would this bug you?

[gardenmom5]

person A asks (no please) person B to give them their computer when they replace it (which is in progress due to damage, but still usable and worth something.)

would this bug you (even if it's just the phrasing) - even if there's no rational reason to hang on to the old laptop?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Not really.  The no "please" might but if it is a "Can I have" (or something like that) I usually think that the please is implicit. 

[AbcdeDooDah]

I think it would depend on the relationship.  A family member? We do stuff like that all the time. But a friend, I think it would be weird.  I once had someone ask me for the wainscoting off my walls if I ever decided  to take it down. 😲That bugged me.

Edited January 3, 2019 by AbcdeDooDah

[goldberry]

2 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said:

I think it would depend on the relationship.  A family member? We do stuff like that all the time. But a friend, I think it would be weird.  I once had someone ask me for the wainscoting off my walls if I ever decided  to take it down. 😲That bugged me.

 

I once told a friend if she ever updated her L/R furniture I wanted her couches.  I did say I would buy them from her though!  It was meant as a compliment!

[Pawz4me]

It would probably depend on how well I knew the person. If it were my brother I wouldn't think a thing about it, because I know him and know what he does with older/used laptops and we've given him some before. And I trust him. But some other people--it probably wouldn't bug me, but it might make me wonder why they wanted it. But I'm not the kind to give any thought to a used laptop being worth money. Lack of "please' wouldn't really bother me. I think like @Jean in Newcastle.

[lavender's green]

I'm not bothered by a lack of the word "please," though I always try to use it because I know others feel really put-out without it.

As far as the question itself, I think it would depend on the person and our history, and whether they have a generally entitled attitude. I could see thinking "Who the heck are you to waltz on in here and ask for my old things?? What if I have other plans for them? And even if I don't, just, like, back off!" But for a close family member just a "Yeah, sure, I'll think about it."

[unsinkable]

23 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said:

Well, as I just sent out a gps unit and an old phone (took out the sim card) to drop off at the giveway site, no it wouldn't bother me at all. Which reminds me--I need to see if dd wants my old laptop. At least mine holds a charge which is more than hers does! We gave away 2 haysheds of old barn wood this fall. Lots of folks have blessed us, so we try to reciprocate! Have to say, most folks said thank you for the barn wood. One did not, and they weren't invited back. Neither was the person who ignored our "no dogs" rule. 

Maybe I'm misunderstanding...the people who didn't thank you for the barn wood weren't invited back. What was the reason? Was it something different than not saying thank you?

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Everything would depend on the phrasing for me.  

Many times, I see (for example): "Can I have your X when you're done with it?" as a matter-of-fact question asking, is this item available, and it would not bother me at all.

When you throw the please in there, "Can I please have your X when you're done with it?" it actually sounds more like wheedling to me, and I like that phrasing less.  I prefer the matter-of-fact question, followed by profuse thank yous if the ansewer is a yes.  

[gardenmom5]

I think the biggest part of what is bugging me is uncertainty about the laptop I ordered. it's 15.6 vs 17 (I have bad eyes), has a smaller HD (but more ram), however,  it does have an active pen!  (and the charger should stay plugged in vs  having to use binder clips to compress the side so it will make a consistent connection.)   I don't feel confident I'll be keeping it. it only has a 90 day warranty - so I'm going to have 1ds put it through it's paces.  hopefully he can discover if there are any issues.  it's a cert. refurb. from amazon (plus I get money back on my amazon card) which saved me about $200.

so - I guess,  she asked when I was dealing with my own uncertainty about the new one, that I hadn't even ordered yet.  (1ds had to talk me down later that night about what I ordered as I was ready to cancel and order something else.)

it felt like it was asked as a foregone conclusion I would give it to her.   in the past, I've mentally had to hold onto something for few months minimum until I feel secure with the new item before letting go of the old one. (I had to replace my phone last summer becasue we switched carriers.  I've still got my old phone plugged in - but I have started thinking of listing it for sale.)

I'm 99% sure she doesn't have a computer - though she has a smart phone. her son said she's become a hoarder- and I've certainly seen evidence without being in her apartment.   If/when I feel  secure with, and adjusted to, a new one, I woudln't have a problem - but I don't feel secure with the new one yet.  (to the point I haven't even ordered a screen protector yet), so I do have a problem.

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

would this bug you (even if it's just the phrasing) - even if there's no rational reason to hang on to the old laptop?

 

Not the phrasing but it would bug me if the person is demanding/selfish/condescending like my paternal uncle and his youngest son. My own brother would be fine. My in-laws would make me think about why they are asking. If my SIL’s college kids were the ones asking for my old laptop, they are welcomed to it because they could use a spare in case theirs kaput.

[gardenmom5]

thank you - I think I've been able to figure out what it was that really bugged me about this, and it was more timing than anything.   I haven't even gotten the new one yet, and I have reservations about it.  and I like this one - except for it's little issue with not wanting to stay plugged in . . .

 

(and the tangential  hoarding aspect - dh's grandparents were serious hoarders)

Edited January 3, 2019 by gardenmom5

[TheReader]

For me it would depend on the specific wording, as well as the relationship with the person asking (if I am the one being asked). 

I can see it going either way, depending on those things (and, admittedly, depending largely on relationship). 

[AmandaVT]

I have a friend that does this and, yes, it does annoy me. And I'm not very easily annoyed. She'll look at DS and admire the clothes I've gotten him (nothing special, btw) and let me know that she's expecting me to hand them down to her son when DS outgrows them. It's the entitlement piece that gets me.

[unsinkable]

1 hour ago, Margaret in CO said:

The folks got several loads and just assumed that they'd be welcomed back. They were a commercial operation, NOT doing it for their own crafty use. They were rude and arrogant. So, the next time they called, we said it was spoken for. If I'm doing someone a favor, I expect them to be polite!

I was confused bc you told garden mom it wouldn't bother you at all if someone expected her to give them her old laptop and didn't say please but then you wouldn't give people more barn wood once they didn't say thank you.

I guess I see the 2 situations as very similar, with people with expectations of handouts who don't exhibit basic politeness but in one case you wouldn't be bothered at all but in the other, you were bothered enough to say no to the people who wanted more barn wood.

[Shoeless]

It depends on the person and relationship.  I have some relatives that operate under the assumption that other people will naturally take care of every single need and want of theirs.  I don't like giving things to them because they don't plan or assume responsibility for their lives.