Being an executor

[Twolittleboys]

I totally read this wrong and thought "I would like to wear the big black hood, but not use a guillotine."

 

Me too!

[G5052]

I've been involved with five family estates at some level, and am currently the executor of a very complicated one going on two years now.

 

I've read through the various responses, and there's good information there. 

 

Keep in mind though that every state is a little bit different, and it can even go down to individual courts and banks. That's why I personally would get a lawyer unless it was just bank accounts/investments of less than $10,000.

 

Most banks will freeze a joint account if one individual dies until they get a death certificate, but it varies. We had one bank waive that because the bank VP attended the funeral.

 

Pay-on-death accounts need a death certificate.

 

The lawyer I'm working with now agreed to a percentage of the estate for his payment. So he's done two years of work and hasn't been paid yet. I also chose to hire a bank trust officer because of the complexity and distance, and she'll get a percentage as well. Both are my dream team. True professionals with a heart. 

 

Because there was no will, my lawyer had to go to court to have me and the trust officer named as temporary administrators. The court date was several weeks after I found out he had died, and when I found out, he had been in the hospital morgue for 10 days. As a temporary administrator, I had the authority to make funeral arrangements and gather information, but we had no access to his accounts until 30 days later when the lawyer went again to court to get full authority. I had to charge his funeral on my own credit card and wait for the estate to reimburse me. I had him cremated and buried in a VA cemetery. It still felt pricey to me, but it's one of the most expensive areas of the country. I called around and got the best price I could.

 

On the death certificates, you can also order more from the state. With the current estate I'm administering, we ordered them directly from the state after getting temporary authority because we couldn't do much anyway and could wait for them. They were considerably cheaper than ordering them from the funeral home. Even after you close the estate, save a few in a safe place. I had to provide death certificates multiple times for my relative's sibling while working on the current estate. I already had some I had saved from that estate, and I actually had to order more for my file because I'm concerned about the estate of the spouse of the sibling. I'm not the executor of that one, but it's been six years without settlement, and the court recently administratively closed it for inaction. I'm concerned that at some point they're going to come after me for handling the affairs of the spouse who passed away first. 

Edited September 16, 2017 by G5052

[creekland]

<hugs> I am going through the constant realizations that both my parents are suddenly gone ( 6 months apart) and all the things they are going to miss. My oldest graduates this year, I had always had plans that included my folks for his graduation...and more. 

 

 

So many hugs, it's okay if everything isn't lined up just so ahead of time. 

 

:grouphug:  for you too.

 

I'm ok just having a general plan I can work off of.  What I really didn't want was the grief I know I'll have and absolutely no idea where to even begin to do all the necessary tasks I know are part of the "job."

 

I talked with my mom earlier today and we're going to go over utility bills and all sorts of other papers on my next visit.  She brought the subject up and plans to have things in order for me.  She told me basically where everything is on the phone as it is.  It's not a hopelessly wild situation fortunately.  It's just one I need to learn about in order to be able to do.  (sigh)

 

I'll try to remember what I can. It's been 9 years since my mother died and because it was a sudden, horrible accident, I was in a fog. But I was her executor.

 

...

 

:grouphug: Whether it's expected and a long time coming, or sudden and shocking, it's still hard.  :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry.  I've been wondering recently if "quick and unexpected" or "long and drawn out" is better, but like you stated, I think it's hard either way.  They're just different.  It may be sort of crass, but in a way I kind of hope her end will be quick and not so drawn out knowing what the drawn out is like, but I don't want the quick "just yet."  I definitely understand those in these situations who prefer to use their own timetable.  I know I will be in that crowd if I'm in that situation.  My mom is not.  I respect that.

 

On the phone today she was telling me about a religious healer who was doing miracles.  I honestly didn't know what to say.  I'm a Christian (she is/was? agnostic), and I believe God can heal, but I remain doubtful about the "big healers."  I literally did not know what to say - to encourage or discourage or what.  I listened, but not saying anything felt really awkward, probably to both of us.  I ended up saying if she wanted to go, I'd be willing to go along, but then she said she doubted he could do anything for her.  More awkward silence.  (sigh)  Not knowing what to do or say is tough for me mentally.

