Any single moms here?

[popmom]

I've been contacted through social media by a single mom who is interested in homeschooling. She works full time. Her daughter is a 7th grader. I know it's possible. I did a search on the forums for "single mom" and virtually nothing came up. That surprised me. The threads didn't seem to be homeschool related, but I just skimmed. Maybe I missed something. 

I would love to give her a link to a facebook group or forum such as this. Is there an online community for this? This forum being for classical--I'm not sure that approach would work for their situation. I actually encouraged her to look into unschooling. 

[Pen]

There are a few of us. 

And not everyone here is doing strict classical

 

[Pen]

Suggest to her to post here herself. 

[popmom]

Am I allowed to cross post this to Learning Challenges, too?

[Stollspeech@yahoo.com]

I too am a single mom working full time and looking to homeschool a 7th grader. I’m looking at K12.com online school recommended by a school counselor friend. It’s free. Also looking into unschooling. Suggestions welcome!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, you can crosspost. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would not unschool. In my opinion, unschooling takes a lot of effort especially in the upper grades. 

Depending on the state, I would look into online public school or a public school home program (in our district they attend two days a week and do the rest at home). Or look at an online academy where everything is graded for you, though that can be expensive. 

*I am not a single mom but I do help direct people locally to programs and resources. 

[popmom]

39 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I would not unschool. In my opinion, unschooling takes a lot of effort especially in the upper grades. 

 

Can you elaborate on this? I loosely unschooled my girls, and I thought it took less effort. lol  My senior this year is taking one class on Russia and the language and she's working on Calculus at her own pace because she want's to major in computer science. I still have to submit a report card for her, but imo she's hitting all the subjects so I have no problem assigning her a grade for English even though we're not formally studying it. She doens't need it--she got a perfect score on the ACT in both reading and English.

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[Jean in Newcastle]

Just now, stephensgirls said:

 

Can you elaborate on this? I loosely unschooled my girls, and I thought it took less effort. lol 

Once you get to middle school, it isn’t just a matter of strewing math and reading materials. The math needs to be actually explained. I did (sort of) unschool some subjects in the middle school years in the sense that subject matter was interest led. But once you get to the tweens and teens it took me longer to find quality materials to actually help my kids learn at their level. 

[popmom]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Once you get to middle school, it isn’t just a matter of strewing math and reading materials. The math needs to be actually explained. I did (sort of) unschool some subjects in the middle school years in the sense that subject matter was interest led. But once you get to the tweens and teens it took me longer to find quality materials to actually help my kids learn at their level. 

 

Okay. We may also have slightly different ideas of what unschooling is. My kids did use formal curricula for math or co-op classes, but they were pretty driven--college has always been their goal. We've made good use of a local co op when they offered good classes--at my encouragement--so it wasn't all student led learning. I just made sure to leave them as much time as possible to expore their own interests. Loosely unschooled. very loosely. Maybe "relaxed schooling" is a better description. I'm not one to leave it up to chance that my kids will learn geometry or biology.

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, stephensgirls said:

 

Okay. We may also have slightly different ideas of what unschooling is. My kids did use formal curricula for math or co-op classes, but they were pretty driven--college has always been their goal. We've made good use of a local co op when they offered good classes--at my encouragement--so it wasn't all student led learning. I just made sure to leave them as much time as possible to expore their own interests. Loosely unschooled.

Many many kids would fail at this. Mine need lots of prodding and follow through. So does the average kid. Especially middle schoolers. I have an 8th grader. Without me specifically demanding academics of her she’d be happy drawing and writing stories all day and would never ever learn geometry algebra or grammar.

[popmom]

27 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Many many kids would fail at this. Mine need lots of prodding and follow through. So does the average kid. Especially middle schoolers. I have an 8th grader. Without me specifically demanding academics of her she’d be happy drawing and writing stories all day and would never ever learn geometry algebra or grammar.

 

I agree with you. You have to know your child. And this is a forum for classical ed, so I don't expect to get much support for the idea. I would like to point out that hard core unschoolers would say that the above scenario (drawing and writing stories all day) is exactly how the day should go. :) It's just 2 completely different schools of thought. Even SWB sees validity in the idea of unschooling according to Rethinking School. But it's complicated...

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[kiwik]

It depends on a bunch of logistical stuff.  In NZ the kid would be too young to leave alone so the first hurdle is affordable childcare.  Even if it is legal for many kids it would not work for them so again childcare.  If she works all or partly from home it is easier but you need to have a plan for when you are there but may not be available.  Then there is the socialisation thing _ homeschool social activities will nearly always be while you are at work so you will need to find alternatives.

