How To Stop Others From Evangelizing to Your Child

[Aelwydd]

Queen, wish I could add some helpful advice! I can only say that as we are open-minded, skeptical Episcopalians, our ds10 gets targeted by overzealous evangelical family and friends as well.

 

Your ds sounds so sweet. If it were me, I'd probably make some snarky remark that not only do I believe in God, but also all His Friends. So, you know, it's like double insurance, lol.

[albeto.]

It is rude when the op's son makes it clear he has no interest in their faith and they continue. Parents that raise their child to evangelize should also teach them that when its clear the other person isn't interested they should drop the subject. I personally think that people should not evangelize in the first place, it's just rude to people of other faiths and those who do not believe. How would you feel if my child went on and on about how god wasn't real and didn't stop?

 

The OP did not say her boy makes it clear he has no interest in their faith but they continue. She said he will not interrupt, or stop them or share his beliefs with them. What you and I think the parents of the other kids should do is irrelevant to the OP, though, kwim? The idea that evangelization is a rude practice is something I agree with you about (I'd go so far as to say it's mean to evangelize one's own kids), but clearly those who teach their kids to do this do not agree with us.

[Catwoman]

He is Hellenistic Pagan and has been since he was little. No clue where it came from, it just is. My beliefs are different than his.

I hope you don't mind it if I ask this, but I'm genuinely curious.

 

How does a little kid become a Hellenistic Pagan, and how did he even learn what it meant?

[clarkacademy]

I have never understood people who think it is OK if their kids are rude to anothers belief. I mean it isn't just with religion it is everything. The parents think it is cute it just isn't.

[Aelwydd]

The OP did not say her boy makes it clear he has no interest in their faith but they continue. She said he will not interrupt, or stop them or share his beliefs with them. What you and I think the parents of the other kids should do is irrelevant to the OP, though, kwim? The idea that evangelization is a rude practice is something I agree with you about (I'd go so far as to say it's mean to evangelize one's own kids), but clearly those who teach their kids to do this do not agree with us.

Well, and the thing is, when I was an evangelical christian as a kid, it was spun around to the effect of being asked not to share one's beliefs equated a loss of religious freedom. Like, "the devil won't keep me from preaching the gospel."

 

Also, I was aware of Jesus' warning that if I was ashamed of him, He would likewise disown me before the Father.

 

So, heavy stuff for an 8 year old.

[Χά�ων]

I hope you don't mind it if I ask this, but I'm genuinely curious.

 

How does a little kid become a Hellenistic Pagan, and how did he even learn what it meant?

He doesn't know that is the term for what he believes, someone on here told me that is the term and gave me resources and information about it.

 

How he came to those beliefs, I have no clue. One day we were at a class at the guy asked the kids if they knew what a di was(I see that it is spelled die, the instructor was referring to the singular of dice, not death). DS replied "You go to the underworld". Umm ok. He was like 4. Later that day I asked him about it and he started talking about Zeus, the Gods and so on. In short, heck if I know!

 

Now, if it was a recent thing with Percy Jackson and all that I could see it. But he did not listen to the books or watch the first movie until 2nd grade and getting him to watch the movie was a stretch. He refused because he thought it would be too scary. Same reason he wouldn't watch Harry Potter or anything except Winnie the Pooh forever and ever.

[Whereneverever]

Would he be comfortable telling these kids he's aware of their ideas but continued conversation bores him and can't they talk about something else, like a shared interest?

[albeto.]

Well, and the thing is, when I was an evangelical christian as a kid, it was spun around to the effect of being asked not to share one's beliefs equated a loss of religious freedom. Like, "the devil won't keep me from preaching the gospel."

 

Also, I was aware of Jesus' warning that if I was ashamed of him, He would likewise disown me before the Father.

 

So, heavy stuff for an 8 year old.

 

omg, I can't imagine. 

