Need Advice, support, something...talk me out of shipping kid off to school

[tmstranger]

Hello.  I have 2 kids (8 and 12), both boys (this is mostly a rant on my 12yo).  Last year was our first year homeschooling.  For the most part, it went well, but I feel like my oldest just goes through the motions and doesn't really "care" about any topic.  He's a smart kid, pulled him out b/c he was bored in school and school took away all G/T classes when they implemented the CCSS.  I felt like last year was "boring," so I attempted to change things up a bit this year...I also want to push him so he's moving forward and not being stagnant.

 

This year, I completely changed science to be "fun" and full of experiments.  He hates that b/c now science "takes too long."  Well, sometimes, experiments do take time! Last year, with Noeo, he could read the selection, take the notes, and be done on his own pace.  Now, the hands on stuff takes time and that frustrates him.

 

I switched from SOTW to MOH.  He likes MOH, but he moans through the lessons and I honestly think the readings are too long for my youngest.  I honestly wish I didn't switch, but we did. 

 

Anyway, the whole first semester was just "getting through school."  No one seemed to be enjoying things unless it was a game we were playing.  They do like read-alouds, but don't want more than a chapter at a time (that's fine, but it's the only thing they like!). 

 

At a Christmas party, a fellow homeschooler was listening to my story and suggested I just chill.  Check out a bunch of books from the library and just let them read, I read, we all hang out and find our interests.  "If they are reading, they are learning," she said.  So, I talked to the boys and told them our plan to play games and read.  I told them that math needed to be done daily, but the books would be the rest of our "curriculum." 

 

We're on day 2 and oldest hates it.  I hate these books (he picked them out), I hate reading (he stays up all night reading fiction of his choosing), I liked the way it was before. 

 

My younger one just said, "I like this reading thing.  It's fun!" 

 

Ugh....

 

My oldest is allowed an hour on his computer each day to play minecraft.  I know he wants to finish "school" so he can do that and with the cold weather, that is the primary way he'll be seeing any "friends," so I don't want to completely take it away, but I hate his attitude.  He hates EVERYTHING.  And with this attitude, I don't feel like we'll make any progress or learn anything. 

 

I feel like I should let the younger one continue this way and just give the older one his schedule again, even though he didn't love that either. 

 

What do I do?  I like the classical way of moving through topics, but the kids are bored.  I try a literature type of low key thing for 2 days and one rebels.  I'm just lost on how to motivate him and have him not hate school.  Won't they learn more if they are interested??  He's not interested in anything. 

 

Sorry for the rant...I'm just very frustrated right now. 

[Arcadia]

For your 12 year old it could easily be

- things are effortless at school and you expect more

- cabin fever (it has been raining here for days and my boys are moody from lack of running outside)

 

Could you give him a daily school checklist so he can see how much he needs to do before playtime?

 

ETA:

Were you afterschooling before pulling him out of school? If not he might still see home as play area instead of work area.

Edited January 5, 2016 by Arcadia

[tmstranger]

Wow!  That sounds horribly frustrating.  

 

My first thought would be to ask him what he wants to do for school.  Literally, just throw it back at him.  What does he want to learn, how does he want to learn it?    Not necessarily asking what he wants to do all day--because obviously that would be to play minecraft--but if he could do anything he wanted for school, what does he want to learn and how does he want to learn it?

 

I just sat down to chat with him over lunch.  Told him I was frustrated and I don't know what to do with school for him.  Yes, I think it makes sense to learn history from the beginning and chronologically, but nobody said that is how it has to be.  If he's interested in wars, lets learn about them!  He said he's interested in WW2.  I pointed out that he checked out 2 books about WW2 from the library, but didn't read one and hated the other and didn't give it a chance...grrr!! 

 

He likes dogs...do you want to learn about dogs?  No. 

 

I agree...maybe approaching it as "how would you do school if you could?" is a better conversation. 