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[TechWife]

What will be required will vary by state and you will have to follow the laws of her state of residence. Her will should also be written in that state. Since her will doesn't seem to truly reflect her wishes for the disposition of property, I suggest you talk to an attorney in her state ASAP. I know you don't want to bother your mm with details about things, but a simple list of property disposition can probably be added to the will without going through the entire process. If you know what she wants, you can write that list up and have the attorney present it to her. Attorneys do make house calls, at least their paralegals do. All that would be required of her would be her signature.

 

At this point, you are trying to avoid having the will contested. If others are expecting to inherit things that are not spelled out in the will, they can take their information to court and try to get it that way. Please don't think that your family will never do something like that. I had a particularly difficult member in my family and it really surprised me. The only thing that made the process go smoothly from a legal standpoint was that the will was recent and, even though it seemed general at the time, it turned out to be specific in the areas I needed (for example, it said assets had to be divided evenly, that gave me the authority to sell the house, even though the difficult family member was living in it and the house was not specifically listed in the will).

 

In your case, you do want to worry about tax implications for yourself, the estate and any other heirs. Without knowing the full amount, if it is large, then you may have to pay an inheritance tax as you stand to inherit everything. If it is split up among several people, then it might not reach that threshold. If it is large enough that the estate tax comes into play, you need to be sure to withhold enough of the holdings to pay that tax. Then, there are property taxes and taxes on the sale of a house that will not be your primary residence when you get ready to transfer the deed. You would also have to pay to transfer the deed to your name and then to the eventual heirs name.

 

The state my mother died in was easy to work with and I haven't had any legal issues at this point. I did have her attorney file the will at probate court and put the notices to debtors in the paper for me. I had to appear before a court clerk in person, in her county of residence, to take an oath that stated that it was the last will & testament to my knowledge and that I would abide by the terms in the will.

 

I'm sorry to be the bearer of such news, but really the purpose of a will is to simplify things, and this will actually complicates things if she really intends for other people to receive some of her financial assets.

[creekland]

 Since her will doesn't seem to truly reflect her wishes for the disposition of property,

 

But it does.  She has her will written just as she wants it other than we still need to brainstorm about her house and my nephew so it works out for the best.  She just knows I'm not comfortable ending up with it all and has given me her "ok" (permission?) to redistribute if I want to afterward so I don't have to feel guilty.  There are valid reasons she's chosen the way she has.  I understand those.  I may just be a little more forgiving I suppose - or just see a different "cause" for those reasons.

 

Who knows?  She might change her mind before the end.  If so, I'm sure she will modify her will.

[mamakelly]

I don't know about New York, but in California, a living trust protected all of my MIL's assets after she passed away and we inherited a substantial amount of money, tax free.

[creekland]

I don't know about New York, but in California, a living trust protected all of my MIL's assets after she passed away and we inherited a substantial amount of money, tax free.

 

Not a worry here as her estate is not large enough to trigger taxes.  I appreciate the thought though.  It could come in handy with my in-laws.

[TechWife]

But it does. She has her will written just as she wants it other than we still need to brainstorm about her house and my nephew so it works out for the best. She just knows I'm not comfortable ending up with it all and has given me her "ok" (permission?) to redistribute if I want to afterward so I don't have to feel guilty. There are valid reasons she's chosen the way she has. I understand those. I may just be a little more forgiving I suppose - or just see a different "cause" for those reasons.

 

Who knows? She might change her mind before the end. If so, I'm sure she will modify her will.

Sorry I misunderstood. So her will gives everything to you, and she has given you the verbal only to give assets away as you see fit, correct? As long as you are okay with the tax implications, then things should go fine. I do encourage you to have her give the house to the person she wants to have it in her will or before her death. There are tax implications for that one for both you and, if the house ownership passes through you, the person who gets it.

