How much do you tell your kids about what is happening

[HRAAB]

We've pretty much shared events with our children, except for when they were very young.  I remember watching the news on 9/11 with my older girls; they were 9 and 12 at the time.  We have always talked about the news as a family.  The only thing I can think I probably kept from them until they were older - 12+ - was crimes against children although they were aware in a general way because we talked a lot about safety.  

 

Honestly, I wouldn't know how to keep big news items from them as we do have TVs, visit friends/family, read headlines while at the grocery store, and such.  I would rather they hear about horrific events from us rather than from their friends or the TV. 

[HRAAB]

I'm sorry but I am living under a rock.  I only know of 2 incidents in Orlando this past weekend.

 

 

 

The female singer (name???) that was shot, the little boy killed by the crocodile, and the nightclub shooting.

 

eta:  Christina Grimmie (I had never heard of her).  I guess it was an alligator that attacked the little boy.

 

It's just all so sad.  I'm overloaded with news this week.

Edited June 16, 2016 by Ishki

[DawnM]

You know, I think a lot of news is probably detrimental to adults as well.

 

I used to work at a job where CNN was on the tv all day in the office.  Aside from nearly driving me nutty, I don't think it was at all mentally healthy.  A lot of people's anxiety and mistrust and fear I think come out of watching what passes for news. So - we see some kid across the country kidnapped, and we feel like kidnapping is a dangerous risk, which is really an illusion.  Or that our neighbvours are scary.  And so on. 

 

 

I agree that people are far more paranoid then they should be.  I tend to do research though and have never taken news at face value. Some things are so sensationalized it is ridiculous and others remind me to be more cautious about things.

 

 9/11 was a huge deal and we kind of had to talk about it with our kids when there were military with machine guns all over the streets while we drove around.  We also had it on in the office the day it happened because one of my coworkers had an uncle who worked in the twin towers and she couldn't get a hold of them.  Another coworker's child was flying to LA from Boston and there was a concern about that as well.  Thankfully both were ok.

[SKL]

Yeah, it usually takes some time to really be sure of the facts enough to tell a kid about it.  News reporting has much room for improvement.

[DawnM]

Yeah, it usually takes some time to really be sure of the facts enough to tell a kid about it.  News reporting has much room for improvement.

 

 

Part of the problem is that news is 24/7 now.  They have to fill up the time somewhere.

 

Never mind that the people want the news and they want it NOW!  That was a huge issue in events like Sandy Hook, where things were reported long before they knew the actual facts.  

[Joyofsixreboot]

My kids are older so we discuss it before they hear it somewhere else. I try to keep the more graphic details from the 8 yo with mixed success. She's not very sensitive though so if she sees or hears we discuss.

[Alicia64]

We don't watch news in our house. I get my news from podcasts and the internet -- so my boys are somewhat sheltered from the news.

 

When they see a flag at half-staff, they automatically ask about it and I explain.

 

At 13 I don't mind sharing the news w/ them -- they know a lot about politics -- but we weren't exposed to ISIS, ISIL and Taliban horrors as kids so I don't bring it into my boys' lives. It was hard enough for me to deal w/ the beheadings when I was in my mid-30's.

 

We've studied WWI -- SOTW -- but I haven't gone into detail about every heinous thing Hitler did.

 

Alley

[Dmmetler]

My 11 yr old and I discuss them. I can't expect college and grad students to not discuss current events, especially those that affect their age group (like the Pulse nightclub shooting) or their research subjects (the alligator). I'd rather have DD hear about it first from me initially, so she's prepared when it comes up.

[MotherGoose]