 

It can be done and I do it but I have no time to myself and 6 hours is a long night's sleep.

[popmom]

Dang. I really thought I would find more encouragement here. I'm kind of sorry I linked her to this thread. I think she would find more encouragement possibly on the Learning Challenges forum. ((sigh))

Where we live she could legally stay home alone, but there is also family in the picture. Also, we have a very supportive and active homeschool community, and there are plenty of opportunities for socializing after work hours. Our cover schools have sports teams, so Friday night football is a thing, dances. Not much actual socializing goes on at public school--between the hours of 7 and 3. At least not healthy socialization in many cases. 

[popmom]

1 hour ago, Stollspeech@yahoo.com said:

I too am a single mom working full time and looking to homeschool a 7th grader. I’m looking at K12.com online school recommended by a school counselor friend. It’s free. Also looking into unschooling. Suggestions welcome!

 

K12 may be a great option. Especially to start out. Then you can take some time to see what other philosophies and options are out there. If your student thrives with the online school, that's a win! Don't worry about  the other options. Homeschooling is a lot of trial and error. I started out very much a proponent of classical ed--and I still think its and excellent choice for  many kids, but I found out my kids learned much more (and more efficiently) using less schooly methods. So for example, my current senior hasn't formally studied grammar since elementary school. My kids learn grammar best by reading quality books from all different genres. They also learned grammar by me helping them edit creative writing. The 3 of them scored very high in English and reading on ACT. And they're doing well in college. That's just MY kids. Some kids need to diagram sentences and memorize parts of speech. I'll admit....none of my kids could tell you what a dangling participle is, .They probably couldnt even list the parts of speech! ?

 

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[popmom]

LOL I just asked my kid (the senior) to tell me the parts of speech. Her response was, "Could you be more specific? Is this a social thing or a grammar thing?" hahaha. But after thinking about it, she was able to recall most of them. So I guess a little of those First Language Lessons stuck!

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[fairfarmhand]

11 minutes ago, stephensgirls said:

Dang. I really thought I would find more encouragement here. I'm kind of sorry I linked her to this thread. I think she would find more encouragement possibly on the Learning Challenges forum. ((sigh))

Where we live she could legally stay home alone, but there is also family in the picture. Also, we have a very supportive and active homeschool community, and there are plenty of opportunities for socializing after work hours. Our cover schools have sports teams, so Friday night football is a thing, dances. Not much actual socializing goes on at public school--between the hours of 7 and 3. At least not healthy socialization in many cases. 

It’s just that to do a good job at homeschooling about say the third grade, it takes time. Lots of time and focus. Being a single mom takes a lot out of you. So if mom works 8-9 hours a day and schools for 4-5 (this is about what my 8th grader does) and then there’s laundry and dishes and groceries and cooking...it’s a grind. It begins to be all too easy to skip school lessons here and there.

online school would be an option, but only if mom has family support to provide regular care. 13 year olds aren’t meant to spend the whole day alone, even if they’re working on school work. So child would need grandma to take her for 2-3 afternoons a week just to get her out of the house, auntie could go by a couple mornings a week...etc.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I agree with fairfarmhand. She'll need a village. She'll need to find out exactly to what her family will commit: "Helping out now and then" is not what's needed, so if that's what they mean, find out up front. The daughter will need people on a daily basis. 

OP, unschooling your own girls - that's an active verb! You were there. You were supervising and aware. That is not the same thing at all, as pulling a 12yo child out of school to spend her days alone, pursuing her own educational interests as a substitute for a present parent or an educational institution.

 

[popmom]

18 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

It’s just that to do a good job at homeschooling about say the third grade, it takes time. Lots of time and focus. Being a single mom takes a lot out of you. So if mom works 8-9 hours a day and schools for 4-5 (this is about what my 8th grader does) and then there’s laundry and dishes and groceries and cooking...it’s a grind. It begins to be all too easy to skip school lessons here and there.

online school would be an option, but only if mom has family support to provide regular care. 13 year olds aren’t meant to spend the whole day alone, even if they’re working on school work. So child would need grandma to take her for 2-3 afternoons a week just to get her out of the house, auntie could go by a couple mornings a week...etc.

