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Hashimoto's has been kicking my fanny since I came home from vacation...lots and lots of sleeping, but also some insomnia last night. What's up with that?

 

Missed y'all biggie bunches. The family reunion was great, Williamsburg was great, no car problems, glad to be home. :-)

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I handle the money. What happened in each of my dh's cases, is he got paid cash, went to the store (gas station) for his fix, and dropped a hundred. It happened three times. Usually when he gets paid, he gives me the money, and he gets to keep some. :D

 

Once I would believe it.  I dropped a twenty once, it happens.

 

But three times?  Hundreds?  Are you sure he wasn't paying back people from whom he had borrowed money throughout the month (since you control the cash flow) and he just told you it was "dropped"?

 

Beware the fourth time.

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I still couldn't sleep a long time when I went back to bed last night.  But I think that was a good thing because then I was awake when dd threw up.  At least she didn't give repeat performances the rest of the night.

 

Hope your dd feels better this morning.

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Once I would believe it.  I dropped a twenty once, it happens.

 

But three times?  Hundreds?  Are you sure he wasn't paying back people from whom he had borrowed money throughout the month (since you control the cash flow) and he just told you it was "dropped"?

 

Beware the fourth time.

 

Ouch, but this explanation does make sense.

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Ouch, but this explanation does make sense.

 

Sorry, Renai, if that came across harsh.  But my aunt's ex used to do this.  He used to open up credit accounts all over town (and major credit cards) without her knowledge.  Consider you a friend and wanted to give you my honest thoughts on that.

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Once I would believe it.  I dropped a twenty once, it happens.

 

But three times?  Hundreds?  Are you sure he wasn't paying back people from whom he had borrowed money throughout the month (since you control the cash flow) and he just told you it was "dropped"?

 

Beware the fourth time.

 

No, I don't think so. He would get paid in cash (100's) each week. He dropped one each time one came missing. But, they were really random times and over a 2-3 year period. It was a while back when it happened. He was quite upset each time it happened. And, he always gave me how much he wanted me to have for the house, and kept what he wanted. So, it wasn't like he had an allowance that I allotted him, kwim?

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Renai, you're doing such a great job with all your homework!  Proud of you!  Hope it's finished and you're sleeping now. 

 

I wound up falling asleep without finishing either one. :( I'm doing them now. Then have three from the other class to complete today.

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Sorry, Renai, if that came across harsh.  But my aunt's ex used to do this.  He used to open up credit accounts all over town (and major credit cards) without her knowledge.  Consider you a friend and wanted to give you my honest thoughts on that.

 

Nah, that's fine. I didn't think it was harsh. I did have to think back because it was a long time ago.

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:grouphug:  and prayers.

 

You're doing an amazing job, Renai.   

 

I didn't mention that he took some squash over to a working buddy's house soon after. When he was gone about 30 minutes, I had my suspicions. When he got back after an hour, I was right. I was like, dude, the point isn't that you do it elsewhere and come back here in that condition. Seriously.

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Sorry, Renai, if that came across harsh.  But my aunt's ex used to do this.  He used to open up credit accounts all over town (and major credit cards) without her knowledge.  Consider you a friend and wanted to give you my honest thoughts on that.

 

Oh, no, I didn't think you were harsh.  I just said ouch because I would be blind sided by something like that and it would hurt.  Sorry, didn't mean to sound critical.  :001_smile:

 

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Any stories of women who stayed in their marriages until the children were gone? Did they feel ok with doing it that way?

 

Dh's mom did (more or less.  The youngest of four children was still in high school).

 

I think it's tough on kids no matter how old they are.  And regardless of whether or not the divorce should happen.  In dh's parents' case, it truly needed to happen and probably should have happened sooner (in fact, if I remember correctly, the children are the ones who finally convinced their mom that it was time), but even so it was rough on dh when it did.  But it was also rough on him growing up with a father who had all but deserted the family (in spite of the fact that he still lived in the same house.)

 

Love can hurt. So can difficult choices, even the right ones.   :crying:

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Any stories of women who stayed in their marriages until the children were gone? Did they feel ok with doing it that way?

