Calizzy Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 My oldest dd is 7, in 2nd grade. We had been homeschooling since kindy. This past April we enrolled her and 5yo dd in public school, so it's been 2 months. I feel like it has been kind of a disaster! We moved from S.California to London, England last fall and also had a baby in February. With all that going on I just couldn't cope with the demands of homeschooling. Ydd is doing great, she likes school, has friends, and I can see real growth both educationally and socially. Odd, on the other hand, is struggling. I don't think it is a problem with the school, I think it is an internal thing. She is a summer birthday so she is young, plus here they start school at 4. So she is a bit "behind" and can't stand that. She hates that she only get 2 or 3 words correct on her spelling test. She is terrified of French class (she knows no French whereas the other kids have been learning for a few years). She has a hard time being corrected by teachers, she takes it very personally. She hates how loud the classroom is (30 kids plus a teacher and a few aides). Most of the time when I pick her up she is fine and happy, but later at bed time she cries that she doesn't want to go the next day. I am struggling to decide if my homschooling has sheltered her and given her thin skin and she needs to power through it, or if it is a wonderful thing that I am able to keep her from these overwhelming situations by going back to homeschooling. Today was French class and last night she was having a panic attack about going so I let her stay home today. We did schoolwork, but really all she wanted to do was play and make booby traps! Again, I can't decide how I feel about this. Is she just not wanting to work hard and catch up, or is it a great advantage of HS that we can get done faster and she can spend the afternoon in creative play. I really need someone to give me direction and tell me what to do!! I am willing to go back to homeschooling but I am afraid that I have made her unable to function in society. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 You moved to London, had a baby and put her in school. That's a ton of major transitions. Her distress right now may have nothing to do with her overall ability to function in a school setting. I don't have any advice other than to be gentle with her and yourself. I moved from CA to London in college and it was a big deal. I think it takes a full year to transition to a new city/country. You are still adjusting. It's hard! 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Sounds like she is not placed well academically which is maybe more stressful than other adjustments she has had to make. If the school can't offer a plan to help her catch up or place her better, I would pull her and not think twice. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 PS is not the right educational setting for all children. Neither is homeschooling. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Is there a summer break coming up? Maybe find a family French tutor and work on spelling and whatever subjects give her stress. Additionally, it looks like you have identified some areas where she might need some gentle help - perfectionism? anxiety? It might be worth discussing with a professional whether these are things she will likely outgrow, or if there are coping strategies she can learn. I feel like there are all topics to consider regardless of whether you return her to school in the fall. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I think the school might be one transition too many for her, and she might do better when she's older if that's something you want for her. But in four months, she has moved to another house in another country with another climate and acquired another sibling, and has gone not just from one school to another but from one form of education to another. That is a lot for a young kid, and her response may be more typical than your 5yo's. Is there a summer break at the school, or not? Do they do a January-December school year? Is the move permanent, or temporary? If I sent DS to a school even here in the same town, I'd expect to have to do a lot of preparation for him to have a smooth transition. If you didn't do a lot, she might benefit from a year at home (with extra time on French and spelling, considering the differences between Br./Am. pronunciations and spelling) and then another try at the school. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I am struggling to decide if my homeschooling has sheltered her and given her thin skin and she needs to power through it, or if it is a wonderful thing that I am able to keep her from these overwhelming situations by going back to homeschooling. Today was French class and last night she was having a panic attack about going so I let her stay home today. We did schoolwork, but really all she wanted to do was play and make booby traps! Again, I can't decide how I feel about this. Is she just not wanting to work hard and catch up, or is it a great advantage of HS that we can get done faster and she can spend the afternoon in creative play. I really need someone to give me direction and tell me what to do!! I am willing to go back to homeschooling but I am afraid that I have made her unable to function in society. Children *should* be sheltered. Because children. What kinds of things do you think a 7yo child should be able to "power through"? Do you think she really doesn't want to catch up? Really? Perhaps the teacher and aides are not doing what is necessary for her to be able to catch up. She's just 7. If she were my child, I'd keep her home. I don't know why her being home when she's just 7 would keep her from being "unable to function in society." :confused1: 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I am struggling to decide if my homschooling has sheltered her and given her thin skin and she needs to power through it, or if it is a wonderful thing that I am able to keep her from these overwhelming situations by going back to homeschooling. I think your very young daughter has had a quite a lot of big changes in her life in a very short amount of time, and it's not surprising to me that she isn't coping well. Were it me, I would homeschool her again. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 There are so many transitions in your life right now that it made MY head spin. I don't think you can pin this on any one thing. This is a young kid with a LOT on her plate. It sounds like she needs a break in general. Are summer holidays coming up? Usually I would lean towards keeping her home next term, but because you have moved to an entirely different country, I personally am leaning to putting her back in school next year. She has a whole new culture to learn, a new world, and I am not sure that keeping her home is going to help her acclimate any faster. I do like the idea of a french tutor (maybe you do it together!) for the summer. It would help her to catch up or at least not lose what she has gained over the year. OTOH, if you do have some good ways for her to be able to meet lots of new kids during the school year, then keeping her home could work. I just think right now she needs to get used to her new home and make some friends. That will go a long way to helping her feel comfortable. Frankly, attending the local school is the best way for a kid that age to do that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Children *should* be sheltered. Because children. What kinds of things do you think a 7yo child should be able to "power through"? Do you think she really doesn't want to catch up? Really? Perhaps the teacher and aides are not doing what is necessary for her to be able to catch up. She's just 7. If she were my child, I'd keep her home. I don't know why her being home when she's just 7 would keep her from being "unable to function in society." :confused1: Yes! That's what I meant to say! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calihil Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I also agree with Ellie. I have a 7.5 year old and she just finished 1st grade. Im wondering why you put her in school at the end of the school year, why not just wait and see what you'd have to do to have her caught up to her age level come next school year? I totally get making huge moves and having babies. I had my 4th last summer, moved from CA to NY to TX, and my oldest started 1st grade homeschool. It was a lot but you know what, in these early grades it really doesn't have to take much to do school. And again, if you wanted to put her in school, take a few months to bring her up to where she'd have to be in the fall. Or whenever the UK starts school. But if it were me, I'd pull her. That's a lot of pressure to put on a little one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calizzy Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Thanks for the responses. School goes until the end of July. I think the plan is to try and finish this school year and then homeschool in the Fall. We are actually in a neighborhood with a lot of kids who play after school so I think she would still have access to friends and British culture. It is really helpful to have people outside the situation shake you a bit and say "Everything is fine, snap out of it." Homeschooling is SO uncommon here that I was starting to be convinced that I was doing them a disservice. But I think that I want to homeschool and that she would be happy to do so. The 5yo is happy either way, I'm not too worried about her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Agreeing with Ellie as well. She's so young and needs that connection with you in the midst of upheaval. If she's stressed,there won't be much learning happening at school anyway. At home, it won't take much at this age to do school and she'll likely be more receptive in that familiar environment right now. Panic attacks do not tend to leave kids available for learning. If you want some reassurance about her future ability to function in society, I'd highly recommend reading "Hold on to Your Kids". Not a book about homeschooling, but about parent-child connection and stability. It's excellent and encouraging. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) DP Edited June 16, 2016 by indigoellen@gmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 If she's literally having a panic attack about going to school, I'd pull her now. If she's a bit anxious but not really having a panic attack, I'd be more okay with waiting. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 We have moved internationally constantly with our school-age children. The transitions are very hard for some children. I've homeschooled two of our children and sent one to school because that's what's best for each of them. I'm so sorry your daughter is having a rough time right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I think the plan is to try and finish this school year and then homeschool in the Fall. Why? She cries at night and is having panic attacks. What is the point of keeping her in school if you plan to homeschool her next year? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caviar Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 She hates that she only get 2 or 3 words correct on her spelling test. She is terrified of French class (she knows no French whereas the other kids have been learning for a few years). She has a hard time being corrected by teachers, she takes it very personally. She hates how loud the classroom is (30 kids plus a teacher and a few aides). Most of the time when I pick her up she is fine and happy, but later at bed time she cries that she doesn't want to go the next day. I am struggling to decide if my homschooling has sheltered her and given her thin skin and she needs to power through it, or if it is a wonderful thing that I am able to keep her from these overwhelming situations by going back to homeschooling. Today was French class and last night she was having a panic attack about going so I let her stay home today. We did schoolwork, but really all she wanted to do was play and make booby traps! Again, I can't decide how I feel about this. Is she just not wanting to work hard and catch up, Additionally, it looks like you have identified some