Keeping little boys from "handling" themselves...

[StaceyinLA]

Dd is wondering what some options are to try and keep dgs from playing with his privates 24/7. Seriously - the kid ALWAYS has his hand in his pants. 

 

She has tried to encourage him to only do this in private, and doesn't really want to discipline him for doing something that's pretty normal, but he really does do this a little too much (okay a LOT too much).

 

Any suggestions?

[Guest]

I'm assuming toddler/preschool age.

 

Time to introduce him to privacy. Take him to his room and tell him he may touch his penis only in private because it's a private part. Talk to him about how he may do anything that is safe to his body, but some things are best enjoyed alone (lol).

[Onceuponatime]

It could be sensory issue that would be helped by switching from briefs to boxers and making sure his pants are loose fitting and comfortable. After five kids, it became apparent that some small children have issues with uncomfortable underwear and pants. As moms all we see is the unwanted behavior.

[itsheresomewhere]

Might be the underwear it too small or that he needs a different type. Also, make sure he is not having a wetness issue after going to the potty.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I just ask if they need to go potty. If they say no, I ask again. And again. Eventually they get the point.

[redsquirrel]

How old is the child?

 

I just treat it like any other sort of thoughtless habit, like nail biting or nose picking.  I do understand that they are not the same thing though. I have no problem reminding a kid that nose picking is sort of gross but I wouldn't say that about hands in the pants, beyond the maybe the washing hands part.

 

I agree to see if he is a bit damp after peeing, even if he doesn't realize it, that can lead to a bit of itchiness. That was the exact problem for a friend's daughter.

 

But some kids just to it more than others.  My younger son once told me, 'but its so convenient when there are no legos around!" It really is just a fidgeting issue, lol.  I am a fidgety person and I am so glad I was not born male, because I would have done the same exact thing as a kid. Instead I became a nail biter/cuticle picker, not much better.

[maize]

Overalls can help restrict access.

 

Get some fidget toys and use them to redirect.

 

Make sure he is drinking plenty, concentrated urine can leave a burning sensation behind, touching in that case is like scratching an itch.

[zoobie]

Redirecting to the bathroom for privacy followed by hand washing as we do with nose picking too.

[StaceyinLA]

Thanks for the suggestions. To clarify a few things that were mentioned - He does it with boxers OR briefs, doesn't seem to have any issues with wetness. He is 4 years old and has been potty-trained for 2 years, so he is pretty adept at not having dribbles before or after pottying.

[redsquirrel]

Thanks for the suggestions. To clarify a few things that were mentioned - He does it with boxers OR briefs, doesn't seem to have any issues with wetness. He is 4 years old and has been potty-trained for 2 years, so he is pretty adept at not having dribbles before or after pottying.

 

Honestly, its just going to take some time. That is part of the job description for 4 year olds...really.

 

He'll get older and it will get better. That is one of those things that I am not even sure my time telling them to stop was even worth it. As some point they both stopped and I doubt my telling them had much to do with it

[Luckymama]

Honestly, its just going to take some time. That is part of the job description for 4 year olds...really.

 

He'll get older and it will get better. That is one of those things that I am not even sure my time telling them to stop was even worth it. As some point they both stopped and I doubt my telling them had much to do with it

My sister and I joke that we can tell the age of our boys in photos just by whether or not they were holding themselves!

[Annie G]

I know this is a common thing for kids, but is there any chance he's doing it to comfort himself? Is there anything stressful going on? If so, maybe it'll take some other strategies other than just asking him to do it in private. 

 

If it's interfering with his daily activities, like if he's doing it during meals, it might be time to set some rules (not punishing him, but rules such as not in public rooms, washing hands after, and coming up with a word to alert him that his mom has noticed what he's doing, which is a signal to stop). 

 

It'll end soon enough...but it can be annoying when it's ongoing! 

[Grover]

My son is EIGHT and I've just realised that I haven't had to tell him to get his hand out of his pants for a few months.  He didn't do it as a little guy so much (although I do recall glancing down at him in the supermarket queue when he was three or so and seeing his penis poking over the waistband of his pants, lol!), but from about 5 - 8 it just about drove me crazy.  We did the "in your room" thing, and the "wash your hands" thing, and the "do you need the toilet?" thing, and the underwwar, infection, irritation, and JUST STOP IT thing.  I think perhaps he's just finally grown out of it.  Sorry. 

[Tsuga]

Thanks for the suggestions. To clarify a few things that were mentioned - He does it with boxers OR briefs, doesn't seem to have any issues with wetness. He is 4 years old and has been potty-trained for 2 years, so he is pretty adept at not having dribbles before or after pottying.

 

I feel like if we could find a solution to four year olds, particularly boys, fondling themselves, we could make a million dollars on the solution.

 

 

My girls did it, too, but less often and less noticeably. They do it because it feels good. Pulling an ear, sucking a thumb, fondling... it's baby behavior they just have to get over eventually.

 

"Do you have to pee?" "No." "Please stop touching yourself there, then." 

 

If hands go down the pants, I required hand-washing, which was also a deterrent.

 

Maybe the kids I know are wacky but this seems to me to be a normal, though irritating, phenomenon. I wouldn't worry about anything more than the rinse-repeat solutions it until the child was past kindergarten. That's when it starts to be really unacceptable IMO.

[StaceyinLA]

Thank you everyone. I will let my daughter know. She is pretty laid back, so I won't say she is overly disturbed, but I think it bothers dsil a bit more, and she just wanted to see what the hive had to say about it.

[kewb]

As others have said, constant reminding that this is something you do in private. Please go to your room if you want to touch your privates. It is rude to do in public spaces.

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

[lovinmyboys]

My son started sucking his thumb and putting his hands in his pants at 9mos. Some kids tug their ear, hold a lovey, play with their belly button while they suck their thumb. He put his other hand in his pants.

 

The common advice to me (and what the pediatrician said) was to just keep telling him that is something we do in private and to tell him to go to his room or the bathroom. I didn't do that too often because often he would do it in public when he was tired or upset and he is my high strung child. I would rather deal with his hand in his pants than with a fit from him.

 

Anyway, I pretty much never did anything. I know I saw him do it some this summer, but he hasn't done it in the last couple of months (at least that I saw). I'm pretty sure he grew out of it and became embarrassed to do it in front of people. He is 5.5. He plays sports and does other activities with kids and I think he just became more socially aware.

 

My 3yr old does it occasionally and he has a much more laid back personality. If we are in public I tell him to get his hands out of his pants and he does with no problem. If I would have done that with my other son we would have had a public meltdown.

[Catherine]

I had one boy who did this.  Nagging was not an option as it would have driven ME crazy.  I had some success encouraging him to avoid it in public.  Unfortunately, he seemed to transfer this habit to a pretty aggressive nail-biting habit that persists to this day (he is 22).  

 

One note-he was circumcised when he was 7 and that seemed to end it-I have wondered if he had a chronic irritation under his foreskin that was part of the issue.  

[EndOfOrdinary]

Let her know this might return around age 7/8. We actively had my son ask male family members how they discreetly handle any uncomfortablility issues. Most were able to give him some techniques which were much more socially appropriate. It allowed for a shame free discussion instead of making Ds feel guilty.

[happypamama]

Mine have not been too big into that after the initial toddler stage, but when I do see it, I remind them that it's private, and if they need to adjust themselves, they need to go to the bathroom or their bedroom, and they need to wash their hands. Or I'll check to see if they need to use the bathroom; I'll see them hold themselves sometimes when they need to urinate but don't want to stop playing. But time. That's the biggest thing. They outgrow it.