Do you have friends?

[Hannah]

Although I have some aquaintances, I no longer have any close friends within driving distance and I'm really feeling the loss at the moment.

 

My closest friend, the one I trusted to always have wise answers and whose company I really enjoyed immensely and whom I saw at least once a week, emigrated to Australia 6 weeks ago. I really miss her. We have been talking on Skype weekly, but its just not the same as sitting around a table and having a cup of coffee together. Our girls are very close in age and our husbands also got on well, so that made it easier to grow the friendship between ourselves and our families over the years.

 

A very dear older friend, my "other mother", died about a year ago. She lived close to us and was a big part of our family. I still miss her too.

 

My sisters and I communicate via email and Skype daily, but they live in the UK, so I don't get to see them very often either.

 

I'm very good friends with my husband, but there is most definitely a difference in the type of friendships and understanding between women.

 

I know that it will take some time for some of the aquaintances I have to grow towards more close friendships. It does take work though.

[Alaska Mom]

Do any of you have friends? Real life friends? I don't. Lots of aquaintances. How do you find someone you trust to talk to?

 

Mara

 

In answering the "how" part, for me, my closest friend is someone who immediately connected to me (not really me to her). She just was very nurturing to me and was the one making efforts to get together, etc. (even though I wasn't even "looking" for us to be friends). She made the initial effort and now 6 years later she is my dearest friend who I'd give my life for. I've really learned from watching her, if you give sincere love and kindness, it will be returned in a sincere form. As my mom always said, you have to first be a friend to make a friend - and it's so true. When you meet someone you feel a connection with, or a spark of interest with, act on it. Don't say "I'll call you" and never call, you have to make time for them. I think that's how you make friends. Anyone can make friends, but it's BEING a caring friend that will keep them and build the relationship you're looking for. :grouphug:

[keptwoman]

Like others my DH is my best friend.

But talking about girlfriends. My best friend died less than a year after she was our Matron of Honour at our wedding. I could tell her about anything. It was her I rung when I found out I was pregnant with a boyfriend of a month (now a DH of 13 years)

 

No one compared for many years. I moved cities and still noone really special. Then I moved here to Melbourne and within a year I had two TRUE friends. Both friends that I clicked with in a way I hadn't for many years and can share like I haven't since Andrea died. I feel SOOOOO BLESSED!!! And both of them were found via internet message boards. Who said that online friends don't count!! Naturally now they are very much RL friends but still...they started online. One is a fellow home-edder and the other moved from NZ to Australia within a month of me.

[Sahamamama]

Hmmmm.... this IS an interesting thread. It's making me think about that old "Socialization Question" that (for us) keeps coming up in regards to homeschooling. You know the one -- "How will they ever learn to make friends? How will they get along with their peers, if they don't go to school?"

 

Well, here we are, a generation of (mostly) public-schooled adults, and how many friends do we really have? How well did school teach us to make friends?

 

What it really seems to boil down to is that we need (IMO) -- (1) a good relationship with God; (2) a good relationship with our parents & siblings; (3) the emotional health to build a good relationship with a spouse and children; and (4) one or two close friends.

 

I wonder, is homeschool better at building these things into a person than "school" is? Do you see what I mean? This thread sheds some insight into how we really live our adult lives.

[Aggie]

 

Today I told the team I found out last night my "always lucky, golden boy" brother has undifferentiated metastatic cancer and the outlook is poor. Everyone was so sympathetic and we held up report so I could relate all the details. I felt genuinely cared for, and yet I don't know where most of these people live and often don't know their last name. It is the nature of the place I work.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your brother, Kalanamak. :grouphug:

 

Aggie

[mazakaal]

No "real" friends. Nobody seems to need any. They're all busy running their kids somewhere every day. :confused:

.

 

This is the problem I have. While I have a few ladies that I know I could call on in time of dire need, no one really seems to have time for regular, get together for a cup of tea, friendship. I have one very good friend from my old home (3000 miles away) who I only see when we're visiting. Neither of us are very good at keeping in touch by e-mail. I would love to find one or two good friends that I could see on a regular basis, chat with, share struggles with, and not feel judged by.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Both here and IRL. :)

I only had my twin and many acquaintances for years.

