to quirkiness or learning disabilities or health issues like food allergies or chronic illness.  Now, this could be because most of the homeschoolers I know are through my science center or 4-H clubs and it's not hidden that I'm teaching secular science.  I just may not be seeing the religiously motivated homeschoolers.  The majority I see seem to run toward atheist, not just less fundemental Christian.

Ds has autism, sensory processing disorder, and is gifted.  He's the reason we started homeschooling.  Dd has anxiety and adhd.   Dh and I definitely fall in the quirky category but neither of us have ever been diagnosed with anything except giftedness.   Dh was bored in school so was 100% on board with homeschooling.   I was bored but that was overshadowed by just being miserable. 

[8filltheheart]

I think classifying people as homeschooling for religious reasons or due to various learning/behavioral issues is stereotyping too broadly and without accuracy in numbers. I started homeschooling for neither and that was back before homeschooling was even common. I think most people I know homeschool bc of dissatisfaction with public school education in general.  I do know homeschoolers who homeschool specifically for religious reasons, but they are not the majority.  Most people's motivations are far more nuanced than that.

Edited August 8, 2019 by 8FillTheHeart

[kbutton]

I think my particular state is going to skew toward quirky with homeschooling because we have scholarship programs that homeschoolers access for IEP services. We didn't know that when we pulled my son, but the program is much more well-known now. Some families use the scholarship for private schools that are approved providers for the services, but many do choose to homeschool. 

I am including a lot of "head in the sand about my kids' likely disabilities" in with my stats. I meet a lot of homeschooling families that have kids who are likely able to be diagnosed, but they would never "do that to their kid." When I was part of a support group for homeschool moms, there were a lot of families in this category. 

Many of the quirky homeschoolers I know are just as involved/busy with outside activities as public school kids, with or without being labelled with a diagnosis. It depends a lot on how much chaos the parent in charge of school can embrace or the extent to which they can comfortably customize the schedule (the extroverts I know win at this; introverts who do this well have supportive friends or grandparents living locally that are willing to help with rides, etc.). In some cases, the quirky kid came last, and the rest of the family was already homeschooling or doing active stuff.

My kids do a fair amount of extracurriculars--it's academic groups that are a hard fit for us. Our kids are 2e, and we have found some enrichment classes that work really well as those are usually not meant to replace academics and have been specifically for gifted kids (vetting process included). We haven't used that option for a couple of years though as other activities have made it difficult.

One barrier to us being "visible" as a family with quirks is the academic piece. There are people whose kids have needs like ours, but they are able to or willing to put up with academic mismatch more than I am (will make their school revolve around co-op assignments, etc.), or their kids are not doing as much therapy (we've had seasons where we did speech, tutoring, PT, and OT all at the same time). Then they are also able to take advantage of the same extracurricular activities as those in their larger academic group because people who co-op together tend to set up extracurriculars that match their friends' schedules. We have always had a schedule problem, even before homeschooling. My kids cannot do activities where they have separate schedules because my husband's schedule changes all the time, and we have no family nearby to help with that--they have to do activities where both age groups meet at the same time or same place. 

IRL, I am sometimes made to feel like I am failing my kids because I am not shoving them into the mainstream activities, but then I am often the person people talk to when they are really stressed about their kids' performance and struggles in that mainstream activity. But that's where their friends are, so they put up with the stress.