klmama Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Ds's best buddy lives down the street. I just overheard the sister tell my dd that he's having a birthday party tomorrow. My ds wasn't invited. He's going to see the cars and balloons, and he's going to know exactly what's happening. I'm sad for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmamainva Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Oh no!!!! I'm so sorry!!!!! :grouphug: for your little boy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty Social Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battlemaiden Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 That is so hard isn't it? Having recently gone through some neighborhood rejection, I can tell you that it became a special time for me to build up my children and show them how valuable they are in my eyes- as well as God's eyes. My eyes were opened to how much affirmation some of them needed. A shot in the arm for me. Perhaps you've already mastered this aspect of parenting. It's still hard, no doubt about it. Just be ready to hold him near and encourage him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 How is that it's his best friend and he was not invited? Have you talked to the mom? I would not be able to NOT talk to the mom and ask her why my ds isn't invited. Why would this kid not invite his best friend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 I'm sad for him too! :( I think I'd go away for the day and do something fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Oh, I'm so sorry!!!! Maybe it's a family only party? ( Fingers crossed here! If not, it sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsdash Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 I hate that!!! I would take my dc out for the day and hope he didn't find out. That just breaks my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted November 14, 2008 Author Share Posted November 14, 2008 Oh, I'm so sorry!!!! Maybe it's a family only party? (I hope). I hate it when things like this happen. :grouphug: for your son (and you - his isn't the only heart breaking, I'm sure) I hope that's what it is. Ds knows many of the boy's other friends, and they all get along great, so I can't see why he'd be excluded. I guess time will tell.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 How is that it's his best friend and he was not invited? Have you talked to the mom? I would not be able to NOT talk to the mom and ask her why my ds isn't invited. Why would this kid not invite his best friend? :iagree: Yeah, I'd nicely ask too. I have, a couple of times, had a mom call me last minute because invitations were given out at school. With dd not going to school, she sometimes gets lost in the shuffle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Maybe that is the case? I hope so bless his heart. If it isn't, that stinks. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 How is that it's his best friend and he was not invited? Have you talked to the mom? I would not be able to NOT talk to the mom and ask her why my ds isn't invited. Why would this kid not invite his best friend? Jana, I would not have a guts to do this, so I am not asking in a smarmy way: How exactly would you do this? Specifics, if you can. Phone call? Face-to-face? How would you start the conversation? Thanks so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I never take my kids to Chuck E. Cheese, but one evening as I was driving down the interstate, I saw CEC and decided to take oldest dd. I was so proud of myself for treating my dd. We got inside and all of my neighbors(apt block) and their kids were there for a birthday party. Talk about awkward. The mom very tactfully explained that because my dd was so much older that they had not thought that she would want to come. She was probably 8 and the other kids were 3-4. Looking back, I know she was right, but it really hurt me at the time to be exluded. We have family only birthday parties, and honestly I've never considered if it hurt friends' feelings. I guess I need to think about that in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 How is that it's his best friend and he was not invited? Have you talked to the mom? I would not be able to NOT talk to the mom and ask her why my ds isn't invited. Why would this kid not invite his best friend? :iagree: I'd certainly speak to the mother of my son's best friend if I heard he wasn't invited to a birthday party. I'd just be honest. That you heard about the party through your daughter, and that you want an explanation for your son when the (surely) finds out he was invited. This family has a duty not to hurt your son. But they should also have an opportunity to explain the situation. It is hard to imagine why, but perhaps they have their reasons for not inviting your son. I'd find out. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 We have gone through this, where my son's then best friend had a birthday party and he wasn't invited. He was very hurt but in the end it turned out for the best. His mom was already talking lots behind my back and was worried if we came I would find out what she had been saying. Really junior highish if you ask me. We also have had lots of neighborhood birthday parties that my kids are not invited to, typically because they have adhd and the families don't want to deal with it. We do family only birthdays in my home now after planning big parties to only have 1-2 rude brats show up. Maybe this family has decided to do the same. I would not confront the mother. She doesn't owe you an explaination so going over simply to confront will cause bigger issues for you son. That said I think it would be easy to bring it up in a gentle way, like "I hear x is having a birthday coming up, my son would like to do something special with him, can he come by for a lunch on Saturday?" or something like that, she will likely cough up a reason for the lack of invitation to the party without feeling attacked, and the boys will still be able to celebrate the birthday together without hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 This happened to me when I was a child. It was very painful and unexpected. I think you should take your son out for the afternoon and do something extra fun, so he doesn't have to know about it while it's happening. Poor guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Ds's best buddy lives down the street. I just overheard the sister tell my dd that he's having a birthday party tomorrow. My ds wasn't invited. He's going to see the cars and balloons, and he's going to know exactly what's happening. I'm sad for him. Any update yet? I'm hoping it's just a family party, nothing more. