s/o Hair and Make-up...what example did you see growing up?

[Guest]

Mom got her hair cut, wash-n-dry, and wore lipstick. On special occasion, powder.

 

I wore mascara and eyeshadow on special occasions, and had a wash-n-wear haircut until I lost my hair. Now I put on eyebrows and lipstick.

 

The mega difference is that I get a pedicure and polish.

 

I am totally my mother's daughter with a sprinkle more make-uppiness.

[Bluegoat]

My mom has always had short hair & wears very little make-up. I have long hair & wear make up, but it's very little time for me to apply (anything more than five minutes is too long imo). I'd say we are different but both low maintenance. My mom tends to dress trendy but comfortable, and I'd say I try to be the same.

 

My daughter has a huge kaboodle filled with make-up. She only buys expensive name brand from Sephora (while I'm a cheapie and wouldn't dream of what she spends). She wears full make-up and introduced me to wearing highlighter, (which I had no idea existed). She gets her nails done & brows waxed - while for me, that's a waste of money. She's very fashionable.

 

All that to say, I don't see too much influence from my mom to me or from me to my daughter.

 

All three of us are similar in personality though 😊

 

With relation to this, I've wondered if there are generational trends to some extent with this.  It's a generalization of course but I've had the feeling that compared to my own cohort, that of the early 20's women now is more inclined to use make-up or full face make up.  I've never seen any kind of study or statistic on it so I am really guessing based on what I've seen, but I guess in the same way that there are trends in clothing the same could be true of make-up/

[Shelly in IL]

My mom was a shampoo and set lady. She put on lipstick (natural color) and sometimes mascara. She still has an eyeliner cake that dates back to the 50's (yuck-but at least at 87 she doesn't use it)

 

I am a full face everyday makeup person and my hair is always washed and styled after exercise. Everyday.

 

Personally, I have fine hair that looks greasy if I don't wash/style (it's also always cut and colored). Also, my contacts tend to just not feel right if I don't have mascara on - prob psychosomatic!

 

One sister is like me, just not as much of everything, the other sister will wear makeup just not everyday.

[Murphy101]

Not once in my life did I ever see my mother without mascara and her long nails manicured. Ever. Not even at 2am while dying of cancer. She was a hostess at a country club and whether it's sexist or not, a good portion of her income was based not just on good service, but on looking good too. And my dad is a sexist jerk so I doubt he'd have been okay with coming home to a wife in jeans and no dinner on the table.

 

I am decidedly NOT like my mother. And very okay with it.

 

I can do makeup and hair and dressing up, it's just not priority for me. When I worked outside the home, I made the effort but usually took it all off and grabbed jeans when I got home.

[Mommyof1]

My SAHM never wore makeup in my lifetime. She did wear it as a teen though. I have sisters that wear makeup all the time and some who only wear it on special occasions. Me, I don't wear it at all and my husband likes it that way and so do I.

 

Jeans and tee shirts are the norm for my mom and us 4 girls except if the occasion call for something else.

[Audrey]

Please don't think I'm being snarky, because I'm honestly just curious about why you might be inclined to judge made-up/'put together' people in a negative way. :confused:

 

 

I am not speaking for the PP who said that, but I have encountered that negative, judgmental attitude before, and the comments generally seem to stem from a few angles:

-- disdain for someone taking the time to do their hair and make-up when they could/should be doing something else more important in the judgers eye (interestingly, the time they think it takes always seems to always be way overblown -- I spend 20-30 minutes for a full blow-out and full face of make-up, but they'll think it equates to 2 or more hours)

-- a moral or ethical aversion to make-up, "finery," or immodesty, etc.

-- sour grapes or something akin to the green-eyed monster.

 

I don't generally bother to react to that kind of attitude.  To each her own.  In the end, it certainly isn't going to change my attitude on my appearance, and I've no interest at all in changing other people's attitudes on their appearances. 

Edited August 14, 2017 by Audrey

[fralala]

You know, this is a nice thread. I like hearing (reading) well-spoken women describing specific details about their mothers, when they were younger. We noticed. We remembered.

 

My mother and her sisters-- my aunts-- have always cared a great deal about their appearance. They are all trim (and obsessed with this), take pride in dressing neatly and presentably. However, none wears make-up, and none colors her gray hair. None has ever had a manicure or pedicure. They don't even shave their legs, although as they've grown older, this isn't so apparent. While my sister feels she was scarred by having a mother who didn't counsel her on the proper shade of lipstick and how to apply mascara, I had no problem with it. I think the only problem comes when your mother makes you feel bad about your own choices, when they might differ from her own.