[tmstranger]

ETA:

Were you afterschooling before pulling him out of school? If not he might still see home as play area instead of work area.

 

No, I wasn't afterschooling.  I don't know if he thinks that...

 

We're sitting here now trying to figure out what kind of books would be more appealing...it seems the ones my 8yo picked out are more appealing!

[Kiara.I]

I wonder, though.

Wasn't he bored in school?

He has a habit of being bored *about* school, because that's what he was doing at school, and now that's what he's been doing at home, too.

 

I *don't* have kids this age, so take it with a huge grain of salt.  LOL  But...does it matter if he's bored?  Does it matter if he's doing school just to get it done?  At least he's doing it...

 

(And if you wish you hadn't switched from SOTW to MOH, can't you just switch back?)

[Jean in Newcastle]

12 is a hard age for one thing.  So much of what you wrote, made me think "Well, he's twelve. . . "  It does get better in a few years.  (That is meant to be encouraging)

 

Also - some kids just aren't ever going to really like school.  They can learn and can even do well, but they might not like it.  My 14 year old is like this.  I breaks my heart because I want to homeschool partly to ignite a love for learning.  But she really just wants to do school, get it done and then get on with the things she really wants to do on her own time.  And I've had to realize that that is ok really.  And since so much of what she wants to do on her own time does require her brain to be involved (including playing MInecraft and reading her own books), I've decided that she really does love learning - she just never is going to like school.

 

Re. curriculum.  I would choose ultimately what helps him to learn the material best.  If it is experiments, then stick with that.  If it is reading, then stick with that.  Some learners do best with hands on activities and some do best visually or auditorily.  Your learning style might be different from each of your children's and their learning style might be different from each other.  A learning style that meets their needs might be boring to you but not boring to them. 

[tmstranger]

12 is a hard age for one thing.  So much of what you wrote, made me think "Well, he's twelve. . . "  It does get better in a few years.  (That is meant to be encouraging)

 

Also - some kids just aren't ever going to really like school.  They can learn and can even do well, but they might not like it.  My 14 year old is like this.  I breaks my heart because I want to homeschool partly to ignite a love for learning.  But she really just wants to do school, get it done and then get on with the things she really wants to do on her own time.  And I've had to realize that that is ok really.  And since so much of what she wants to do on her own time does require her brain to be involved (including playing MInecraft and reading her own books), I've decided that she really does love learning - she just never is going to like school.

 

Re. curriculum.  I would choose ultimately what helps him to learn the material best.  If it is experiments, then stick with that.  If it is reading, then stick with that.  Some learners do best with hands on activities and some do best visually or auditorily.  Your learning style might be different from each of your children's and their learning style might be different from each other.  A learning style that meets their needs might be boring to you but not boring to them. 

 

I think this is it.  He just doesn't like any of it. 

 

I don't think he needs to enjoy it all, but like someone else mentioned, I want to ignite a love of learning...and that is what is upsetting me. 

 

I did have a good talk with after we both calmed down.  I told him that at least for this short time of "finding ourselves," I don't care WHAT he is learning...only that he IS learning. 

 

So, with that, he is building a pagoda on minecraft (on xbox and not with friends!), but he had to look it up on the internet and he can tell me what they are/were used for and WHY they are built as they are.  To me, on this day, that is ok. 

 

I told him that this leniency won't go on forever, but I want us to find something that works. 

[tmstranger]

The reason I would throw it back at him is that it sounds purely like an attitude problem (as you said).  I don't know any way to solve attitude problems except to ask the kid to be fully engaged in solving the problem, especially at age 12 when the tendency is to blame everyone else for things not being the way they like them.    It also forces him to really think about what he *wants* to learn and what he wants in life.  And once he figures out what he wants to learn, he'll be more engaged.   

 

The problem with that path is that he may decide that all he wants to learn is programming video-games and you may want him to be more well-rounded.  You have to decide if you're ok with that.    My experience has been that when you realize you need a skill, you dive right in to things you previously thought were boring.  That was how English was for me--hated grammar and diagramming sentences until I had to take the SATs.  Then I sat down and read the grammar book over Spring break because I wanted to do well on the SATs.  I found that with the right attitude, it wasn't even that bad.