 

:(

[Pegasus]

The one time it was an issue with us, DH stepped in and told the parent "No, this is not going to happen again."  He was very firm about it and it was clear that he was willing to walk away from what had been a friendship between both families over several years.  I think it is expecting too much of young children to handle this themselves.  It has not been a problem since.

[Catwoman]

He doesn't know that is the term for what he believes, someone on here told me that is the term and gave me resources and information about it.

 

How he came to those beliefs, I have no clue. One day we were at a class at the guy asked the kids if they knew what a di was(I see that it is spelled die, the instructor was referring to the singular of dice, not death). DS replied "You go to the underworld". Umm ok. He was like 4. Later that day I asked him about it and he started talking about Zeus, the Gods and so on. In short, heck if I know!

 

Now, if it was a recent thing with Percy Jackson and all that I could see it. But he did not listen to the books or watch the first movie until 2nd grade and getting him to watch the movie was a stretch. He refused because he thought it would be too scary. Same reason he wouldn't watch Harry Potter or anything except Winnie the Pooh forever and ever.

Are they deep beliefs or more along the lines of something he thinks is cool? (Not trying to minimize his beliefs -- just wondering how serious he is about them.)

 

I'm just wondering because it seems so unusual that he would have studied and developed a deep belief in something your family isn't at all involved in, particularly when he was even younger than he is now.

 

OTOH, I don't know any of those "evangelizing Christian" kids, either, but I have heard a lot about them on this forum, so maybe I'm just living in my own little reality. ;)

[Guest submarines]

I hope you don't mind it if I ask this, but I'm genuinely curious.

 

How does a little kid become a Hellenistic Pagan, and how did he even learn what it meant?

 

DS9's interest in Hellenistic Paganism grew straight out of our readings of Greek mythology. :D  I can imagine a more persistent and imaginative child taking this interest much further.

 

I don't think it is that unusual.

 

ETA: I gently showed my skepticism when DS started talking about Zeus, but I wasn't terribly encouraging or discouraging. I can see that if I was more open ended about his emerging beliefs when he was 5 or 6, he could have easily followed that path. He loves Greek mythology and loves to talk about the gods. He hasn't read Percy Jackson etc.

[Catwoman]

DS9's interest in Hellenistic Paganism grew straight out of our readings of Greek mythology. :D I can imagine a more persistent and imaginative child taking this interest much further.

 

I don't think it is that unusual.

Maybe not, but I have not personally ever met a child who developed his own strong religious beliefs without at least some parental guidance. That's why this is so interesting to me. :)

 

I can certainly understand a kid becoming very interested in a subject, or even sort of obsessed with it, but a "religious belief" would seem to go far, far beyond that.

[Χά�ων]

Are they deep beliefs or more along the lines of something he thinks is cool? (Not trying to minimize his beliefs -- just wondering how serious he is about them.)

 

I'm just wondering because it seems so unusual that he would have studied and developed a deep belief in something your family isn't at all involved in, particularly when he was even younger than he is now.

 

OTOH, I don't know any of those "evangelizing Christian" kids, either, but I have heard a lot about them on this forum, so maybe I'm just living in my own little reality. ;)

After he expressed himself I got books on the topic and he has stuck with it even though we have learned about other Gods and Goddesses. He is very solid in his beliefs.

 

My family is all about learning and pursing ones interests.

[Guest submarines]

Maybe not, but I have not personally ever met a child who developed his own strong religious beliefs without at least some parental guidance. That's why this is so interesting to me. :)

 

I can certainly understand a kid becoming very interested in a subject, or even sort of obsessed with it, but a "religious belief" would seem to go far, far beyond that.

 

I think parental guidance can be very subtle. When DS started talking about the gods influencing our weather, and asking Athena for help, I remained pretty neutral about it. I talked to him about various beliefs, we read all kind of various myths. I wanted him to make up his own mind and explore, but I'm sure he sensed my skepticism--this is just how I am. I can easily imagine if I were a little bit more open minded (lol) he could have taken it further. It is an "easy" and fun for a child religion to follow.

