How does one homeschool an older when there's a baby sibling? How do you do it all (school/housework/etc) WELL?

[snoodlebug]

Hi all!   I'm new and here's my first post!

 

I'd love to get your feedback on this that's been worrying me of late.

 

I'm 36 years old (my husband's also 36).   We have a son age 9.   We're thinking about having another child, but I'm wondering how would I homeschool with a baby.  I am concerned that the little babe would be "put off" for the four+ hours a day in which we do school and I facilitate school/music practice/do chores/housework/etc.     

 

My husband and I are both type A personalities; we feel that school should be serious/formal/structured/rigorous.   It takes us 4 hours a day to do schoolwork (not including music practice which is 45 min/day), so by the time I do all of this and prepare for the next session of school, school/music takes like 6 hours of my day.     Then there's chores/housework/cooking/cleaning/etc.        I feel stretched as it is!     

 

How is this done? How is the little one not ignored/put off?   How is his/her emotional needs met when mom is busy all the time?  How could I add a little one to this and it be fair for him/her?!!    How do you do it all WELL? (because I feel like I need to do it ALL well(not PERFECT, but I do feel that it should be done well)   

 

When you reply, please (if it's not in your signature already) tell me how many kids you have and their ages/grades.   Also, please tell me about your school approach: are you "laid-back" ?  How many hours/day per kid/etc.?  

 

Thanks!

 

 

[Tenaj]

I've homeschooled many years with a little one or ones along for the ride.  You do have to let some things go and you do have to train the olders in a bit of independence perhaps before you would do it if they were an only.  I have a pretty strict routine with school and we manage.  School requires my active involvement at least six or seven hours a day.  Meals are mostly simple or crockpot so that it takes less than hour of hands-on time.  Cleaning is done on a schedule and I catch up on undone chores on Saturday (I use Motivated Moms for a basic schedule of what needs done on a daily basis).  Laundry is switched and folded between subjects.  We only have a big clean up of toys once a day (at 5 before Daddy comes home) and that takes care of most of the daily clutter and allows a quick pick-up at bedtime.  I usually grade and prep for the next day after bedtime but also do a great majority of my planning during the summer.  Big home projects are saved for non-school times, vacations or summer break.

 

I've found that infants are fairly easy to fold into the schedule of school because they just want to be held and fed, it's when they are 12 to 36 months that we have trouble around here :)  

[bethben]

A 9 year old should be learning how to be an independent learner.  You will have 9 months to help him be able to do more school work on his own.  Go for it! 

 

Beth

[lorisuewho]

I think having a younger sibling can itself be a part of one's education. Learning how to help more around the house, consider the other's needs before your own, work independently, help care for another, patience, and on and on. I would see it as adding to your child's education and not as taking away from it.

[Ellie]

By the time you have the baby, your 9yo will be 10? 11? and he should not need all of your time (unless he has some learning issues). And I know there are many mothers who bounce the baby on their hips or laps while they continue teaching the older dc. :-)

[jaderbee]

Wait, we're supposed to clean the house too? That's it! I quit! ;)

 

Seriously it can all be accomplished without neglecting the baby. I am confused though, I read your post that it takes you two hours of prep a day for school. Is that right?

[snoodlebug]

Wait, we're supposed to clean the house too? That's it! I quit! ;)

 

Seriously it can all be accomplished without neglecting the baby. I am confused though, I read your post that it takes you two hours of prep a day for school. Is that right?

Well, not quite 6 hours, more like 5.5 hours.    We school for 4 hours + music practice for 45 minutes =  4.75 hours.   And as for my prep: with all the putting one subject up, getting another one out, making a copy here or there, reading ahead for my teaching, etc....all that prep is about 30-45 minutes (spread out between subjects/etc).   So the 4.75 + 0.75 hrs(prep/clean up/etc) = about 5.5 hrs.

[SkateLeft]

Honestly, it's been awesome. I have no regrets. After I adjusted to my first baby, I've never really had trouble with housekeeping.

 

My babies were never put off, because they were usually right there in the thick of things. They grew up playing with math manipulatives and drawing on the white board with dry erase markers. They scribbled in old math workbooks once my older kids were done with them, saying that they were doing their "school." They grew up listening to a million stories from history, science and literature. They watched loads of science experiments and made art alongside the older kids.

 

One of the biggest advantages to having a younger sibling around while doing schoolwork is that my older kids have learned to work well amidst distraction. When my oldest went off to college, she had no problems studying in the dorms even when there was lots of noise and activity, because she was used to that!

 

[lorisuewho]

How is this done? How is the little one not ignored/put off?   How is his/her emotional needs met when mom is busy all the time?  How could I add a little one to this and it be fair for him/her?!!    How do you do it all WELL? (because I feel like I need to do it ALL well(not PERFECT, but I do feel that it should be done well)   

 

Thanks!

Multitasking. Undivided attention to each person or project or task as needed, but most of the time multitasking.

 

However, I will say I don't think some people do well with a lot going on at once. It stresses them out. You have to know yourself to know what you can or want to do.

[jaderbee]

Well, not quite 6 hours, more like 5.5 hours. We school for 4 hours + music practice for 45 minutes = 4.75 hours. And as for my prep: with all the putting one subject up, getting another one out, making a copy here or there, reading ahead for my teaching, etc....all that prep is about 30-45 minutes (spread out between subjects/etc). So the 4.75 + 0.75 hrs(prep/clean up/etc) = about 5.5 hrs.