areas where she might need some gentle help - perfectionism? anxiety? It might be worth discussing with a professional whether these are things she will likely outgrow, or if there are coping strategies she can learn. SusanC hit on some good topics to consider! Having realized several years ago that I'm a high anxiety person and a recovering perfectionist, I can now understand that it was very good for me to be in public school growing up. Although I had a wonderful group of friends in school, and wouldn't say I ever had panic attacks, I was always scared to try and answer questions because I didn't want to be wrong. Did I cry in school and about school? You bet. Did I need thicker skin? Yes! I still do! My mother, however, would never have thought of keeping me home because I knew the next day was going to be difficult, she would have made me go. In fact, I'm now seriously considering sending my ds to school next year because I see in him some similar behaviour and he does need to be in an environment where he will be stretched more. Depending on what kind of mom you are and how you homeschool, I do think some people can be too easy and accommodating with their children, instead of pushing their children out of their comfort zones, because, let's face it, most of life is going to be hard. You did say that most of the time when you pick her up she is fine and happy. My dd's attended school before I took them out, and this is how our weeks would go too. Some days they'd be fine, other days not - part of it is the age, but can you ever go to observe her classes? There may be other things going on. I'd personally ask the school to intervene more, especially if they have several aides in the classroom! Surely one of those aides would be able to work with your daughter on French and spelling. I did put my oldest dd back in school this past February, and she loved it! So, all of my dc may be in ps next year! The good thing is, I know that I can always take them back out again and homeschool again if need be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calizzy Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Schools here are extremely over populated and you are not guaranteed a place in any of them. We applied for a school placement the first of January and didn't have an opening until April. So, if I pull her before the end of the year then we will lose our placement. This is fine if we end up homeschooling, but I am just worried that during the 6 weeks of summer break we might decide to keep her in but then have lost out placement. I don't think she is really having diagnosed panic attacks, just a lot of anxiety. I go back and forth on this too. Knowing if I should pull her now or not, but I am just not wanting to give up our place in the school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 (edited) I feel conflicted for you! On one hand, 7 is young and it's a gift to shelter our kids some until they mature, if we can. And she has had a ton of changes lately. On the other hand, kids are resilient and can learn it's ok to not know what the other kids do in school and to work hard. Living in a different country would be such a great experience that I'd want my kids in school to experience that. But if this is a lifetime move you could delay that to help her settle some. I'd worry about homeschooling because, unless you know French and British spelling rules and can teach them, she may not be able to catch up anytime soon if she's already behind a few years. If you're not certain about school placement and future plans I would not pull now. But maybe a French tutor now to help with the next few weeks of school, and maybe a talk with the teacher about future spelling lists or rules, so you can pre teach them on weekends. It must be hard for her. Maybe talking with her specifically can let you know more where she's at. Sometimes we may say things we don't mean because there's something else going on. If she truly is anxious because she doesn't feel prepared for classes, I'd consider remediation and discussions of how we all are different with different academic, physical, and emotional strengths. I hope things improve and you find a good answer for your family. Eta - I'd also be inclined to think she's still adjusting to being in school and maybe away from you and the long days. If she's only been in since April, that's a short time to adjust for her. Plus she started at the end of the year. So all that may be contributing to her feelings now but may resolve if she were to start at the beginning of the new school year with the new class. Edited June 17, 2016 by displace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 We have moved internationally constantly with our school-age children. The transitions are very hard for some children. I've homeschooled two of our children and sent one to school because that's what's best for each of them. I'm so sorry your daughter is having a rough time right now. Shoot, I'm (mumble mumble) decades old, and I'd still put moving in 3rd grade from P.S. in MN to P.S. in TX in the top five most traumatic things to happen to me. In my biased opinion, moving was the second best thing my parents ever did (having me was the first) but the transition was HARD! More than once I just went to the back of the classroom to cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 (edited) This is only tangentially relevant, but I came across this documentary last night about kids in the UK being sent to boarding school at 8. So crazy different from what we do with homelearning. As far as the OP's situation, I don't know what you ultimately should do, however I do caution you about considering very strongly if you ever decide to keep your child home again to avoid something they are anxious about. If you are choosing to start over and re-structure what life is like, it would build towards a better foundation, but if you are keeping her in school it leaves a confusing and difficult message about if she can handle the things that she fears. Edited June 17, 2016 by Incognito Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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