My 2 best friends in college were guys and I loved them then and love them still, but they have moved on with their lives.

It was only when we moved and found a new church that I have developed real friendships with other women.

It did take time and effort but I treasure the IRL friendships I have now.

I consider some of my board friends to be real friends as well and I have been blessed to have their input over the years as well as their support and encouragement.

[MomSchool5]

Well, my dh is the problem.. or rather he is going through a really rough time right now in a sensative job, so who do I talk to about that?? I'm going through a REALLY tough time, so who do I talk to since dh is depressed about various circumstances? Our parents are part of the problem (caring for a couple of them, another dealing with re-ocurrance of breast cancer, etc.) So many things of a personal nature and I'm overwhelmed with no one to talk to. I think of my mom: She's dealing with breast cancer for the second time, her dh had a stroke in his 50's, he mom had alzheimer's and died) But they have a couple of close friends that they travel with and have been there for each other and their SS class is great...all at the hospital, meals, taking people to appointments.

 

I take care of everyone, but if something happens to me or now I just need someone to take a burden off, etc. Who is there? If something catastrophic happened, my SS would bring me a meal I'm sure, but no real support if you know what I mean..

 

Most of you feel like you don't need anyone either. I'm tired of being the strong one.

 

Mara

[Guest]

My only friend is my husband...does that count:001_huh:. He is great but I would love to have girl friends again. Most people my age still are not married or even have kids...so I don't have anything in common with them. I don't know anyone around here that home schools either. Having two children with special needs has also caused me to avoid many social situations. Sometimes it can be lonely...but I have great family...and message boards:D!

[mrsdash]

My dh is my best friend. I can talk to him about anything at all. There are women I've known and talk to (via phone, all out of state) for 20 yrs. or so but at the end of the day, it's my dh whom I trust the most. I would consider my mom my friend. In my day to day life, though, I will go months without seeing any other women(except my mom).

I don't socialize w.out my dh ever and I don't really want to. It bothers my 2 oldest girls and they will say "mom, why don't you invite someone over?" or "you need friends", but honestly, I'm pretty content with things the way they are. I have found that when I am socially involved with the women I've met, that along with the coffee comes all the complications...some are very needy, some are passive/aggressive and somewhat "jeolous" or into comparing lives....it makes me tired.

[elegantlion]

Hmmmm.... this IS an interesting thread. It's making me think about that old "Socialization Question" that (for us) keeps coming up in regards to homeschooling. You know the one -- "How will they ever learn to make friends? How will they get along with their peers, if they don't go to school?"

 

Well, here we are, a generation of (mostly) public-schooled adults, and how many friends do we really have? How well did school teach us to make friends?

 

What it really seems to boil down to is that we need (IMO) -- (1) a good relationship with God; (2) a good relationship with our parents & siblings; (3) the emotional health to build a good relationship with a spouse and children; and (4) one or two close friends.

 

I wonder, is homeschool better at building these things into a person than "school" is? Do you see what I mean? This thread sheds some insight into how we really live our adult lives.

 

Excellent post!!:iagree:

[Scarlett]

I have wonderful friends of all ages. But I often share different heart issues with different friends just because of what they can relate to. My girlfriend who would come in a heartbeat if there was an emergency is married but has no children (which is actually why I know she could come in a heartbeat). I of course mention my kids to her but do not go on and on about them. I have other friends who I connect with over matters of faith or kids or homeschooling but not necessarily all three. My dh is my best friend in many ways and knows many of my innermost fears etc. but he is a man and does not "get" some things that only a girl friend will get. Sometimes I feel like none of my friends or family or even my dh understands me at certain times. But I always know that God understands me 100% 24/7.