 

A short list of the things I did:

Funeral arrangements

Notified attorney- the attorney did the following: put notices in paper for debtors; sent notices to heirs and had them sign acknowledgement forms for the court; sent notice to me that I was nam d executor, which I signed. The attorney filed the original, signed copy of the will (which I provided, you will need to know where your mom's is if you don't already have it), the acknowledgements and proof of newspaper notice with the probate court; obtained tax ID number for the estate (after probate court provided paperwork)

Took executors oath at courthouse in county where my mom resided

Completed work on my dads estate ( mainly getting his life insurance policies paid, my parents died close together)

Notified homeowners insurance and changed policy to reflect that home was not occupied by owner

I left utilities as is - they were set up to auto deduct from the joint checking account I held with my mom. The exception was the phone and cable tv, which I had turned off. All utilities already had my address as the mailing address, but change that if you need to.

Clean out the pantry and refrigerator

Paid outstanding bills as they arrived

Made deposits as funds arrived

Notified credit card company of her death and closed credit card accounts

Notified supplemental health insurance of death and provided forwarding address

Notified pension of death, provided probate paperwork and death certificate in order to get last payment due to mom

Provided forwarding address to health care providers

Changed address at post office to my address for both parents (can be done online or at post office)

Opened checking account for estate (will need probate court paperwork and taxID number to do this

set up dates / times for family members to meet to disburse furniture and keepsakes, family pictures - this involved cleaning and going through the house item by item, any items that were unwanted were donated to charity (this took about ten days of labor all told, we split it up over a few weekends); I kept a list of furniture and anything else f value)!, who it went to as part of the estate paperwork, to prove dispersal

Had repairs done on house to prepare it for sale (termite damage, rotten siding replaced, new roof, etc.).

Found real estate agent, listed home for sale, negotiated sale and signed paperwork at closing

Turned off utilities (returned cable tv box and internet router to vendors)

Cancelled homeowners insurance

Transferred funds from joint account to estate account and closed joint account ( this was my moms account that had me added as an account owner while she was living)

Disbused funds to heirs as directed in will

Close estate checking account

 

I saved the following electronically and physical copies, both:

Bank statements

utility bills

receipts of estate expenses (mostly postage, legal fees and home repairs)

Check stubs and deposit slips for payments received

spreadsheet of estate income/expenses

If you decide to get reimbursed for your estate related travel, you will want to dace those receipts

 

The attorney will be able to tell you what accounting you have to give to the court for the dispersal, which will vary according to state law, the terms of the will and the size of the estate.

 

Does this help?

Edited September 17, 2017 by TechWife

[Lanny]

If she has a Will, which she apparently does, things like the house, which is mentioned below, should be designated in the Will, to the person she wants to get the house. If she is of sound mind at this time, I think an update to a Will is called a Codicil?   It would be best, if before she passes away, she can either write a new Will or a Codicil to the Will she has now.  You distributing things the way she told you she wanted will probably create terrible problems for you, with one or more family members, and may cause you to spend a lot of money on Attorney fees, to defend yourself.  

 

"Supposedly I "get it all" and am supposed to divvy things up as I see fit.  Besides family issues that will probably happen (and I will deal with so she doesn't have to), is there a problem to that "plan?"  I can think of one with her house.  She wants to leave it to one of her grandsons - not one of my guys (with our blessings and agreement).  If I give it to him instead, will there be extra taxes vs her giving it to him in her will?"

[Lizzie in Ma]

I totally read this wrong and thought "I would like to wear the big black hood, but not use a guillotine."

 

lol, I thought I was the only one who did that!

[Serenade]

Thanks for this thread. My sis and I last weekend had the delightful conversation with my mother about her death/funeral desires. She also recently told me, "Well, I really hope you don't pre-decease me because I don't think your sister will be able to handle executor duties." Great. What if I can't handle them? Hah!

Edited September 17, 2017 by Serenade

[creekland]

Sorry I misunderstood. So her will gives everything to you, and she has given you the verbal only to give assets away as you see fit, correct? As long as you are okay with the tax implications, then things should go fine. I do encourage you to have her give the house to the person she wants to have it in her will or before her death. There are tax implications for that one for both you and, if the house ownership passes through you, the person who gets it.

