All4one Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Aaaaah! In laws have been visiting since Tuesday and this is the second night I'm in bed fuming and not sleeping. Apparently my face is showing an attitude (dh's private words to me) and I look "censorious" (MIL's words) when really I'm biting my tongue so hard. 😠😠😠Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All4one Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 I have to get this out! Dear MIL, If you are going to get upset when discussing politics and religion then please do not bring up the topics 10 minutes into your visit with the assumption your viewpoints are right and everyone agrees with you. Please stop telling anecdotes where people are either man/woman, a black man/woman, a Hispanic man/woman, or a really cute Asian person. Children can play board games and act in an opportunistic way to win the game and this is not a moral failing on their part. They are just playing a game and you are sore you are losing. Please stop acting like you know my parents and can tell your friends inaccurate stories about them when you have only met them a handful of times in 2 decades. Please stop abbreviating children's names when you have been told we don't do that. Please stop taking through movies and tv shows! We can see what is going on; and if I mentally check out and play on my phone because I can't stand it anymore please don't make the assumption I'm not into these kind of shows! Sincerely, DIL I feel a little better. My heart is not beating as fast.😠9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Big Hugs :grouphug: from GA for you! Hoping that they'll head home soon! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hugs! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 That's a long list. I say this gently - are you being easily provoked and letting everything get on your nerves? None of those are really big deals, and maybe looking at the whole situation from a different perspective and focusing just on the good points while letting the bad ones roll off your back might make things easier to handle? I've been there and honestly they weren't going to change, so for *my* sake I changed *me* and my response to it. 85% better right there. Not perfect, but also not sticking in my craw constantly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All4one Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 That's a long list. I say this gently - are you being easily provoked and letting everything get on your nerves? None of those are really big deals, and maybe looking at the whole situation from a different perspective and focusing just on the good points while letting the bad ones roll off your back might make things easier to handle? I've been there and honestly they weren't going to change, so for *my* sake I changed *me* and my response to it. 85% better right there. Not perfect, but also not sticking in my craw constantly. I know they aren't going to change and that's why I'm venting here and biting my tongue. I think telling my children that they are morally deficient because of the way they play a game is a big deal. She said this during the game and ended the game early by saying she can't play this way. Which is ironic because she is a ruthless player and I stopped playing games with her early in our marriage because of the way she plays. I think telling people incorrectly that my dad acted in a mercenary way when in fact he very generously gifted valuable items is a big deal. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Oh, wouldn't it be easier if she only did one of these things. And what a killer that even a movie doesn't quiet her! My mil is crazy, my practically-adult kids know it and still adore her. I don't quite understand it, but I'm glad they are at the point where they can make their own judgment. I really, really hope that you can find your happy place, whether it's with a glass or two of wine and then on your phone, reading a magazine, keeping busy in the kitchen, etc. She'll be there for just a short time, and she's so not worth having a stressful weekend or friction with your husband. She's delusional, and anything you say likely won't change her. Let your husband deal (or not) with her. Meanwhile, distance yourself a bit and focus on being in your own good place this weekend. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 How does your husband feel about these incidents and behaviors? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Sounds like it's a good time to go "run some errands" for a couple of hours by yourself. This is what I do when my ILs come - I usually end up in a chair in a bookstore with a cup of hot chocolate in my hand. It helps a lot! 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I know they aren't going to change and that's why I'm venting here and biting my tongue. I think telling my children that they are morally deficient because of the way they play a game is a big deal. She said this during the game and ended the game early by saying she can't play this way. Which is ironic because she is a ruthless player and I stopped playing games with her early in our marriage because of the way she plays. I think telling people incorrectly that my dad acted in a mercenary way when in fact he very generously gifted valuable items is a big deal. I think your list is long because you are biting your tongue on a couple of important things. "MIL, you don't get to call my kids morally deficient." "MIL, you are not entitled to an opinion on my father's actions." Once you start addressing the serious stuff, the nonsense will fade from your mind. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Ahhh, family... My SIL just asked me if I'd hate her if she gifted my oldest an iguana (against my wishes). Ummm, yes. Yes, I will. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Ahhh, family... My SIL just asked me if I'd hate her if she gifted my oldest an iguana (against my wishes). Ummm, yes. Yes, I will. Wowsers, that'd be a mean thing to do! A loud musical toy is one thing, but a live pet! Just wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Marmalade Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I have to get this out! Dear MIL, If you are going to get upset when discussing politics and religion then please do not bring up the topics 10 minutes into your visit with the assumption your viewpoints are right and everyone agrees with you. Please stop telling anecdotes where people are either man/woman, a black man/woman, a Hispanic man/woman, or a really cute Asian person. Children can play board games and act in an opportunistic way to win the game and this is not a moral failing on their part. They are just playing a game and you are sore you are losing. Please stop acting like you know my parents and can tell your friends inaccurate stories about them when you have only met them a handful of times in 2 decades. Please stop abbreviating children's names when you have been told we don't do that. Please stop taking through movies and tv shows! We can see what is going on; and if I mentally check out and play on my phone because I can't stand it anymore please don't make the assumption I'm not into these kind of shows! Sincerely, DIL I feel a little better. My heart is not beating as fast.😠Ohmygoodness. We have the same IL's! I'm so sorry. Do you have wine on hand? It takes a lot to make it through a visit. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 If you are going to get upset when discussing politics and religion then please do not bring up the topics 10 minutes into your visit with the assumption your viewpoints are right and everyone agrees with you. Please stop telling anecdotes where people are either man/woman, a black man/woman, a Hispanic man/woman, or a really cute Asian person. I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe this will help (at least until you can open a bottle of wine) ... SNL thanksgiving skit 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 (edited) nm Edited December 2, 2015 by ^ 022 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All4one Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 How does your husband feel about these incidents and behaviors?He grew up with her ways so he's used to them. I don't tell him all things she says. He rolls his eyes at some of the things she says in front of him. They live far away so that helps. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 (edited) nm Edited December 2, 2015 by ^ 022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: My inlaws are a piece of work, so I get it. My MIL would be VERY sorry if she called my kids morally deficient for strategically playing a game. :angry: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Sounds like it's a good time to go "run some errands" for a couple of hours by yourself. This is what I do when my ILs come - I usually end up in a chair in a bookstore with a cup of hot chocolate in my hand. It helps a lot! Brilliant!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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