 

Renai,

I think so much varies case by case.  I will say that my own parents had a ~1 year separation.  I was in my early twenties.  My younger brother (the baby of the family) was in high school.  They re-united after that and are still married til this day.  Alcohol was never an issue.  They have had times of things going smoothly since then and some challenging times since then too.  I can say with 100% confidence that our family is immeasurably blessed by their continued marriage.  And they have both grown and changed in ways I don't think would have been possible had they divorced. 

 

It's also true that my own marriage hit a really hard time around the time we had been married 10 years.  Again, alcohol was not an issue.  His deployment to Iraq was helpful to both of us in changing our perspectives, but when he got back we had to readjust to his coming home and keep working on things.  I'll spare you the details, but I'm convinced that no matter what mistakes we've made along the way, the foundation of our marriage is an important part of our kids' lives. 

 

In both cases, marriages grew and improved.  I think it's important that improvement be the hoped for outcome as opposed to just treading water, enduing without hope until the kids reach a certain age.   

 

I don't know if any of this applies to your own situation.  I know you're in a hard, hard spot, and you are walking step by step with amazing strength and patience.  :grouphug:

 

 

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Renai - on the staying question.  Yes, I've known people who have stayed.  Sometimes they've stayed more for financial reasons.  Dh and I helped one woman financially to leave because there was actual abuse there.  The active addiction is worrisome but I'm aware that there are many functional alcoholics who are not abusive.  It's still not a healthy dynamic - and I don't just mean physically for the alcoholic.  There are options out there for someone wanting to change - treatment programs, 12 step programs with sponsors etc.  but it sounds like this is not something he sees the need for quite yet.  (Not sure if I'm reading between the lines right .)    I would suggest that right now you go to a Al-Anon family group.  It will help you to see better what unhealthy dynamics there are in the family.  I know you are so busy but I do think it would be helpful     

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I'm sorry everyone is having a bad day.

 

I'm disappointed in the Bountiful Baskets. Are the organic ones much better?

 

We're thinking of making a serious change here. I'll try to keep this short. When we moved to Oregon we intended on paying our debt off and moving back to the Midwest to be near Matt's family. Now that we're out here we have paid off a lot of our debt but the cost of living has skyrocketed. Our lease is up in the spring and we are contemplating moving somewhere with a low cost of living. Matt has a great job with great insurance and he also drives for Uber to pay off more debt. If we moved he would probably become a full-time Uber driver and we would have to pay for own insurance. Has anyone done anything like this?

 

That's such a difficult decision to make.  Hugs.  I wish I could recommend MA, but while there are no earthquake-tsunami threats here, cost of living is awful. :thumbdown:  Are there job opportunities available elsewhere that would  appeal to Matt and provide benefits?  I agree with tex that losing benefits would be tough.  Not impossible, but also not easy.  My sister has been in that position several times and it can be stressful.  

 

Quackers, I'm off to work on that kjv thing now so I'll hopefully be pming you soon.

 

Thanks!  Just got it.  Will mull over it when I get a chance later today.

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Good morning folks! Had a very full day in the city yesterday with my kids.  Today I have 3 back home, 2 of which are still asleep.  Youngest decided sleep was over rated and even though she did not go to bed until 1230am she was up and waking me up by 730am.  

Today is a chore and errand filled day.  Need to clean out the fridge and go grocery shopping.  Do some regular housework,and assemble those beds I bought the girls.  In the meantime I am uploading pictures from yesterday onto my computer to be posted on fb.

And I have been pondering why people fangirl.  I have gotten into a show and for the first time am following the 2 main actors on fb, no big deal.  I follow will smith on fb too.  One of them is a real down to earth guy that is actually quite active on there so there is new posts to read daily.  But reading the comments on posts is insane.  Like fangirls declaring their undying love for him etc.  He is married with 2 little kids.  You would think they would realize he is unavailable and their comments are inappropriate.  Why do people go all nutty fangirl on celebrities like that? They are just regular folks that have a great talent but that doesn't mean you should lose your mind about it.  I don't get it.  I have a "friend" (not sure what to call her, we were great friends, had a falling out, now we are only fb friends) that went all fangirl over an actor to the point of driving all over Canada and the USA to go to comic cons etc to see him, and yet then saying they didn't have enough money for her kids to go to things like YC with youth group (she is a single mom only working part time, living in subsidized housing, using all her money to follow around an actor).  I don't get it.  Do these people really think these celebrities are suddenly going to be like "oh wait, you're the one I should have been with, here let me ditch my family for you"  Seriously? Like I can get appreciating talent, or even looks, but to be crazy about it.  I don't know how celebrities deal with all the crazy that gets thrown their way from fans.  I know I wouldn't be able to put up with it.  Good thing I have no talents to be anything important :lol: 

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There was just hardly anything in it. We're going to try an organic one in 2 weeks because they looked a lot fuller.

