Finances, DES, etc. Ugh!

[Joanne]

The majority of the families I know do live on that. I know of very very few that are living on $2k or more. Perhaps because I live in a poor town and always have but I just can not imagine not making it on $3k month. Perhaps years of poverty has changed how I see things but when you dont have much and you see folks making way more then you its baffling why they cant make it.

 

I call BS. It is nearly impossible to live a mature, reasonable, safe and healthy life in the US for $1000 a month as a single, let alone a family.

 

 I live in a suburb of a major metropolitan area. If I were to move into "town" (Houston) I'd have sub par public transportation but higher rent.

 

I currently live in a modest 3 bedroom apartment with 2 teens (my oldest is out of the house). Rent is $1235. Any lower would equal bugs, poor landlord roles, unsafe.

 

But let's say I found a....relative? house share?

 

I still pay $300 in car insurance alone! There is no way in hell 3 of us can eat an adequately healthy diet for $200 a month.

 

I'd still have to pay utilities, a car note. I won't even mention my unique bills.

 

I've lived on the financial edge for years, for reasons mostly NOT of my own making. I am not unsympathic. Lately, I've been crying when I can buy shoes for my kid at Famous Footware instead of WalMart or go to Old Navy and Burlington coat factory for my dd's back to school clothes. Truly: I stood in Famous Footware and cried out of gratitude. To be fair, though, I cry a lot these days. My dd says that since the accident, I've cried more than I have during her entire nearly 18 years of life.

 

That said, there is nothing inherently virtuous about living at extreme poverty.

 

{{{OP}} I have lived in the gap many times in the last 10 years. It bites and I am sorry.

[lovinmyboys]

I'm so sorry op. We are about to be in a similar (but likely better) situation. DH is losing about 40% of his income for one year. He will still be bringing home more than 3k a month and I am so stressed trying to figure our how to do it. I keep looking back trying to figure our where we spent all our money. We do have a bit of an emergency fund,but it won't cover the gap for the year. I don't think we spend extravagantly at all. It is just expensive. I know how stressed I have been the last month, even knowing that lots of people are worse off. It is also hard not having a safety net. Because of his income we won't qualify for assistance, but knocking 40% of our income down suddenly makes our immediate ability to make ends meet difficult. I have been scouring the internet for cheap recipes and other ways to save money.

 

Enough about me. Just wanted to let you know that I get it. Even at an income that some would consider plenty, it can be very hard.

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm sorry.

$3,000 would get us our mortgage payment (for our cheap, tiny house), car insurance, car gas, and food, if we were careful.  I don't know where health insurance, electric, any sort of phone, or any kind of internet would come from, let alone other expenses.  I would be desperately frustrated, too, even knowing it might be tighter for others!

 

Yeah, I just quickly added up what I can remember of our bills off the top of my head. In our case, rent (for a 1,200-square foot home built in the 1950s) + basic groceries for three adult-sized people + electricity (even assuming we swelter in the Florida summer and turn the thermostat up from the 80 degrees where I normally keep it) + water and gas bills for the house + one smallish car payment (for a used car we bought because the one that my husband needs to get to work conked out) + car insurance + gas to get the car to and from work would pretty much eat up $3,000. That would be before we paid for health insurance or made a single student loan payment or paid a dime on any of my medical bills or paid for a phone or internet connection (both necessary these days to get and keep jobs in my husband's field). 

[Jenny in Florida]

Use fans, thermal curtians, open windows at night for cool air. 

 

What if I don't already own fans and thermal curtains? What if it doesn't get cool at night? What if I have a health condition that means I literally pass out when exposed to heat and humidity?

 

We dont even have internet at home right now because were putting every penny into moving into the city next week (finally!) Which will cut our bills about $200 mo plus food bill will go down with access to many stores and city prices. 

 

 If housing is eating up so much then move. 