I quit watching the news when my oldest became aware of what was going on (like about 3).  My parents watched the news every night when I was a kid, (and of course there wasn't any other quick way to get the news then) and I remember worrying quite a bit about the Russians and the Cold War, nuclear bombs, etc.  I was an anxious child.  But at least that was over and done.  I can't even imagine what goes on in households where CNN or FoxNews is on all the time.  The constant coverage of an event stresses me out.  So...I don't tell my kids about these things.  If they hear about it, I'll tell them an abbreviated version of events.  When bad things happen that could directly affect them, then I'd tell them, and discuss it.  For example, there was a natural disaster in our community, and we watched the TV constantly for a day or two.  We talked about what had happened and what was happening etc.  But it affected their lives.  They saw what happened.  I don't think young children need to worry about larger world events that don't directly affect them, or be immersed in it by seeing it on the news.  I can't imagine introducing the "Oh, guess what, a terrorist killed 50 people in Orlando and a little child was eaten by an alligator, just thought you'd want to know," to my 10 year old.  When we traveled internationally and there were lots of police /military standing around with machine guns, and when we went through airport security, then we talked about bad people, etc.  I answered questions and always do, but I make sure I answer the question that was asked and try to give a realistic idea of risk.  I have also let go of my own curiosity about events and needing to know every detail of what happened in various events.  I'm generally aware of what's going on in the world--like basic facts about Orlando--but I don't need all the details.  Thank God, it doesn't directly affect me.  Some terrorist could show up at a place I am, God forbid, but it hasn't happened yet.  I say a prayer for the victims.  I move on.  There's nothing I can do to change what happened, so I don't want to spend my emotional energy on it.  Now when the natural disaster happened in my area, I helped.  There were things I could do.  My children helped.  We saw the destruction.  I think we even got one of those #pray for... hashtags.  

[SKL]

So today my kids attended their first "middle school book discussion."  The age range is grades 5-8, so I guess the oldest kids would be 13 or 14.  I asked my kids how the discussion went, and they said they hardly discussed the book they all read; they mostly talked about an alligator trying to eat a little boy.  (Not even remotely related to the book topic.)  So I guess everything is fair game now that they are "middle schoolers."  (Not that I mind them knowing, though it's rather morbid and I wasn't going to make a point to mention it.  I mean, it's not like we all have something to learn from that event, at least not until the next time we travel south.)

[SKL]

And here's one thing that bugs me.  My kids' school had all the kids make a mural on the lunchroom wall to remember Sandy Hook.  The mural is still there and I assume will be there for a long time.  Is there any good reason why we need young school kids to be constantly reminded of a school shooting that happened far away (but "could happen to us")?

[Crimson Wife]

We don't have cable/satellite and while we do have an antenna for one of our TV's we hardly ever watch broadcast TV live because the commercials annoy us (big sporting events like the Superbowl are the one exception). No newspaper but we do have a subscription to the Economist and to Time (got it free with some expiring frequent flyer miles).

 

I mentioned the Orlando shooting in passing today and the 10 y.o. hadn't heard about it yet. I told him the basic details (ISIS sympathizer shot up a nightclub and killed a bunch of people) but skipped over the whole homosexuality aspect because I don't think that's age-appropriate.

 

I don't see the alligator incident nor the singer getting shot as major news events that merit discussing.

[Crimson Wife]

 

At 13 I don't mind sharing the news w/ them -- they know a lot about politics -- but we weren't exposed to ISIS, ISIL and Taliban horrors as kids so I don't bring it into my boys' lives. It was hard enough for me to deal w/ the beheadings when I was in my mid-30's.

 

Are you kidding? Islamic terrorism was a HUGE problem in the '70's and '80's. The Munich Olympics massacre in '72, all the plane hijackings and the Achilles Lauro cruise ship, the bombing of the Marines barracks in Lebanon, the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, kidnapping and murders of professors at the various American Universities, etc. etc.

 

It wasn't ISIS or the Taliban but it was still Islamic terrorism.

[ktgrok]

I don't usually talk about things unless they come up somehow. I don't think kids need to know about every bad thing that happens anywhere in the world.

 

I told them briefly about the Florida shooting this week because they wanted to know why a flag was at half staff and I guessed that was the reason.

 

My teen obviously knows. We discuss things in detail. Regarding the alligator, I also told him it is best NOT to think about something like that too much, because there is no point. We know about alligator safety, and ruminating it is just bad for your brain, and soul, and nothing good comes of it. 

 

My littles, no. We did see the flag at half mast, and I pointed it out rather than wait for them to ask, and told my 6 yr old that someone had hurt some people in our city, and that people were sad about it. That we shouldn't hurt people even if they are different from us. And that the good news is, even though one person was naughty and hurt people, SOOOOO many more people came and helped them, that there are always more good people and more helpers than bad people. 

 

I am a firm believer that although some knowledge of current events is important to be an informed citizen, it is NOT healthy for our brains to process so much tragedy. We evolved (or were created) to understand the joys and tragedies of our family and friends, our immediate community. Studies have been done to show that our natural association size is about 100 people I believe. When we start adding in tragedy from outside that we overwhelm our brains, our souls. Our stress hormones respond to a shooting across the country just as if it was on our street, and same with the alligator attack. Chronic stress is incredibly bad for our health. So I constantly balance the need to be informed with the need to protect myself from too much stress hormone and sadness. 

