What do you tell your teens to give them hope?

[RoughCollie]

Teenagers know what is going on in the world today, and a lot of it being spoken of IRL and in the media as a doom-and-gloom proposition.

 

Many teens know that the economic situation in our country has hurt or devastated their families. (Our immediate family has been hurt and my brother's family has been devastated by the economic situation here.)

 

To top it off, the high cost of college tuition, fees, books, and expenses leaves one wondering how to pay for it all so that they will not be saddled with huge loan debt after getting an undergraduate degree. (Our family will have 4 kids in college simultaneously.)

 

I think these three factors have diminished one of my son's hopes for his future.

 

What can I say to him that will be TRUE, to restore his hope? I think that he thinks that there is no point in reaching for a star that is not there.

 

He is an atheist in an otherwise Christian family. He wants to become a surgeon and he has the brains to do it.

 

Thank you for your comments,

RC

Edited November 20, 2008 by RoughCollie

[Julie in Austin]

I think you should study the Great Depression--it will give some context to the current crisis.

 

First off, we are not in nearly as much trouble as they were: I believe our unemployment rate is about 7% but it got into the 30s in the 1930s.

 

And, if we *do* end up that badly off, they need to know that the world has gotten out of situations that bad before.

 

I'd help him contextualize media reports, too: "2% of American homes in foreclosure!" is another way of saying, "98% of American homes are not being foreclosed." (I don't say that to minimize the very real problem, but just to contextualize it.)

[BMW]

I hear you on this one... my 16yod announced that if she cannot get a scholarship for college that enables her to fully attend, she will join the army. Yuck!! She is barely 5 ft. and 95 lbs. on a heavy day... what in the world would the army want with her?? I don't want to know...

 

Anyway, I have several teens and we are all looking at each other and wondering, what will we do? My 15yob has never really been interested in college, school work is very difficult for him, he has a very high non-verbal IQ with a low verbal IQ and he is awesome at figuring things out and not discussions... he has always wanted to build bridges, etc. So, we are thinking of a union job in construction...

 

But, that is one of 9 children... our plans are to keep them home and help them get local jobs and if it takes them longer because we have to pay for college a bit at a time... that's okay. We know we cannot afford college for them, they will have to earn it and take a couple classes at a time. We will all be living delayed gratification. Long gone are the days (in our family) of thinking that you move on when you are 18. My 18yog looks at apartments, looks at bills, looks at her couple of college classes, sighs, then is thankful she can stay right at home.

 

But, I, too sit and wonder what my children are going to do in their lives... and I plan on keeping a home with several rooms, so they always have an open door. I think families will have to work together a lot more than in the past 50 years.

[Rhondabee]

I tell mine the story of when my 9th grade physical science teacher gave us a "review day" for an upcoming test. Then, he said, "Well, study or don't study....Russia's gonna drop the bomb on us before you graduate, anyway." And, then he spent the next 40 minutes or so explaining how the Bible prophecied how the world would end before 1986, and how all the then-present circumstances fit the prophecies.

 

This was in the era of "Red Dawn" (the movie), and all the other "The Bomb has been dropped, what will we do to survive?!" movies (which we watched in school, no less), so it *really, really* upset me. I became very cynical, and very depressed for a long time.

 

But, here we are in 2008, living with our 3 kids in a fairly decent neighborhood 'cause things change. And, one day, things will change again, and then they'll be the ones telling their kids about all the troubles we're currently facing, and how they came through allright.

[joannqn]

I tell mine the story of when my 9th grade physical science teacher gave us a "review day" for an upcoming test. Then, he said, "Well, study or don't study....Russia's gonna drop the bomb on us before you graduate, anyway." And, then he spent the next 40 minutes or so explaining how the Bible prophecied how the world would end before 1986, and how all the then-present circumstances fit the prophecies.

 

This was in the era of "Red Dawn" (the movie), and all the other "The Bomb has been dropped, what will we do to survive?!" movies (which we watched in school, no less), so it *really, really* upset me. I became very cynical, and very depressed for a long time.

 

I remember watching all those movies at home and doing air raid drills at school. It was a scary time to grow up in. Much more so than now. I remember being scared of nuclear war as a child. In fact, I grew up thinking that if there ever was a report of nuclear bombs on their way over, I wanted to go outside to greet it to ensure I wouldn't survive it.

 

I agree that showing him other scary times in the world, such as the Great Depression (since this is economic related) could help. That time was so much worse than now, didn't last forever, and it got better. This time will too. Putting it into perspective may help too. The media likes to exaggerate things and put things a doom and gloom spin on the news. It's what sells. If he can understand the perspective, it might help.

 

I can see how it would be even more scary for an atheist though with no outside hope to hold onto. He's going to have to put his trust into himself and society to overcome it.

[Jenny in Florida]

"Things usually work out."

 

That's the core of it. Then I go on to tell them about some of the times in my life when I felt I was at the end of my rope, about the choices and actions that came out of those experiences, and about how often, in retrospect, I can see that the outcome was exactly what I needed.