 

What if I already live in the city and it hasn't cut my expenses by one dollar? What if I don't but have a lease on a home I could afford just fine last month before my husband lost his job and that would cost me several months' rent t break PLUS moving expenses?

 

Car payments? Sale and buy an older but good car outright.

 

What if I'm underwater on my car loan, meaning the car isn't worth as much as I owe on it? Selling wouldn't net me any money to buy a used car, and I would then have no vehicle to get to work.

 

Seriously, I'm glad all of that works for you, but it's not a magic prescription for everyone else. There are an enormous number of variables here that you are completely ignoring.

 

[Tammi K]

Seriously, I'm glad all of that works for you, but it's not a magic prescription for everyone else. There are an enormous number of variables here that you are completely ignoring.

 

 

Jenny, I wouldn't take anything she says too seriously. I was just looking over a few old threads including "I can't stay within my grocery budget :(  "  started by Charleigh on July 23 where Blue Taelon said that she is currently visiting 3 separate food banks:

 

"*Hugs* on going hungry, been there:( I have been so thankful I have found 3 different food banks that offer fresh food this month since prices went up and we couldnt afford enough..... I was over the moon last week with the amount of produce we have been given and weve all eaten decent or at least had full bellys and I will be able to put some in the freezer or can."

 

To me that sounds a lot like depending on the kindness of strangers.

[scrapbookbuzz]

To those that have been supportive today, I thank you!

 

To those that weren't, I truly hold nothing against you. I know how frustrating it can be to just wonder how you're going to get ahead, if ever.

My prayer is that things improve for you, as well!

 

It's been a rough week mentally, with today featuring a rather "LOUD" visit from Depression. Ugh.

I am feeling better now and thinking what I can do to cut back. There's not a whole lot but I'll see what I can do.

 

Again, thanks for the compassion. I pray that those of you NOT in this situation don't have to find yourselves there someday.

To those that ARE there, or under it, I'm sorry for the mental gymnastics you most likely go through.

The world, sadly, seems to run on money, so when we don't have it, it feels stifling, and is simply just no fun.

 

Now, may you all have a GREAT night's sleep and wake up refreshed and rested in the morning!

 

Good night!

[Mom in High Heels]

Hugs OP.  I have never been in that kind of situation, though James Bond and I were strapped when we were first married.  We didn't have kids, so we made it, but I can't imagine having to worry about it with kids.  There is no way we could get by on 3K now.  We do not live above our means (mostly), and have a decent emergency fund, but if something happened to JB's income, I can see that being gone within a few months.  

Please don't let the negative remarks get to you.  I hope things improve for you soon.

[Hikin' Mama]

$3000 a month? If you cant live on that then perhaps your not living within your means. We live on 1/3 of that (thats including what we get in SNAP) and we all have special dietary needs. If its just no processed food then that means a cheaper food bill because everything is cooked from scratch. We dont run a/c because we cant afford it even when its 100 outside. Use fans, thermal curtians, open windows at night for cool air. Go to public places to cool down if you need to. We dont even have internet at home right now because were putting every penny into moving into the city next week (finally!) Which will cut our bills about $200 mo plus food bill will go down with access to many stores and city prices. Anyway when we do we have netflix and hulu, no cable, no landline and the lowest internet package we can get away with. Clothes come from thrift stores except for under things and shoes. Kids coats come from ebay. I coupon, I stockpile during sales. If housing is eating up so much then move. Car payments? Sale and buy an older but good car outright. Cell phones dont need to be fancy with expensive data plans. Prepaid phones are often cheaper then contract and work just as well. I would feel stinkin rich if I had $3k month to work with.

You are out of line. I live in a low COL area and a family could NOT live on 1000 per month. An individual with no health issues or debt could, but it would be tight.

 

Hugs to the OP as you go through this difficult time.

[City Mouse]

I know it is frustrating.

