JFSinIL Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 ...I point out that I have been ready to go out for a planned car shopping trip for THREE hours now and he is still piddling around getting ready. Sigh. Am sure that the used cars dd and I checked out a couple days ago may be gone by now, but there are others to check out....and we need another (used) car ideally today, but by late Tuesday at latest. Hubby has known this for months. Nothing like waiting until the last minute - and then dithering around getting ready - to make me need to chill. Ok, vent over. At least when we finally leave it will be getting into the hottest, most humid time of day. :closedeyes: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 My Dh can also dither around getting ready. He has poor time management skills, and a really bad sense of time - as in how long things take. I just remind myself that he doesn't do it on purpose. Sometimes that helps. :glare: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 In your position, I would be following dh around the house, ranting and raving, repeating everything you just wrote, but in a very exasperated, very loud voice. Repeat. After the first 90 min. delay, I would add in accusations of a lack of respect for my time, our family's need for transportation, and begin threatening expensive actions to get our needs met, like taxis, until he can find time to make us a priority. Your dh is very lucky you are venting here and not at him. I would be losing.my.mind. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Is it passive-agressiveness because he does not want to either shop for a car, or buy a car? Just a thought . . . Or is this pretty typical? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 BTDT, own all the commemorative tee shirts. Recently, I was all keyed up about something I needed him to go do and I said, "WHEN do you PLAN to leave?!" He scoffed, "Pssshhhh! I don't PLAN nything!" So, yeah. At least he is consistent. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I count down in a non-nagging way. "Hey, I'm leaving in 30 minutes", "Hey, daughter and I are taking off in 10 minutes", etc Ibfunush with "I heading to the car" and go. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Agreeing with everyone here. I wish I had spent more time with his parents before we got married (hard to do since we lived on opposite coasts). His father is exactly the same. Probably wouldn't have changed anything, but maybe I'd have been better prepared. In my case I don't think it's passive aggression going on. It's just... everything takes so long. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 People have different senses of timing. It would drive me nuts, but I get it. My dh doesn't like to rush off to anything fun, he thinks it takes the fun out. He does not mind standing in line at the zoo in the hottest part of the day, or searching for a parking spot at the beach in the middle of the day when it takes half an hour to find the parking spot that could have been spent ON THE BEACH if we had just left earlier. But for anything to do with work he gets right on it first thing in the day, lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I'd have left by now. Not ready? You can see the car I buy when we get home. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 My adhd DH once started shredding 6 years' worth of bills at 11:30pm on Christmas Eve in the middle of the family room rug when we had a large play kitchen to assemble. I feel your pain. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Can you pack yourself a snack and an activity and go sit in the car? Won't work if he forgets you said you were waiting in the car, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 My adhd DH once started shredding 6 years' worth of bills at 11:30pm on Christmas Eve in the middle of the family room rug when we had a large play kitchen to assemble. I feel your pain. I'm laughing with you...DH would totally do this. I see ominous signs with DS15, too. Yesterday, we were getting in the car to go to soccer practice, 20 minutes before start (it's 15 minutes' drive if there's not a shred of traffic). Ds says, "Hey can we go to Dick's first to look for cleats?" Initially, I thought he meant first in the line of errands to run later in the day. Surely he couldn't mean first, as in, right now, before practice, right? He couldn't possibly think we can go find and purchase new cleats before practice, which starts in 20 minutes, right? Wrong. He meant right now. Wow. He's in driver's ed, so I had a discussion with him how one essential thing to learn as he's learning to drive, is to have realistic understanding of where different places are and how long it takes to get there. Also explained what it means to "build in a contingency." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Gone without him, long before three hours is up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 All of us have Executive Function/Time Management issues here. I totally sympathize. What finally helped here was a zillion alarms on my phone. I have an alarm to wake everyone up; An alarm for when we absolutely have to start breakfast; An alarm for getting dressed and brushing teeth; An alarm for when I tell DH/Kids we are leaving in 30 minutes; Then an alarm for the leaving in :15 minutes warning (at which point everyone needs to already be ready to go); Then an alarm for when we actually need to leave (which is actually set 5 minutes before we actually need to leave but I act as though it is now!). If DH isn't ready he can take his own car or not go. If the kids aren't ready they can dress/get shoes on in the car. It worked much better than nagging or ignoring or fretting. We now actually get to places usually on time or even a bit early. Hugs and good luck. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Just laughing at time management / executive function. Once a few years before kids Dh woke me up at midnight to ask if I wanted to play a board game we had for a week. I calmly pointed out the two of us couldn't play a 4+ player board game and perhaps he could arrange something for a better time with some other people. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 Is it passive-agressiveness because he does not want to either shop for a car, or buy a car? Just a thought . . . Or is this pretty typical? Both. But we do need another used car, and he has known this for quite some time. Unless he wanted to start driving dd to her new job (6:30am til 9, then rush to CC for her classes that start at 9:30 , which I can't do as I am juggling getting our adult son with autism to his day program) we had to have another car by Monday. DD and I did do some grunt work checking out available stock in our price range earlier this week. ANYWAY - we did finally get there, and one of the cars DD and I had looked at and driven had been moved to the super sale line, another two thousand off. So it was kinda a "sign" that that would become our car. Hubby drove it and could find nothing wrong with it. So we now have a 2009 Passat with less than 41,000 miles on it. It is nicer than the 2009 Ford Focus he had been driving, so he gets the "new" car and dd the Ford. And I have extra money to get another upright deep freeze (refurbished) since both the old frost-free hand-me-down from an aunt AND the back-up older garage sale freezer went belly-up this week. Aaargh!\ 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Yay that you got the new car!!!! So glad to hear the update, and definitely PERFECT timing!! :party: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RKWAcademy Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 We are always waiting on my dh. He futzes with things. It's obnoxious. However, if I were having to go car shopping, I'd dawdle, too. Torture! Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Congrats on the new car!!! And yes, my DH is similar. If we're having company over and I'm trying to do a quick, last minute type of clean (wipe counters, make sure the mudroom is tidy enough for people to leave coats/shoes, etc), DH will pull everything out of a closet and start a deep clean or something nuts like that. And if I let it, getting him out the door to work in the morning is so stressful! I don't know how he's on time to anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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