lovinmyboys Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I posted a thread earlier about how upset I am about dh mobilizing with the army for a year. Honestly, I am really upset about it. But, now I am starting to feel guilty about it. I have four healthy boys, 2 working cars, a wonderful husband, a roof over my head, and food in everyone's bellies. I just look around the world and see so many people with way worse problems than mine. Should I feel upset about a relatively minor thing? I dont know...I was putting my 2yr old to bed and he just looked at me with his big eyes and grabbed my hand with his little baby fingers and I just thought what do I have to complain about. No bombs are going off near me, my family is healthy and safe. I should be so content. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 It's okay to be upset about anything regardless how trivial. It is unhealthy to be upset for a long time as that does take a toll on emotional health. Just because others have it worse than you doesn't take away your right to feel upset. We can be appreciative that our life is better and still feel upset over stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Get rid of "should" when it comes to feelings. You feel how you feel. Period. How you act on those feelings may be positive or negative but the feelings themselves just are. And I completely understand the feeling of frustration about life circumstances sharing space with the feeling of overwhelming joy/love/peace. (((Hugs))) Deployment is hard. Being a mom to young children is hard. Putting those two together is no fun and you are absolutely allowed to feel that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I don't think that situation is minor. It's ok to be upset. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I'm trying to figure out how being separated from your husband for a year is a trivial thing. :grouphug: You will rally. You will rise to the occasion. But it's hard and it's OK to be upset for a minute before you be all brave and capable and whatnot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMommy Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I find that getting upset about trivial things (which, btw, I don't think your situation is), can be helpful to me. I'm watching my local news and seeing a neighborhood that's turned into a war zone, and as upset as I am about it, there's nothing I can do to fix it. If I focus on something trivial, though, and get all riled up about, then I can fix it, and feel better about something. And besides that, everyone has their "stuff" they have to deal with, and just because somebody's stuff is particularly bad doesn't lessen the impact of the stuff going on in your own life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Get rid of "should" when it comes to feelings. You feel how you feel. Period. How you act on those feelings may be positive or negative but the feelings themselves just are. And I completely understand the feeling of frustration about life circumstances sharing space with the feeling of overwhelming joy/love/peace. (((Hugs))) Deployment is hard. Being a mom to young children is hard. Putting those two together is no fun and you are absolutely allowed to feel that. I agree. And like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 Thanks for your responses. Trivial was probably not the right word. I don't know...somewhere I picked up this idea that if things are not super terribly awful, then I should feel grateful/happy. Lots of people would love to trade their life for mine, so how can I be upset? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Yes. I'm in the hospital facing surgery to remove a tumor pressing my spinal cord. There is always someone who has it worse. People are all worried for me, and I'm trying to not read about ISIS or Ebola or the ongoing evil crap in this world. I think it is unhealthy to be Pollyanna and never have a moment's worry about anything just because others have it worse. I think people build up to being able to handle the unexpected worse by dealing with lesser junk and finding a way through. And individuals have different tolerances for different stuff, and I think that is normal and reasonable. I would be a wreck away from my husband. Having him go through this with me helps me be immensely positive. For me the way through is all about God's leading me and knowing his grace has already handled my biggest problem, which is spiritual no matter how freaky this tumor is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 And, ftr, I get upset about really trivial things too-like if the royals don't make the playoffs this year. I don't feel guilty about that. But, I think it is because my level of upset is proportional to the matter. I don't know. It's like I think feeling really sad is only ok if it is about something REALLY sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I was going to say how upset? and how trivial? But then I saw that your reason is the opposite of trivial. You are a mom of 4 and facing a 1 year physical separation from your spouse. Even when for a good reason, that is a rough thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 A year long separation is really hard, even for those of us who have btdt multiple times. It doesn't get easier. It is okay to be upset about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't be stressed, worried, upset, and possibly quite angry if they were faced with your current situation. Please don't make things even harder on yourself by thinking you shouldn't have strong emotions about it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Don't be hard on yourself! Might have seen this here on the board recently: Saying don't ever be upset because someone has it worse is like saying don't ever be happy because someone has it better Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Adjusting to a completely new idea is hard. It's natural to feel resistant and anxious. Give yourself some time and I'm sure you'll have your good humor back. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 1. Friends are people who care about your problems, help you find solutions, and are proud of you for overcoming whatever it is. 2. That was NOT a small problem. I'm a mil spouse, though active duty. The reserves are just bizarre. 3. It could always be worse. That's a dead end. 4. Gratitude is a great way to start overcoming that sucker! I try to remember that... good for you, coming around to it so quickly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Dh being gone for a year is not minor. The restaurant being out of your favorite food is minor, and the shoe store not having your size is minor, but having your spouse gone for a year is not at all minor. I have had a child that could have died from his illness, and he will likely have a shorter life span, but those of us in that situation do not have the market on major concerns. Be upset, cry, talk about how unfair it is, and then come up with a plan to get throught it. Do not let anyone tell you it is a trivial thing either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadieMarie Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I think it is lovely to focus on the things you have, the things that are good in your life, your accomplishments...because it helps. But I never find comparisons of suffering to be helpful. It was always my mom who would do it too lol. Something crappy would happen in my life and I would feel bad, legitimately most of the time IMO, and she would tell all about someone with a way worse problem or life... It never made me feel better. I just kept feeling bad about whatever it was plus like an ungrateful rotten person on top of it. You are in a tough situation. It does not make you bad or ungrateful that it is affecting you. Because other people out there have more difficult problems does not negate the one you are facing. It doesn't hurt them more that you are struggling and it won't help them that you can feel better about your problem because it is not as bad as theirs. Good luck figuring out the best solution for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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