 

This describes me well. It is one of the reasons I don't blog because I have such different relationships with all the people in my life. When I realized that I began to wonder if I am living a life of duplicity..:confused: But nah...I just share different parts of myself with different people. :001_smile:

[TammyinTN]

My dearest friend since I was 13 is my husband. He's the only person I completely trust with everything. He's awesome!:D

[Tammyla]

I wonder too. My hubby is my very best friend and has been since we dated. Next my mom, sisters, and a couple of long distance friends I met over the years and of course my kids. I have plenty of casual friends here, but at this time in my life my family seems to be my focus.

 

Hmmmm.... this IS an interesting thread. It's making me think about that old "Socialization Question" that (for us) keeps coming up in regards to homeschooling. You know the one -- "How will they ever learn to make friends? How will they get along with their peers, if they don't go to school?"

 

Well, here we are, a generation of (mostly) public-schooled adults, and how many friends do we really have? How well did school teach us to make friends?

 

What it really seems to boil down to is that we need (IMO) -- (1) a good relationship with God; (2) a good relationship with our parents & siblings; (3) the emotional health to build a good relationship with a spouse and children; and (4) one or two close friends.

 

I wonder, is homeschool better at building these things into a person than "school" is? Do you see what I mean? This thread sheds some insight into how we really live our adult lives.

[Scarlett]

I see a common theme of moving causing the disconnect between some of you and friends you might have once had. I think that is one of the casualities of our mobile society. So many people on these message boards do not seem to have any extended family nearby. That extends to friends as well I guess.

 

I do agree that if you really WANT more friends (and I see some of us do not have time or energy for more) you have to be the first to reach out and work to develope it. One of my best friends now is 15 years younger than me. I met her through a strange mix of circumstances and when she came across country to visit my parents she met a young man we had known all our lives and ended up marrying him. So now she is here in my state and we have become very close. She has reached out quite a bit though.

 

For those of you whose dh is your best friend....I think that is great. I just don't think of dh's as best friend material....but agree they should be. I still don't think they can take the place of a good girlfriend, but anyway....all of you saying, 'my dh is my best friend.' reminded me of this funny story....

 

Years ago, when I was in my early 20s, a co-worker had just gotten married..and she was so in love and talking about how her 'dh was her best friend.' (Over 20 years later he still is, so I guess it was true!) Anyway, an older lady, got all holier than thou and pulled herself up and said down her nose, 'Jesus is my best friend.' :lol: It became a catch phrase in the office. Still makes me laugh 20 years later.

 

Disclaimer: I am a Christian, I believe in Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and I do consider him a friend and God as my friend and confident....I also think that lady, in her effort to show her 'righteousness', missed my friend's sweet point.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Do any of you have friends? Real life friends? I don't. Lots of aquaintances. How do you find someone you trust to talk to?

 

 

Yes, I do. I went years, almost a decade, with only one friend, but in the past few years, that trend has been changing. It takes time, and you have to be willing to take risks of the heart.

 

I met my best friend at a coffeehouse; my partner introduced us. She was sad, very, very sad, and whiny, and dressed all in black. I was amused by her at first. Then I wanted to smack her, to say, "I recently left my abusive husband with two babies and am now homeless. You recently got an inheritance that will support you for ten years. Shut the bleep up!" But I sat and listened to her and nodded solemnly and said, not, "If there's anything I can do..." but, "And what shall I do?" with the emphasis on the "do," not on the "I." The second time we talked, I literally closed myself in my bedroom closet so my then 3yo and 1yo wouldn't make it impossible to talk. So - once I had one -- she came to sit at my table three or four times a day, for hours, to be sad, and ask me how I could possibly be happy. She liked my kids, which was an unexpected occurence. She had been one of those child-free folks.

 

She went back to my previous home with me to get my stuff from my ex. We had called for a police escort, and the police advised us to park a few blocks away and walk over to meet them in front of my house. As soon as we parked, my friend blew up. She was terrified, shaking, and insisted that we not go. So, when I finally got to the house, the police were really annoyed at me, and they left too soon and didn't follow us around. I had to 1) deal with my shaking, terrified friend, 2) find where my ex had hid the items that were dear to me, and 3) deal with angry police ignoring us as my ex cornered me in the basement. At that point I was ready to not be her friend anymore.