 

I so agree with you. The problem is that we're not really staying afloat anymore. Our rent has gone up $75 a year for the past 4 years and we're one of the cheapest places. Groceries and utilities have also skyrocketed. We've paid off almost $20,000 in debt lowering our payments by over $350. That momentum is gone. We're not paying anything off and we're working a combined 70 hours a week. Something needs to change and we can't downsize. We started with the minimum when we moved. No cable, cheap car, cheap phone plan, we don't vacation or eat out. I will not lower our quality of food. We have a $400 a month grocery bill that covers food and household products.

 

This was us three years ago.  Nope, not much you can do to cut the budget any further, so I completely understand the pressure to change job/location, especially with your lease up soon.  The waiting and not-knowing part was the hardest for me (we "waited" for about 2-3 years, including turning down a job offer that would have been great but too far from family).

 

For us, in the end a job change was the out-of-the-blue-but-totally-right answer to prayer. So we didn't need to move. Saying a prayer for an "out-of-the-blue" and "green-lights-all-the-way" answer for you too.  

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You already read the one I linked eons ago, right?  The one in which everyone was one-upping each other on coffee so I went all "The Onion" on them.  I consider that my best work to date.  Some of my best work has been lost to thread deletions.  <sob>  But the coffee one remains as a testament.  When I'm on, I'm on, baby!

 

And yes, I am like this IRL.

 

Apparently I need to start stalking you.  I spend too much time on this thread, and miss all sorts of other good stuff.

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Monday is a spinach frittata with avocado and papaya, salad made of lettuce spinach grilled chicken red wallpapers avocado and homemade mayonnaise, and chicken with gaspacho. Awesome typo!

 

Monday is zucchini frittata for me.  No grilled chicken or wallpaper, though.   Just zucchini.  Lots of it.  We have way too much in the garden, and no squash bugs to help us finish it off.  

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Monday is zucchini frittata for me.  No grilled chicken or wallpaper, though.   Just zucchini.  Lots of it.  We have way too much in the garden, and no squash bugs to help us finish it off.  

 

actively googling recipe...

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Monday is zucchini frittata for me.  No grilled chicken or wallpaper, though.   Just zucchini.  Lots of it.  We have way too much in the garden, and no squash bugs to help us finish it off.  

 

We also have a bunch of squash. I've been actively on top of the squash bug problem, so they aren't much of a bother right now. We currently have 3 zucchini that are growing nicely, 1 will be ready in the next couple of days. But I have a tendency to forget to actually pick them until they're at least a foot long. :) Then, I really have to figure out what to do with each squash. So far, we've given away 4 and eaten 1.

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Half the time when my husband lost money I went straight outside and found it in the driveway. Some people just lose money.

 

Renai we're praying for you here.

 

I agree that losing benefits would be terrible. We're looking into Samaritan Ministries, a Christian sharing ministry that would replace insurance.

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Yay, Jean! 

 

Oh yeah, I'm back again, everyone.  Catching up from page 215 (? I think).

 

Part of this past week's festivities involved a trip to Arkansas, to DeGray Lake.  I didn't make it as far as Jean in my walk in the woods -- 1/4 mile in I twisted my knee and had to hobble back to the car.  After we got back to the others SIL went back out again by herself.  I wish she would have waited for someone else to join her because there was NO cell phone reception where we were and none of us had radios.  However, she survived her hike alone and came back refreshed.

 

I never got out in any of the boats that had engines, though the other members of my immediate family did.  I paddled with DH, and we enjoyed a secluded cove with no other traffic for a while.  There was actually a little cell phone reception out on the open water, which was a good thing as we forgot our water-proof radios at home.

