KungFuPanda Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 So Dh’s brother and family are visiting us today. It’s a family of six. I don’t have a time. I don’t know how long they’ll be here. They’re passing through on their way to somewhere else and their kids are all 2-7. I asked Dh if I should make something or run to the store. His response “I don’t know why you’re worried about this; I’m not.” Alrighty then. Now I’m outside reading my book and considering that life must actually be easier for the socially inept. I’m going to do nothing and hope it plays out OK. There’s always Chinese food. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 It’s not socially inept to treat family like family. My brother and family showed up at the start of last week. When it got closer to lunchtime I just said “You are welcome to stay for tuna or egg salad sandwiches if you would like. “. (Those were the only lunch foods I had. I figured if they didn’t like them they could decline and go to McDonalds or something ). They accepted. We had a great time visiting. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 I get what you are saying. I like to be prepared when I have company and dh often thinks that I go overboard (really, he thinks that I worry about making things “just right” a bit too much). It is difficult for me to just play things by ear, but that’s exactly what my dh would encourage me to do!!! And I feel this way whether it is family or friends visiting. But you’re totally right...you can just order chinese if the need arises! Enjoy your book while you wait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Yikes. I agree about treating family like family and offering potluck, but it would be a stretch for me to feed an extra family of 6 without some pre-planning. Or it would look like this: there are enough tortillas for 4 quesadillas, enough tuna for 2 sandwiches, hmm wait there's not enough bread that's not frozen.... Hey, who wants to call out for pizza? 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 8, 2018 Author Share Posted July 8, 2018 1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said: It’s not socially inept to treat family like family. My brother and family showed up at the start of last week. When it got closer to lunchtime I just said “You are welcome to stay for tuna or egg salad sandwiches if you would like. “. (Those were the only lunch foods I had. I figured if they didn’t like them they could decline and go to McDonalds or something ). They accepted. We had a great time visiting. Oh sure. Be on his side. I do have tuna and eggs salad stuff so THAT’S my contingency plan if it all goes south with hungry preschoolers. 5 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 I'd be struggling too. I'd want to prepare something. I understand not preparing a meal or anything, but I'd probably make sure I had some friendly toddler and little kids snacks that we'd eat too (which in our house would be cheese cubes, grapes, and maybe pretzels). But, I also know that when we are travelling it is hard to give an exact time we will be there, and when we had littles sometimes you want to stay a long time and sometimes that just isn't going to work. So, I'd look for coupons for a couple of take-out places and have those in my back pocket to offer to send someone to go pick up if needed. And I'd make a pitcher of sweet tea, but we are in TX and that is the standard beverage of choice here, but your area maybe different! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 2 hours ago, KungFuPanda said: So Dh’s brother and family are visiting us today. It’s a family of six. I don’t have a time. I don’t know how long they’ll be here. They’re passing through on their way to somewhere else and their kids are all 2-7. I asked Dh if I should make something or run to the store. His response “I don’t know why you’re worried about this; I’m not.” Alrighty then. Now I’m outside reading my book and considering that life must actually be easier for the socially inept. I’m going to do nothing and hope it plays out OK. There’s always Chinese food. Considering that they are just passing through, I wouldn't worry about it either. If they are on a road trip, they probably have plenty of snacks for the kids and/or will have stopped to eat by the time they get to your house. If they arrive hungry, take out is the the food of choice. Enjoy your book! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 2 hours ago, KungFuPanda said: So Dh’s brother and family are visiting us today. It’s a family of six. I don’t have a time. I don’t know how long they’ll be here. They’re passing through on their way to somewhere else and their kids are all 2-7. I asked Dh if I should make something or run to the store. His response “I don’t know why you’re worried about this; I’m not.” Alrighty then. Now I’m outside reading my book and considering that life must actually be easier for the socially inept. I’m going to do nothing and hope it plays out OK. There’s always Chinese food. My husband used to say this sort of thing when his family was visiting and I'd be stressed out about it. I finally made him realize that if there was no food, drink, or whatever they might expect, it was going to reflect badly on me, not him. Because that's the way they think. In my experience, it's not really unusual for the wife to be seen as "in charge" of entertaining/hospitality and if things go awry, it's her fault, not his, even if it's his family. Now YMMV on this, right? I'm sure that this is not universal and I'm just going by my own experience and family dynamics I have seen. Maybe KFP's husband's family isn't like that. Maybe I'm the only one here who has family like that. But, I kinda doubt it. (It might be an age or generational thing too, from when there were more stay-home moms/homemakers.) 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 1 hour ago, marbel said: My husband used to say this sort of thing when his family was visiting and I'd be stressed out about it. I finally made him realize that if there was no food, drink, or whatever they might expect, it was going to reflect badly on me, not him. Because that's the way they think. In my experience, it's not really unusual for the wife to be seen as "in charge" of entertaining/hospitality and if things go awry, it's her fault, not his, even if it's his family. Now YMMV on this, right? I'm sure that this is not universal and I'm just going by my own experience and family dynamics I have seen. Maybe KFP's husband's family isn't like that. Maybe I'm the only one here who has family like that. But, I kinda doubt it. (It might be an age or generational thing too, from when there were more stay-home moms/homemakers.) Yes, to this and the state of cleanliness of the house also is most frequently attributed to the wife (even though men contribute to the mess). Men seem to not care so much about these things and therefore appear to be at a loss why we get all busy when someone announces their arrival. :) OTOH, I think it can be nice to get somewhere and have the host be relaxed and around dinnertime someone casually orders Chinese take-out. Yeah for Kung Fu Panda for having the nerve to read her book. ? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 We ordered Chinese ? It was fine. I’m glad I read my book. They’re doing the Keto thing so I would’ve made the wrong food. They only drink water so that’s super easy. It went well. No hangry two-year-old meltdowns (I’m afraid of the twins and jump through hoops to keep them happy.) A good time was had by all and the weather was beautiful. We were outside the whole time. A bit of a waste since my house was pretty clean, but it was a really good day. I’m glad I didn’t ruin it with a trip to the grocery store. ? 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Chinese restaurant food is not what I think of when I think of a keto diet! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Just now, Jean in Newcastle said: Chinese restaurant food is not what I think of when I think of a keto diet! They’re not religious about it; they just avoid starch-based dishes. They both lost a significant amount of weight, so I’m happy supporting them. They ate meat and veggie dishes. It balanced out because a couple of their kids just ate the rice and some fruit. ? Now our friends who are stricter keto AND kosher are harder to feed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Glad it worked out! I used to worry about that stuff too, but now you can get just about any kind of food delivery, which is frankly better than anything I could cook (especially on short notice). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Glad it worked out for you. Dh is the laid back, clueless one and Marbel’s comments ring true here. If something isn’t up to par it’s a reflection on me. Or maybe that’s just my hang up. ‘So much depends on who the visitors are. Our nephew and his wife visited us for a week recently and all I did for prep was wash their bedding, clean their bathroom, and buy their favorite soda. And we had the best week together. On the other hand, dh’s sister is like the guest from H@%%. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 8 minutes ago, Annie G said: ‘So much depends on who the visitors are. Our nephew and his wife visited us for a week recently and all I did for prep was wash their bedding, clean their bathroom, and buy their favorite soda. And we had the best week together. How did you do this without buying more food for them? For example, what did they have for breakfast and lunch while they were visiting? I panic about stuff like that when we have guests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 46 minutes ago, Kassia said: How did you do this without buying more food for them? For example, what did they have for breakfast and lunch while they were visiting? I panic about stuff like that when we have guests. The day after they arrived we visited a huge farmer’s market and together we planned and bought stuff. We also took a couple of day trips into Chicago and ate while we were there. Nephew always cooks for us a few times and he handled all that. So we did buy food, but it was very different than it was