Teen mental health-trigger warning

[indigomama]

I have an extended family member that is now 17 and has been dealing with mental health issues for a few years. She is on medication and has been to different therapists and psychiatrists. 

 

She was supposed to attend something this morning and when her parents woke her to tell her to get ready, she told them she couldn't go and wanted to commit suicide. 

 

Her parents apparently contacted a local ER or hospital (don't know exactly which), but was told there was no room to admit more mental health patients.

 

Can they do that? Can a hospital refuse care? I thought they had to admit them for at least 24hours. 

 

I think this calls for much more persistence than her parents are giving it. I can't imagine my teen saying that to me and then doing nothing. Does anyone have any ideas? Do I just stay out of this? I want them to try other hospitals or to actually go into the ER, but it's not my child and I don't know how the system works.

 

ETA: Please don't quote. I may delete in the future.

Edited January 22, 2017 by indigomama

[SparklyUnicorn]

She could go to the ER, but if they don't have room she'll sit in the ER.  It's not the best place for that sort of thing, BUT if it is that desperate and there are no other options then that's what there is.

 

 

[Mergath]

In my experience, if they actually brought her to the hospital, the ER would have to admit her and do what they could to stabilize her. However, they couldn't admit her for more long-term observation as a mental health patient if there aren't any beds.

 

Here, the hospital will call a special mental health team to come in, evaluate the patient, and then find them a bed elsewhere. It may be clear across the state, but they'll find them a bed somewhere and then arrange to have the police transport the person there safely.

[indigomama]

She could go to the ER, but if they don't have room she'll sit in the ER.  It's not the best place for that sort of thing, BUT if it is that desperate and there are no other options then that's what there is.

 

They said (over the phone) they've been full since Friday. I just can't believe that people who are in critical need, just get turned away. It's so sad and so frustrating!

[SparklyUnicorn]

They said (over the phone) they've been full since Friday. I just can't believe that people who are in critical need, just get turned away. It's so sad and so frustrating!

 

Yes, it really is that frustrating.

 

They could try a hospital somewhere else or just pick one and go there.  See what they can do.  Sometimes they do little more than have the person sit there. 

[indigomama]

In my experience, if they actually brought her to the hospital, the ER would have to admit her and do what they could to stabilize her. However, they couldn't admit her for more long-term observation as a mental health patient if there aren't any beds.

 

Here, the hospital will call a special mental health team to come in, evaluate the patient, and then find them a bed elsewhere. It may be clear across the state, but they'll find them a bed somewhere and then arrange to have the police transport the person there safely.

 

Sadly, I don't think her parents would agree to take her in if it meant she'd be sent far away. I love and respect her parents, but I think we  have different ideas on how this should be addressed. 

[Hilltopmom]

Yes, that really happens. No beds, so you sit in the ER for a few days.

 

Our mental health system, or lack thereof, is in bad shape.

[Mimm]

Welcome to the world of mental health care. There's simply not enough access. My daughter needs help with meds and is really struggling and I can't get an appointment till July. They tell you not to let your pediatrician manage meds. Well, no one else is available.

 

FWIW, my daughter has said things (not recently) about wishing she was dead and I didn't do anything major about it. It was a momentary crisis, I helped her through it as best I could, and even in hindsight, I think admitting her to the psyc ward would have been too much, and would have made her hesitant to share in the future if it always meant that I was dragging her to the hospital. I'm sure her parents are really struggling, so try not to judge how they are dealing with it.

Edited January 22, 2017 by Mimm

[indigomama]

Welcome to the world of mental health care. There's simply not enough access. My daughter needs help with meds and is really struggling and I can't get an appointment till July. They tell you not to let your pediatrician manage meds. Well, no one else is available.

 

FWIW, my daughter has said things about wishing she was dead and I didn't do anything major about it. It was a momentary crisis, I helped her through it as best I could, and even in hindsight, I think admitting her to the psyc ward would have been too much, and would have made her hesitant to share in the future if it always meant that I was dragging her to the hospital. I'm sure her parents are really struggling, so try not to judge how they are dealing with it.

 

I'm sorry. You're right, I should not judge. I'm a fixer and I just want to fix all this, and get frustrated when I can't. Though, I do think in this situation, I would do things differently, I do not doubt their love for their child. She has already committed self-harm in the past, and I just get so scared it could get worse.

 

I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time getting adequate care for your daughter! 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Sadly, I don't think her parents would agree to take her in if it meant she'd be sent far away. I love and respect her parents, but I think we  have different ideas on how this should be addressed. 

 

I don't blame them.  I would want to be able to keep up with what they are doing to my kid.  That is completely understandable.

