Age Getting Married

[J-rap]

I and most of my closest friends from growing up years got married around 23.  That seemed to be pretty typical.  (That was in the 1980's.)

 

For my kids, it varies.  My older two probably had friends getting married beginning around 21/22, but many of their group are not married yet (and now in their mid-late 20's).  My middle dd has no friends married yet!  They are all 24/25 and very academic-oriented (working on Masters and PhD's, not families).  My youngest has had many friends marry at age 20/21.  Many, many.  It is really surprising!  She still seems like such a baby to me, so it's funny that so many of her friends who are the same age are getting married.  :)
 

 

[Tap]

Thinking back to the past 5 to 10 years or so ages of married for the first time: ( I had to estimate on a few but I know I am within a year or two on them)

 

24 26

42 49

21 21

22 23

30 30

22 23

45 50

20 21

21 22

28 34

 

Wide variety really. 

 

The young ones are all religious except one couple, but I know them because ds is a pastor, so the data pool is skewed a bit in that favor. LOL  The one couple that are atheist,  married for love, but also logistic and financial reasons during college. 

 

The mid-twenty and young 30s are all coworkers who were waiting for graduation before marriage (I work in pharmacy, so at least one of each couple were finishing a doctorate degree.

 

The 40 year old couples are people who didn't marry other people for various reasons over the years. They had significant relationships with other people, but chose to wait for marriage.

Edited August 21, 2016 by Tap

[Zinnia]

I think that it's helpful to have several "partners" even if they are not sexual partners.  In other words, to not marry the first boy you date.  I can look back on relationships I had in which the boy seemed very, very nice, but something was just not quite perfect.  Twenty years later, I can see a little easier what was not quite right.  Knowing and dating more than one person helped me to see that my dh had many more of the characteristics that would make a great husband for me.  

 

In my circles, there is a big group that marry at 22, right out of college.  And then another large group at the 25-29 range.  Thirty seems to be a magic number that most people would like to avoid being single by.  

Even 15 years ago, we fell into that.  We were 26 and 29.

[lynn]

22-25

[MaeFlowers]

Historically, it's all over the place age wise. There haven't been many marriages lately. The last friend to get married was 31 and she was 25. Dh's has a lot of cousins in their mid twenties and none are married.

 

I've always lived in the Bible belt and young marriages have always been rare in our circle. The ones who did get married young did not do so because of religion, either.

[Melinda S in TX]

Most of our homeschooling friends are getting married in the 18-20yo bracket.  Our public school friends are either getting married right away 18-20yo or waiting until 27yo+.

 

[Scarlett]

I think a good rule of thumb is to not date until you are prepared to marry. That is not saying you must marry the first person you date....but why date at all if you are too young or not in a position to marry? I belive SWB has this point of view in TWTM. It was one of the things that made me fall in love with her ideas.

 

Once you are old enough to marry 6 months to a year should be plenty of time to know if this person is a good match for you. These 5-10 year dating/engagements are just perplexing to me.

[Murphy101]

I think a good rule of thumb is to not date until you are prepared to marry. That is not saying you must marry the first person you date....but why date at all if you are too young or not in a position to marry? I belive SWB has this point of view in TWTM. It was one of the things that made me fall in love with her ideas.

 

Once you are old enough to marry 6 months to a year should be plenty of time to know if this person is a good match for you. These 5-10 year dating/engagements are just perplexing to me.

This is what we have told our kids. If they know they can't sustain a relationship, then don't start one.

 

And if they aren't certain after 6mo -a year, that's probably answer enough on its own.

Edited August 21, 2016 by Murphy101

[Murphy101]

I have not been to any wedding at all in ... 16 years.

 

And the last ones we went to weren't their first weddings either.

 

And all of them are already divorced a second time.

 

ðŸ™

[Scarlett]

This is what we have told our kids. If they know they can't sustain a relationship, then don't start one.

 

And if they aren't certain after 6mo -a year, that's probably answer enough on its own.

Exactly. Dh and I were mid 40s second marriage so it isn't quite the same. We married in 11 weeks after meeting.

