Liberty Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 My ex and I share joint legal custody of our kids. I have physical custody of our daughter who desperately wants to attend a particular private school. Because we have joint legal custody he must agree to her going, which he has done in a round-about manner via a signed letter which states: "I don't agree with [daughter's name] attending [school name]. I think it will give her a narrowed and skewed world view. But if you are willing to assume all cost related to her attending, I will not fight you on that decision." I am willing to take on the entire cost of the school, but am worried this letter might not be strong enough permission. I would consult my lawyer but he is on vacation and won't be back for a couple of weeks and the enrollment form needs to be turned in right away. Does anyone on the board have experience in these type of matters and could offer their advice? Thanks so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Hugs. I have no advice beyond saying that you should wait on your attorney. I would not take legal advice from an Internet message board. It seems like a fairly straightforward question. Does your attorney have someone covering the practice while on vacation? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 No legal advice, but I think it would help to take the words "I don't agree" out and replace with something more along the lines of "I don't like" would be best. It sounds like he's trying to keep the school from coming after him if you don't pay the fees. Maybe the school has a form or waiver that will reassure him that he is not responsible? You can also talk to admin and explain that "this" is all you have until you talk to your lawyer and get the ex to rewrite the letter. It may be enough to hold them over until you can get a better version. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Not to be construed as actual legal advice, but that sounds like a passive aggressive permission to me. At this point, what I would do is send a letter or email (something trackable!) confirming that he has given consent via letter dated X to enroll the daughter in X school, and therefore you are proceeding with enrollment which is due X date with X contractual monies to be paid by you. Then the ball is in his court to OBJECT to your enrollment in writing before you incur the contractual costs. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Will he be able to withdraw any agreement at a later date. Will the focus of the school be something that could be used in a claim of alienation later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Laughing at the wording of his letter, which basically says that his values don't matter if someone else is footing the bill. Anyway, email him an appropriate letter which you write. "I hereby consent for my daughter (name) to enroll in (name)." Signature. He does not get to object on this letter. If he objects, he can talk to you about it. Make this clear to him. Yes, the school can decline her if it reasonably interprets that it does not have consent. It may well decline her. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 If you need to enroll her now (before you get more firm permission and legal advice from an attorney familiar with the case) what will you lose if you have to un-enroll her? If you just lose some money that you can afford to lose, and that is a better option than waiting and not getting in, I would consider doing that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 In general, I don't think "will not fight" is equal to "consent" -- therefore I would seek a better letter. I would reply something to the effect of 'I completely understand your mixed feelings, and I am going to be completely responsible for the costs. Therefore I now need a simple letter of your consent for her enrolment.' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Honestly, the school probably won't care. Go ahead and enroll her. Then, if he objects, he can take it to court later. He probably won't bother, as it would cost him money to do so and money seems important to him. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 You are just worried about the school? I wouldn't. Are they seriously going to ask to see the court order or separation agreement and take it to their legal department? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Sounds to me like he agreed in that letter. However, that agreement isn't binding permanently. If he now (or later) changes his mind, that will matter. So, if he's really on board, then, cool, write back, telling him that you do and will assume all financial responsibility for the private school. Your lawyer surely has someone who can/will take care of this for you while s/he is away, OR (and) his/her secretary can and will get hold of him/her to answer your issues. My mom was a lawyer, and so I knew plenty of lawyers. Trust me when I say NONE of them can ever be away from their jobs w/o back up and/or being on call. It's just part of the ethical duty. I'd definitely want to get the lawyer's instruction if there is any chance your ex will have a change of heart later. So, my advice is to get hold of your lawyer. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Laughing at the wording of his letter, which basically says that his values don't matter if someone else is footing the bill. Anyway, email him an appropriate letter which you write. "I hereby consent for my daughter (name) to enroll in (name)." Signature. He does not get to object on this letter. If he objects, he can talk to you about it. Make this clear to him. Yes, the school can decline her if it reasonably interprets that it does not have consent. It may well decline her. Awww, well, I don't know that this is fair. It may be much more of, "I think it's a stupid idea (like I think lots of your ideas were, and that's probably something to do with why we are exes) . . . My reasons are x/y/z. But, I'm caving to your whim because I'm trying to be a good guy and let you have your way. That said, I don't plan to pay for your stupid idea, so it's on you." He may be an ass, but he may also just be trying to defer to his kid's mom while setting some boundaries as to how much he has to pay for her choices. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 I'm going to ditto consulting your lawyer. If he is in a firm, you can call them and another attorney in the firm who does this type of work may be able to answer your question. There are a lot of variables that mean that really you need someone who can look at your actual orders who is familiar with the jurisdiction to advise you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liberty Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 Thanks everyone for your input. I've gone ahead and submitted the enrollment and will follow-up with the lawyer later. If I have to un-enroll I'm not out a bunch of money or anything and we have all summer. Thanks again! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 Awww, well, I don't know that this is fair. It may be much more of, "I think it's a stupid idea (like I think lots of your ideas were, and that's probably something to do with why we are exes) . . . My reasons are x/y/z. But, I'm caving to your whim because I'm trying to be a good guy and let you have your way. That said, I don't plan to pay for your stupid idea, so it's on you." He may be an ass, but he may also just be trying to defer to his kid's mom while setting some boundaries as to how much he has to pay for her choices. This is an inappropriate venue to do that. Leave the school out of your squabbles. Give consent if you are going to give consent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 I agree that you need legal advice from your own attorney who knows the situation. That said, I'm sorry for this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 I don't think the school will care. I unenrolled DD 11 from public school and enrolled her in a private school all by myself. I am her stepmother. No one at the school, either school, blinked an eye or asked to see any legal paperwork allowing me to do so. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 This is an inappropriate venue to do that. Leave the school out of your squabbles. Give consent if you are going to give consent. I don't understand. Is "this . . . venue" referring to the email/message or to the WTM forums? And what does "that" refer to? My post was suggesting a reinterpretation of the ex-husband's message to his ex-wife. I was just suggesting an alternative interpretation of the reasoning of the ex-h's reluctant assent to his ex-w's desire to place the child in a school he didn't like. I agree to leave the school out of squabbles. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 I don't understand. Is "this . . . venue" referring to the email/message or to the WTM forums? And what does "that" refer to? My post was suggesting a reinterpretation of the ex-husband's message to his ex-wife. I was just suggesting an alternative interpretation of the reasoning of the ex-h's reluctant assent to his ex-w's desire to place the child in a school he didn't like. I agree to leave the school out of squabbles. Sorry for the lack of clarity. This consent letter to the school is not the place to air grievances, I meant. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Wow, what a passive-aggressive letter. Definitely talk to a lawyer, but imo it shouldn't be a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 When my dd was attending a private school, both my ex h and I had to jointly sign many documents, including all field trip permission slips, or consent for attendance or participation was not allowed. This is something to consider since it sounds like he is not cooperative with this process and decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 When my dd was attending a private school, both my ex h and I had to jointly sign many documents, including all field trip permission slips, or consent for attendance or participation was not allowed. This is something to consider since it sounds like he is not cooperative with this process and decision. wow, I've never heard of that! My ex lives nearly 4 hours away, there is no way he could sign everyday paperwork! Not without a lot of hassle, scanning or faxing, etc. I've never had to deal with it, ever, at any public school. I assumed private was similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Joint custody is different. Some doctors will not treat children without both parents signing for every single, bingle thing every time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Joint custody is different. Some doctors will not treat children without both parents signing for every single, bingle thing every time. We have joint custody..pretty sure that is the norm. Legally, anyway. In reality he's here more, just because of the drive, but for years we did live closer. I've never ever had anyone ask for both parent signatures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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