Ok. If you want to free up some of that 45 minutes each day you could try prepping for the week on one day, or a whole year using the 36 week file folder system and post its (or notebooks for book notes like Kfamily), or just try prepping for 6 weeks at a time to see if that method works for you first. Forty-five minutes really isn't that bad compared to the two hours I had misread. :)

 

I've had two babies since starting the homeschool journey so I can tell you learning can be accomplished without someone feeling neglected. We have worked on lessons while nursing, pacing, doing the bounce-pat-walk, during the baby's naps and while I struggled to stay awake during reading lessons. :) Someone once told me the baby is the lesson. Your child will learn more from watching you (and helping you) nurture your baby than high schoolers get from a health class and a 5lb sack of flour. It's all part of the fun. ;)

[Mandy in TN]

Not a problem, but, then, I am not a type A personality. I think I am more of a B/C person, and my dh is more of an A/D person. Anyway, no, I don't feel like I have failed in some way if every single thing isn't done every single day. I figure doing some of it joyfully is better than trying to do all of it and being miserable. I like clean clothes and clean plates, but clean floors are a losing battle. Short on time- wash the clothes and dishes, and skip the floor. Is school taking a long time? Frozen pizza for dinner is fine. There are only so many hours in the day. Do whatever school is the most important to you first and rotate the rest in second, third, fourth slots. Some days you may do it all, but some days the last thing/ things may just move to the next day.

 

With that big of an age spread, you will have two only children. Will you be able to hover over both of them simultaneously and control every aspect of the environment where you have a perfect house, a lovely hot dinners every night, and complete every item on your rigorous homeschool checklist just like you do now? I am not going to lie to you- probably not. Is that really the goal? However, by the time you will be homeschooling the little person, the oldest will be in high school and then graduating. You are not going to have to worry about teaching them at the same time. The older had you to himself as a little person, but the younger will basically have you to himself the same amount of time.

 

Anyway, plenty of people are perfectly happy with their only. If you are happy with your only and don't want to have another one, don't let others try to convince you that you should. ;-)

HTH-

Mandy

[redsquirrel]

You don't do it all well. Even if you don't homeschool, if you have a family with two working parents and a 9 or 10 year old and a new baby things get messy for a while, right? Those first couple years are messy and sleep deprived and sometimes things go amok.

 

I homeschool our kids full time. That is my job and I am darn good at it. My husband works full time as well. We both share the responsibilities of the home. It is not also my job to do all the housework or cooking etc. If your child attended public school would you expect his teacher to also be doing laundry during the school day?

[Upennmama]

I have 6 children, who are 12, 9, 6, 5, 3, and 2. I homeschool 2 of them (the oldest two). We are structured homeschoolers, with lots of parent teaching and probably 4-6 hours a day of school. I think I do a good job at most things, but not perfect, and some days some things slide (cleaning the bathroom). I think it will be challenging to HS with a 9 yo and a baby in some ways, because your 9 year old won't have older kids to play/learn with, and the baby won't have toddlers to play with, like I do. But at 9 (I'm assuming 3rd grade), your child should be doing a lot independently, anyway. Even in school, my kids' teachers don't spend 4 hours a day on direct instruction. They introduce a lesson, give a spiel, show them the work, then release them to do it. So you should (IMO) be teaching in short bursts throughout that 4 hour period. With a tiny baby, a baby sling or carrier is great, and you can nurse/feed/hold the baby while teaching. When the baby is slightly older, you can put it in a bouncer/saucer/highchair right next to you while you're working and give it toys/snacks. You can easily engage with both kids. There will of course be days when the baby is cranky or screaming all day, but you can do it. The gift of a sibling is worth some distractions and mom's attention being divided, IMO. Good luck!

[lots of little ducklings]

I'm a type A perfectionist, but having 5 dc in 6 years has tempered that (bending was preferable to breaking, I learned, and my family and I are much happier as a result).

 

You may need to change your expectations a bit, but as PPs have said, you won't be hs-ing both for many years. I'd just add that your baby will have plenty of attention from older sib, so even though he won't have the same undivided experience his sib had, that's not necessarily bad. Just different.

 

One big help, if you're not already doing it, would be to train your 9 year-old in chores. Even my littles now are super helpful around the house. A 30 minute chore time keeps our house presentable and clean, and laundry under control. I only need to do some deep cleaning on Saturdays. This frees me up to cook reasonably well on school days.

 

I prep during the summer using a 40-week file system. So far this system, plus some basic organization learned through trial-and-error, has virtually eliminated prep time in the evenings during the regular school year. This year I plan to record our accomplishments each day, but this should only take about 5-10 min.

 

Finally, I'd also recommend the Moby Wrap (or something like it). My 2 month old has spent most of our school days cuddled against me while I teach. What could be better than that? We both love it :-)

 

ETA: next year I'm hs-ing a 2nd grader, K5er, and k4er (who demands to be taught! Otherwise I wouldn't be yet). I will be on duty about 6 hours each day, but dc are each on duty for only 1-3 hours total. We do memory work / reading all year, but only 40 weeks of formal "full-time" school (and even then, every 5th week is super-light to allow for catch-up). I follow a daily routine, not schedule, so I can flex around the baby's needs.