[Catwoman]

After he expressed himself I got books on the topic and he has stuck with it even though we have learned about other Gods and Goddesses. He is very solid in his beliefs.

 

My family is all about learning and pursing ones interests.

I have to be honest. If my 4yo started believing in a bunch of different gods and no one else in the family had any interest in it, I wouldn't encourage it. I don't really believe a 4yo is capable of deciding which religion is right for him, because it's such a complex thing.

 

I'm not saying I wouldn't let him learn about the topic, but I wouldn't necessarily present it as anything more than information at that age (or even at 10, for that matter.) And that would go for pretty much any religion in which my ds became interested.

 

But if it works for your family and you think your ds is truly serious about it, you certainly know what's best for your own son.

 

I'm sorry if I kind of derailed your thread -- I was just interested in how he came to hold his beliefs-- but I don't want to keep distracting anyone from your original topic, which I think is very important.

 

Thanks for answering all of my questions! :)

[Guest submarines]

After he expressed himself I got books on the topic and he has stuck with it even though we have learned about other Gods and Goddesses. He is very solid in his beliefs.

 

My family is all about learning and pursing ones interests.

 

Yep. If I've gotten more books on the subject, I can see DS going all the way with the beliefs. I can also see myself doing quite that--getting more books. :D We were on vacation when DS's interests first emerged, and the flow of things was quite different. If he had to choose a religion, he'd certainly be a Hellenistic Pagan, despite of knowing about many other world religions. But religion is not a big part of his life right now.

[Catwoman]

I think parental guidance can be very subtle. When DS started talking about the gods influencing our weather, and asking Athena for help, I remained pretty neutral about it. I talked to him about various beliefs, we read all kind of various myths. I wanted him to make up his own mind and explore, but I'm sure he sensed my skepticism--this is just how I am. I can easily imagine if I were a little bit more open minded (lol) he could have taken it further. It is an "easy" and fun for a child religion to follow.

I can definitely understand the "fun factor" because let's face it, Greek gods and goddesses are pretty cool, but I guess I was always taught that Greek mythology was fictional, not a religious thing, so that's how I taught it to my ds. It never occurred to me (nor to him, apparently) that he would ever consider it to be his religion, particularly when he was a little kid.

 

I guess it's just a personal prejudice on my part, and maybe I'm not as open-minded as I thought I was! :blush:

[Catwoman]

Yep. If I've gotten more books on the subject, I can see DS going all the way with the beliefs. I can also see myself doing quite that--getting more books. :D We were on vacation when DS's interests first emerged, and the flow of things was quite different. If he had to choose a religion, he'd certainly be a Hellenistic Pagan, despite of knowing about many other world religions. But religion is not a big part of his life right now.

I think you're handling it very well. You're exposing him to many options and he can take them or leave them as he sees fit, and when he gets older, he will have a lot more information than many other people on which to base his beliefs.

[Catwoman]

I am religious, and one of my kids is religious. One of them is a definite atheist. He feels as strongly about this as the other kid does about her religious beliefs, though he is willing to respect the family religion for the sake of tradition and heritage. I would think this is not unusual, as long as the family culture is open to religious differences.

I think it's great that your family is accepting of different beliefs. It's so hard on a kid when it's clear that the family not only doesn't share his beliefs, but openly rejects them (and him.)

[Guest submarines]

I can definitely understand the "fun factor" because let's face it, Greek gods and goddesses are pretty cool, but I guess I was always taught that Greek mythology was fictional, not a religious thing, so that's how I taught it to my ds. It never occurred to me (nor to him, apparently) that he would ever consider it to be his religion, particularly when he was a little kid.

 

I guess it's just a personal prejudice on my part, and maybe I'm not as open-minded as I thought I was! :blush:

 

It never occurred to me as a child that the Greek gods could be "real", so I was pretty surprised that DS thought they could be. For other religions I tell my children that "some / many people believe this is true", but for the Greek myths, I actually told DS that most people didn't believe in them anymore. Go figure.