 

This is what I imagine it would look like... 7th grader gets dropped off at Grandma's in the mornings. Grandma takes her to co-op one day a  week where she takes history, math, English/lit, and science. (We have several good university model tutorials in our area). Students gets assignments for the week which by that age, she will mostly be able to complete independently at grandma's house. And mom can look over her work at the end of the day, AND there is no additional homework like there would be in public school. Think abou.t why a single mom would resort to pulling her kid out of public school. Think about that. Less than ideal situation I imagine. So if you factor in time off for parent teacher conferences, 504 meetings, social struggles, homework, fundraisers... You lose much of that kind of headache. You can't underestimate the burden she might be carrying. 

edit to add...I'm also seeing said student being able to take on some domestic responsibilities like laundry, making dinner, etc. Not that she should be a Cinderella, but she would be able to contribute more in that way--also relieving mom a little.

Family support is crucial in such a situation. I'm thinking about what if I'm ever in that situation--how would I handle it? I have kids with special needs.

 

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[popmom]

25 minutes ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

I agree with fairfarmhand. She'll need a village. She'll need to find out exactly to what her family will commit: "Helping out now and then" is not what's needed, so if that's what they mean, find out up front. The daughter will need people on a daily basis. 

OP, unschooling your own girls - that's an active verb! You were there. You were supervising and aware. That is not the same thing at all, as pulling a 12yo child out of school to spend her days alone, pursuing her own educational interests as a substitute for a present parent or an educational institution.

 

 

Goodness I would never suggest a kid be left alone for hours everyday. Family support is crucial. Supervision is crucial. Did I suggest otherwise? maybe I need to edit something to clarify.

Also, I'm not here to push unschooling--just that she has options. Lots of options. That relaxed homeschooling is possible. For the record I'm totally opposed to those who call themselves unschoolers when they are in fact non schoolers. 

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[elegantlion]

I became a single parent when ds was 15. We'd homeschooled since first grade, so it was different. So to answer your question, can it work? Yes. Will it work as you envision? Depends. In 7th grade my son was not able to complete all of his assignments independently, that was never a goal of ours, we used more of a tutor/student model through much of his schooling. 

We did do a couple of "unschooling" credits in high school. He did his work on his own, self- developed type study, and had to explain it at certain times of the year. It worked for us. 

Our content was classically-inspired but taught in a relaxed manner. 

 

[popmom]

I think I'll change my label. I'm a non-traditional homeschooler. lol I think unschooler has too many negative connotations and assumptions. I'm not fully committed to any one particular philosophy. That's why I wan't to encourage my new friend to explore what's out there. That's all. 

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[popmom]

6 minutes ago, elegantlion said:

I became a single parent when ds was 15. We'd homeschooled since first grade, so it was different. So to answer your question, can it work? Yes. Will it work as you envision? Depends. In 7th grade my son was not able to complete all of his assignments independently, that was never a goal of ours, we used more of a tutor/student model through much of his schooling. 

We did do a couple of "unschooling" credits in high school. He did his work on his own, self- developed type study, and had to explain it at certain times of the year. It worked for us. 

Our content was classically-inspired but taught in a relaxed manner. 

 

 

This makes sense. My current 6th grader would not be able to do everything independently by 7th grade, but I would think that it wouldn't require much more parental supervision than homework assigned at PS. I don't know. None of my kids went to public jr high school. I'm just going by my friends talking about their kids' heavy homework loads. 

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[elegantlion]

1 minute ago, stephensgirls said:

 

This makes sense. My current 6th grader would not be able to do everything independently by 7th grade, but I would think that it wouldn't require much more parental supervision than homework assigned at PS. I don't know. None of my kids went to public jr high school. I'm just going by my friends talking about their kids' heavy homework loads. 

This will also depend upon the student themselves, but we did college like scheduling from about 7th grade on up. It made less work for me to prepare or grade each day. Ds liked lingering in a subject. He still does, he abhors 50 minute college classes. 

Also, school times do not have to conform to standard schooling hours. Ds and I are not morning people and we always did better when schooling after 11 a.m. He did some of that unschooling at 3 a.m. because he's a night owl. Outside classes would obviously affect that, but your friend should not feel inadequate if she needs to school at odd hours. 

[fairfarmhand]

If this child is currently in school she may need quite a bit of support as she learns to teach herself her coop lessons. Also, mom will need to confirm the structure of coop classes. Some teachers assume that parents will be available to help with the teaching of the student on a daily basis. In other words, coop provides structure, accountability, and social stuff while parents provide the day in and day out support. 

Nobody is saying it’s impossible, but it will be far from easy. It will take plenty of time too. 

ETA: I don’t think anyone’s trying to intentionally be discouraging. But many of us have seen homeschooling done poorly and it’s really unfair. Kids can vary so widely; not all kids are very good at independent work and being goal oriented. 