 

Have they tried calling the therapist?

[indigomama]

I don't blame them.  I would want to be able to keep up with what they are doing to my kid.  That is completely understandable.

 

Have they tried calling the therapist?

 

I'm not sure. They have called friends who the teen is okay with, who have some experience in mental health, and they have been to visit her. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well on a positive note, they are with her right?  She is not alone and with people who care enough to pay attention.  They  may need to push harder than they are, but I dunno if there is anything you can do beyond suggesting it.

 

 

[TrixieB]

Is there a children's hospital within reasonable driving distance?  If so, the family should call that hospital (assuming they haven't already done so).

 

An acquaintance told me (from personal experience with one of their kids) that our local children's hospital admits all kids in your family member's situation.  I don't know how they make room, but they do. They don't send the kids out to other facilities. 

[Mimm]

I'm sorry. You're right, I should not judge. I'm a fixer and I just want to fix all this, and get frustrated when I can't. Though, I do think in this situation, I would do things differently, I do not doubt their love for their child. She has already committed self-harm in the past, and I just get so scared it could get worse.

 

I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time getting adequate care for your daughter! 

 

Thank you. I don't want to minimize the seriousness of suicidal thoughts, for sure. I hope they are able to find care for her that they feel is appropriate. That was the hardest thing for me. Trying to figure out what I should do, and what I could do.

[indigomama]

Is there a children's hospital within reasonable driving distance?  If so, the family should call that hospital (assuming they haven't already done so).

 

An acquaintance told me (from personal experience with one of their kids) that our local children's hospital admits all kids in your family member's situation.  I don't know how they make room, but they do. They don't send the kids out to other facilities. 

 

Closet Children's hospital is 2 hours away. 

[Anne in CA]

I think for their own sanity she needs to be on suicide watch. Family members need to pitch in and make sure she is not alone (at all, only close the door to the bathroom if there are not even nail scissors in there much less medication). I am in the better safe than sorry camp. I am not surprised about the hospital situation. It's that we here too. I shared about our employee who swallowed a bottle of Norco when his car wouldn't start. He had been feeling suicidal for nine months and was on a waiting list to get an appointment. Yep. That's right. He was released from the hospital to the local jail when he refused further treatment. Jail kept him eight hours. 

[whitestavern]

I remember reading a biography written about a family with a teen that had mental health issues and it was unbelievable to read. It was SO HARD for them to get the help they needed. They'd resort to the ER but a poster upthread is correct; they can only hold for so long. The system really needs an overhaul :(

 

[Plink]

Honestly, there are no easy answers and no quick fixes with mental health. Admission might seem like the best idea from a distance, but if the hospital is already overbooked they probably don't have the staff to really help her or even monitor her well. The last thing she needs is to be separated from her support system and left to stew in her negative thoughts for hours. If she already has a therapist and psychiatrist, that is where she will receive log-term assistance. Since the parents think she is safe until her next appointment, trust them.

 

Since you can't fix the system, put your fix-it energy into supporting the parents as much as you can. Pray for the young lady, offer to bring over dinner or mail them some chocolate. It won't change things in big ways, but I'm sure they would appreciate the knowledge that you have their back.

[LMV]

If she is suicidal then, unless the parents are able to be within direct sight and arms reach of her continuously, they need to seek emergent professional help. I'm sorry, I know that isn't what people want to hear but it is really the only safe way to proceed.

[FaithManor]

:iagree:

 

And we were sitting in hospital waiting rooms with my dd for 10+ hours before she was admitted, so it's no like I think its some piece of cake.

 

It's really hard to do suicide watch at home. Parents need to sleep sometimes, ya know ?

This. When we took custody of our teenage niece, we had two weeks of suicide watch before we found enough help to stabilize her. Fortunately for us, my mother in law, a then recently retired nursing professor, was spending three weeks with us and she volunteered to help.

 

At night we took turns with two hour shifts for ten hours and if she was not yet awake, had to get her up and about so that we could move on with the day since we had our children as well. I had to keep her close, bathroom door ajar when she needed to use it but then keep my kids away so she would not be embarassed, and if mother in law had not been there when dh was at work, would not have been able to use the bathroom during the day without making her go in with me which would have been awkward for her and just worse on her self esteem. Cooking with her at my side meant unlocking cupboards to get knives out, never letting go of them, washing without letting go, drying, putting away, lock up again. Same for scissors and other sharp objects, or any kind of tool like a hammer. Ds's heart med had to be under lock and key. It.was.exhausting. and in a way I do not know how to describe accurately because it was the worst exhaustion I have ever felt and uniquely disturbing.