 

My partner talked me back into it. He reminded me that everyone is at their own stage of development, and a really good friend demonstrating actually unconditional love tolerates you unless you prove that you will continue to harm them. My friend hadn't. So I remained her friend. (I don't ask her to help me anymore, though. Just hanging out and laughing together is enough.)

 

My point is, she was an unlikely candidate, pessimistic and child-free, and me an optimist and abnormally fertile. But I decided to take the risk and love her anyway. And I think that's what it takes to make and keep friends, that's what was missing when I went huge chunks of my childhood without friends: taking the risk of loving them anyway.

Edited November 5, 2008 by dragons in the flower bed

[mo2]

My only friend is my hubby.

[Alaska Mom]

Hmmmm.... this IS an interesting thread. It's making me think about that old "Socialization Question" that (for us) keeps coming up in regards to homeschooling. You know the one -- "How will they ever learn to make friends? How will they get along with their peers, if they don't go to school?"

 

Well, here we are, a generation of (mostly) public-schooled adults, and how many friends do we really have? How well did school teach us to make friends?

 

What it really seems to boil down to is that we need (IMO) -- (1) a good relationship with God; (2) a good relationship with our parents & siblings; (3) the emotional health to build a good relationship with a spouse and children; and (4) one or two close friends.

 

I wonder, is homeschool better at building these things into a person than "school" is? Do you see what I mean? This thread sheds some insight into how we really live our adult lives.

 

:iagree:A great post!

[sweetbaby]

No friends. Only acquaintances here. We belong to a large hs group but no friends there either. It seems that everyone either travels in like paths or none at all.

[elegantlion]

Yes, I do. I went years, almost a decade, with only one friend, but in the past few years, that trend has been changing. It takes time, and you have to be willing to take risks of the heart.

 

I met my best friend at a coffeehouse; my partner introduced us. She was sad, very, very sad, and whiny, and dressed all in black. I was amused by her at first. Then I wanted to smack her, to say, "I recently left my abusive husband with two babies and am now homeless. You recently got an inheritance that will support you for ten years. Shut the bleep up!" But I sat and listened to her and nodded solemnly and said, not, "If there's anything I can do..." but, "And what shall I do?" with the emphasis on the "do," not on the "I." The second time we talked, I literally closed myself in my bedroom closet so my then 3yo and 1yo wouldn't make it impossible to talk. So - once I had one -- she came to sit at my table three or four times a day, for hours, to be sad, and ask me how I could possibly be happy. She liked my kids, which was an unexpected occurence. She had been one of those child-free folks.

 

She went back to my previous home with me to get my stuff from my ex. We had called for a police escort, and the police advised us to park a few blocks away and walk over to meet them in front of my house. As soon as we parked, my friend blew up. She was terrified, shaking, and insisted that we not go. So, when I finally got to the house, the police were really annoyed at me, and they left too soon and didn't follow us around. I had to 1) deal with my shaking, terrified friend, 2) find where my ex had hid the items that were dear to me, and 3) deal with angry police ignoring us as my ex cornered me in the basement. At that point I was ready to not be her friend anymore.

 

My partner talked me back into it. He reminded me that everyone is at their own stage of development, and a really good friend demonstrating actually unconditional love tolerates you unless you prove that you will continue to harm them. My friend hadn't. So I remained her friend. (I don't ask her to help me anymore, though. Just hanging out and laughing together is enough.)

 

My point is, she was an unlikely candidate, pessimistic and child-free, and me an optimist and abnormally fertile. But I decided to take the risk and love her anyway. And I think that's what it takes to make and keep friends, that's what was missing when I went huge chunks of my childhood without friends: taking the risk of loving them anyway.

 

What a beautiful story, thanks for sharing.

[WTMindy]

At our old church there was a fousome of us who were in ministry together, had kids at the same time, lived close to each other. Then we changed churches and one friend moved to Chicago. I am still very close to them, and although we only see the Chicago friend once a year, we are still all best friends. I don't see the others that much right now with busy lives, but we spend a lot of time together during the summer and when we can.