 

I tell them how wonderful and capable they are and encourage them to have faith in themselves. I tell them how much faith I have in them and in their ability to cope with whatever life throws at them.

 

I tell them that they have direct control over only so many things, but that they should always try to be in the right position to take advantage of whatever opportunities come their way. And I then tell them a couple of stories of opportunities I had that came at me sideways.

 

I tell them that they cannot control the economy of our country, but that they can control their own choices and actions, and that the choices they make and the actions they take will contribute to the general well-being of the country.

 

And then I recite, so often that they are pretty sick of hearing it right now, that wonderful Margaret Mead quote: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

[RoughCollie]

Thank you all for your advice.

 

I'm going to take DS out for lunch over the weekend and discuss all of this with him.

 

RC

[Jenny in Atl]

I feel there is always hope even in the middle of what seems hopeless. The world, and country in which most of us on this board live, is rich with opportunities and choices. It may seem like things are all gloom and doom, but I just don't see it. Humans have a unique way of surviving, and making something good out of the bits and pieces others have discarded.

 

Think of all the scientists, inventors, and philosophers, dating back to the beginning of recorded history. What if they had looked around and thought, "Why bother, life is pretty hopeless around here."

 

Where would we be now.

[Guest Lorna]

I feel there is always hope even in the middle of what seems hopeless. The world, and country in which most of us on this board live, is rich with opportunities and choices. It may seem like things are all gloom and doom, but I just don't see it. Humans have a unique way of surviving, and making something good out of the bits and pieces others have discarded.

 

Think of all the scientists, inventors, and philosophers, dating back to the beginning of recorded history. What if they had looked around and thought, "Why bother, life is pretty hopeless around here."

 

Where would we be now.

 

What a beautiful post. My grandmother lived through two World Wars and used to say all through her life there always seemed to be some apocalyptic reason to despair.

I always think of the lines in 'Hey Jude': 'Don't carry the World upon your shoulders' and John Lennon's 'Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.' Liverpudlians are the greatest (nothing to do with my darling husband being one :D)

[Peek a Boo]

agreeing w/ everyone else above.

 

our school motto is Life is Tough --It's Tougher if You're Stupid.

 

another one is Don't take advice from a loser.

 

basically along the same line as 'conceptualize' -- make sure you have done enough research on BOTH sides of ANY problem so you know what's really going on, and study the HISTORY of the problem to see how bad it really CAN get, and how to make sure you get through it the same way other successful* people have done.

*"successful" not necessarily being defined as 'the one w/ the most toys wins' ;)

[Mad Jenny Flint]

I tell them about whatever problem we are facing as a planet, as a nation, and as a family... and I also tell them that we can attack those problems just by doing the best we can, every day. I tell them that although things might seem very big and scary, that our family and their immediate world will likely not change all that much, and that they will always have choices, and life is about what you do with those.

 

When something bad happens in our family, like when my husband lost his job last year (he was hired by another company within a month), or when we were thinking about moving to another state, we talk to the kids about how the important things haven't changed. We still have each other, we have health (which is huge), and we are together in a warm and comfortable home. If any of those things were to change, we would deal with that. One problem at a time.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is, if you still have a breath in you, there is an opportunity. And, each opportunity is special because it's another chance to learn, grow, and affect the world around you.

 

P.S. I am an atheist.

[Rosie_0801]

What can I say to him that will be TRUE, to restore his hope? I think that he thinks that there is no point in reaching for a star that is not there.

He wants to become a surgeon and he has the brains to do it.

 

 

The stars are there, hidden in that paragraph. His teachers are stars who will help him achieve his goal, and he will become a star to those he cures. He won't need to look far to find many people who need the exact kind of star he wants to be. Tell him to read up on a chap called Fred Hollows.

 

:)

Rosie

[Carol in Cal.]

I just finished reading a biography of the Trapp Family that goes back before Maria was in the picture, and lasts through the 90's.

 

It struck me that when the family came to this country, the children were pretty old. Several of the 9 of them were grownups in their 20's--I believe that the oldest was 30 already.

 

They all stayed together so that they could make a go of it as a group, in a way that they probably wouldn't have been able to do individually. And they committed themselves to singing together for many years, and really postponed a lot of opportunities because of that, but also were very successful because of that.

 

So my inclination would be to fill him with stories that are like that--and make it clear that your family is committed to each other. It's not 18 and out! It's, what is the best thing for US? (not for ME...)

 

Other literary examples that are like that are the Chinese family in the novel "Hawaii" or the Campbells in "Rose in Bloom." I think that so many of our heroic stories involve someone 'going out into the world to seek his fortune' that we tend to deny the need for and value of interdependence. Now is the time to stick together, in my view.

 

"We must hang together, or we will surely hang separately."