 

ETA (again!): I'm 39, DH is 53, we are both utterly exhausted (but who wouldn't be with young children?), and we wouldn't trade it for the world. Not to influence you either way; just my own experience.

[3rugrats]

However, I will say I don't think some people do well with a lot going on at once. It stresses them out. You have to know yourself to know what you can or want to do.

 

I think this is a great point. My answer was initially going to be about how *I* would handle your situation, but I'm not a type A....so it would look different. 

 

The question you asked is a really popular one--how do you do it all? and it really depends on the person. I think everything depends on your personality and your priorities. I have friends who cannot go to sleep or relax if the house is messy. They will stay up late to have it all finished. That's not me. So, my answer would be, if you really want another baby, you have to let some of the house go, or relax on some of the schedule. Also...your age, I really thought I wanted another after our 3rd (and for me that would have been at 37). At that point I thought I could handle one more. Now, at 39, I'm tired!! I often think, how would I be handling a 2 yr old now?? plus the other 3 I have. I also thought that it would be tough w/ HSing b/c this year is our first official year, and I knew we would have to get serious w/ our schedule. It is hard enough to keep my 3yo occupied during school time, but a baby/toddler is a bigger challenge. so, all in all, I believe you can do anything you want to do--add another while homeschooling, keep the house in order, etc... you just need to be willing to relax some areas that aren't as big a priority when you see you're being stretched too thin. For, me the housework goes verses giving the kids attention. And, I still nap when they nap most days, even if it's just to lay down and rest. I feel guilty a lot for that, but it means I am a better wife and mom and not a grump.

 

 

my kids are 6,5,3 and we are probably what you'd call relaxed homeschoolers though we school year round. We do about 1-2 hours a day weekdays (including read alouds) and read on weekends. 

[HS Mom in NC]

Babywearing

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=babyslings&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&channel=sb#channel=sb&q=babyslings&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=shop

 

Also, a child as old as the one you're homeschooling now should be more independent by then. There have been threads about that here.

 

If you need to change to more "open and go" materials for homeschooling when you have a baby, don't apologize for it.  It doesn't have to be permanent, it can just be for the transition or you can make a change in homeschooling approach if you decide to make it permanent. 

 

I also recommend everyone seriously consider the weekly file folder system.  It's not a good match for everyone, but it's incredibly useful in so many situations.  Having all or most  of school planned, organized, printed out, copied, etc. in weekly folders is a huge relief for those of us who use it.  I planned absolutely nothing last year after school started because it was already done by the first day of school. It requires taking time off of school, usually in the summer.

 

Look up threads on chores here.  Most Americans expect far too little of their children when it comes to chores.  They can do them.  They need to do them.  You need them to do them.  Start them young and train them well.

 

Learn any household management skills you don't have now.  Figure out if you're a schedule or routine family by trying household tasks each way.

[GrammarGirl]

If I had another baby, I would plan to wear it in a wrap or sling quite a bit in the early months. I had twins when we first began homeschooling preschool, and I usually had one or both babies in my lap, often nursing, while we did schoolwork.

 

With an older baby, you and your older child could sit on the floor to do history, say, while the baby was next to you on a blanket with toys. I suspect that my twins' language development has been helped by being close by all the reading and schooling.

[G5052]

Build independence step-by-step.

 

Even younger than that, I put mine on individual assignment sheets where they crossed off their independent tasks on their own.  I included things like "Have Mom check your math with you."  We dealt with years of elder care and medical problems with a family member, and my attention was perpetually divided.  I did their assignment sheets Sunday night, and that was it for planning.  I went to do-the-next-lesson type of curriculum pretty much.  And I put a lot of emphasis on the 3 R's.  The rest was gravy when they were in grade school, and we had a few years where they used textbooks for history and science.

 

Now as teens, they do their own assignment sheets, working around local activities and family plans.  I still check them here and there, but they are pretty much self-teaching unless they get stuck or know that they are supposed to meet with me.  They grade their own daily math work, and I grade their tests.  This allows me to work full-time during the school year, mostly from home.

[Meadowlark]

I'm a type A perfectionist, but having 5 dc in 6 years has tempered that (bending was preferable to breaking, I learned, and my family and I are much happier as a result).

 

You may need to change your expectations a bit, but as PPs have said, you won't be hs-ing both for many years. I'd just add that your baby will have plenty of attention from older sib, so even though he won't have the same undivided experience his sib had, that's not necessarily bad. Just different.

 

One big help, if you're not already doing it, would be to train your 9 year-old in chores. Even my littles now are super helpful around the house. A 30 minute chore time keeps our house presentable and clean, and laundry under control. I only need to do some deep cleaning on Saturdays. This frees me up to cook reasonably well on school days.

 

I prep during the summer using a 40-week file system. So far this system, plus some basic organization learned through trial-and-error, has virtually eliminated prep time in the evenings during the regular school year. This year I plan to record our accomplishments each day, but this should only take about 5-10 min.