I have a friend who was a single mother of a child with some medical issues that had to have several surgeries around 1 yr old. My friend made $14 per month too much to qualify for WIC. She strongly considered asking her work to lower her pay so she could qualify. She did end up having to rely on food pantry donations some times.

[Guest]

Hugs OP. I have never been in that kind of situation, though James Bond and I were strapped when we were first married. We didn't have kids, so we made it, but I can't imagine having to worry about it with kids. There is no way we could get by on 3K now. We do not live above our means (mostly), and have a decent emergency fund, but if something happened to JB's income, I can see that being gone within a few months.

Please don't let the negative remarks get to you. I hope things improve for you soon.

Aww, c'mon, Heels! I know you have a couple pairs of shoes you could hock. Maybe a purse, too. ;)

 

FTR, I remember 2008...lordy, that was our least-fun year financially. Dh is in construction and that year was DEAD for construction. We live comfortably, no debt and a decent cushion, so things did not get desperate, but it's stressful, for sure. Our income for the year was half of our *minimum* norm.

[Trish]

Is Obamacare an option, if you don't get health through DH's work?

[Trish]

This post just sounds mean.

 

 

No one wants to judge OP. Yes some people already live on less, but the main takeaway should be some great ideas to help a budget stretch! We can ALL benefit from that.

 

[SKL]

Every life change can be frustrating and scary.  OP's signature indicates a child with special needs, of a kind that tend to be expensive.  Let a momma vent and worry for a bit.

[Mom in High Heels]

Aww, c'mon, Heels! I know you have a couple pairs of shoes you could hock. Maybe a purse, too. ;)

 

 

You shut your mouth!  

[LucyStoner]

$3000 a month? If you cant live on that then perhaps your not living within your means. We live on 1/3 of that (thats including what we get in SNAP) and we all have special dietary needs. If its just no processed food then that means a cheaper food bill because everything is cooked from scratch. We dont run a/c because we cant afford it even when its 100 outside. Use fans, thermal curtians, open windows at night for cool air. Go to public places to cool down if you need to. We dont even have internet at home right now because were putting every penny into moving into the city next week (finally!) Which will cut our bills about $200 mo plus food bill will go down with access to many stores and city prices. Anyway when we do we have netflix and hulu, no cable, no landline and the lowest internet package we can get away with. Clothes come from thrift stores except for under things and shoes. Kids coats come from ebay. I coupon, I stockpile during sales. If housing is eating up so much then move. Car payments? Sale and buy an older but good car outright. Cell phones dont need to be fancy with expensive data plans. Prepaid phones are often cheaper then contract and work just as well. I would feel stinkin rich if I had $3k month to work with.

 

If you were paying market rate for housing, medical insurance and all utilities and unable to go to the food banks you might feel less rich. 

 

Look, I've been as poor as you describe your family until I moved out on my own at 17.  I have a lot of understanding of the issues facing families who have been homeless or, without assistance, would become homeless again.  I know exactly what it is like to survive on minimal income and food stamps, and you do get very skilled at cutting things down very low.  You also go without when living on $1000 a month and find yourself living in a car or tent when you lose housing. 

 

Living on a modest income with no assistance is legitimately tight and it's just not fair to say they don't have any real worries or are wantonly living beyond their means as compared to a family living in poverty who just flirted with homelessness.  Utilities and housing easily eat up $1500 or more for a family netting $3000 a month where I live and then things aren't that much less tight than what you describe if you are paying for medical insurance, OOP co-pays and don't have access to the food banks.  It's hard to be poor.  It's also hard to be just past the point where you can get help but not earning enough to cover the basics without worry. 

[LucyStoner]

With that much money they should have a good emergancy fund built up which gives them cushion time to adjust to the new lower level of means. If they didnt do that then no, they were not living within their means. Were way below the poverty line income wise and with this move its going to free up what to me is a lot of money. Even Im going to be putting something into an EF because I know I cant absorb any unexpected expenses. This is basic money managment stuff. To me someone living with that kind of income and having money issues is mostly likely buying things they dont need or living in a house they cant afford.