 

The final evening there, while it was still daylight, DH and eldest nephew headed out to go look for BIL after SIL told us BIL had headed out alone on a jet ski that was exhibiting engine trouble.  DH and DN came back quickly -- they encountered BIL down at the slip, having just been towed in by some helpful strangers.  DH wishes that he and DN would have been the ones to have found BIL, however, because BIL wrenched his recently operated-on arm getting set up to be towed.  DH is positive that he and DN would have prevented BIL from doing what he did to re-injure himself.

 

All in all it was a great trip.  DeGray Lake tends to be quiet during the week -- it's mainly Saturdays that get busy on the water there.  It was just as hot, humid, and buggy as SE Texas, but with less traffic on the water and some rather nice cabins it was a lot of fun.

 

Now I'm going to read more of the posts I missed.  I hope you all have been happy, healthy, and having fun while I was gone!

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ah and if anyone cares, I am now craving pizza, but I ended up eating jam toast for supper lol gonna have some broccoli soup later (my fav) I am refusing to adult when it comes to meal prep while the kids are away.  This last week I have eating over easy eggs and toast everyday for at least 1 meal, a ton of cherries, crackers, apples, salad, and popcorn for suppers 1 more week and I will be back to my usual routine of cooking for hte family and healthy eating.  FOr now I refuse to make anything that takes more than 5 minutes

 

Sounds like a great plan.  I tend to cook less or not at all when it's just myself, too, although I am becoming quite good at turning out a medium-cooked poached egg (medium because I HATE runny egg white).  I need to get back to my better snacking, anyway -- I like to eat bagged salad (no dressing) as if it were a bag of chips.  It is certainly better during a TV marathon than letting myself get at the Pringles or pretzels.  Or raw veggies and hummus -- that's good, too!

 

When I was a college student I'd just fix one package of whatever and eat it straight from the pan while standing over the kitchen sink, then wash the pan and utensils and put them away.  My eating habits have improved, at least, though now I have more dishes standing around awaiting attention.  I can't seem to cook, eat, and get all of the dishes done in the same evening.  Any 2 of the 3 I can manage, but one always ends up getting skipped.

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What about your whole 30?

 

Oh, yeah....

 

I'm back from family tripping, so I need to get serious about eating only good stuff again.  I have half of a meal plan for this coming week, and so far it's all good food (good-for-us food).  Hopefully I can resist the less-good-for-us foods that remain from the trip.  I tried to abandon many of them at the lake, but other family kept finding spare room in the vehicles in which to pack them, darn it.

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Well, I was asleep, and then I wasn't. 

 

Nothing to be done but read the forum and hope it will lull me back towards a sleepy state. 

 

I realized Tex referred to a Dugger thread I was unaware of.  (Turns out it was active while we were at the pool for 5 days straight, but I digress). 

 

I searched the chat board for Dugger and did not find it.  I stalked Tex's posts and did not find it. 

 

Finally I googled the board with "Dugger rug" and found it.  Sure enough, Tex's crazy rug scheme was the first hit. 

 

I think I can go back to sleep now....

 

This is so awesome.  My rug was the tipping point of the entire thread, not the Duggars.

Well, yes, I haven't gone yet.  I was pretty excited to read about her rug scheme, though I was worried she should go for the couch too. 

Trying to start slow.   ;)

 

Any stories of women who stayed in their marriages until the children were gone? Did they feel ok with doing it that way?

Many.  My own mother did this, though she threatened to leave a lot.  It worked out okay in the end, but it was not a stable environment nor a good example of a marriage for me and my brother as we were growing up, and he and I paid for it in many ways and still are.

 

I didn't mention that he took some squash over to a working buddy's house soon after. When he was gone about 30 minutes, I had my suspicions. When he got back after an hour, I was right. I was like, dude, the point isn't that you do it elsewhere and come back here in that condition. Seriously.

I will speak bluntly.  He needs to be out of the house until he has a good amount of time sober - like six months.  It is more damaging for the kids to have him come and go and randomly get drunk than it is for him to leave, work on his sobriety, and then come back when he is sober for a minimum of six months.  He does not appear to want to be sober, and you and your kids deserve better.  It is a good example for your daughters to see a strong mom who does not accept unacceptable behavior.  You cannot control his choices, but you can control your own, and this is an important lesson for your dd's.