 

Finally, I'd also recommend the Moby Wrap (or something like it). My 2 month old has spent most of our school days cuddled against me while I teach. What could be better than that? We both love it :-)

 

ETA: next year I'm hs-ing a 2nd grader, K5er, and k4er (who demands to be taught! Otherwise I wouldn't be yet). I will be on duty about 6 hours each day, but dc are each on duty for only 1-3 hours total. We do memory work / reading all year, but only 40 weeks of formal "full-time" school (and even then, every 5th week is super-light to allow for catch-up). I follow a daily routine, not schedule, so I can flex around the baby's needs.

 

ETA (again!): I'm 39, DH is 53, we are both utterly exhausted (but who wouldn't be with young children?), and we wouldn't trade it for the world. Not to influence you either way; just my own experience.

I can relate! 5 kids in 6 yrs. over here too, and even about the same ages. Next year I'll be schooling a 2nd grader, 1st grader and a 3, 2, and 1 yr. old along for the ride.

 

I am not yet doing 4+ hours of school, so I can't relate on that end. But....honestly, my first thought was what a help your older child will be! I agree, start training him with chores. My 7 yr. old is such a help, I can't imagine all he could do in a few years! Also, I think babies are generally easy...it's those toddler years that are tricky. In fact, I keep telling myself "I think I can, I think I can" when thinking about this next year. By the time your future baby is 1-2, you'll have a 10-11 yr. old right? He should be more independent by then.

 

Overall, if you truly want a new little one, the struggles will pale in comparison to the joy that that new little life will bring. :-)

[GrammarGirl]

 

Overall, if you truly want a new little one, the struggles will pale in comparison to the joy that that new little life will bring. :-)

Yes! The whole family will benefit from the addition. I think adding the second child brings the most worry because, silly as it is, we wonder if we can love them both and treat them both fairly. But we do have the capacity to love and care for 2 and more. I know an elderly couple who let fear make the decision for them not to have another child, and they tell me they still regret it.

[Tanikit]

I have a 6 year old and 3 year old both of whom need a fair amount of attention. Both are also accelerated academically (yes even the 3 year old who loves schoolwork and needs one on one time so she too can learn reading, math and whatever bigger sister is doing.

 

I jump between my children - besides some read alouds that I am reading to the younger child that my older child may want to listen to, there is almost nothing that they can do together which means my eldest does get left to work independently for very short bursts of time and my younger does also get left to play by herself for short bursts of time too. 

 

I think however, that when a parent thinks about a second child, all the focus is on what will happen to the first child and how the first child will cope and how a baby will fit in without upsetting the other child's routine and aims and goals. Just like with a first child when you thought your life could continue exactly the way it had but just with a baby in tow, when a second child arrives suddenly it is a little person and the entire family dynamic changes - the baby is not in the way and upsetting a routine that once existed. The routine just changes, the child just fits in and somehow you make it work... just like you did when your life was totally changed by your now 9 year old - you didn't just carry on as before and nor will the 3 of you just carry on like now with a baby in the way - that baby will be your precious child too and there will be more than enough time and love and care and space and all of that - but now in a family of four. You will all be fine... and the type A personality that coped with the "invasion" of your now 9 year old will cope with the "invasion" of this second child. Its normal to worry about it (type A or not) but until the child is here, you cannot possibly know how it will play out - it just works - I think because expectations change when a thought becomes a being.

[fairfarmhand]

Well, not quite 6 hours, more like 5.5 hours.    We school for 4 hours + music practice for 45 minutes =  4.75 hours.   And as for my prep: with all the putting one subject up, getting another one out, making a copy here or there, reading ahead for my teaching, etc....all that prep is about 30-45 minutes (spread out between subjects/etc).   So the 4.75 + 0.75 hrs(prep/clean up/etc) = about 5.5 hrs.

 

I'd start my son on learning to get out/put up things.

 

With a baby, you teach the older child to do for himself (the right way) the things that you can't do. I've learned to think, WHY am I doing this when x child can do this. It makes for more independent kids and a happier mamma.

[Dramorellis]

Workboxes, planning ahead in the Summer, letting the child explore on their own and be independent, babywearing and meal plans. A 9 year old can and should be a participant in the home cleaning. Everything is a season. There are valuable lessons to be learned by teaching children to wait their turn and to consider the needs of others first. Independent learning is the goal, not necessarily me teaching them everything that I know. It's giving them the skills to find the answers to everything they want to learn. The " perfect" or near perfect you are pressuring yourself to achieve is self imposed. The baby is held nearly all day and nursed, fed etc when necessary. They soak up everything going on around them. They don't need enrichment programs or flash cards. The baby is really the one I worry about the least. As long as he is being held, rocked and spoken to then his emotional needs have been met. The baby will be fine and the older sibling will be fine. They will both thrive in fact as long as you are able to put things in perspective and don't pressure yourself to the point of making yourself feel as if you are failing. We school approx. 4 hours daily, have outside classes, go on field trips and do an art/science co-op once a week and everyone is happy. We do things in between naps or with him strapped to me. I prep in the summer and after bedtime and they work their boxes throughout the day. I stagger subjects that need my direct instruction so I can leave time for working with one child or naps/diapers etc. My husband takes over some household chores or we do them together on the weekends and the children do their own part in cleaning. They are 7 (almost 8) 4.5 and 22 months. I can for example set the 4 year old up with a tray and ask her to spoon out fruit into a bowl while the 7 year old sweeps the kitchen floor so I can fold a load of laundry. After they eat their snack they put away the laundry I folded or whatever. This is just an example but when everyone works together, everything goes more smoothly and they are in fact learning something in the process. I think structured and serious is fine. There is however a plethora of research that says that the opposite of that type of environment is integral to the growth of a child. 