Edited September 24, 2018 by fairfarmhand

[popmom]

Thanks for all the input. I do appreciate it. I want to encourage her, but I also want to be realistic. I'm willing to help in any way I can. I'm willing to be part of the village. :) 

Edited September 24, 2018 by stephensgirls

[kiwik]

8 hours ago, stephensgirls said:

Dang. I really thought I would find more encouragement here. I'm kind of sorry I linked her to this thread. I think she would find more encouragement possibly on the Learning Challenges forum. ((sigh))

Where we live she could legally stay home alone, but there is also family in the picture. Also, we have a very supportive and active homeschool community, and there are plenty of opportunities for socializing after work hours. Our cover schools have sports teams, so Friday night football is a thing, dances. Not much actual socializing goes on at public school--between the hours of 7 and 3. At least not healthy socialization in many cases. 

I didn't mean to sound unsupportive.  It is worth it but it is hard being a working single mum and even harder adding homeschooling into the mix.  It is important to accept though that your homeschooling experience will be different than that of a SAHM with a working husband.  If there is supportive family around that will make a lot of difference and if there are non work hour activities that will happen even more.

I feel quite isolated as we miss practically all homeschool activities due to work and spend a significant amount of my homeschool money on childcare.

Do it but be realistic.

[kiwik]

8 hours ago, stephensgirls said:

Dang. I really thought I would find more encouragement here. I'm kind of sorry I linked her to this thread. I think she would find more encouragement possibly on the Learning Challenges forum. ((sigh))

Where we live she could legally stay home alone, but there is also family in the picture. Also, we have a very supportive and active homeschool community, and there are plenty of opportunities for socializing after work hours. Our cover schools have sports teams, so Friday night football is a thing, dances. Not much actual socializing goes on at public school--between the hours of 7 and 3. At least not healthy socialization in many cases. 

The socialising here is during the 1.5 hours outside breaks a day.  But it is more that asa working parent after-school stuff and homeschool stuff can be hard.  I am lucky ds9 is on the introverted side.

[Pen]

18 hours ago, Stollspeech@yahoo.com said:

I too am a single mom working full time and looking to homeschool a 7th grader. I’m looking at K12.com online school recommended by a school counselor friend. It’s free. Also looking into unschooling. Suggestions welcome!

 

1st, absent a reason like gangs making school dangerous, at that age the child needs to want to homeschool. 

2nd at that age the child is old enough to participate in decision about what form the schooling would take. 

Unschooling could be great if the student is motivated and largely able to pursue her own learning interests. And if parent is able to help weekends or after work or if some other people are available to help the child  as she needs it  (I think relatively few dc are capable of learning on their own for most subjects, and need live people to go to to learn from- even if it is an unschool 

If not, K12 would give structure and accountability. 

[Pen]

16 hours ago, stephensgirls said:

 

This is what I imagine it would look like... 7th grader gets dropped off at Grandma's in the mornings. Grandma takes her to co-op one day a  week where she takes history, math, English/lit, and science. (We have several good university model tutorials in our area). Students gets assignments for the week which by that age, she will mostly be able to complete independently at grandma's house. And mom can look over her work at the end of the day, AND there is no additional homework like there would be in public school. Think abou.t why a single mom would resort to pulling her kid out of public school. Think about that. Less than ideal situation I imagine. So if you factor in time off for parent teacher conferences, 504 meetings, social struggles, homework, fundraisers... You lose much of that kind of headache. You can't underestimate the burden she might be carrying. 

edit to add...I'm also seeing said student being able to take on some domestic responsibilities like laundry, making dinner, etc. Not that she should be a Cinderella, but she would be able to contribute more in that way--also relieving mom a little.

Family support is crucial in such a situation. I'm thinking about what if I'm ever in that situation--how would I handle it? I have kids with special needs.

 

 

That might work.   It would probably work best if

Grandma: 

1. is capable of helping the student with at least 2 and preferably 3 or all 4 of those classes—particularly including math and English, and /or knowing who can help and getting that help when needed;

2. and/or working with child on dinner, household chores etc at the Mom’s home so that when Mom comes home Mom can work on school with daughter with food all ready and other chores all done.

[Pen]

17 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

Many many kids would fail at this. Mine need lots of prodding and follow through. So does the average kid. Especially middle schoolers. I have an 8th grader. Without me specifically demanding academics of her she’d be happy drawing and writing stories all day and would never ever learn geometry algebra or grammar.

 

Yes. 7th grade was a difficult year homeschooling my Ds.  Even with a co-op for some outsourcing. 

He went to brick and mortar for 8th, which, of course, has its own problems. But to try to do homeschooling with a tween/teen, to me requires buy in from the teen/tween.  