 

A short list of the things I did:

Funeral arrangements

Notified attorney- the attorney did the following: put notices in paper for debtors; sent notices to heirs and had them sign acknowledgement forms for the court; sent notice to me that I was nam d executor, which I signed. The attorney filed the original, signed copy of the will (which I provided, you will need to know where your mom's is if you don't already have it), the acknowledgements and proof of newspaper notice with the probate court; obtained tax ID number for the estate (after probate court provided paperwork)

Took executors oath at courthouse in county where my mom resided

Completed work on my dads estate ( mainly getting his life insurance policies paid, my parents died close together)

Notified homeowners insurance and changed policy to reflect that home was not occupied by owner

I left utilities as is - they were set up to auto deduct from the joint checking account I held with my mom. The exception was the phone and cable tv, which I had turned off. All utilities already had my address as the mailing address, but change that if you need to.

Clean out the pantry and refrigerator

Paid outstanding bills as they arrived

Made deposits as funds arrived

Notified credit card company of her death and closed credit card accounts

Notified supplemental health insurance of death and provided forwarding address

Notified pension of death, provided probate paperwork and death certificate in order to get last payment due to mom

Provided forwarding address to health care providers

Changed address at post office to my address for both parents (can be done online or at post office)

Opened checking account for estate (will need probate court paperwork and taxID number to do this

set up dates / times for family members to meet to disburse furniture and keepsakes, family pictures - this involved cleaning and going through the house item by item, any items that were unwanted were donated to charity (this took about ten days of labor all told, we split it up over a few weekends); I kept a list of furniture and anything else f value)!, who it went to as part of the estate paperwork, to prove dispersal

Had repairs done on house to prepare it for sale (termite damage, rotten siding replaced, new roof, etc.).

Found real estate agent, listed home for sale, negotiated sale and signed paperwork at closing

Turned off utilities (returned cable tv box and internet router to vendors)

Cancelled homeowners insurance

Transferred funds from joint account to estate account and closed joint account ( this was my moms account that had me added as an account owner while she was living)

Disbused funds to heirs as directed in will

Close estate checking account

 

I saved the following electronically and physical copies, both:

Bank statements

utility bills

receipts of estate expenses (mostly postage, legal fees and home repairs)

Check stubs and deposit slips for payments received

spreadsheet of estate income/expenses

If you decide to get reimbursed for your estate related travel, you will want to dace those receipts

 

The attorney will be able to tell you what accounting you have to give to the court for the dispersal, which will vary according to state law, the terms of the will and the size of the estate.

 

Does this help?

 

Yes!  That list helps tremendously bringing up things I hadn't even thought about - basic things like cleaning out the fridge, etc.  All things I can have in my mental "to do" list.

 

As for her will it has been updated very recently, so no need to do it again unless she changes her mind.  I know I will be dealing with family members over it (one in particular), but I will deal with it (unless mom changes her mind between now and then).  If it's what she wants, it's ok.  I fully understand her reasoning.  She has been hurt pretty badly.

 

For the house, there are specific valid reasons why we want me to own for a little bit while my nephew lives there, then have him take over permanently. (deleted for TMI reasons).

Edited September 18, 2017 by creekland

[TechWife]

Putting the house in a trust might be beneficial tax wise. A trust can be created at any time, either by your mom now or by you later. It's something to check into anyway. It could have tax benefits as well as limit your personal liability. The trust could then "rent" the home to your family member with stipulations in place re: insurance, upkeep, etc.. A lawyer could get creative with terms that might work to everyone's financial benefit. No need to rush to do that, just something to keep in mind as uptou set things u for the future.

 

ETA: if I've put too many details In let me know and I'll delete.

Edited September 17, 2017 by TechWife

[history-fan]

I was the POA and executor for my mom. My mom’s attorney/paralegal guided me through the process. 

 

I did find this book really helpful;

 

Executor's Guide, The: Settling a Loved One's Estate or Trust 8th Edition

by Mary Randolph J.D. (Author)

 

 

It does list time frames and duties that need to be done. It included a workbook with step by step

guide that I found helpful. 

 

Make sure you take care of yourself and enjoy your time with your mom.

[SebastianCat]

For the house, I'll say it here for about 24 hours, then delete it for TMI reasons.

 

Not going to quote your entire paragraph since you plan to delete...