[kagmypts]

I am going to be honest and say that I don't do it all well.  For me, there's just not enough time in the day (3 kids aged 10, 8, & 6), and I am definitely type A.  Having said that, my top priority during the school is my kids' academics, and I think that we do that exceptionally well.  Among my 3 kids we have at least one extra-curricular activity a day, and my kids don't miss those commitments unless they are sick.  I am not a big fan of eating out so I cook dinner every night.  With respect to housework, our house is presentable, but it's not as clean as I would like.  My kids always have clean clothes, and the toilets are cleaned frequently.  The clutter removal doesn't happen as often as I would like.  However, given my list of priorities, I am okay with that.  I just can't say that I do everything well.  I am only one person.

 

ETA -  During the summer, I finish about 95% of my prep work for the upcoming school year.  I have all of our copies made, organized by subject, and arranged by the date in which they will be used.  My kids are responsible for putting away all of their books during the day.  I also grade as we move through our day so when the kids are done, I am finished as well.  I spend about 30 minutes each Sunday night creating and printing out a weekly schedule for each child.  While I have a list of assignments for each child for the entire year, I am not sure exactly the timing of those.  I just take the next five lessons and format them so that my kids can be accountable for finishing their work for the week.  They also like to highlight assignments as they complete them.

 

 

 

[boscopup]

I'm 36 years old (my husband's also 36).   We have a son age 9.   We're thinking about having another child, but I'm wondering how would I homeschool with a baby.  I am concerned that the little babe would be "put off" for the four+ hours a day in which we do school and I facilitate school/music practice/do chores/housework/etc.     

 

I don't know how you can "put off" a baby. They demand attention! :lol: You just bring baby into the mix with you. You can nurse while listening to your child read to you. You can discuss math while bouncing baby on your knee. You can discuss literature while walking around the room with baby.

 

I do think you might want to look at how you can make changes in your home to make it easier for you. For example, plan ahead for 6 weeks at a time (then take a week off for planning/break to do the next 6 weeks). Have all copies printed and ready to go before the 6 weeks (or any other amount of time that works for you) starts. Each summer, I put everything we plan to do into HST+, where I have lesson plans with no dates attached. The entire year's worth of lesson plans are in there before we start the year. Each Sunday afternoon, I spend 30 minutes assigning lessons to dates, reserving any books we need, and looking over any materials I need to look over (though I really don't have much teacher prep with the materials I'm using at this level). My 10 year old does have a 4 hour day, but I'd say MOST of that is now done fairly independently, so *I* am not needed by him for 4 hours per day. I'm able to spend more time focusing on my younger kids that do need me. I have a 4th kid due in February, and I'm not real concerned about the newborn stage. It's NEXT school year when that baby is mobile that scares me. But thankfully, it's a short season. If my oldest needs to do more open and go, not-teacher-intensive materials for a year or two, that's FINE. My K'er was 18 months old when we started homeschooling my oldest halfway through first grade. It was a challenge, because toddlers are needy, but we still managed to do a pretty full load for a 1st grader, and I feel like he had a really good education that year. We learned to work around the naps and such. I also had a 3.5 year old at the same time, though I could give him old workbooks to occupy him and whatnot.

 

As far as cleaning goes... Again, your 9 year old should be able to help quite a bit with that. I have German Shedders, so my floors are impossible to keep completely clean, but I make sure either the kids or I vacuum 2-3 times per week (it really needs it every day, but oh well). Dishes and laundry are kept updated. I run the dishwasher at night. The kids empty it in the morning before breakfast. I try to do a load of laundry every day. The kids are able to clean much of the house without my help if necessary. You could schedule an hour a day for you and your 9 year old to clean, and I'm sure your house would be spic and span (mine would if I spent that much time on it! :lol:).

 

Meals... I created a 6 week menu that we rotate through. Once a week, I go grocery shopping and get everything we need for that week. Then come dinner time, I know what I'm making. I easily have dinner on the table by 5pm. With baby, I'll need to start a little earlier (I used to start cooking around 3pm when my 3rd kid was a baby... with all the interruptions, that gave me enough time to get dinner made that normally would take 1 hour if you didn't have distractions).

 

Babywearing is wonderful. I wear young babies on my front, but once they're 6 months old, they can go on my back in a soft structured carrier (that doesn't bother my bad back) and I can do meal prep and cleaning pretty easily. Their are woven wraps you can use to put a newborn on your back, but my low back issues don't do as well with that, so I wait until they can use a soft structured carrier (like an Ergo, etc.). The structured waist band gives me the support my low back needs.