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 This happened to my twin boys several years ago (so they would have been around 6?) when a neighbor boy they liked to play with was obviously having a birthday party and we drived by. My boys were not exactly best buddies with this boy but they had been invited to his birthday the year before, so they asked me why they weren't invited. I simply told them that he probably just invited his friends from school. They were young enough that this satisfied them and it was fine. But now, I periodically have this neighbor boy come over with his friend and his sister to see if my dd can play with the sister. My boys always ask, "Can we come play too?" The answer? "No, I already have someone to play with." This always hurts by boys and it irks me but it happens so rarely that it's not worth mentioning. I'm sorry your ds will be hurt by this. I think I too would ask the mom about it in a casual way. Does this boy come over to your house to play much and vice versa or is it mostly just playing outside? Just trying to figure out how the mom could have overlooked such an obvious invite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 All the neighborhood kids like our yard best in warm weather, and we keep them stocked with drinks and popsicles all summer. We have a lot of fun (partly because I organize the fun). I'll note that the parents never come along but are quite happy to have us entertaining their kids. My children love doing this every year. Then school starts and the neighborhood kids apparently plan their social events on the bus, and we aren't included. Only one little boy comes to play, and my kids are never invited over for anything. Of course they aren't invited over in the summer either, so no surprise there. I'll note that our kids have close friends at church and our homeschool co-op, so it's not that they're friendless by any means. There just aren't "true" neighborhood friends for them other than the little boy next door. From the parents' attitudes, I'm almost positive that it's a case of not wanting to know us. They've determined that we're not "their" kind of people. They're fine if our kids are over at our yard, but they don't want a relationship with us. We've accepted that, and make the best of it. Life isn't fair, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 So sorry your ds has to endure this. Our next door neighbor was like my 5th child but would never invite my dc's to any of his birthday parties. They would get the inflatable bounces and everything. Not like you can't see those. The boy even invited my dc's over once before the party started and him Mom was rude to my kids and told them they were not invited so they had to leave. Seems they drank heavily at the parties and, since my ds is a pastor, we were not invited. Usually you find out there is a reason, though not always a good one. That is one reason we really only do family parties so we don't leave others out. We just know how it makes people feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Jana, I would not have a guts to do this, so I am not asking in a smarmy way: How exactly would you do this? Specifics, if you can. Phone call? Face-to-face? How would you start the conversation? Thanks so much! I would be really sweet, but honest and tell her mom's heart to mom's heart! I would tell her how much your son loves her son and that you heard inadvertently through the grapevine and that you are worried about your sons heart being broken. Any normal and loving mother would understand this. I would NEVER want to cause another child's heart to break. Maybe there is a reason he is not inviting him, but it would be worth it to find out. You could call, or go see her face-to-face. If it's just an aquaintance, that is a completely different story altogether. It might be understandable that he is only allowed to invite a few friends and he may be closer to some than others. Considering this is his best bud, do you know the mother at all? Just wondering! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just a Jen in Mississippi Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 :grouphug: I hope it was just a family party. We almost never have friends over to our parties and when we do, it's just one or two. I've never really thought of that hurting someone's feelings (because "I" don't care for big parties), but this definitely gives me a different perspective. I'm so sorry if it has hurt your little boy's feelings!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I would be really sweet, but honest and tell her mom's heart to mom's heart! I would tell her how much your son loves her son and that you heard inadvertently through the grapevine and that you are worried about your sons heart being broken. Any normal and loving mother would understand this. I would NEVER want to cause another child's heart to break. Maybe there is a reason he is not inviting him, but it would be worth it to find out. You could call, or go see her face-to-face. If it's just an aquaintance, that is a completely different story altogether. It might be understandable that he is only allowed to invite a few friends and he may be closer to some than others. Considering this is his best bud, do you know the mother at all? Just wondering! :) :iagree: Great advice!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted November 15, 2008 Author Share Posted November 15, 2008 Thanks, ladies, for all of the commiseration! It appears to have been a family party, as best I can tell. Ds has actually been oblivious today, and hasn't even asked to play with his friend. Whew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Thanks, ladies, for all of the commiseration! It appears to have been a family party, as best I can tell. Ds has actually been oblivious today, and hasn't even asked to play with his friend. Whew! Oh, good!!! Those situations can be so sticky and PAINFUL! What a relief!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 I think that's the hardest part of parenting. :grouphug: to you and your ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 How is that it's his best friend and he was not invited? Have you talked to the mom? I would not be able to NOT talk to the mom and ask her why my ds isn't invited. Why would this kid not invite his best friend? Surely it was an oversight -- or maybe the invitation got lost in the mail?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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