 

Thank you.  I think that the "12" and his attitude are big problems.  I feel positive that tomorrow will be better!  Thank you all for your support.  I really do feel better.  I think my talk with him calmed down after we had some space and I could vent.  :)

[MEmama]

Do either of them *want* to be homeschooled?

 

I agree that it's time to have a frank chat. I also agree that 12 can be tough, particularly if he isn't already motivated. You are going to have to try to help him find that spark, and be at peace that it may or may not happen under your watch or in your home. I honestly don't believe homeschooling is for every family, and that really is okay.

 

Do you have much of a homeschool community around you that you can tap in to? Would a coop be a good fit for your kids?

[tmstranger]

Do either of them *want* to be homeschooled?

 

I agree that it's time to have a frank chat. I also agree that 12 can be tough, particularly if he isn't already motivated. You are going to have to try to help him find that spark, and be at peace that it may or may not happen under your watch or in your home. I honestly don't believe homeschooling is for every family, and that really is okay.

 

Do you have much of a homeschool community around you that you can tap in to? Would a coop be a good fit for your kids?

 

Yes, they both want to be homeschooled. 

 

The little one is easy.  He loves everything! LOL!

 

The older one starts a teen/tween co-op tomorrow.  I'm hoping he'll be inspired by the other kids and a different teacher.  They are "fun classes (mystery books, etc.) He does take a class at the local homeschool community center, but he doesn't like it.  Really, I signed him up just to get him out of the house to meet other kids. (He does play sports, but I want him to meet homeschooled kids, too.) I introduced to a girl in the class who was reading a book that he loved.  They hit it off, but then we went on holiday break.  (He's only had 2 classes so far b/c it was a mini session)  He starts up there again next week. 

 

This is a kid that's been a tough nut from infancy.  He's always been hard.  Our relationship has really grown since we started homeschooling and we both love that, but I just love learning and he's not there yet. 

[tmstranger]

I should add that I think *I* struggle with trying to find the best way to homeschool for my kids and in year 2, I still don't have it figured out.  I think that's why I get so upset when I try something that just blows up. 

 

I like classical, but that may not be what works for my kids.  They may learn better from a unit study or literature based approach...I just keep tweaking and hitting road blocks, but I also think my roadblock just doesn't like change.  He just wants to do it and be done.  Coming back from holiday break is not helping either. 

 

 

[TKDmom]

I've been homeschooling my 12yo ds since K, and he sounds so much like yours. He wants to climb trees and play video games. He wants to be homeschooled, but he doesn't really want to put in any effort. But then, if I let him slack off he'll complain that he never does school and I'm not helping him enough to get schoolwork done.

 

Soo...

• 12 is a challenging age.
• My ds wants a say in what he's doing, but he also wants and needs outside accountability to get his work done.
• He's going to bored with certain subjects/books, even though I try to pick things that interest both of us. If I'm excited about it, it's more likely to happen. It also makes it easier to push through the complaints.
• Reading out loud makes boring/difficult books easier and more interesting. Often, I can start reading a book aloud and get a kid hooked and he will take it from there. Sometimes the book bores me to tears too, and I realize that just because so-and-so has this book on a must-read list, doesn't mean that we really need to read it. There are too many good books out there to waste our time on books that make us want to poke our eyes out.
• Work is still work. And he just needs to put in work. DS12 is taking an outside class now, and he's realized how bad his handwriting is. He's always been very resistant to handwriting practice, so I've never pushed it too hard. Now that he can see that he needs to improve, I can start pushing harder. He's never going to like it, but at least I can remind him of his own desire to improve and help him get through the drudgery of practice.