[frogpond1]

who formed me, loves me and has a plan for my life and an eternity prepared for me. I think that this is the only substantial source of hope you can share with anyone. I think it is important to live a life that stands firm despite uncertain circumstances. If you are a believer in Jesus this is your great hope. Even if my son turned his back on God I would never cease to share this with my child through words, actions, and not being hypocritical. I think James I is a great chapter - "Consider it pure joy my brethren when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result knowing that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing." I see trials as blessed times of refinement. They hurt a lot, but when you come out on the other side your faith is strengthened and you are changed for the better. I always say that this is the land of they dying and someday when I die I'll be heading to the land of the living. If I believed there was no God and this was it, I'd have no hope either. Money, houses, fancy jobs, fame... all that is fleeting. Watch the movie Expelled...it has some interesting information on the outlook of Athiests.

[mom31257]

We have been discussing this some lately as well. Our dd knows that things are potentially looking down for our country. We have told her that, although we may go through hard times, God will always be there for us. We've seen him do so many miracles in our lives that there's no need to think He'll stop now. Our trust is not in this economy, but in Him. We are a family. We have each other, and we can get through anything.

[kalanamak]

He wants to become a surgeon and he has the brains to do it.

 

 

I have relied on science and the advances in the field of medicine to bouy me along for decades. The beauty of the counter current mechanism in the kidney first thrilled me at about age 15.

The story of antibiotics, very wonderful. There is a famous brief memoir of a medical student who was dying of subacute bacterial endocarditis in the the 1930's. To think, 20 years later he could be cured SO easily.

 

Even reading kiddo his step in to reading book about Balto makes me choke up.

 

Exupery is a good author for inspiration. I loved him as an early teen...Night Flight, e.g. Man against the elements and all that.

[Carol in Cal.]

I held back because you said that he is an atheist, but if my DD were an atheist, I would still tell her this.

 

There is a difference between faith and belief. I believe in God, but more importantly, I have faith in Him. I trust Him to keep His promises. He has not promised me a perfect life--far from it! But He has promised strength for the journal, and has helped me all the way through, through various ways. He is in charge and in control, and I trust him with my life and with that of my family.

 

Now to Him who is able to do more than we can even ask or think, be glory and praise forever. Amen.

[Peela]

I see the changes that are here and coming as ultimately good, not bad, so that colours how I talk to my kids. Its time for change, there needs to be change, and the transition will be rough for many people whose values are based on growing up in such a consumer culture. And it will be rough for those who dont have a place to live or enough food to eat- but millions of people are already in that position on the planet, right now.

 

I myself have lived really rough for many years- not in the last 15 years, but before that- and its not that bad, actually.Its just differnt. I just spent my time doing different things but actually I had more free time than I do now. The sun still shines, the beach is still there, there are friends, and love to go around. If your self worth, and values, are based on what you do and the whole culture of having a big house and big career- then you may or may not be able to get what you want in the next decade. I know my two teens want to make lots of money, but I am not particularly concerned for them because I dont think that would make them all that happy, anyway. I am teaching them to be flexible and resourceful, entrepreneurial, because those are the skills needed now- life is basiclaly unpredictable whether or not we are aware of that in our daily lives.

 

I feel its all going to be ok. My kids live well so they are buffered at this stage- I tell them regularly that the world they are inheriting is pretty stuffed up and their generation are going to have to deal with a lot of issues. I tell them things could get pretty bad. But I couch it with an optimism that this is ultimately for the best, because we simply, as a culture, cannot continue the way we have been going. It's unsustainable.

 

Happiness truly does come from within,(ever been to a third world country or seen pictures?) and a basic acceptance of life as it is, while also moving toward whatever goals they have, will be more fruitful than putting all their eggs in a basket of a career or financial goal. A little give, a little flexibility, and little more going with the flow- i tihnk we all need to develop thos qualities now. I think we are moving to times where we care about each other more, and we talk to our neighbours, and help each other out.

 

I have no idea if we are gong to be able to send our kids to university or not in the coming years, but overall, I feel if one door is shut, another always opens.

[Mandamom]

I see the changes that are here and coming as ultimately good, not bad, so that colours how I talk to my kids.

 

:iagree: Great post. I, too, think this is a time of needed change. I actually have more optimism now than I did even 2 years ago. I think that after the worst of this, temporary, economic downturn, the individual lives will be better than they were a couple of years ago when people were thinking things were so wonderful.

 

I also wonder how much of this economic downturn is due to the media broadcasting all of the doom and gloom making people worried which results in more media doom and gloom which makes people more scared and then confidence sinks and so on. It just seems like a big never ending circle. More people having hope will probably go along way toward making things better.

 

I think a big part of the answer is hope. Living without hope means that it really isn't worth getting out of bed in the morning and it is a great world with some really great people in it and doing our best (schooling, taking care of our families, etc.) is really important not just for ourselves but for those around us.

 

Anyway, I try and maintain hope in my own household, no matter how bad things are -- and honestly, they are pretty bad now with dh unemployed for 8 months, no longer own our home, currently living on my part-time income after 3 years of trying to get a job even having college degrees and living with the knowledge that we might be forced into bankruptcy in the coming year if dh doesn't get employment soon -- because to do otherwise means hopelessness and I have to believe, and follow that with action to make our lives better and things will improve.

 

BTW, we are atheist here, too.

 

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