 

I think you need to have a phone consultation with an attorney ASAP to talk about how best to structure the situation with the house.   Your mom's intentions sound like she has been thorough in thinking through the possible implications, but in order to make it happen legally, I think you need an attorney to guide you now so that the end result will follow your mom's wishes.   You could potentially have a mess with legal and financial implications down the road.

 

So yes, if you have reason to expect that the house will be unoccupied for any length of time, take steps to secure it. 

 

I will echo this advice, even if the house isn't in an area of the country where burst pipes may be an issue.   We dealt with selling my IL's house remotely, and it was HARD.   We ended up hiring a property manager (personal friend of the family, who had worked as a property manager before) to be "on call" for things like roof leaks, sprinkler issues, checking on the house after a bad storm, etc.   We were 4 hours away and couldn't drop everything to run up there to take care of issues that someone locally could help with.   Especially since you know that you will be managing the house from a distance, I would start looking for a property manager or property management company now so you can engage with them later.   If your mom's estate will be paying for the services of a property manager, make sure other family members are OK with the cost - otherwise you'll end up paying yourself out of pocket.

[DawnM]

Apparently I'm going to need to be an executor for my mom's will within the next few months.  I've never done this before and quite honestly I'm not up to googling.  Is there a kind enough boardie who has BTDT (state is NY if that matters) who can provide me with a timeline and checklist that I can refer to when I need it.

 

Or a good link that would do the same?

 

I want a list that I can just go down and say, "done."

 

I am already on her bank accounts (joint accounts) and insurance beneficiary if that matters.

 

She doesn't want a funeral - just cremation.  Can I assume that will be easy enough to set up when the time comes or does that need to be figured out in advance?

 

Supposedly I "get it all" and am supposed to divvy things up as I see fit.  Besides family issues that will probably happen (and I will deal with so she doesn't have to), is there a problem to that "plan?"  I can think of one with her house.  She wants to leave it to one of her grandsons - not one of my guys (with our blessings and agreement).  If I give it to him instead, will there be extra taxes vs her giving it to him in her will?  The market value is probably around 50K, as she doesn't live in a high COL area.  I think individuals are limited in the amount they can give each other financially.  Does that include houses?  Could I give it to him over a period of a few years like a rent to own?

 

Assume I'm 100% new to this because I am.

 

I may also not read this thread immediately even if I post on other threads, so know ahead of time that I really appreciate whatever advice or links anyone is willing to share.  I just need to be alone in my cave when I deal with these matters right now.

 

[Laurel-in-CA]

Subscriptions -- my dad had subscribed to multiple financial newsletters and I got the job of calling to cancel them all and recouped quite a bit of money. Had had NO IDEA how much some of those investment advisors charge for their news. If your mom is subscribed to magazines or email newsletters, it might be helpful to have a list.

 

My brother was executor for my parents, but they had put all their major assets into a trust and that gave him more time to educate himself and deal with issues as they came up. In our case, my mom was receiving rental income on a proper that had to be split between the 4 of us. That took some time and legal help to reconfigure as she hadn't finished paperwork on it due to parkinson's related dementia. Luckily my brother was able to file with the courts to accept her *starting* the process as the intention of completing it, knowing her failure was due to medical issues not changes in her intentions. (There was a specific term for this but I can't remember.) We voted my brother a stipend, knowing he'd put in a lot of work on the estate issues, both beforehand with my mom and after her death. The person he worked with on my mom's end told him she had only seen 2 families who got through it without significant conflict and alienation and ours was one of them. I credit my parents for having things worked out and my brother for being very open about the process.

 

Are there any legal issues between laws in her state and your state? My parents had a VA burial also. That was a big blessing and really simplified things. Both of my parents had made their funeral and burial instructions pretty clear and worked out the costs beforehand, partly because both of them knew they were failing. When you need help with simple physical things, it becomes much clearer that you'd better plan for the end.

 

This losing your parents is very hard, but I truly do believe it's easier when you talk about it as honestly as you can manage. It seems that you and your mom are doing that. Bless you both.

[eternalsummer]

It is harder to know what to say to your parent who is dying than to anyone else, I've found.