OneStepAtATime Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm referring to "you" during most of the day. A typical day. Not winning a million bucks that would cause you to act differently. Most of my friends have "personality". I prefer that. It's hard for me to "relate" to stick in the mud types. There is a woman in our homeschooling circle and she's as dry as a desert. Sorry to say I try to avoid her. Me? I like to express my joy. I'll smile and laugh in conversation - genuinely. Not, a fake laugh. OK, give me a break. This sounds scattered but it's late. LOL! Most of you got this thread right but some of you did not. (How sad that some threads have to be turned upside down - you people are reading waaay too much in to this!) How funny though that a new friend of mine also has the same opinion of this very woman of whom I speak. I was talking and simultaneously we both said "joy" to complete the sentence as to what this other woman was/is lacking. Joy is not always verbal as was inferred in your replies. That's what disposition is - noun the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood; characteristic attitude:a girl with a pleasant disposition. state of mind regarding something; inclination:a disposition to gamble. I've known this other woman for about 4 years and there happens to be "issues" that this family incites on others. I personally think there needs to be a balance. There is an extended family member who is know-it-all, boisterous, loud and while I spend time with her, I don't have much in common with her and she's hard to be around. This woman communicates so little that it's hard to talk with her as well. But, we are all unique. So, yes, I socialize with all different types but my "preference" is for someone who knows "how" to communicate/socialize a bit. Sheryl, I can't seem to get this thread out of my head. You seem irritated at the reactions of some of those who tried to take your poll. In reading back through your two posts to support your poll, I am wondering if you see anything arbitrarily judgmental in your wording? Anything that might have caused others to respond the way they did? I'm sure you weren't trying to insult anyone. You were just starting a lighthearted poll. Wording in your posts, however, could be interpreted as pretty judgmental and condescending of anyone that is not the exact personality you are attracted to. You say you believe there needs to be balance but your poll and words do not appear to support that view. I am not trying to ruin your thread. I just was surprised by your second post and wanted to clarify my feelings. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 At school the absolute best way to get students willingly working for you is to take an interest in them - not necessarily an academic interest. I've learned about so many things by listening to student interests, then turning to math/science, etc. Students care more about me when I share info with them too. Building teams is so much better than working as individuals. This is so true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Most of you got this thread right but some of you did not. (How sad that some threads have to be turned upside down - you people are reading waaay too much in to this!) How funny though that a new friend of mine also has the same opinion of this very woman of whom I speak. I was talking and simultaneously we both said "joy" to complete the sentence as to what this other woman was/is lacking. Joy is not always verbal as was inferred in your replies. That's what disposition is - noun the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood; characteristic attitude: a girl with a pleasant disposition. state of mind regarding something; inclination: a disposition to gamble. I've known this other woman for about 4 years and there happens to be "issues" that this family incites on others. I personally think there needs to be a balance. There is an extended family member who is know-it-all, boisterous, loud and while I spend time with her, I don't have much in common with her and she's hard to be around. This woman communicates so little that it's hard to talk with her as well. But, we are all unique. So, yes, I socialize with all different types but my "preference" is for someone who knows "how" to communicate/socialize a bit. Well, Sheryl, what an incredibly joyful post. mean adjective mean·er, mean·est a. Lacking in kindness; unkind: The teacher was not being mean in asking you to be quiet. b. Cruel, spiteful, or malicious: a mean boy who liked to make fun of others. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Well, Sheryl, what an incredibly joyful post. mean adjective mean·er, mean·est a. Lacking in kindness; unkind: The teacher was not being mean in asking you to be quiet. b. Cruel, spiteful, or malicious: a mean boy who liked to make fun of others. Waaaaaaait a minute. Waaaaait a minute. Since this post made me both smile and laugh out loud, thereby creating an outwardly noticeable expression of joy, do I now have personality? Have I lost my reserved tendencies? May I remove my Stick in the Mud mantle? Or does it simply make me mean? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Waaaaaaait a minute. Waaaaait a minute. Since this post made me both smile and laugh out loud, thereby creating an outwardly noticeable expression of joy, do I now have personality? Have I lost my reserved tendencies? May I remove my Stick in the Mud mantle? Or does it simply make me mean? Maybe both. They can apparently coexist. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I am an introvert but usually manage to be someone social when I am out and about. In group situations where I can have some semblance of control, I can easily put on an extrovert personality (not fake, mind you, but change how I relate to people). However, in groups where I don't know people or don't really have much control, I can be reserved, but easily warm up to people one-on-one. In fact, I usually look for someone who looks alone or uncomfortable and try to get to know them - it makes me feel less out of place. But, the more time and energy I spend outside of my introvert comfort zone, the more time I need in Introvert Cave to recharge. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Waaaaaaait a minute. Waaaaait a minute. Since this post made me both smile and laugh out loud, thereby creating an outwardly noticeable expression of joy, do I now have personality? Have I lost my reserved tendencies? May I remove my Stick in the Mud mantle? Or does it simply make me mean? :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I am an introvert but usually manage to be someone social when I am out and about. In group situations where I can have some semblance of control, I can easily put on an extrovert personality (not fake, mind you, but change how I relate to people). However, in groups where I don't know people or don't really have much control, I can be reserved, but easily warm up to people one-on-one. In fact, I usually look for someone who looks alone or uncomfortable and try to get to know them - it makes me feel less out of place. But, the more time and energy I spend outside of my introvert comfort zone, the more time I need in Introvert Cave to recharge. This is me. I like to think dh is at least somewhat wrong LOL :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I'm referring to "you" during most of the day. A typical day. Not winning a million bucks that would cause you to act differently. Most of my friends have "personality". I prefer that. It's hard for me to "relate" to stick in the mud types. There is a woman in our homeschooling circle and she's as dry as a desert. Sorry to say I try to avoid her. Me? I like to express my joy. I'll smile and laugh in conversation - genuinely. Not, a fake laugh. OK, give me a break. This sounds scattered but it's late. LOL! I am expressed joy... But I'm also expressed frustration, expressed disappointment, expressed surprise, expressed.... I have a very reserved dear friend. At first I didn't know what to make of her. The more I got to know her, the more I understood the old saying, "Still waters run deep." She feels as deeply as I do, she simply stays calm in her expression and, more than, that in all of her expressions. I actually very much admire it. There are perks to both ways. I'd suspect you don't know the woman in your homeschooling circle very well - very closely. I suspect she is both reserved and guarded. ;) They make for tenacious, loyal, long-suffering, patient friends. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I am reserved and express joy. The better I know you, the more open I will be about expressing my joy. If I don't know you well, I'll probably appear very reserved and boring. Get to know me, and you will see your first impression was wrong. However, I'm not very open about sharing grief and sadness. That I keep within my own home. Bottom line: I need to feel comfortable and able to trust someone before I express myself too openly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I prefer not to talk very much when it isn't necessary. I really enjoy time with friends that is comfortable and casual enough that we are sitting together, but each doing our own thing and we may only talk a little bit. I enjoy friendly silence. IMO it is a social skill with great value, but it's hardly ever recognized. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocassie Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I am reserved, but I agree with other posters that being reserved doesn't exclude expressing joy. In general, I'm not a smilely, jovial, or light hearted person. However, I do engage in conversation and will laugh, smile, as well as show concern or compassion, and I have been known to get into quite heated debates depending on the nature of the conversation. I have been in conversations with others that is rather stilted or they are rather negative about life, but often I find (as I have gotten to know them better) that they suffer with social awkwardness, anxiety, or depression. I have one great friend(now), who for a long time I felt like it was pulling teeth to have a conversation with her. I met her in college and she was dating a good friend so I was around her quite a bit. It wasn't until we had kids that all of a sudden conversation just flowed out of her. Come to find out, she was so anxious about saying the wrong thing, laughing at the wrong moment, hurting someone's feelings, that she could barely get herself to say anything. The combination of the right medication and feeling confident in her new parenthood made a great deal of difference. If you are going to be around this woman periodically, please give her grace and compassion. You many never be great friends with her and that's okay. Sometimes people just don't mesh, but it could be that what comes so naturally to you is great effort on her part. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I prefer not to talk very much when it isn't necessary. I really enjoy time with friends that is comfortable and casual enough that we are sitting together, but each doing our own thing and we may only talk a little bit. I enjoy friendly silence. IMO it is a social skill with great value, but it's hardly ever recognized. Yes, absolutely totally agree. I can only tolerate people who can't tolerate silence for so long. Silence is OK, really, it is. When you are with true friends, silence is never awkward. If you are going to be around this woman periodically, please give her grace and compassion. You many never be great friends with her and that's okay. Sometimes people just don't mesh, but it could be that what comes so naturally to you is great effort on her part. Yes, it doesn't even have to be that she's depressed or anything. Maybe she's going through a difficult time in her personal/family life. Maybe there's an actual reason that she's stuck in the mud. Maybe your kindness and acceptance would help her unstick herself. There really are lots more appropriate & adult ways to handle someone who isn't the same personality as you. Speaking to the OP - are you a xian? I ask because "expressed joy" isn't a phrasing that I hear from non-xians. If you are, do you really think that the things that you said in this thread are approriate attitudes to have about someone who isn't like you? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 There is something else irking me about this thread. I have not met the woman OP is talking about, I have no idea what exactly her demeanor is. She may be a quiet and reserved person. Or possibly what the OP is picking up on is the sort of emotional and social withdrawal that results from clinical depression. I hate to imagine that someone struggling through the misery of depression might find herself surrounded by a community who judge and gossip about her rather than reaching out in support. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I think that we all make some judgments regarding people we are around. They don't have to be negative judgments. Maybe discernment is the better word. We discern who we are compatible with all the time. Sometimes those first impressions are shortcuts to finding our "kindred spirits" out there. But sometimes those quick first impressions lie. We might discover on further interaction with someone that we are not sympatico after all. Or we may discover that someone who seemed very unlike us, really is a hidden gem. Acknowledging that we do that, is not rude or unkind. It's just part of our psychology of finding people that we click with. OP - if you had just said "I find that I identify more with people who are optimistic." or "I find that I identify more with people who are extroverts." And then asked us, "How about you?" this thread might have met better reception. I think that people would still have warned you though about those hidden gems that you might not initially identify with, but who can enrich your life. If you had even said "How do you interact with the Eeyores in your life", there would have been an interesting and positive discussion. I'm pretty sure that I've seen some discussions like that on this board at times. But this thread? Were we supposed to join in the condemnation of a stranger based on their pessimistic disposition? We were supposed to vote - on a public poll no less- whether we are someone you should condemn as well? And this was supposed to be lighthearted? 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I think that we all make some judgments regarding people we are around. They don't have to be negative judgments. Maybe discernment is the better word. We discern who we are compatible with all the time. Sometimes those first impressions are shortcuts to finding our "kindred spirits" out there. But sometimes those quick first impressions lie. We might discover on further interaction with someone that we are not sympatico after all. Or we may discover that someone who seemed very unlike us, really is a hidden gem. Acknowledging that we do that, is not rude or unkind. It's just part of our psychology of finding people that we click with. OP - if you had just said "I find that I identify more with people who are optimistic." or "I find that I identify more with people who are extroverts." And then asked us, "How about you?" this thread might have met better reception. I think that people would still have warned you though about those hidden gems that you might not initially identify with, but who can enrich your life. If you had even said "How do you interact with the Eeyores in your life", there would have been an interesting and positive discussion. I'm pretty sure that I've seen some discussions like that on this board at times. But this thread? Were we supposed to join in the condemnation of a stranger based on their pessimistic disposition? We were supposed to vote - on a public poll no less- whether we are someone you should condemn as well? And this was supposed to be lighthearted? You nailed it Jean. This clarifies my squirminess regarding this thread. Great post. And I love the word discernment. Much better. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Sorry many of you don't have a clue as to what I'm saying. Oh well..... off to read other threads! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.