PinkTulip Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I am, that is. I don't have a lot of close friends, just a lot of aquaintances that I see periodically but am not really close with. I feel like every time I am with people, I am so awkward and invariably completely put my foot in my mouth about something that I usually come home in tears. Tonight I was at my book club and shared way more personal information about my son's struggles than I should have. I just sent an email to everyone there, asking them to keep the information confidential, but I feel so stupid. Why can't I just smile and be friendly and make small talk like normal people do? Ugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 :grouphug: I bet that sharing will actually make more people reach out to you. Letting people see my vulnerability or even asking for help has often led to a good friend for me. I hope that's the case this time for you. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 (hugs) I know the feeling unfortunately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I hope that intellectually you know that most of this is in your mind. I know emotionally you feel dumb when you say something you wish you hadn't, but IME, the worst social faux pas are when overly confident popular sorts of people do something unkind and don't notice. They NEVER get that, like a bull in a china shop, they have smashed something that it will take someone else weeks to put back together. Someone like you, who cares so much, never hurts someone's feelings even if you think you did, I promise. You may say things that aren't what you would have wanted, but I guarantee you are a sweetie and that is how you are viewed by the people you think, think you talked like an idiot. (But they really don't think that). 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 You sound like an empath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I wish I knew you IRL; I get along much better with people who are socially awkward. It's weird at first because I'm doing my best "not socially awkward" impression and so are they, but once they've done or said something weird and I haven't backed off (or visa versa, of course) I can relax and so can they and everything is just much easier than it is with people who are socially appropriate all the time. There is probably someone in your circle of acquaintances who secretly appreciates your openness, even if they are too afraid to reciprocate. Sometimes I am like that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I agree that disclosure actually helps form bonds between people. But I do know what you mean and sometimes it was like I was watching the words come out of my mouth while internally screaming, "NOOOOO! Don't tell them THAT!!!" Sometimes, I like to just observe someone who has great social skills; I study what they do. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 This is SO me. The non-socially awkward people in my life (thank you, dh) assure me that is not even close to being as bad in reality as it is in my head. I'm sure that's true for you, too. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I can relate to this so much. I hate being in situations that require making small talk because I am so bad at it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth 2 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Nothing to share other than I can relate. My Friends are the people who are the same kind of weird. Perhaps that's why I feel comfortable here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I have made a script of safe topics for certain situations in order to not put my foot in my mouth. But I still do it regularly. Thankfully no one has ever called me out on it so I hope that it just sounds worse in my head than in their head. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I am, that is. I don't have a lot of close friends, just a lot of aquaintances that I see periodically but am not really close with. I feel like every time I am with people, I am so awkward and invariably completely put my foot in my mouth about something that I usually come home in tears. Tonight I was at my book club and shared way more personal information about my son's struggles than I should have. I just sent an email to everyone there, asking them to keep the information confidential, but I feel so stupid. Why can't I just smile and be friendly and make small talk like normal people do? Ugh! I can definitely relate. If I spend one hour socializing, I spend the next 24 hours reviewing all of the stupid stuff that I said, the things I should have said instead, etc. When I was a teen I was so shy that I could barely speak at all (except to close friends and family). I would freeze up and just not know what to say. Now I can talk, but I usually end up feeling like I would have been better off if I hadn't! :lol: I don't have a close friend in my life to socialize with regularly, and I know that needs to change. My two best lifelong friends both stayed in the state where we grew up, while I moved away. I see them once a year or so, and while it's wonderful, it's hardly enough. I've lived here for almost 20 years now, but most of the friends that I've made here over the years have moved away. Others have stayed, but we lost touch when our lives took different directions. It seems like it's really hard to maintain friendships, but I know that it's mostly because I do not make enough of an effort. When you're as introverted as I am, it's very easy to become a hermit, even when you live in suburbia. I have no advice to offer you, but I do have much empathy. :grouphug: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Thanks friends, for your support. I guess this is why I love the Hive so much, because I can jump in when I want, and choose my words more carefully as I type. I have heard back from several of the people I emailed last night, assuring me they will keep things confidential. I like the idea of coming up with a script of things to say that aren't weird or over sharing. My oldest son has a pretty complex life right now and isn't doing things that would be expected of him, due to complications of multiple surgeries, depression, and some other things. I need to come up with a vague "script" of what he is doing and how I am happy with his choices, without getting into too much detail as to why he is doing what he is doing. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outdoorsy Type Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Every time I hang out with people for a few hours, I go home feeling the exact same way. Then I have nightmares about being over exposed for a week. You know the dreams where you are giving a speech without notes or you forgot to get dressed and you're at church etc. At the time, I just get really hyper and bleeeeeeehhhhh you get the story of everything that has ever happened to me. Then I immediately regret everything. I would love to be included in the virtual socially awkward club. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Thanks friends, for your support. I guess this is why I love the Hive so much, because I can jump in when I want, and choose my words more carefully as I type. I have heard back from several of the people I emailed last night, assuring me they will keep things confidential. I like the idea of coming up with a script of things to say that aren't weird or over sharing. My oldest son has a pretty complex life right now and isn't doing things that would be expected of him, due to complications of multiple surgeries, depression, and some other things. I need to come up with a vague "script" of what he is doing and how I am happy with his choices, without getting into too much detail as to why he is doing what he is doing. Not only did they relate to you, but here's the thing: people are so self-conscious that most are only thinking about what THEY did that might have been awkward. They rarely think about what you did that is awkward. They hardly even notice, most of the time. I'm sure you are far less awkward than you think you are, and most probably find it endearing and want to encourage you. Don't overthink these things. Most peoples' lives are so complicated that they rarely give a thought to yours, except in sympathy during a bad time. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Every time I hang out with people for a few hours, I go home feeling the exact same way. Then I have nightmares about being over exposed for a week. You know the dreams where you are giving a speech without notes or you forgot to get dressed and you're at church etc. At the time, I just get really hyper and bleeeeeeehhhhh you get the story of everything that has ever happened to me. Then I immediately regret everything. I would love to be included in the virtual socially awkward club. Socially Awkward People Unite! :laugh: (I'm not socially awkward, but I'm married to someone who is still sometimes hesitant to speak in public, so I get it) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth 2 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 virtual socially awkward club. Now there's the quote for the T-shirt. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Right there with you, sister. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 You're not alone, PT... So many of us have moments like that. But most people are gracious and not gossipy, and I'm sure they'll heed your request. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 Tonight I was at my book club and shared way more personal information about my son's struggles than I should have. I just sent an email to everyone there, asking them to keep the information confidential, but I feel so stupid. Why can't I just smile and be friendly and make small talk like normal people do? Ugh! Maybe you are an authenticity paladin in waiting. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 Maybe you are an authenticity paladin in waiting. :) I have to admit that I had to look up the definition of this, as well as your other term, "empath." Webster's dictionary defines a paladin as a champion of a cause - I like the idea of championing authenticity instead of the inane small talk most people seem to engage in. And an empath is someone with the ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another - another positive trait! So maybe I'm not really painfully socially awkward, I'm just an empathic authenticity paladin. I like that so much better - thanks Rosie! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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