anyone else have a fear of public speaking?

[HappyLady]

My entire life it's really been a problem for me.  In high school, when we had to do any sort of oral presentation I just about fainted doing it.  If I could skip an oral presentation without it adversely affecting my grade I did.  In my 20s when I went into the work force and found that I had to speak in meetings, I realized I had to do something about my fear so I took a public speaking class.  I hated it and my instructor actually told me on the last day that she was surprised I came back after the first class because she could see how hard it was for me.  I was proud of myself for sticking with it, but it really didn't help.

 

At this point in my life, I just figured it would be something I'd have to live with, but now I feel bad for my kids.  They have an opportunity to join a co-op, but one of the requirements is for me to teach a bunch of classes.  Speaking in front of children, especially if I have to teach and pretty much wing what I'm going to say (for any oral presentation I've ever done I've written down every single word I had to say, otherwise I couldn't even form a complete sentence), will be incredibly difficult for me.  I kind of talked to one of the ladies planning the co-op and offered to do other things, but she said it wouldn't be fair to the other moms.  I get that, I do, but they're all former teachers and are used to speaking in front of people. 

 

Any advice on what I can do?  Any tricks or tips that have helped you?  Or should I just accept I am who I am and not let my kids join the co-op?

[AnIslandGirl]

When you have children over for playdates do you talk to them? Maybe you could try "instructing" some simple arts and craft type activities the next time a group of children is over, or go over the rules to a game. As long as your co-op is set up for small group instruction, these might be small steps you take to transition into a larger teaching role.

Best wishes!

[kewb]

I dread public speaking. I took public speaking in high school and my teacher was awesome but I still dread it. When it is my turn to lead our teen group ( and that at its max was 9 kids) I want the floor to open up and swallow me.

 

What has helped over the years is being well prepared.  Practicing in front of a mirror. And breathing exercises. Also what has helped the most is doing it.  I will admit, it has gotten easier but I would still rather do anything else.

[Berta]

No advice, but I could have written your post. I am shy, an introvert and have actually taken zero's in high school rather then get up in front of a class. Want to know what I do for a living?? lol... I am a Wedding Officiant. I stand up in front of hundreds of people at times and perform weddings.

 

As long as I have my script in front of me, I'm OK. As long as I don't know anyone in attendance, I'm OK. But put me in a room with people I know and I clam up. I'm still trying to figure out why I am so strange lol.

[Garga]

Like the PP said:  you need to find something to teach that isn't "public speaking."  No speeches involved.  

 

Can you pick the age group and topic?

 

Here's an example of something that wouldn't require "public speaking" or having to "wing what you have to say."  

 

A literature class for 8 year old girls.  Reading Alice in Wonderland.  

 

"HI.  I'm Garga.  We're going to read Alice in Wonderland in this class.  We'll talk about the story and do some crafts.  Here are some coloring sheets you can color while I read the story to you."  

 

Google free coloring sheets orr, they can color a name placeholder--they write their name on a folded over sheet of paper, then decorate it.  They put the name on their desk/table so you know who they are.  Then you don't have to talk alot introducing everyone or worry that you can't remember names.  Collect the name placeholders at the end of the class for the next class.  

 

While you read, pause often (premark the places in the book where you can pause) and ask open ended questions (predetermine the questions.)  "Uh oh!  Should Alice follow that rabbit?  What do you think will happen if she does?  Would go you down a hole like that?"  The kids will do most of the talking.  They may be shy at first, but slowly they'll talk more.  You don't have to be wild and entertaining.  Just ask the questions calmly.  

 

After you read for a bit, make a little craft, like a white rabbit out of cotton balls (see online for ideas.)  At the end of class give them a fill-in-the-blank page of questions about the story.  

 

There would be very little public speaking.  You would simply read the book, ask some open ended questions, and moderate them while they make a craft with you (have a completed craft done ahead of time and then make the craft together with them, showing them each step one step at a time.  Everyone stays on the same step together.)  

 

In the next class, pick up where you left off with more coloring sheets, a craft, and an activity sheet.

 

No having to wing it about ancient history, etc.  If they're older, just read an older book and ask harder open ended questions and nix the craft (unless it's a really cool craft) and give them activity sheets with harder questions. 

 

With all that said, I am currently putting off planning a P.E. class for my co-op right now.  I am the same way you are.  People don't know it because I soldier on, but I'm terrified of speaking out loud and I'm very nervous about the class.  Even though I've done it before. Even though I've taught years of preschool and 2 other 6 week co-op classes.  Oh!  And I was a corporate trainer and had to stand in front of adults, winging it (!) for 2 years.  But I still get sick to my stomach every time before I get in front of people.  

 

(And you know what--you have to talk LOUDLY for a P.E. class.  Oh, I think I'll pass out--so nervous!)

[Garga]

Oh--and as someone who had to do that corporate training for 2 years in front of my adult co-workers, I've found that's it's best to just go with the nerves.  Instead of trying to settle them or make them go away, I just allow myself to wallow in them for a time.  I allow myself to "feel" the uncomfortable feeling.  The more I would try to ignore it or make it better, the worse they got.  They needed to be acknowledged.  I didn't tell other people, but I would say to myself, "Ooooeeee!  I am nervous!  Oh, my tummy!  Oh nerves, nerves, nerves!"  

 

It actually helped.  

 

And be very prepared.  Have a plan for what happens if you are done too soon (some sort of free play?) or if you run out of time (prewritten instructions so the kids can complete the craft at home?  Along with paper bags to put their supplies and instructions into.)