 

A 24/7 staff has the benefit of experience, rest, emotional distance, and no other childcare/house responsibilities.

[Anne in CA]

:iagree:

 

And we were sitting in hospital waiting rooms with my dd for 10+ hours before she was admitted, so it's no like I think its some piece of cake.

 

It's really hard to do suicide watch at home. Parents need to sleep sometimes, ya know ? 

That is the truth. I am sorry.

[chiguirre]

We waited 36 hours in the mental health ER to get GW admitted because he was a danger to others. This was in the middle of the medical center of the fourth largest city in the US.

[GoodGrief]

My suicidal daughter sat in the ER for several hours, and the mental health unit declined to take her, so they sent her out. If you Google the topic, you will find it is common. They also can be held for days in the ER, which is almost worse.

 

The resources for mental health care are shockingly scarce. Long waiting lists for therapists are just the beginning.

Edited January 23, 2017 by Gr8lander

[Only me]

Another thing to think of especially if she goes to a hospital that isn't nearby. I can't remember what the age is but I know it's under 17 that hospitals won't necessarily share anything with parents unless they have written permission from the teen. Please correct me if I'm wrong. So she could be admitted and then parents not be allowed to call her etc or find out about her condition.

 

My daughter's doctor told us this when she was younger. It's also important with college students. My dd was having a bad reaction to an increase in a medication. She was out of state. We thought she had serotonin syndrome (can be deadly) but one of the symptoms she had was extreme anxiety. They gave her something to combat the anxiety but made her very sleepy and incoherent. Due to her state she was unable to have a conversation with me. I tried to call and talk to someone to see what was going on but they couldn't give me any information since she hadn't signed anything. I had to wait several hours to find out if she was going to be ok. She was an adult but since it was considered medical and a mental condition they would not have been able to share information with me even if she was a teen unless she allowed it.

 

My dd has had depression and I've worried about what would happen if she ever had to be admitted, especially if she didn't give me prior permission.

 

It's just something to be aware of since mental conditions are definitely complicated. Also it's been awhile since I was told this so don't take my information as 100% correct.

[Hilltopmom]

2 hours is pretty close as far as driving to a children's hospital. If they can get her in there, they should go.

 

Your local hospital usually doesn't have great mental health care, unless you happen to luck out. But most have a few day wait in the ER, at least, to be seen for mental health.

 

Here, we drive 2-3 hours to get to the only psych who sees kids.

 

When my child was suicidal, we waited 3 months for even a therapist appointment. That's after being discharged from the ER & being told good luck, get an appointment with a therapist.

We too have to have our ped prescribe meds, there is just no one else to do it.

 

Again, our mental health system is in rough shape.

[DawnM]

My son has been in therapy a long time.  We went through a brief period where we were worried about self harm.

 

Two teens in his group therapy ended up in a mental health facility for a min. of 24 hours.  They both reported how horrible it was.  There weren't enough beds, so the kids all sat around playing video games, while being drugged up, and then were given beds/cots in a huge room and in hallways.  They were monitored, but the lights were on 24 hours and there wasn't much sleep.  

 

I vowed then that there was no way my child was going there unless he absolutely had to.  I would rather him go to a regular ER than to the mental health facility.  

 

One boy ended up at a "camp" for 3 months.  I think that was a good thing for that particular boy.  It was like an outdoor survival place and it helped him grow up.

 

I am sorry you are facing this.  It is so hard to know what to do, but going somewhere is def. better than a child killing herself.  

 

Have they called her therapist to find out what he/she suggests?  That would be what I would do first.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Tell the parents to get in touch with her current psychiatrist or therapist for advice.

 

If they can't do that, take her to hospital.

 

If they can't do that, make sure she has no access to pills, blades etc. Not sure if this helpline works O/s but maybe there is something similar ?

 

https://www.eheadspace.org.au/

 

Keep trying to get in touch with therapist etc.

All of this. She is a minor. Call her therapist.

[indigomama]

Thank you for all the responses, the weather has affected my ability to get online and reply. 

 

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that so many of you have faced such difficulties getting help for your loved ones. I really appreciate your sharing your stories though. 

 

She is at home under suicide watch with family. Others of us are checking in with her and them throughout the day. I think the crisis is settling a bit, according to her. We and others have strongly urged her parents to put away all possible sources of harm, but we can't make them do it or be thorough. 

 

She has shared she does not like or trust or psychiatrist. Her parents are having a hard time finding someone else.  Our area has limited resources for children juvenile mental health.

 

So, we keep praying and supporting them the best we know how.