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Son and girlfriend kind of broke up - what do I do about Christmas gifts? - Updated #21

Kassia

By Kassia,
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Kassia

Kassia

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Well, the title says it all.  My ds and his gf of over three years are "kind of broken up" (his words).  He's coming home from college tomorrow so maybe I'll get more info about it, but I don't want to pry or make him uncomfortable either.  

 

I have Christmas gifts here for her since everything seemed great between them and I've always given her something.  One gift is personalized, but the others can be returned or used by others in the family.  

 

Also, I got ds a personalized ornament that has their names on it with an experience they had this year - I got it as a special memory, but now I don't know... do I still give it to him?  

 

Please help!

 

 

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I'd hide the ornament but get her the personalized gift nonetheless, especially since she has been a friend of the family due to the relationship for three years. They can work it out on their end or whatever but no need to make it any weirder, especially if this was sudden or unofficial :)

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Kassia

Kassia

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I would not give him the ornament that is related to the two of them. I would just give her the one personalized item (that's a nice gesture -- we still care about you) but regift or return the other items. 

 

I'm sorry. That's hard.

 

It is hard.  And we bought personalized ornaments for all the kids so, if I don't give him the one I bought for him (and I won't now), then it will be weird that he's the only one not getting one.  Maybe I'll find another one and pay for express shipping.  

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kiana

kiana

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It is hard.  And we bought personalized ornaments for all the kids so, if I don't give him the one I bought for him (and I won't now), then it will be weird that he's the only one not getting one.  Maybe I'll find another one and pay for express shipping.  

 

I'd do that. 

 

As far as the personalized item I'd actually see if I could possibly find out what happened before Christmas. If it was just a regular breakup I'd give it to her. But if it was something where he found out she'd been seeing someone else or something like that I'd think he might view it as a bit of a betrayal. 

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Kassia

Kassia

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I'd do that. 

 

As far as the personalized item I'd actually see if I could possibly find out what happened before Christmas. If it was just a regular breakup I'd give it to her. But if it was something where he found out she'd been seeing someone else or something like that I'd think he might view it as a bit of a betrayal. 

 

From the little he said (I'm hoping to get a little more info when he comes home), it sounds like it is a friendly breakup (at least for now).  He wasn't even clear that they are fully broken up.    

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From the little he said (I'm hoping to get a little more info when he comes home), it sounds like it is a friendly breakup (at least for now). He wasn't even clear that they are fully broken up.

Unless it was initiated by the boy himself, it has been my experience that boys are often unclear about whether or not they are fully broken up. Lol

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Georgiana Daniels

Georgiana Daniels

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Order him another ornament right now. Hide the rest. IF they get back together or she comes over or whatever, give her her gifts. If they don't get rid of them later. 

 

This is exactly what I was going to say.

 

Don't get rid of the gifts now, because if for some reason they do get back together, you don't want to not have a gift ready.

 

Hope it all works out!

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teachermom2834

teachermom2834

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My experience with my boys' breakups is that they don't always stick right away.  I would tuck away the ornament and find something else for him quick.  If they end up back together at some point you can give him the ornament.  

 

I would keep the personalized gift for her in case she ends up coming by or something.  That might happen even if they are broken up.  I think I would give her just that one thing in that case.  Kind of a lesser gift for what is now a lesser commitment. If she doesn't come by I would probably find some way to quietly pass it on to her without production after the holiday (drop it by her house quickly or ship it).  No one else can use it and you bought it in good faith. Just dropping it off says that there are no hard feelings and you want her to have it.  Good luck to you.  Making a big production of delivering it, arranging a visit etc. goes over the line.  

 

There are awkward moments with breakups and I think everyone should just do their best and extend grace all around.  

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Kassia

Kassia

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My experience with my boys' breakups is that they don't always stick right away.  I would tuck away the ornament and find something else for him quick.  If they end up back together at some point you can give him the ornament.  

 

I would keep the personalized gift for her in case she ends up coming by or something.  That might happen even if they are broken up.  I think I would give her just that one thing in that case.  Kind of a lesser gift for what is now a lesser commitment. If she doesn't come by I would probably find some way to quietly pass it on to her without production after the holiday (drop it by her house quickly or ship it).  No one else can use it and you bought it in good faith. Just dropping it off says that there are no hard feelings and you want her to have it.  Good luck to you.  Making a big production of delivering it, arranging a visit etc. goes over the line.  

 

There are awkward moments with breakups and I think everyone should just do their best and extend grace all around.  

 

Thank you!  He is actually going on a trip with friends leaving on Monday so I could just drop it by her house sometime during the week if I don't see her in the short time he's home.  

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Kassia

Kassia

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My guess is that it was her choice to break up and that this breakup isn't permanent.  She just had her first college finals and I know she tends to get stressed/overwhelmed and take things out on him.  I don't know if that's what happened, but I've seen her do that many times before.  I just heard from ds last weekend and everything seemed fine between them then - she even passed on a message to me and dd -  so this seems very sudden to me.  But, of course, I have no idea.  

 

 

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Kassia

Kassia

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Ds came home yesterday and his gf/ex stopped by about an hour later to visit.  I asked ds if anything has changed and he said no, but that was all.

 

He said he's going to see her again tomorrow before he leaves on a road trip with friends and that he's fine with me giving her gifts and she would be, too.  So now I don't know if I should just give her the personalized gift, give her the personalized gift plus her stocking (I fill a stocking for her every year), or give her all the gifts I have for her.  I'm leaning towards the personalized gift plus the stocking.  

 

Any opinions on this?  What a weird situation. I wish I knew what was going on!  

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If they are broken up, giving her more than the small personalized gift (with his permission) is too much IMHO.  I'd save the stocking - you can always mail the contents to her as a college care-package later in the year if their status changes.

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TranquilMind

TranquilMind

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Well, the title says it all.  My ds and his gf of over three years are "kind of broken up" (his words).  He's coming home from college tomorrow so maybe I'll get more info about it, but I don't want to pry or make him uncomfortable either.  

 

I have Christmas gifts here for her since everything seemed great between them and I've always given her something.  One gift is personalized, but the others can be returned or used by others in the family.  

 

Also, I got ds a personalized ornament that has their names on it with an experience they had this year - I got it as a special memory, but now I don't know... do I still give it to him?  

 

Please help!

 

I would put anything related to the two of them away in the closet.   He's just your son back again.  I would not give him the ornament.  

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mommyoffive

mommyoffive

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I think there is no right or wrong answer here.

 

It kind of depends on your relationship with her and what you can guess is happening with the 2 of them.  I think I would give it all to here.  You just found out about the break up.  You already have the stuff, so why not? 

It sounds like they are not really broken up if they are hanging out. 

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Kassia

Kassia

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I would put anything related to the two of them away in the closet.   He's just your son back again.  I would not give him the ornament.  

 

I am not giving him the ornament.  I did order him a new one.  My dilemma now is what to give her for Christmas - just the personalized item, or the item with her stocking, or all the gifts I purchased for her.  

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