[Rose in BC]

I do a lot of public speaking in my job. Often at large conferences. When I first landed this job three years ago I was much more nervous than now. In the beginning I'd write out word for word my speech but now I use index card. First I write out my whole speech, then I write the key words on index cards. And then I wing it from there. Sometimes I use PowerPoint, but not always.

[marbel]

I was just like you in school.  I ended up in my late 20s joining Toastmasters at work, and then being sent to Dale Carnegie public speaking training.  That was a struggle but I ended up being asked to do another session as an assistant so I guess it went OK.  After that I ended up doing standup corporate training for a good while.   I was still always nervous, occasionally to the point of illness.  Once after a stressful session in New Jersey (tough sales crowd) I flew to Boston and ended up in the ER with terrible stress-related stomach problems.  But the next day I was back up in front of the group.  Eventually it got easier. :-) 

 

Sixteen years after leaving work to be home with my kids, I'm terrified again at the thought of getting up in front of a group.

 

I think Garga was spot on with her advice - just go reread that and do what she says.  :-)

 

But I would also look into Toastmasters in your area and see if you can conquer that fear.  Your kids may pick it up from you.  I'm thinking of finding a Toastmasters around her to join myself.

[umsami]

I had a horrific fear of public speaking. It impacted what careers I considered and my life through undergrad.  I would get physically ill, shake, could barely talk.  It was pure torture. I definitely fit the joke that i'd rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.  I deferred grad school because I did not want to give presentations.

 

Then when I was 23 or so, my Dad paid for me to take a Dale Carnegie course.  Everybody there is petrified…and you basically give two minute speeches. It really changed my life.  I went to get my MBA, got an A in speech, had a job where I presented to the board of directors and rooms of people often.  I only wish I had taken it sooner.

[Erica in OR]

Choose a class to teach that you feel passion and excitement about the topic. Realize that even with people who speak quite often, nervousness never is completely eliminated. It was comforting to me to see a well-known speaker in my field do a talk/demonstration and realize from seeing his hands shake a bit during a part of the presentation that even "the greats" have similar feelings when they speak publicly. Be thoroughly prepared, but afterward don't rehash and beat yourself up for anything you felt were shortcomings. You do the best you can and then move on.

 

Erica in OR

[trulycrabby]

I would rather cut off my own arm, but have somehow managed to do a decent amount of public speaking. The trick is to over-prepare, so that what you are going to say is second nature and you do not have to glance down at notes, get flustered and lose your place. I am also one of those folks who is only nervous before the presentation; once I am up there it's absolutely fine.

[Angie in VA]

You can do this!

 

“According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” Jerry Seinfeld

 

 

[Amy in NH]

I can do it, but it is really uncomfortable and I never feel happy with my presentation.  I've been told I'm okay, and even good, but I don't feel it.  I'm considering signing up for our local Toastmasters.

 

I make my kids do public speaking in 4-H.  I want them to have opportunities to get good at public speaking from an early age.  Hopefully, lots of positive experiences will keep them from developing this phobia, and they get feedback on how to improve.  My oldest ds is now great at ad-libbing in front of a crowd, and his quirky sense of humor keeps the audience engaged and chuckling (which is his aim).

[MissKNG]

Me. I start to shake and sweat and my voice crackles and it sounds like I'm about to cry.

[Dory]

I can speak to groups of small kids, but once they are nearing the teen years, it's one or two at a time, or not at all. If I try to speak in front of a crowd, I shake and sweat and almost cry. I've even passed out before.

 

Kids aren't as scary though.

[J-rap]

I had a horrific fear of public speaking. It impacted what careers I considered and my life through undergrad.  I would get physically ill, shake, could barely talk.  It was pure torture. I definitely fit the joke that i'd rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.  I deferred grad school because I did not want to give presentations.

 

Then when I was 23 or so, my Dad paid for me to take a Dale Carnegie course.  Everybody there is petrified…and you basically give two minute speeches. It really changed my life.  I went to get my MBA, got an A in speech, had a job where I presented to the board of directors and rooms of people often.  I only wish I had taken it sooner.

 

You have a wise dad!  :) 
 

[J-rap]

I HATE public speaking.  It was easier when I was younger; I didn't mind giving oral reports and I even ran for student government in high school where I had to give campaign speeches.  I was always nervous, but it never stopped me.  My first jobs required lots of speaking in public -- not in front of huge crowds, but lots of talking. 

 

But even given lots of experience -- and positive ones, too -- it still just isn't me and I still hate it.  I loved being home with only my kids and not worrying about stuff like that anymore!  Once they got older though, there seemed to be times when I just didn't have a choice.  But I found that working with kids in an informal setting was really fun.  I'd organize craft projects for my kids and their friends, or with the homeschool group; unique Easter egg coloring methods or pumpkin decorating.  When it was an activity that took the attention slightly off of me, I did fine.

 

Can you organize some class like that?  I liked the idea of a girls' literature group, or maybe you could do a history class that presents itself with art projects.  Something like that takes the attention off of you speaking and instead, onto the project.  Also, a slideshow of your ideas (with the lights off, so the kids can't even see you) might take the pressure off of you as well.

 

Interestingly, I hid this extreme fear of mine from my children well.  My husband is so the opposite, that I guess they didn't even notice me hiding in the shadows!  ha  :)  They all enjoy public speaking and don't even get nervous.  I guess someday I'll have to tell them how much it horrifies me!