[IsabelC]

Please don't think I'm being snarky, because I'm honestly just curious about why you might be inclined to judge made-up/'put together' people in a negative way. :confused:

 

As I implied earlier, making any assumptions about somebody based on their appearance is something I try to avoid.  

 

As for the reasons, I would imagine it's just as the OP said - that we all have an innate tendency to view what we grew up with as 'normal'. So because my mother rarely wore makeup (and even when she did, it was little more than lipstick), I didn't automatically develop any appreciation for the 'full face', and so had to learn later on why it might be important and/or enjoyable for some people.  I expect the same thing would happen in reverse, ie if you saw your mother put on her 'face' every morning without fail, your initial natural instinct might have been to wonder what's wrong with women who don't do this (until you talk to more people and understand the reasons).

. 

Edited August 15, 2017 by IsabelC

[Catwoman]

As I implied early, making any assumptions about somebody based on their appearance is something I try to avoid.

 

As for the reasons, I would imagine it's just as the OP said - that we all have an innate tendency to view what we grew up with as 'normal'. So because my mother rarely wore makeup (and even when she did, it was little more than lipstick), I didn't automatically develop any appreciation for the 'full face', and so had to learn later on why it might be important and/or enjoyable for some people. I expect the same thing would happen in reverse, ie if you saw your mother put on her 'face' every morning without fail, your initial natural instinct might have been to wonder what's wrong with women who don't do this (until you talk to more people and understand the reasons).

.

I agree! :) I think our feelings toward our own moms makes a difference, too.

 

If we always had a great relationship with our moms, it makes sense that we might try to look for the positives and downplay the negatives, and if we never got along that well, we might be far more critical. I could imagine that one mom who wears makeup might be viewed positively as being glamorous and elegant, while another mom who wears the same makeup might be viewed negatively as being self-absorbed and shallow. Likewise, one daughter might view her mom as being confident and strong because she never wears makeup, while a different daughter might think her mom is neglectful of her appearance because she doesn't wear it.

 

This has been a very interesting thread.

[Garga]

My mother didn't wear makeup ever.  She kept her hair super short.  She also has terrible self-esteem issues from having an alcoholic father who verbally derided her.  I think I saw her wear foundation once.  I've never seen her hair in anything other than a pixie-ish cut.  I don't say it's a pixie cut because that would mean some sort of deliberation.  She just gets it all cut off all the time so she doesn't have to do anything with it. It's pretty obvious from talking with her that she's convinced she's ugly and that there's no point in trying to fix it.  Which is sad.  She was a normal looking woman, but did her best to look as plain as possible either consciously or unconsciously--I'm not sure which.  She is 100% convinced that she's been ugly her whole life.  It's just not true.  She's not a beauty and she's not ugly.  She's always looked just like all the rest of us.

 

I didn't know how to do hair and makeup as a kid and looked pretty rough.  :)   I had an awkward stage that lasted from 12 to 28.  Around then I started trying to figure out how to look nice.  It was hard because I didn't know how to do it and YouTube wasn't around back then, but I kinda figured out how to look a bit more pulled together.

 

I went a number of years where I wore eye makeup every day, and then went about 3 years recently where I wore none (but I was also pretty depressed), and now I wear it if I know I'll be going out to see people. 

 

[edelweiss]

My mother wore makeup, but not a lot. I don't remember her spending a lot of time doing hair or makeup. She's always worn her hair pretty short, so I think her hair and makeup routine was pretty quick and easy. These days she's retired and only wears makeup when she goes out in public.

 

I wear makeup anytime I leave the house. I usually don't put any on when I am not planning to leave the house and have no plans for anyone to come over. Doing my hair and makeup is just part of my routine.

 

Both of my daughters know how to do a full face of natural-looking makeup really well. They both look beautiful all made up. But they are also perfectly comfortable wearing no makeup and don't wear any (or very little) most days for their regular activities. They choose to save the makeup for when they are going out in the evening.

[LarlaB]

My mom was a conservative Mennonite when I was growing up so no makeup and her hair was in a bun and under a head covering until I was about 10. Then her father died and she got a nursing job and her hair came down and she stopped wearing a head covering and started a 30 strugglednwith managing fine limp hair - still to this day she gets a perm every 4 weeks and struggles to make her short hair do what she wants. Today she wears minimal makeup but definitely some and is very neat and attractive in appearance... frequent haircuts for her short hair and wears mineral makeup and light lip stick for groups or outings.