Edited January 5, 2016 by TKDmom

[OneStepAtATime]

DD and DS want to homeschool but honestly DD was never fired up about learning in a traditional academic sense.  I tried lots of different approaches (we started homeschooling her for 6th grade) and she just was so sour and bored and uninterested.  It drove me nuts.  What really helped was probably 3 major changes.  

 

1.  She matured.  10-13 she was a hard kid to teach, even when she was in school.  14-15 have been MUCH better with regards to attitude.

 

2.  She found interests that she is passionate about.  Those interests get her fired up about doing academics that get her into a better place to do more things she is passionate about.  In other words, the academics themselves never were very interesting to her but learning something to further her own goals IS.

 

3.  I finally accepted that she just wants to get stuff done so she has free time to pursue her interests.  She has a checklist to work off of, she knows when that checklist is done she is done with academics for the day and can pursue her other things (like art, story writing, animal documentaries, photography, graphic design) and can go to things of interest to her (like a homeschool based Student Council, drama class, 4-H, etc.).  She has materials that are mostly independent.  We work together at the beginning of each day and each week, but then she does the rest on her own.  We then review together anything she has missed (and we do that DAILY) but it usually doesn't take very long.  Being able to just move on to the next thing when she is done with the previous thing, not having to wait for me or for her brother, has worked sooooooo much better for her.  (Unfortunately, not for her brother but he is a people person and needs more interaction.  Not having his sister to interact with has been problematic).

 

Good luck, OP.  

[MEmama]

I should add that I think *I* struggle with trying to find the best way to homeschool for my kids and in year 2, I still don't have it figured out. I think that's why I get so upset when I try something that just blows up.

 

I like classical, but that may not be what works for my kids. They may learn better from a unit study or literature based approach...I just keep tweaking and hitting road blocks, but I also think my roadblock just doesn't like change. He just wants to do it and be done. Coming back from holiday break is not helping either.

I've been homeschooling for 7 years, and I still need to tweak all the time. I think the "best" way is always evolving, and that's okay. Sometimes stressful, but ultimately good.

 

I think a lot of/ most homeschoolers don't actually "do school" in the way they initially envisioned. I loved the idea of unschooling when we pulled our son out of grade 1, but that was totally the opposite approach from what he wanted and needed. He thrives with structure and our homeschool relies on textbooks more each year because he loves them so much and they provide such a great jumping off point for us. I could never have envisioned that when we started! Lol

 

We've had our struggles this year, too. It's a tough age. I personally think for a kid who isn't naturally one to embrace academics, the get-'er-done method isn't the worst. Does he have other passions he can sink his teeth into? Homeschooling can provide so much more time to explore interests that aren't academic but are equally as important.

 

Hoping you'll find you'll groove soon! :)

[wintermom]

I see a few challenges you face in quickly and easily reaching your goal of igniting a love of learning. It doesn't mean that you can't get there, but perhaps you need to analyze exactly what "love of learning" is going to look like in each of your children. And perhaps you can look at what subject or activity you are likely to ignite that spark initially, then gradually expand on this in other areas.

 

General Challenges we all face: 

 

- the first couple years of homeschooling are really challenging for both parent and student 

- the 12 year adolescent phase can be tough (so many physical and hormonal changes are going on)

- unique personalities of our children and ourselves as parent teachers

- what worked at one point in time probably won't work for ever

 

Your biggest assets are that you are enthusiastic, you know your boys best and are continuing to learn about how they learn, your boys want to be homeschooled and your relationship with them is positive and growing. Build on these, and continue to have patience and confidence to try different things. Unit studies can be great, especially if the student is interested in the topic. 

 

P.S. Starting back again after a break is tough!  :crying:

 

 

 

[Hilltopmom]

 

So, he has interests, but just isn't iterested in " school". At this age, school may just be a thing to " get through", but that doesn't mean it has to be boring or traditional.

 

Try Keeping a notepad of what he does NOT during school time, to help you track the " education" in his everyday activities.