when we used to have my inlaws. when we visited them I wasn’t allowed to help in the kitchen and she felt the same here- she didn’t do a thing so it was all on me. So I’d plan every meal and usually even post a menu on the fridge so guests knew what to expect and I knew what the plan was. Nephew and niece feel very comfortable here. None of us ate much breakfast that week because we were splurging in other areas- visiting some of Chicago’s bakeries and bringing home goodies. Lunches were leftovers- we made lasagna and one night we went out for pizza and ordered an extra for leftovers. But if they want something, they feel very comfortable making it. That makes a big difference. We mesh very well together. It took me a lot of years to stop worrying about that kind of thing with guests. One year our homeschool group had Diana Waring in as a speaker and somehow it was decided that we’d host dinner at my house for Diana and our steering committee. I was definitely in panic mode because I did all the cooking at it was held at our house. If I did it today it would be no big deal. I’ve learned that being hospitable doesn’t mean I have to have three kinds of juice and a full breakfast bar for overnight guests. I’m waaaaay more laid back (and also have more confidence) at 57 than I was at 37. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 1 hour ago, Annie G said: I’ve learned that being hospitable doesn’t mean I have to have three kinds of juice and a full breakfast bar for overnight guests. I’m waaaaay more laid back (and also have more confidence) at 57 than I was at 37. Thank you! I'm 50 and I'm still at the point where I feel I need the three kinds of juice and full bkfst bar! I need to be more laid back. ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 2 minutes ago, Kassia said: Thank you! I'm 50 and I'm still at the point where I feel I need the three kinds of juice and full bkfst bar! I need to be more laid back. ? I don’t know what led to me being more laid back but I think it stems from just being tired from nearly 40 years as a wife. I’m picking and choosing when I go that extra mile to be a good hostess. Dh’s friend is newly engaged and he really wants to introduce us to his girl. Dh mentioned a dinner party and I quickly redirected it to a restaurant dinner. Ten years ago I would have worked like crazy to pull off a dinner party. I hope you can let go of the three kinds of juice and breakfast bar mentality, It’s lovely for people who want to do it but it’s been very freeing for me to let go. My new motto: don’t care more than the people you’re putting in the effort for. Even this upcoming dinner-I’d choose a more upscale Italian place that serves multiple courses so we could linger and get to know each other. Dh might choose his favorite pizza place. I’ll let this go- it’s not that important to me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 45 minutes ago, Annie G said: I don’t know what led to me being more laid back but I think it stems from just being tired from nearly 40 years as a wife. I’m picking and choosing when I go that extra mile to be a good hostess. Being chronically ill has meant that I've had to do this for a long time. In the past I would either kill myself trying to get ready and would be in so much pain and misery once the guests actually arrived that I couldn't enjoy even the really nice guests. And the snarky ones would still make some kind of snide comment. So about ten years ago I thought "to heck with it". I do try to tidy some and I've done the laundry basket with odds and ends hidden in the bedroom trick. But food is what I have or we eat out. And I stopped inviting the snarky ones and just invite the nice ones. Sometimes my insecurities wonder if even the nice ones are making snarky comments on their way home in their car, but they still keep being nice and coming to see us so I don't think so. To me and the people I value, hospitality is about welcoming PEOPLE to our homes. By that I mean that I focus on interacting with them and really listening and really enjoying them. The other stuff is shallow in comparison. (Again - I do try to tidy and do try to clean the bathroom and make sure that there is enough toilet paper. But there is still some clutter in spots and nothing can honestly make my old house which badly needs a remodel look showroom ready. I can vacuum but my old carept for example never truly looks clean even after I shampoo it as well.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 I like to think I make up for being socially inept by being loving, fun, welcoming, and relaxed. If the house is at a normal level of clean, and the fridge isn't completely empty, and if you can slap together some extra blankets and pillows if you need to ( I doubt you will), you're all ready. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 8 minutes ago, Desert Strawberry said: I like to think I make up for being socially inept by being loving, fun, welcoming, and relaxed. This is what I need to work on! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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