S/O screen privacy-- forwarding emails without consent

[MEmama]

Spinning off privacy and open screens, do you consider it okay to forward a personal email to someone else without asking the original sender? Like, you send person X an email, and they send it to their friends or other family members without asking you or telling you?

 

Okay, tacky, or blatant invasion of privacy?

[zoobie]

Other. What is the content? I don't ask before forwarding recipes or articles or coupons/deals or general interest announcements. I just forwarded the library teen book club info and didn't ask the librarian's permission. I will send family stuff to DH if it's something he should know.

 

Personal emails that are equivalent to a private letter wouldn't get forwarded to others.

Edited March 26, 2017 by zoobie

[MEmama]

Other. What is the content? I don't ask before forwarding recipes or articles or coupons/deals or general interest announcements. I just forwarded the library teen book club info and didn't ask the librarian's permission. I will send family stuff to DH if it's something he should know.

 

Personal emails that are equivalent to a private letter wouldn't get forwarded to others.

Personal. Not necessarily private, but from a known private person.

 

Yes, the equivalent to a personal letter.

Edited March 26, 2017 by MEmama

[HSmomof2]

I don't think it's ok to forward someone's email that's a personal email (not a recipe, coupon, event, etc).

[regentrude]

Not OK.

[Janie Grace]

Not okay, but I think it's generational. I have an older relative who forwards newsy emails to her mother, to keep her in the loop. I am sure that if I were pouring my heart out about intimate stuff, she wouldn't do so, but I am not offended that she wants to keep her mom abreast of our goings-on.

[Seasider]

Personal. Not necessarily private, but from a known private person.

 

Yes, the equivalent to a personal letter.

Context/intent is very important. Would the person have said the same thing to anyone else? Is the information personal, or mostly friendly banter?

 

I would never forward something I've been specifically asked to keep confidential. I would not forward anything that seems unlikely to be shared by the original sender. I have forwarded messages as zoobie describes above. And I have definitely forwarded nasty messages that someone else needs to see if I've been spoken to improperly (thinking back to a situation where a co-op teacher sent one of my kids a bad email and I forwarded it to the administrator).

 

As a sender, though, i think very carefully about what I put in writing. If I have something sensitive to share, I prefer to do it verbally. I think it's my own responsibility to be careful with what I have to share.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Seasider

[EKS]

Absolutely not ok, but it happens often enough that I'm careful about what I put in emails.

[Rachel]

I don't think it's ok. However, whenever I send an email or text, I assume it could be forwarded. Never put in writing something that you don't want shared.

[J-rap]

Not okay at all.  This really bothers me.  Even if it's something as generic as a movie recommendation or coupon, I'd cut and paste the coupon link or movie title and put it in a new email.  (not a forwarded one)

 

Numerous times, I've sent emails to a relative to update them on our family, sometimes throwing in a few more personal expressions, and they answer me by adding on to mine, while at the same time sending it all as a group email to a bunch of people, so that they can send their own family news to several people at once.  Except that my personal email to them is still attached.  That is really bad form!

 

I also don't like if I'm on a trip and sending a family member a long trip update, for example, and they atomically forward it to all other family members, assuming they'd all want to hear about my trip.  Most likely it would have been fine, but I still think they should have asked me first.  

 

Once I forwarded an email sent to me to a few family members, and I feel horrible about it now;  I will never do it again.

 

[JennyD]

I really dislike when people forward my emails, but as others have said, it happens often enough that I now write all emails on the assumption that they might be shared with people other than the recipient.  

[MEmama]

Not okay at all. This really bothers me. Even if it's something as generic as a movie recommendation or coupon, I'd cut and paste the coupon link or movie title and put it in a new email. (not a forwarded one)

 

Numerous times, I've sent emails to a relative to update them on our family, sometimes throwing in a few more personal expressions, and they answer me by adding on to mine, while at the same time sending it all as a group email to a bunch of people, so that they can send their own family news to several people at once. Except that my personal email to them is still attached. That is really bad form!

 

I also don't like if I'm on a trip and sending a family member a long trip update, for example, and they atomically forward it to all other family members, assuming they'd all want to hear about my trip. Most likely it would have been fine, but I still think they should have asked me first.

 

Once I forwarded an email sent to me to a few family members, and I feel horrible about it now; I will never do it again.

This is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about.

 

Nothing in the emails is private-private ( we don't have that kind of relationship), but nevertheless it really bothers me. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

[EmilyGF]

So I feel that it is totally not OK. 

 

If I felt I absolutely had to share some information that was in a personal email (like the person was causing self-harm) I would call the person I felt I needed to share it with.

 

OTOH, my parents taught me never to write an email that I wouldn't be OK having forwarded to the newspaper.

 

If someone asks, I may say OK, though.

Emily

[BigMamaBird]

I ex-friend and I were having a dispute.  Something that we should have been able to work through, and I thought we were.  That is until I found out she was forwarding my half of our conversation texts to another friend for them to gossip about.  I cut that friendship off there and then.  I refuse to participate in some low-class Middle School drama nonsense.  

 

If it's information like a flier, I don't see a problem with it.  But if it is a personal conversation there is an assumption that it's between the two of you and I wouldn't forward it without permission.