 

Finally... No, you can't "do it all well". You should be able to do most of it well though, and the rest can be "good enough". :)

 

 

My stats: I have a 10 year old, a 7.5 year old, and a 5 year old, and I'm nearing the end of the first trimester with #4. We do a WTM-informed education, though I'm somewhat relaxed about the elementary years. My kids are all accelerated in math, oldest is accelerated in reading, and third kid is accelerated across the board in all subjects. Second kid is a late bloomer in reading/writing, so he takes more of my one-on-one time than the other two. His school day is a lot more relaxed than that of my oldest at the same age, just because he isn't ready for as much. I aim for about an hour per day per grade level, so my 5th grader is doing 4 hours, plus he reads a lot on his own and we have read-aloud time, so that would push him to 5 hours if we counted that. Two kids are doing hockey and one is doing karate. We have to drive 20-35 minutes each way for those activities. I go to the library once every 2 weeks, putting books on hold so I can just pick them up without searching for them (you NEED the hold system when you have a toddler). I am a planner in general, though the 36 week file folder system would NOT work for me, as I never know how fast or slow my kids will go that far out. I plan only a week ahead, and still sometimes end up doing more or less than we intended. I'm ok with that though. Right now, while I'm in the midst of the all day sickies, I have set aside history and science for a bit. We'll pick them back up when I'm feeling better. My oldest is still doing math, grammar/writing, spelling, and Latin every day. He reads a lot on his own throughout the day, and I do a read-aloud every day (right now we're doing Tom Sawyer). Last year in 4th grade, my oldest started really taking off with the independence, and I've purposely chosen curricula that can be done with less of me (I still teach, but I am not needed the entire lesson every single day). He's also gotten more independent with chores in the last year - ie, I can ask him to go gather the trash from the bathrooms and my desk, or get the laundry and run a load, or reboot the laundry, or fold/put away kid clothes or towels, or vacuum the first floor, or clear the table, or any number of other things that might need doing. They're so useful at this age!!! Next year, we'll see if he can learn how to change a diaper. ;)

[stripe]

The first year was easy because the baby slept a lot, but it was hard to go anywhere. Then it got harder. I would also caution against assuming slings will work. I used them a lot with one child (including putting for a nap in one constantly) but another disliked them AND I felt much older and less comfortable (back and shoulder ache) and just very HOT wearing them in ways I had not with previous children. Also, you just never know, some kids are sick a lot and require constant care. Even just getting a lot of irritating but not dangerous things like colds. On the other hand, it may all be worth it because they love their little sibling to bits. It's really hard to guess, but kids are not tidy and they will throw off your plans.

[amazzie]

My son was 9 when my youngest was born and he is now such a help to me. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, these are things your son can do! Not to mention helping with the baby. He can play with the baby in a bouncy seat while you take care of something quickly or on the floor as a one year old. My son just turned 11 and one of his chores is playing with his little sisters. He enjoys it but because of the age gap he needs motivation to get into it, if you know what I mean. Also, the little ones are fascinated by whatever is going on and want to play school...do flashcards, write in math books, etc. I think you'll be fine.

[snoodlebug]

I'm the original poster here.    

 

This has all been MOST useful for me, and I thank you all very much for sharing your wisdom, experiences and encouragements.  I'm about to read back through it all to really digest it and take it all in again.     

 

Caveat:    I should have added in the beginning that MUCH of my reluctance is the recollection of what a nightmare baby my son was.   I wore him in a sling, he suckled constantly, slept horribly, required very little sleep (was in the 1% for sleep requirements), bellowed if I put him down for even a millisecond to go potty, transferred (stayed asleep when moving him) once in his entire life, slept through the night for the first time at age 2, etc.     My breasts were raw from all the suckling.   I had to have a csection as he was a footling breech and cord compression caused his heart to plummet down to the 40 beats/minute.    For the entire 2 years, I was beyond exhausted.   I had little help from family (they all live out of state).  My husband was helpful when home, but my son would have NONE of him (that first year; now they're best friends).  Just the THOUGHT of that AGAIN while homeschooling contributed significantly to my fear.     Oh, surely the LORD wouldn't send me ANOTHER nightmare baby, especially now that I'm almost a decade older (pray that if he opens our womb and gives us another that he/she will be an easy baby that SLEEPS and isn't SO demanding!!!)  

 

 

 

 

 

Snoodlebug

[HS Mom in NC]

I understand.  We adopted our youngest from S. Korea.  She arrived at 7 mos. old and the older two were 7 and 9.  She had a very hard transition year so she had severe sleep issues for the first year and typical newborn sleep issues for the second.  She had separation anxiety off the charts because of the transition.  It was really hard but we survived.  Somehow we managed to get through it.

If you have another c-section I strongly recommend taking your baby to a chiropractor immediately. Breeches, c-sections, forceps and vacuum extractions cause misalignment in a baby's neck which result in infant migraines and serious neck pain often misdiagnosed as "colic." IT also interferes with suckling because of the neck pain. My middle daughter was breech, then the breech was corrected in the 9th month with a chiropractor doing the Webster technique but she was c-section for a placental abruption.  She screamed for hours, nursed badly, spit up (the nerve you use to vomit is at the base of the skull where it meets the top of the neck) and slept little.  After 3 weeks of it we took her to the chiro 3 times a week for 2 weeks.  She never spit up or screamed again and was a normal baby whose suckle was back to normal.

[GrammarGirl]

I'm the original poster here.

 

This has all been MOST useful for me, and I thank you all very much for sharing your wisdom, experiences and encouragements. I'm about to read back through it all to really digest it and take it all in again.