 

We tell our kids the same thing. You can't date until you are old enough to marry. We control that until they are 18...but we hope they listen to us beyond that and grow up a bit.

[Guest]

My dd27 and dd28 are not married.

 

Neither is my ds24, but most of his public school friends are. Some of them are already on their second marriages.

 

 

[katilac]

 I belive SWB has this point of view in TWTM. 

 

Wow, if she does, I sure don't remember!! I actually don't remember her addressing or recommending that type of personal thing at all. 

 

Now I'll have to check. 

 

ETA: I guess she comes fairly close, depending on how you view dating. She does specify "exclusive" dating here; I wonder where she falls on casual group dates?

 

This is from my 1999 print edition, it looks the same or very similar in my Kindle 3rd edition: 

 

We'll brave the collective wrath of American high-school students by suggesting that exclusive dating in high school is a waste of time. After all, what are you going to do if you fall deeply in love at seventeen? Get married? Break up? Have sex? 

 

And it goes on to say that they think sex without commitment is damaging for any age, but probably more so for teens. It is parenthetically stated that they are pro-marriage. Then the passage says not to ignore the opposite sex, but have lots of family based gatherings that include all ages. 

 

And: Practically speaking, you provide positive socialization through family-based and interest based activites.

 

 

Edited August 22, 2016 by katilac

[madteaparty]

After grad school for our peers.

We are major outliers, in that we married and even had DS before all that.

Edited August 22, 2016 by madteaparty

[Bluegoat]

How old would you say people, who are in your personal sphere of influence, are when marrying the first time? I mean now, not when you got married.

 

I have several friends who have kids marrying right now. They all are ranging from 18-21 or so. I've been surprised at how young they are. They are Christian, and most were homeschooled or went to Christian schools.

 

I'm wondering if this is a new trend, has always been this way, or just something specific to Christians or our area.

 

Most of the people I know in my age range were married after about 22 and before about 30.  Of the ones that didn't marry by 30, quite a good portion haven't married or lived common law either, they seem to be staying in the single life.

 

A few things I've noticed - one is that compared to, say, my parents generation, or the one after that but before mine, there hasn't been a lot of long term living together without marriage.  People do often seem to live together a short while, but almost always it is about when it is convenient to do so - they almost all seem to marry within about two years of that as soon as can be made practical.  Very few seem to take the "don't need to get a bit of paper" perspective.  This doesn't seem to be related to religious values at all.

 

I've also noticed that among the young student couples I see, mostly at church, many more are married than when I was a student.  This is a more limited demographic, but is different than when I was a student within the same parish and university.  There seem to be fewer taking the view that they will avoid marrying until they have established a career, or that establishing a career would take precedence over staying together, say in the event that it meant moving some place.  Even grad students coming from other places seem to be bringing a spouse along with them in many cases.

[Bluegoat]

I agree that there are risks to sex, although they can be mitigated.  And even if you marry as a virgin, you could marry someone who has had sex before; perhaps, as I did, you will marry a man who was divorced after his wife cheated on him.  Should my husband (we are about to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary) have been denied the chance to remarry?  Because he arrived with risks - not only his own sexual history but that of his ex-wife.

 

FWIW, I had several partners before I married.  I strongly believe that that helped me to make the right choice.  Divorce statistics may reflect not only the health of marriages but also the stigma about divorce within certain groups; perhaps virgin marriage sometimes goes along with extreme pressure to stay in terrible relationships.

 

I think that this kind of argument is so dependant on modern technology though.  To us, to talk about being concerned about someone's past sexual history, past a certain point, just seems prurient or weird. 

 

If, OTOH, we are talking about a situation where various STIs are incurable, and so probably even more common than they are now and like to be brought into a marriage and seriously affect health and fertility, a question like should we deny someone the opportunity to marry after previous sexual relationships/encounters looks like it is beside the point a bit. 

 

We seem at the moment to be looking at real problems with the efficacy of antibiotics - some STIs like chlamydia are already highly resistant.  Barrier methods like condoms can help, but not as much as many people believe, especially given current sexual practices.  I've wondered if that will create a change in attitude on this particular subject in the coming years.