[Guest]

I forward things to my husband without guilt, unless someone has specifically asked me not to. Everything else and everyone else? Case by case basis. Usually the things that are forwarded are piano recital schedules, prayer requests, Papa Murphy's coupons, and the like. Sometimes random crap from the state relating to my board or meeting notifications he needs to duplicate on his calendar.

 

I really can't even think of any email that would have been sent to me in confidence that forwarding to my husband wouldn't be allowable. But I can't say it's really occurred to me to forward anything to a non-relevant party. I just don't operate that way, or nobody gives me stuff that makes sense to disseminate. Either way, I don't think I've ever been in a situation where a forward is a problem, and I hardly ever do it except to my spouse for the random reasons given above.

[Guest]

I ex-friend and I were having a dispute. Something that we should have been able to work through, and I thought we were. That is until I found out she was forwarding my half of our conversation texts to another friend for them to gossip about. I cut that friendship off there and then. I refuse to participate in some low-class Middle School drama nonsense.

 

If it's information like a flier, I don't see a problem with it. But if it is a personal conversation there is an assumption that it's between the two of you and I wouldn't forward it without permission.

WHO DOES THIS?! Like, never in my life at any age or grade have I seen this done - that's kind of appalling. I'd absolutely be hurt if someone was doing that to me but it's never happened and I'd certainly never do that to anyone else either. It's one thing to bring up something in conversation, but forwarding actual content and not just referring to it obliquely seems tacky at best.

 

Yikes!

[Laurie4b]

Nearly always, it is wrong. 

 

I try to be aware, every time I write an email, what could happen if it were shared:

 

A friend once got a computer virus which pulled random received emails from her inbox and sent them to everyone on her address list. This was years ago. And it was a good lesson. 

 

I have noticed older people tend to be less savvy about "reply" versus "reply to all" and can forget what is downstream in the email and add a name or whatever. 

 

So I just try to imagine what it would look like if it went haywire and share accordingly. Same with texts. 

 

There are some times when other factors such as abuse may trump privacy, but for the most part, I think it is at a minimum rude to forward a personal email. 

[MEmama]

I forward things to my husband without guilt, unless someone has specifically asked me not to. Everything else and everyone else? Case by case basis. Usually the things that are forwarded are piano recital schedules, prayer requests, Papa Murphy's coupons, and the like. Sometimes random crap from the state relating to my board or meeting notifications he needs to duplicate on his calendar.

 

I really can't even think of any email that would have been sent to me in confidence that forwarding to my husband wouldn't be allowable. But I can't say it's really occurred to me to forward anything to a non-relevant party. I just don't operate that way, or nobody gives me stuff that makes sense to disseminate. Either way, I don't think I've ever been in a situation where a forward is a problem, and I hardly ever do it except to my spouse for the random reasons given above.

Yeah, I don't mean sharing with a spouse. In this case it's my parents, so I expect they'll share my news with each other. ;). But I'm baffled why it would be considered good taste to forward my news on to their friends and people I don't know or am not close to. I can't imagine anyone would be interested, for one. But mostly I'm just a really private person, which they don't respect.

[Laurie4b]

Yeah, I don't mean sharing with a spouse. In this case it's my parents, so I expect they'll share my news with each other. ;). But I'm baffled why it would be considered good taste to forward my news on to their friends and people I don't know or am not close to. I can't imagine anyone would be interested, for one. But mostly I'm just a really private person, which they don't respect.

 

Would it be different if they shared it verbally in conversation? 

 

My kids are grown and it is still a natural part of life to share about my kids. With people I am not as close to , we share the recent school, job, mate updates. In the case of close friends, if they are upset about something with regard to their kids, they will talk about it.  

 

I wouldn't forward emails from my kids, but I wonder where the line is? What's your perspective on this? 

[MEmama]

Would it be different if they shared it verbally in conversation?

 

My kids are grown and it is still a natural part of life to share about my kids. With people I am not as close to , we share the recent school, job, mate updates. In the case of close friends, if they are upset about something with regard to their kids, they will talk about it.

 

I wouldn't forward emails from my kids, but I wonder where the line is? What's your perspective on this?

That's a great question. Yes, sharing in conversation feels different to me. Not that anyone would be interested; our emails are just the boring everyday details of our lives, totally not share worthy. Somehow passing along the actual emails--with the tone or words I use to that specific person--feels different and more violating than just mentioning to their friend that we got a huge snowstorm or whatever. I'm not sure why.

[Laura in CA]

Absolutely not ok, but it happens often enough that I'm careful about what I put in emails.

 

Exactly. I've learned the hard way!

[EmilyGF]

Nearly always, it is wrong. 

 

I try to be aware, every time I write an email, what could happen if it were shared:

 

A friend once got a computer virus which pulled random received emails from her inbox and sent them to everyone on her address list. This was years ago. And it was a good lesson. 

 

I have noticed older people tend to be less savvy about "reply" versus "reply to all" and can forget what is downstream in the email and add a name or whatever. 

 

So I just try to imagine what it would look like if it went haywire and share accordingly. Same with texts. 

 

There are some times when other factors such as abuse may trump privacy, but for the most part, I think it is at a minimum rude to forward a personal email. 

In 1998 my dad hit "reply all" instead of "reply" to give his take on a very controversial subject at the time.

 

That night was when we had the discussion about being careful in emails - because even had he hit only reply, the email could easily have been forwarded to the entire group. 

 

It was a very meaningful and pertinent conversation that I can remember as clearly as last night even though 19 years have passed!

 

Emily