 

Pardon my speaking so frankly.  I hope no offense is taken.  Few things are black and white, but if an alcoholic is drinking, that is black and white.

 

Half the time when my husband lost money I went straight outside and found it in the driveway. Some people just lose money.

 

Renai we're praying for you here.

 

I agree that losing benefits would be terrible. We're looking into Samaritan Ministries, a Christian sharing ministry that would replace insurance.

This is what we have.  

Edited by texasmama
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Also, I am evidently in bossy pants advice mode. :huh:  Please know that during my many years as a therapist I learned not to personalize what anyone does with my thoughts.  We all get to make our own choices and live with them.  Everyone has a different tipping point and risk tolerance and needs.  Peace.

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How's your knee now?  :grouphug:  and I hope your knee is feeling better.

 

Thank you.  I twisted it on Wednesday, and I'm still having some trouble with it.  Now that I am home, however, and standing on it a lot less it is starting to improve.  I was also starting to have problems with the other knee due to overload from favoring the hurt knee.  I've had these sorts of problems before, and someday I might have to have something done about my knees.  In the meantime, however, it would simply help if I got more active again and lost a few pounds.

 

I'm avoiding certain housework right now, and enjoying my gel mat in the kitchen when I do need to get some stuff done.  Another day or two and I should be stretching my knees to loosen them up again.

 

Oh yeah, and I have a massage appointment Tuesday.  That should help!

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I am a technophobe, which is why I cannot ever attend any more college.  I would have to do a presentation on Prezi, and I will need to pay Renai to do it for me.

 

I am just increasingly tech-illiterate.  I had never even heard of Prezi before Renai mentioned it.

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I took typing in high school.  On, you know, a typewriter.  (That's actually a thing, for you youngsters.)

 

 

In my high school typing class we had mostly manual typewriters, with just a few monstrous electric IBMs.  The teacher made us cycle through the seats so everyone would get practice on both.  After I had one obligatory turn on an electric (in the back of the room) I asked to be allowed to just sit up front where my badly-nearsighted eyes could see better.  She was okay with that.

 

I learned how to really slam the keys to make clear triplicate copies with thick paper and carbon sheets.  Several years later, after DH and I met, DH was trying to get me to stop slamming the keys on the computer keyboard.  It took a lot of doing, but I finally managed to break that habit.  However I am still picky on what keyboards I like.  I like a bit of height to the keys because I can find them better -- I have more typos on these new-fangled flat keyboards most laptops have now because the keys have no topography, they blend into each other feel-wise.

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What's a typewriter?

 

Come over to my house and I'll show you.  I have one sitting on the table next to the phone that actually is wired into the wall and has cords.  Imagine that, being tethered to the wall when you make phone calls!

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Me too.

 

Ds20 also likes them, and actually started a "thing" at the university this past year - "Turtle Tuesday". It consists of ds wearing his favorite (and only) t-shirt with turtles on it every Tuesday. And when people see him, they yell "Turtle Tuesday!"

 

That's all I have to say about turtles.

 

Our internet service is likely to go out again any second, so good night, my Dear Ignorers, and congratulations to all booyaers.

 

Back when DH had to wear ties to work every day he used to wear "fun" ties on Fridays.  Things like ties that look like fish, or Snoopy, or Santa shoveling coal into stockings....

 

I had an English teacher back in high school whose favorite tie was salmon pink knitted silk with a scant outline of a guy in a top hat and monocle embroidered in black.  If he thought the class was drifting away on him (usually the boys) he'd start flicking the end of it up to give us a glimpse of the Can-Can dancer underneath.  That usually got their attention again.

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Me too.  It was a fancy word processing one, it could keep up to 1 sentence in memory before typing it down onto the paper lol

 

And yet here I am back in college, again, well technically I am on summer break right now haha

 

So even those of us that learned on typewriters can learn to do everything else for college even in our old age :p

 

When I graduated from high school my Dad got me a "portable" (heavy as a desktop machine, but hey, it had a case) electric Adler typewriter.  Had I graduated one year later he would have gotten me a word processor.  My brother and sister?  They got Apple II E computers.  *grump grump grump*

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