 

It's odd that you are lecturing people about living beyond their means when you were very recently homeless because you couldn't afford the housing you lived in without your tax return check augmenting your monthly inflow once you couldn't work anymore.  I believe I recall posts from 6 months-2 years ago or more where people urged you to get realistic about your budget and find affordable housing to avoid homelessness. 

 

I am super glad that you are in good housing now and can provide stability and security for your girls.  That said, it's not as though you don't rely on a lot of outside help (all of which is good and I support) to make the ends meet every month.  That's all well and good, but why the harsh judgement?  You don't know this woman's COL or budget and realistically the amount she cites doesn't go all that far for a family of 4 in most areas. 

[kitten18]

Aww, c'mon, Heels! I know you have a couple pairs of shoes you could hock. Maybe a purse, too. ;)

 

FTR, I remember 2008...lordy, that was our least-fun year financially. Dh is in construction and that year was DEAD for construction. We live comfortably, no debt and a decent cushion, so things did not get desperate, but it's stressful, for sure. Our income for the year was half of our *minimum* norm.

Yeah, it was rough. Our income went down by over 80% for a few years. When my DH got laid off for the second time in less than a year, we started our own construction company. Seemed crazy at the time but it's worked out and things are much better now.

 

Hugs for the OP, I hope things improve for you soon.

[KRG]

Big hugs honey...I complete understand.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

This!!

 

My husband makes a very decent/nice salary and even though our living may have a lower cost of living(going by a lot of posts here) we are still tight a lot of the time.  The cost of everything has just gone up so quickly that it is hard to keep up.  I hope things start looking up for your family soon.  Money problems and worries are such a huge stress. 

 

eta: our only debt is a car payment.  our fixed expenses--we don't have cable,etc run about $2500.  It would be very hard to buy gas, groceries and save for emergencies on only $500

[Audrey]

First... :grouphug:

 

:)

 

 

We haven't had cable for years, nor a landline. I'm tempted to cut internet for now since we really don't NEED it at home. I live in the low desert where it regularly reaches over 105 F, usually a daily basis. Turning the a/c OFF is not an option.  I'd love to be able to use the food bank but having one of us with specific dietary needs doesn't really allow for that. I'm trying to figure out how to bring grocery costs down but we can't do processed foods.  

 

I know it will get better, I just needed to release some frustration this morning.

 

I would like to offer this perspective on food banks. I help run a small one in my little town and it is connected to a larger food bank network.  Food banks aren't usually meant to replace all of your groceries.  They are meant to supplement.  Selections and amounts will vary from bank to bank, but in general, they try to give you a balance of what they have available and within some balanced diet guidelines.  We have several people who come in who have dietary special needs, and while I can't give them special items (because I don't have any), I can usually do at least a few substitutes that will still fit within what they can eat. 

 

So, what I suggest is that you do go and find a food bank and use it.  It isn't going to be all of your food, but it will provide you at least some food that you will be able to eat, and you can use the money you've saved to buy special foods and the rest of the groceries you need.  This will help make your grocery budget a lot broader than it is now.  I would also suggest that if you are given food you cannot eat, please donate that back to the food bank.  Someone else will be able to use it, and you will have greatly helped the bank.  :)

 

 

 

 

To those that have been supportive today, I thank you!

 

To those that weren't, I truly hold nothing against you. I know how frustrating it can be to just wonder how you're going to get ahead, if ever.

My prayer is that things improve for you, as well!

 

It's been a rough week mentally, with today featuring a rather "LOUD" visit from Depression. Ugh.

I am feeling better now and thinking what I can do to cut back. There's not a whole lot but I'll see what I can do.

 

Again, thanks for the compassion. I pray that those of you NOT in this situation don't have to find yourselves there someday.