 

My oldest sister wears little to no makeup but is very polished in her professional job- current trendy but age appropriate clothing and stylish hair. She wears mainly concealer and mascara.

 

My middle sister is also a polished dresser and current hair style but not much makeup. She does when she goes out or for social occasions but generally not much. She's much more relaxed but is in school and developing her professional "look".

 

I am a very natural looking makeup wearer LOL. I wear light makeup every day- at least since dd13 was born. Someone gave me advice that even if I didn't leave the house when DD was a baby, just getting up and putting effort Into my appearance would help me feel better. For em it was absolutely true!! I wear mineral foundation or sunscreen tinted moisturizer, under eye concealer as I have very dark circles, bronzer or blush, mascara and lip gloss or lipstick. And I use quality skin care products which is likely why my skin looks soooo much different than my mom and sisters- they have a LOT of sun damage. My hair is very long, thick and very glamour looking LOL (so I've been told) and I color it every 4-5 weeks due to stark white hairs that I've had since I was 27. I always have it in a pony tail for work as I'm a massage therapist..

 

 

My DD13 likes a good cat eye and has a very edges asymmetrical hair cut that is super low maintenance. She likes makeup for creative purposes but rarely wears it- can't be bothered. 😜

 

But we live in CO which is pretty casual - I'm more "made up" than most women my age here but I couldn't do a smiley eye or contouring o save my life. LOL

[theelfqueen]

My mama was born with a curling iron in one hand and mascara in the other (yes, poor Mamaw)

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[foxbridgeacademy]

First when I was young we went to a church that wearing makeup and cutting your hair was against the rules.  Later after my parents divorced and my mom started dating she'd wear some makeup but nothing that required a lot of time or effort.  She's now so far removed in her lifestyle (farmer Jo) from needing/wearing makeup I doubt she owns any.  I wore plenty of makeup in my 20's but by the time I got to 30's I couldn't be bothered.  DD used up all of my foundation playing around with makeup back in 2013 and I haven't bought any since.  If I really needed make up I could borrow some of DD's she's got a ton.

 

Clothing- Pretty much fits the makeup trend. My mom's in Industrial Maintenance (sounds way dirtier than it is, she works in a clean room). She wears jeans an tshirts, as do I.  She's always had long hair, she's very proud of it (it's mostly silver but in excellent health) and while I've cut dyed and even shaved my head in the past, I've left it shoulder length to long for about 10 years.

Edited August 15, 2017 by foxbridgeacademy

[Bluegoat]

I agree! :) I think our feelings toward our own moms makes a difference, too.

 

If we always had a great relationship with our moms, it makes sense that we might try to look for the positives and downplay the negatives, and if we never got along that well, we might be far more critical. I could imagine that one mom who wears makeup might be viewed positively as being glamorous and elegant, while another mom who wears the same makeup might be viewed negatively as being self-absorbed and shallow. Likewise, one daughter might view her mom as being confident and strong because she never wears makeup, while a different daughter might think her mom is neglectful of her appearance because she doesn't wear it.

 

This has been a very interesting thread.

 

Yes, and especially if the mom, or others you have come in contact with, were in fact shallow or vain, you might take that association.

 

While we can say "don't judge" in an individual sense, I think a complicating factor is that in fact, some people are vain, or shallow, or put too much emphasis on appearances, or waste time they should be doing something else, on their appearance.  

 

And at a certain level, someone that is constantly thinking about how things look, it seems like that is almost always a kind of problematic attitude. It's the extreme, but there is some kind of relationship between those things.

 

I think the question then becomes for people, especially those who have had a bad experience with someone like that, what is the difference in principle?  If someone spends a more reasonable amount of time, but is still really into fashion or make-up, is that not in some way suggesting that they put some kind of value on that kind of external appearance?

 

I think even for those of us who enjoy aesthetics and fashion and dressing up, it can be difficult to express clearly what that is really about.  We have a sense of what is reasonable and what crosses the line, but it is really a feeling.  

 

A similar dynamic holds true the other way, too, I think.  We have a sense where not taking care of one's appearance seems to be something more like neglect or self-hatred but it's hard to put a finger on where that is.  If you've had a close relationship with such a person, you might well tend to see it more generally.

[HS Mom in NC]

I grew up on a farm.  At home I don't think my mother had make up on most days.  Maybe she did. I don't know.  When she went out she probably wore make up, I guess. I know she wore make up to church or going out to dinner with my step-dad. I'm not the kind of person to really notice things like that.

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.