 

You got books from the library, how else can you explore his interests? - documentaries, computer games on the topic, museum trips (even if just virtual ones), 4 H dog training class or group, living history....

 

There are all sorts of Mine Craft related books now- chapter books, comics, " how to create mods", etc.

My son did 2 of the Minecraft Homeschool classes a few years ago- Vikings & something else. They watched videos & read things, then had building assignments based on the time periods, it was really cool.

 

Does he still like lego or playmobil? My son spend hours listening to the SOTW audios while building with lego, playmobil, or snap circuits. He never would've been interested in the SOTW activity guide activities, but practically memorized the books.

 

Have you tried lego robotics or technic? Board game or chess clubs? Astronomy? Nature or hiking groups? Skiing or kayaking programs? Build a catapult? Backyard ballistics or archery? Dangerous book for Boys?

 

There is lots of neat educational stuff out there for 12 Yr old boys, but we did not find it in curriculum.

 

We "unschooled" most everything but math till high school. But he still learned a ton, it just didn't look much like school.

I did go out of my way to find cool stuff in all the different subject areas, so, I'm not saying just leave him on the play station 24/7. Made reports to our district harder to write, but keeping track weekly or daily helped.

I tried to be sure on a weekly (some people do daily) basis, he read something , created something (lego,art, whatever), wrote something, interacted with other kids, got exercise, played board games, watched something ( documentary or youtube), did math.

 

Both my big kids have gone through stages in those preteen years when " everything" was boring. It got better.

[basketcase]

You can do it! Seriously, though. Usually there's one of my four kids that I'm particularly worried about. During rough times, more. But we get through it - my 12yo was struggling with his attitude last year, big time. He turned a corner and has been amazing this year. Hope is there!

 

One thing I've noticed is that often the way my kids are vocalizing their discontent or the subjects they're complaining about - those might not be closely related to what's really bothering them. When I have a deeper conversation, other things come up. Once kid was missing her friends who had gone back to public school. Another time, one kid wanted more time with me during school hours. Usually they'll list a number of things they find frustrating, and if I can acknowledge that I've heard them and offer a solution for just one of the issues, attitudes improve. Frankly, I consider attitude problems more of a parenting issue than a homeschooling one. It's one of the parenting things my husband and I usually tackle together. Always nice to have back up!

[tmstranger]

Thank you all for your help and encouragement!  You've all really made me feel better.  I think I was just having a bad day coming back from break and he picked today to have a meltdown himself! 

 

We'll take a deep breath and move forward.  :)

[Mom22ns]

Thank you all for your help and encouragement!  You've all really made me feel better.  I think I was just having a bad day coming back from break and he picked today to have a meltdown himself! 

 

We'll take a deep breath and move forward.  :)

 

I'm glad you're feeling better. I have a couple of thoughts I thought I'd throw in the mix.

 

First, I'm assuming he was in a B&M school K-4 since last year was your first homeschooling, I pulled my youngest at that age, my oldest was a year older. Both wanted to homeschool and frankly neither complained much, but particularly my youngest never loved school or learning either. My oldest never loved school, but did love learning. After being in school all that time, their attitude about trying to fit their interests into school was "Don't ruin what I love by making it part of school." They couldn't get the concept of, following interests and learning along the way. We had to stick with more structured curriculum that got done and they learned what they needed to learn. 

 

Second, I would consider the complaining and attitude a behavior issue. I would just let him know that whining, complaining, and telling you he hates school are not acceptable. If there is a problem learning, you want to know. If something is too hard or too boring, please mention it - politely. If the curriculum is a bad fit, you'll try something else next time. But if he is just being grumpy and complaining, there is going to be a consequence. A marble jar would be a suggestion here. For example, he starts with 6 marbles each day. Each marble represents 10 min of MineCraft time. Each attitude issue removes a marble. You might want to make there be something he can do to earn back or earn extra marbles - set a maximum. This would give him incentive to stop the attitude and maybe even add some positive behavior. 