To those that ARE there, or under it, I'm sorry for the mental gymnastics you most likely go through.

The world, sadly, seems to run on money, so when we don't have it, it feels stifling, and is simply just no fun.

 

Now, may you all have a GREAT night's sleep and wake up refreshed and rested in the morning!

 

Good night!

 

 

This is not a substitute for any kind of professional mental health care, but here are a few suggestions for you to help your mental outlook overall.  Exercise is very important to keeping the chemicals in our brains balanced.  There is a lot of free exercise to be had.  You will really notice the improvement overall.  Also, exercising is doing something that is not worrying about finances.  Diversions can be really important -- just don't divert so much that you end up with your head in the sand. Lol!   Fresh air and sunshine are important because you need Vitamin D.  Make sure to get enough sleep, too.  When you start feeling really stressed about money, divert yourself into some other activity for a while until you can come back to the issue at hand with a clearer head and less agitation.  As I said above, exercise is one good diversion, go outside and play with the kids (or indoors if it's too hot/wet/etc).  Do you have pets?  A bit of time spent petting an animal is proven to reduce stress. 

 

These are just some thoughts for you that won't burden your budget. 

 

Do you have what you need for your homeschool curriculum?  There are many, many free resources now available online.  It may be worth keeping your internet for that, or if not, you can access free wifi at libraries, most fast-food joints, and tons of other businesses.  If you need some ideas or links for free curricula resources, maybe start another thread and let us know the ages/grades of your kids and what subjects you need.  I know of a few links, but the collective hive could probably come up with hundreds more for you.

 

Lastly, please do take care of yourself in all this.  I know you're probably focused on taking care of everyone else right now, but they need you to be well first and foremost. 

 

:grouphug:  again. 

[southcarolinamom]

:grouphug:   I'm so sorry you are going through this.  It totally stinks. 

[LucyStoner]

 

Yea, 3k per month is more than we make for a family of 5 soon 6 and we get by fine.  

 

The last thing I focused on was our groceries.  I've gotten our groceries down to $200/month most months.  Over the last 8 months or so its been creeping up since prices keep creeping up.

 

 

What are you eating for $1.33 per day per person? 

[idnib]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

 

I'm sorry it's difficult for you right now. It will get better.

[Audrey]

What are you eating for $1.33 per day per person? 

 

 

I'd like to know, too. That's incredible. We're a family of 3. I grow most of our veggies for the whole year and we raise all our own meat and I still buy more in other food than $200 a month. 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

What are you eating for $1.33 per day per person?

I'd like to know too.

[Mom in High Heels]

What are you eating for $1.33 per day per person? 

 

Seriously!  I went to the commissary today and spent $75 on practically nothing IMO.  I spend about $150-200 a week for a family of 4.  Granted, we do eat well, and there are loads of fruits and veggies, which are pricey.  I can't think of a single thing I could make that would come down to $1.33 pp/day.  Heck, even if we ate Ramen 2x a day (yuck!), that wouldn't include b'fast, snacks and a veggie or two.

 

[RoughCollie]

The majority of the families I know do live on that. I know of very very few that are living on $2k or more. Perhaps because I live in a poor town and always have but I just can not imagine not making it on $3k month. Perhaps years of poverty has changed how I see things but when you dont have much and you see folks making way more then you its baffling why they cant make it.

 

Our medical insurance costs are $1200 a month. Out of pocket medical expenses in the potentially tax-deductible category so far this year have averaged $1000 a month.

 

Right there, over $2K.  Add in food and gas and we are at $3K.  Heck, it's a great month if I can keep the grocery/household supply bill down to $850.

 

Still haven't added in car insurance, rent, utilities, necessary clothes, payments on unpaid medical bills of over $100K, medical expenses which are not tax deductible, life insurance for DH, and income taxes (local, state, federal, self-employment).

 

No cable. Cheap cell phones. Six adults in family. One car, bought used. No public transportation available.