I still need to prod a lot and help scaffold some with homework, but I am no longer the sole adult responsible  — which is an extra problem when combining home school with single parenting  

Something like K12 could help in this regard by not making the single parent have the full burden of also being the child’s teacher and principal  

 

[kiwik]

In fact never count on family or friends for anything.  Accept what they are able to do with a glad heart and pay for essential care and services.  If your child wants to enough you will find a way but it will be YOUR way.

[Ausmumof3]

On 9/24/2018 at 11:17 AM, stephensgirls said:

 

K12 may be a great option. Especially to start out. Then you can take some time to see what other philosophies and options are out there. If your student thrives with the online school, that's a win! Don't worry about  the other options. Homeschooling is a lot of trial and error. I started out very much a proponent of classical ed--and I still think its and excellent choice for  many kids, but I found out my kids learned much more (and more efficiently) using less schooly methods. So for example, my current senior hasn't formally studied grammar since elementary school. My kids learn grammar best by reading quality books from all different genres. They also learned grammar by me helping them edit creative writing. The 3 of them scored very high in English and reading on ACT. And they're doing well in college. That's just MY kids. Some kids need to diagram sentences and memorize parts of speech. I'll admit....none of my kids could tell you what a dangling participle is, .They probably couldnt even list the parts of speech! ?

 

I think as with most of these discussions the way the approaches look in practice is much more similar than they sound.  The difference is in how you handle kids that aren’t motivated or stall in an area you think is critical.  We don’t do much grammar but when my dd wasn’t reading/spelling well I did push.  Not necessarily in a school way but I’m not happy to sit back and let it take its course.

[Pen]

On 9/23/2018 at 6:35 PM, stephensgirls said:

Dang. I really thought I would find more encouragement here. I'm kind of sorry I linked her to this thread. I think she would find more encouragement possibly on the Learning Challenges forum. ((sigh))

Where we live she could legally stay home alone, but there is also family in the picture. Also, we have a very supportive and active homeschool community, and there are plenty of opportunities for socializing after work hours. Our cover schools have sports teams, so Friday night football is a thing, dances. Not much actual socializing goes on at public school--between the hours of 7 and 3. At least not healthy socialization in many cases. 

 

I think she might find more encouragement if she were to post for herself, whether here, or perhaps on General Education, or Learning Challenges—and to explain the reasons why brick and mortar school is not working well for her and her daughter, and giving more of an understanding of her child’s situation and how she is thinking she might be able to make homeschooling work. 

Knowing from the mother whether the daughter is eager to homeschool or not would help  

Probably also an explanation of the nature of the Learning Challenges would help. 

 

Also, @Stollspeech@yahoo.com might find it more helpful to start her own thread. 

[Scarlett]

On ‎9‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 10:17 PM, stephensgirls said:

Thanks for all the input. I do appreciate it. I want to encourage her, but I also want to be realistic. I'm willing to help in any way I can. I'm willing to be part of the village. ?

If she has daily support from family I certainly believe it can work.  And even if not the ideal homeschooling situation it is often better than Brick & Mortar/public school.  My son just graduated this past May from a state run charter using K12.  It was not my first choice when he was 5 but my now XH was not supportive of homeschooling so it was my compromise....then we got divorced when ds was 9 and I was so out of sorts it was  just easier to keep using K12 through the state. He was able to get a decent education and he is now in CC.  I was home with him completely until he was about 15 and even then I only worked about 1 1/2 days a week.  So I think it can work fine as long as the student is not left alone all of the time---and I see you have indicated that won't be the case.

[Pen]

From a personal perspective, I have homeschooled as a single parent with a child with learning challenges. This was a better solution than brick and mortar school when my son was young and I was able to give more help for his Learning Challenges than 2 brick and mortar schools I tried could. 

However, at around 7th grade he became uncooperative with homeschooling. Thus I am less encouraging than I might be largely because there has been no indication that the 7th grader this thread is about wants to homeschool and would be a cooperative homeschooling student.  An uncooperative tween/teen is IME essentially impossible to homeschool having, I think, relatively little to do with the parent being single or married.  However, I think the difficulty can then be magnified by it all being on the one parent. 

K12 might help by providing outside accountability and assistance.  But whether or not K12 would work with whatever the child’s situation is that has resulted in having a 504 seems uncertain.   If she has a medical issue that is easier to handle in a home environment, homeschooling with something like K12 might make things easier.  But if she has something that affects behavior then, and especially with a single parent at work, it might be harder  , for example  

@stephensgirls if you could be part of the village by having the girl be with you a day or 2 each week to show a good working model of successful homeschooling, possibly that could help.