 

Good luck. You can do this. If your kids both want to homeschool, don't give up. Give them and yourself grace as you adjust to this new normal. You'll find your way and it will work. 12 really is hard, and in a few years it will get better - probably. :)

[SebastianCat]

Second, I would consider the complaining and attitude a behavior issue. I would just let him know that whining, complaining, and telling you he hates school are not acceptable. If there is a problem learning, you want to know. If something is too hard or too boring, please mention it - politely. If the curriculum is a bad fit, you'll try something else next time. But if he is just being grumpy and complaining, there is going to be a consequence. A marble jar would be a suggestion here. For example, he starts with 6 marbles each day. Each marble represents 10 min of MineCraft time. Each attitude issue removes a marble. You might want to make there be something he can do to earn back or earn extra marbles - set a maximum. This would give him incentive to stop the attitude and maybe even add some positive behavior. 

 

 

I agree with this.   A 12 year old is old enough to learn how to manage his time (to a degree) and to have a say in his education, as long as it's done respectfully.   He needs to have consequences, both positive and negative.   He might not be able to articulate the exact issue, but he needs to talk about it in a constructive way, knowing that you will listen and work with him.  

 

Is he getting enough physical activity?   This was HUGE when my DS first hit puberty at 11 and 12 (he's 13 now, and I know he's not finished, but 13 has been MUCH better here).    But I remember days when I just looked at him and calmly said, "I think you need to go outside and run."    He started running laps around the house, then running to the front of the neighborhood and back (about a mile), and now he VOLUNTARILY runs a 3-mile course through our neighborhood at least 4 days per week.   When he's frustrated, or angry, or sullen, he will go for a run and come back a completely different kid.   But when it's been more than 2 or 3 days and he hasn't been for a run, he gets squirrel-y and I can tell.       

 

Also recognize that this is a really difficult age for a boy to be home all day with Mom.   Is his Dad engaged in his education?    Maybe he could step up a little and do science experiments or build things together.    Is there a particular subject that you could outsource (probably not the remainder of this year, but looking forward to the fall)?    My DS & I butted heads last year through pre-Algebra, so outsourcing Algebra (once a week co-op with a male teacher) has been a very good thing for both of us.   

[tmstranger]

Is he getting enough physical activity?   This was HUGE when my DS first hit puberty at 11 and 12 (he's 13 now, and I know he's not finished, but 13 has been MUCH better here).    But I remember days when I just looked at him and calmly said, "I think you need to go outside and run."    He started running laps around the house, then running to the front of the neighborhood and back (about a mile), and now he VOLUNTARILY runs a 3-mile course through our neighborhood at least 4 days per week.   When he's frustrated, or angry, or sullen, he will go for a run and come back a completely different kid.   But when it's been more than 2 or 3 days and he hasn't been for a run, he gets squirrel-y and I can tell.       

 

Also recognize that this is a really difficult age for a boy to be home all day with Mom.   Is his Dad engaged in his education?    Maybe he could step up a little and do science experiments or build things together.    Is there a particular subject that you could outsource (probably not the remainder of this year, but looking forward to the fall)?    My DS & I butted heads last year through pre-Algebra, so outsourcing Algebra (once a week co-op with a male teacher) has been a very good thing for both of us.   

 

I love that your son will go run!  I keep trying to get mine to enjoy it, but he doesn't.  He plays basketball several times each week (he's there now) and we've had unseasonably warm temps until just recently, so they've been able to play outside. 

 

Dad was a math major in college, so while I do most of the schooling, he fills in when I get stuck with math!  He also coaches all of their sports, so he's involved...just not in the day to day school. 

 

I know I was venting today, but ds doesn't complain that much.  Usually only on Mondays (don't we all?)!!  He just doesn't appear to have any passion for anything (other than minecraft).  He's just very clear that he prefers to just do school and be done.  He will read what I tell him to and do what I say (although writing is a very reluctant subject), but he isn't enjoying the lose schedule or the books he chose from the library.  For example, he enjoyed the kids cookbook he selected and spent a lot of time with it learning about kitchen equipment, etc., but he hated the WW2 book he picked out.  After looking at the book his brother picked, he decided today that he would prefer non-fiction history in that form. 