 

Caveat: I should have added in the beginning that MUCH of my reluctance is the recollection of what a nightmare baby my son was. I wore him in a sling, he suckled constantly, slept horribly, required very little sleep (was in the 1% for sleep requirements), bellowed if I put him down for even a millisecond to go potty, transferred (stayed asleep when moving him) once in his entire life, slept through the night for the first time at age 2, etc. My breasts were raw from all the suckling. I had to have a csection as he was a footling breech and cord compression caused his heart to plummet down to the 40 beats/minute. For the entire 2 years, I was beyond exhausted. I had little help from family (they all live out of state). My husband was helpful when home, but my son would have NONE of him (that first year; now they're best friends). Just the THOUGHT of that AGAIN while homeschooling contributed significantly to my fear. Oh, surely the LORD wouldn't send me ANOTHER nightmare baby, especially now that I'm almost a decade older (pray that if he opens our womb and gives us another that he/she will be an easy baby that SLEEPS and isn't SO demanding!!!)

 

 

Snoodlebug

Obviously, we never know what "kind" of baby we'll get before he/she arrives, but in my case the first was very demanding (a constant nurser, difficult sleeper), but the other three have been easier. Also, having experience under your belt as a mom can make a big difference the second time around. If God gives you another baby and has called you to homeschool He will certainly give you the strength and the wisdom to know where to cut back/how to adjust. Best wishes!

[Tenaj]

I'm the original poster here.    

 

This has all been MOST useful for me, and I thank you all very much for sharing your wisdom, experiences and encouragements.  I'm about to read back through it all to really digest it and take it all in again.     

 

Caveat:    I should have added in the beginning that MUCH of my reluctance is the recollection of what a nightmare baby my son was.   I wore him in a sling, he suckled constantly, slept horribly, required very little sleep (was in the 1% for sleep requirements), bellowed if I put him down for even a millisecond to go potty, transferred (stayed asleep when moving him) once in his entire life, slept through the night for the first time at age 2, etc.     My breasts were raw from all the suckling.   I had to have a csection as he was a footling breech and cord compression caused his heart to plummet down to the 40 beats/minute.    For the entire 2 years, I was beyond exhausted.   I had little help from family (they all live out of state).  My husband was helpful when home, but my son would have NONE of him (that first year; now they're best friends).  Just the THOUGHT of that AGAIN while homeschooling contributed significantly to my fear.     Oh, surely the LORD wouldn't send me ANOTHER nightmare baby, especially now that I'm almost a decade older (pray that if he opens our womb and gives us another that he/she will be an easy baby that SLEEPS and isn't SO demanding!!!)  

 

 

 

 

 

Snoodlebug

 

I understand!  I've always said that it was a good thing that my first baby wasn't actually the one we got with #7 because my family would have been much smaller!  If you decide to go ahead with another baby, I'll share my completely unscientific experience that our more discontent babies were every other one :)

 

Seriously, I still get a panicky feeling when I remember some of my infant days.  I remember with #7 being up with him in the middle of the night and he was just screaming and this was every night.  My dh got up to relieve me and I couldn't even sleep because all I could think was that I had a kid who didn't even like me . . at all. . . he would not accept a single bit of comfort . . . nursing sometimes wouldn't calm him, rocking, walking, bouncing, swing, sling, it didn't matter . . . it really is his personality and he is just now at 6 almost 7 beginning to grow out of some of his unreasonableness.  Ooops!  I'm supposed to be encouraging you . . not reminding you!

 

As a bit of encouragement, I'll remind you that it was worth it, right? :)  Some practical thoughts that got me through the hard times.  No one ever died from lack of sleep . . . I would repeat that over and over to myself.  Also, my older two have gone on to college and are doing very well despite the fact that their school was minimal during several tough times of morning sickness and newborn/infant fog.

 

Prayer for peace and wisdom as you make this decision . . . and a calm, peaceful baby!

[Dramorellis]

I'm the original poster here.    

 

This has all been MOST useful for me, and I thank you all very much for sharing your wisdom, experiences and encouragements.  I'm about to read back through it all to really digest it and take it all in again.     

 

Caveat:    I should have added in the beginning that MUCH of my reluctance is the recollection of what a nightmare baby my son was.   I wore him in a sling, he suckled constantly, slept horribly, required very little sleep (was in the 1% for sleep requirements), bellowed if I put him down for even a millisecond to go potty, transferred (stayed asleep when moving him) once in his entire life, slept through the night for the first time at age 2, etc.     My breasts were raw from all the suckling.   I had to have a csection as he was a footling breech and cord compression caused his heart to plummet down to the 40 beats/minute.    For the entire 2 years, I was beyond exhausted.   I had little help from family (they all live out of state).  My husband was helpful when home, but my son would have NONE of him (that first year; now they're best friends).  Just the THOUGHT of that AGAIN while homeschooling contributed significantly to my fear.     Oh, surely the LORD wouldn't send me ANOTHER nightmare baby, especially now that I'm almost a decade older (pray that if he opens our womb and gives us another that he/she will be an easy baby that SLEEPS and isn't SO demanding!!!)  