 

I keep aware of the news, but now refuse to say, listen to hours of talk about the shooting on NPR the way I once did, or whatever. I can wait for the recap, I don't need the minute by minute replay. It's not healthy. 

[Bluegoat]

I quit watching the news when my oldest became aware of what was going on (like about 3).  My parents watched the news every night when I was a kid, (and of course there wasn't any other quick way to get the news then) and I remember worrying quite a bit about the Russians and the Cold War, nuclear bombs, etc.  I was an anxious child.  But at least that was over and done.  I can't even imagine what goes on in households where CNN or FoxNews is on all the time.  The constant coverage of an event stresses me out.  So...I don't tell my kids about these things.  If they hear about it, I'll tell them an abbreviated version of events.  When bad things happen that could directly affect them, then I'd tell them, and discuss it.  For example, there was a natural disaster in our community, and we watched the TV constantly for a day or two.  We talked about what had happened and what was happening etc.  But it affected their lives.  They saw what happened.  I don't think young children need to worry about larger world events that don't directly affect them, or be immersed in it by seeing it on the news.  I can't imagine introducing the "Oh, guess what, a terrorist killed 50 people in Orlando and a little child was eaten by an alligator, just thought you'd want to know," to my 10 year old.  When we traveled internationally and there were lots of police /military standing around with machine guns, and when we went through airport security, then we talked about bad people, etc.  I answered questions and always do, but I make sure I answer the question that was asked and try to give a realistic idea of risk.  I have also let go of my own curiosity about events and needing to know every detail of what happened in various events.  I'm generally aware of what's going on in the world--like basic facts about Orlando--but I don't need all the details.  Thank God, it doesn't directly affect me.  Some terrorist could show up at a place I am, God forbid, but it hasn't happened yet.  I say a prayer for the victims.  I move on.  There's nothing I can do to change what happened, so I don't want to spend my emotional energy on it.  Now when the natural disaster happened in my area, I helped.  There were things I could do.  My children helped.  We saw the destruction.  I think we even got one of those #pray for... hashtags.  

 

yes, I really see a difference in talking to kids about what is going on in our community as opposed to what is going on thousands of miles away.

 

Something newsy like any of the stuff the past week in Orlando is really not something I see as affecting them, it is in another country.  Things that happen in our city or province are a bit of a different story. 

[Bluegoat]

And here's one thing that bugs me.  My kids' school had all the kids make a mural on the lunchroom wall to remember Sandy Hook.  The mural is still there and I assume will be there for a long time.  Is there any good reason why we need young school kids to be constantly reminded of a school shooting that happened far away (but "could happen to us")?

 

Oh, wow, no, that seems really a little inapropriate to me.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey

[Carrie12345]

I haven't discussed anything about alligators with my children.  Since we don't have cable, they haven't seen it (at least, not the younger ones who aren't online), and I don't know what purpose it would serve for me to bring it up.  How does one even do that?  Over dinner?  "By the way, a baby tragically died.  Just thought you should carry that with you."  I don't want to carry it with me!

 

For the larger scale, I have not discussed the mass shooting, either.  It hasn't come up, and I don't know what to say about it.  I've already had to go through conversations about the emotional pain others might cause any non-straight children of mine.  I've yet to figure out how to have a conversation about the cold-blooded murder of gay people.  I'm working on it.

[Garga]

My kids are sensitive to things in the news. Very sensitive. Like, anxiety attack sensitive where one is up late at night having a sense of panic and doom with a racing heart.

 

If they weren't sensitive I'd talk more.

 

So, to me, it depends on the kid. I thought it was bad parenting to discuss the news (even in a watered down, age appropriate way) if it caused my son to have a racing heart and a panic attack at night. We will have to wait until he's ready.

 

If my kids didn't display such extreme reactions to issues in the news, I would talk more. I don't think there's anything morally wrong in discussing serious issues with small children, unless it is obviously causing them distress. The problem arises when you can't see the distress. I was able to clearly see the distress that things in the news caused my sons (particularly the one.).

 

From my own experience, I would tread lightly in discussing serious news events.

Edited June 17, 2016 by Garga

[jeremmy]

We don't discuss things TO our kids unless they ask or if it is specifically mentioned to them. We have no problem discussing it with them in the room and elaborating if it catches their attention. If we watched tv or if they were on the Internet and came across it regularly we would probably discuss first before they ran into it. My oldest is 10 and my other 2 are under 5.