 

When I say he's difficult, it's that he does like to challenge "new" stuff.  He's always been like that...changes don't go over well.  I thought this would be a fun and easy change to our school day, but it backfired.  We had a good talk today and I went over the expectations I have for what needs to be done (he has a checklist, but I was giving him a lot of free choice) and I think tomorrow will be better. 

 

I was wondering if a more "literature-based" approach would be better for us and make school less boring.  I still don't know, but what I have learned is that he likes a written schedule and boxes to check off. 

 

Momto2Ns, that is interesting what you said about not wanting school to infringe on their interests!  I didn't really think about it that way. 

 

Also, I am in a state that doesn't have too many restrictions, but my county was always over-reaching and asking for written documentation of work in 8 subjects done weekly.  I had no problem meeting their requests, but I stressed about it.  This semester, I joined an umbrella that is much more lenient with written documentation of work, so I had hoped we could ALL relax a little.  I guess I'm also a little disappointed that this "less-stressful" schedule didn't go over as well as I had hoped.  Does that make sense?  So, I had my hopes up, it crashed and burned with one kid, and I was definitely upset. 

 

Anyway, thanks again for your support.  I appreciate it!

[elizahelen]

I thought of a couple of questions you may want to think about:

 

1. Does he have chores that he does regularly to help out the household?

 

2. Does he respect you as his parent (even begrudgingly counts)?
 

3. Could you have your vision of what success looks like be different than his?

 

I just finished reading The Blessings of a Skinned Knee and cribbed these from it. :bigear:  Hope you update us on how things go. 

[KrissiK]

I have a 12 year old boy, so I know what they are like. But... I think one of the misconceptions about homeschooling is that kids are going to like school now. And sometimes they don't. I was so excited about homeschooling at the get go when my kids were young. I just knew we were going to be like one of those families in the curriculum catalogs. Bright shiny faces snuggled on the couch with good books. I did everything TWTM way... Real books, everything. This is the way I would have loved to be educated. But my kids weren't in to school. Not even with all the fun stuff. They just wanted to be done so they could do other things. Sigh. Now.... We just get through school. They don't complain, they seem to think it's fairly enjoyable,but they aren't "in" to school. And that's just the way some kids are. No matter how fun you try to make it.

[Sahamamama]

Hello.  I have 2 kids (8 and 12), both boys (this is mostly a rant on my 12yo).  Last year was our first year homeschooling.  For the most part, it went well, but I feel like my oldest just goes through the motions and doesn't really "care" about any topic.  He's a smart kid, pulled him out b/c he was bored in school and school took away all G/T classes when they implemented the CCSS.  I felt like last year was "boring," so I attempted to change things up a bit this year...I also want to push him so he's moving forward and not being stagnant.

 

This year, I completely changed science to be "fun" and full of experiments.  He hates that b/c now science "takes too long."  Well, sometimes, experiments do take time! Last year, with Noeo, he could read the selection, take the notes, and be done on his own pace.  Now, the hands on stuff takes time and that frustrates him.

 

I switched from SOTW to MOH.  He likes MOH, but he moans through the lessons and I honestly think the readings are too long for my youngest.  I honestly wish I didn't switch, but we did. 

 

Anyway, the whole first semester was just "getting through school."  No one seemed to be enjoying things unless it was a game we were playing.  They do like read-alouds, but don't want more than a chapter at a time (that's fine, but it's the only thing they like!). 

 

At a Christmas party, a fellow homeschooler was listening to my story and suggested I just chill.  Check out a bunch of books from the library and just let them read, I read, we all hang out and find our interests.  "If they are reading, they are learning," she said.  So, I talked to the boys and told them our plan to play games and read.  I told them that math needed to be done daily, but the books would be the rest of our "curriculum." 