 

 

 

 

 

Snoodlebug

 Totally understandable. My first was very, very high maintenance so when I was pregnant with my 2nd I would cry with dread in anticipation of another year (2 years) like that. But pleasantly she was a very lovely baby that slept, and was content to be put down to sleep. Fast forward to my 3rd and I was expecting him to be like the 2nd and he is actually worse than the 1st. Seriously he is killing me BUT we have homeschooled through it and lived to tell the tale and everyone has just rolled with it. It has taught the older two to be very helpful and flexible. They are excellent at keeping him calm and occupied which is what I didn't have the first time around. Also we have gotten very efficient at getting stuff done around his screaming and throwing. If I know he is probably going to wake up in 15 min., you should just see how quickly and correctly we can get a lesson done.

[PagesandFields]

I'm the original poster here.    

 

This has all been MOST useful for me, and I thank you all very much for sharing your wisdom, experiences and encouragements.  I'm about to read back through it all to really digest it and take it all in again.     

 

Caveat:    I should have added in the beginning that MUCH of my reluctance is the recollection of what a nightmare baby my son was.   I wore him in a sling, he suckled constantly, slept horribly, required very little sleep (was in the 1% for sleep requirements), bellowed if I put him down for even a millisecond to go potty, transferred (stayed asleep when moving him) once in his entire life, slept through the night for the first time at age 2, etc.     My breasts were raw from all the suckling.   I had to have a csection as he was a footling breech and cord compression caused his heart to plummet down to the 40 beats/minute.    For the entire 2 years, I was beyond exhausted.   I had little help from family (they all live out of state).  My husband was helpful when home, but my son would have NONE of him (that first year; now they're best friends).  Just the THOUGHT of that AGAIN while homeschooling contributed significantly to my fear.     Oh, surely the LORD wouldn't send me ANOTHER nightmare baby, especially now that I'm almost a decade older (pray that if he opens our womb and gives us another that he/she will be an easy baby that SLEEPS and isn't SO demanding!!!)  

 

 

 

 

 

Snoodlebug

 

I just wanted to post because I can really really really really (I could add a couple more) relate to you.  I knew I didn't want to have an only child when I went into having a family.  I remember when my son (my older) was a baby at one point crying...  This sounds bad... but bare with me... because I didn't know if I could do it again.  For the first 5 months of his life I didn't get more than 40 minutes of uninterrupted sleep... He didn't nap as an infant.  I remember the exhaustion....  I was alone in the house and didn't have a car... which was fine because if I'd gone anywhere he wouldn't have stopped crying anyway!  :)  I knew I wanted to have more kids, and wanted the close...  And it literally was an act of faith having my daughter a bit more than 2 years later.  It was what I felt I should do...  with absolutely no logical evidence that I could do it.  

 

But I did... and it was amazing...  It wasn't easy... but when you've had a really hard baby I think you have coping mechanisms and it's just easier.  And yes, she was a much easier baby.  I learned how to babywear her in a woven wrap at 3 months.  I was less uptight about stuff, so I just did what worked.  When she was 3 1/2 months we packed up our entire house, renovated it, moved across country, renovated a new house that was in dire conditions (enough that we lived in a tent for 6 weeks)...  Neither napped well at that age so every day I went for a drive and they napped in the car while I sat up front under a tree with a gentle breeze and a good book.  You just find weird personal ways to get by and take care of your family.  

 

You can TOTALLY do this... if it's what feels right.... trust whatever you want to do, or that you're being led to do, or what's right for your family.  

 

And to be honest?  I don't think you can do everything well if you're type A (I have tendencies)... If you set high expectations for yourself in EVERYTHING that you do, of course you'll let yourself down at something.  So the trick is to prioritize what's most important and learn to let some things go, or to find help.  I'm still working on this... but I have no garden this year...  so I think I'm making progress.  :)

[snoodlebug]

I'm so glad I joined this group.   All of your replies have been so helpful!   I'll keep checking in to see if there have been any additions.

 

Thanks AGAIN!

 

 

[AimeeM]

I'm not laid back, by nature, lol.

 

I have three children. My youngest is 2 (and very... er... energetic), my middle is 5 and a kindergartner, and my eldest is 12.

 

Last year my eldest attended a private school; prior to that she was home for several years.

 

We will have a morning circle time with all the children - Catholic Mosaic (religious picture books and associated activities), memory work, calendar time, art appreciation.

 

This upcoming year, she will have an independent period in the morning with a couple rotating "extras", math (strong subject for her), history and science reading, and religion reading (Saints' stories); also, any overflow work from her other subjects will be contained within her independent period. During this period, I work one-on-one with my kindergartner. When I am finished with my kindergartner, I'll put the 2 year old down for his nap, and then work with my eldest on her mom-dependent subjects. She is dyslexic, so this period will include spelling, writing, team reading for literature, formal catechism, latin, and the games associated with her science program. When my youngest wakes up, DD12 will break off to work on her Special Project (she wants to study for the National Mythology Exam - so we'll see how that goes) and science lab work as she wants.

 

Both DS5 and DD12 are required to work on their piano in the evenings. They have a formal lesson with their piano teacher once a week, and their practice time really varies dependent upon what else we have going on in the evening. Sometimes the 5 year old doesn't practice, lol.

 

Ideally, above is how our days will go. Realistically? We'll see. The 2 year old is quite needy, lol.