 

We're on day 2 and oldest hates it.  I hate these books (he picked them out), I hate reading (he stays up all night reading fiction of his choosing), I liked the way it was before. 

 

My younger one just said, "I like this reading thing.  It's fun!" 

 

Ugh....

 

My oldest is allowed an hour on his computer each day to play minecraft.  I know he wants to finish "school" so he can do that and with the cold weather, that is the primary way he'll be seeing any "friends," so I don't want to completely take it away, but I hate his attitude.  He hates EVERYTHING.  And with this attitude, I don't feel like we'll make any progress or learn anything. 

 

I feel like I should let the younger one continue this way and just give the older one his schedule again, even though he didn't love that either. 

 

What do I do?  I like the classical way of moving through topics, but the kids are bored.  I try a literature type of low key thing for 2 days and one rebels.  I'm just lost on how to motivate him and have him not hate school.  Won't they learn more if they are interested??  He's not interested in anything. 

 

Sorry for the rant...I'm just very frustrated right now. 

 

I highlighted the parts of your post that stood out to me, and here are a few thoughts:

 

First, I'm not sure that, as moms, we always can or should endeavor to motivate our students. I realize that some people will disagree with that, but if we continually strive to make school "fun" or "interesting," I think the whole enterprise may suffer. The kids also learn how to play into that insecurity, in order to line up a less-than-diligent work day.

 

In the end, the work still needs to get done, fun or not. I think that a certain mindset on the mother's part can go a long way towards communicating the desired approach to school work -- Yes, this is work. No, it isn't always exciting or interesting, but it is important to work our way through this material, whether we are thrilled or not. Stop whining now, and get it done.

 

My second thought is that you are allowing your children too much freedom to express their personal opinions and feelings about school -- what they like, what they hate, what they find boring, and so on. For the most part, I would nip that in the bud. That doesn't mean that you don't, from time to time, solicit your sons' opinions about school (especially the oldest boy), but that you teach them to refrain from complaining at every turn. Let them know that it impacts you, drains you, and takes away from the peace and joy of the home. Be the leader. I think that good leadership does sometimes require that we listen and accept input, but it does also sometimes mean that we drive the slackers and silence the whiners. I know it isn't easy to find that balance between, "How do you feel about this, Dear?" and "I don't care how you feel, just get the work done!" LOL. ;)

 

My third and final thought is: If your son is the get-it-done-quickly type, why not just go with that? Many boys (IME) are like this. They do NOT want to have long, hands-on History lessons. They want to read a chapter, answer questions, and be done. They do NOT want to have long, hands-on Science lessons. They want to read a chapter, answer questions, and be done. I think that's why so many of them enjoy Math -- because it is straightforward. Here's the chapter, here are the exercises, here are the answers.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would (1) keep his school assignments short and sweet [Math, Grammar or Latin, Composition, Assigned Reading/Listening across the content subjects], (2) continue to limit his screen time, but still allow it, and (3) require the rest of his time to be "productive" in some way. Productive can mean many, many things -- chores, rest, reading, creative projects, cooking, exercise, yard work, social activities, personal hygiene, part-time job, time with pets, time with grandparents or siblings, playing games (off-line, since you have a limit set), hobbies, travel, and so on. Your son should naturally use that time to find his interests, read what he likes, grow into his changing body, and contribute to his family's well-being.

 

And you won't exhaust yourself trying to motivate him through school work. He may be the type of young man who, although he will certainly find his path, just can't get excited about school subjects. In and of themselves, they are not that motivating to him.

 

I married one of these types. ;) He did school to get it done, not from any passion. The quicker the assignment, the better, LOL, especially with History and English. But he grew up and now he's a good man. When we had three babies, he went back to school, not for the love of what he studied, but for the love of his family. Teach your son to be good and loving, and the motivation for learning will eventually come from that.

Edited January 6, 2016 by Sahamamama