 

DD11 never thought they could be real either, and neither  DD5. I think so much depends on the child.

 

[Audrey]

nm 

 

Edited December 15, 2013 by Moderator
Not helpful

[Aelwydd]

omg, I can't imagine.

 

:(

Yeah, lol, I would like to say my evangelizing efforts were mostly due to wanting to keep my friends from hell. But, that verse was always in the back of my mind when I debated whether to share about my church or faith.

 

To be honest, I dreaded sharing about Jesus. I found it awkward and embarassing to talk about, which only served to reinforce the whole "you better not be ashamed of Jesus!" thing.

 

It's a top reason for why as a young adult I gravitated toward a more liturgical, introspective church. I was honestly so tired of putting on an emotional display. I didn't want to have to advertize anymore. It made me feel extremely vulnerable to talk about my beliefs with my friends in an attempt to convince them of the veracity of the gospel.

[albeto.]

Yes!!!!  That is exactly that.  We share because we don't want people to die forever..  

 

But I realize I'm the minority on this thread.  But that is why we do it.  Whether or not you like us is irrelevant  to the idea that we might not have done something to save your soul.  We aren't trying to be rude. We want you to live.

 

So how would you suggest the OP's son, who is ten years old, get his friends to stop?

[Guest submarines]

Yes!!!!  That is exactly that.  We share because we don't want people to die forever..  

 

But I realize I'm the minority on this thread.  But that is why we do it.  Whether or not you like us is irrelevant  to the idea that we might not have done something to save your soul.  We aren't trying to be rude. We want you to live.

 

In other words, OP, there's nothing you can do other than moving to another town. :D

[Guest submarines]

So how would you suggest the OP's son, who is ten years old, get his friends to stop?

 

With that perspective, evangelizing is unstoppable. He either needs to convert or to pretend he has converted. Am I correct?

[Aelwydd]

In other words, OP, there's nothing you can do other than moving to another town. :D

Wear a "Jesus saves" or fish logo shirt. If he's wearing the team colors, and learn to deflect, he won't have to move, lol.

[Aelwydd]

You're not trying to be rude, but that is the outcome. Where did Jesus say 'Go forth and be obnoxious to others ?'

 

I have a Greek Orthodox friend who NEVER mentions her religion but lives it so completely through her actions - including respect for others - that if I was looking to be 'saved' I'd be heading her direction quick smart.

Obviously, the Orthodox (unless they're Presbyterian) aren't saved. That's self-evident. Just like the Catholics. :)

[Crimson Wife]

I always tell missionaries that I'm very happy with my current church but I wish them all the best in reaching others. They have good intentions, so there's no reason for me to be rude to them about it even if I have zero desire to hear their spiel.

[Catwoman]

Yes!!!! That is exactly that. We share because we don't want people to die forever..

 

But I realize I'm the minority on this thread. But that is why we do it. Whether or not you like us is irrelevant to the idea that we might not have done something to save your soul. We aren't trying to be rude. We want you to live.

I think it's lovely that you mean well, but when someone specifically tells you that they are not interested in hearing what you're preaching, I hope you are gracious enough to stop, and to tell them that you'll be happy to share more information with them if and when they become interested.

 

Not everyone believes what you believe, and I think it is incredibly rude to think you know exactly what everyone else needs to do to "save their souls" and "live," and to try to push your beliefs on them.

[albeto.]

With that perspective, evangelizing is unstoppable. He either needs to convert or to pretend he has converted. Am I correct?

 

Possibly, but one can always hope. I think being a broken record, like saying, "No thank you," is polite, and communicates the point that he's not interested in discussing it. If these kids are his friends and he wants to keep them, he might have to tolerate this, but maybe, just maybe, his broken record routine will get through.  The OP's son doesn't have the opportunity of telling his friends they are being rude and hostile if he wants to maintain his friendships, and the OP can't say it if she wants to avoid being completely ostracized by her community, but people like me can. And I'm not alone, and the Christians who are creating a hostile environment for the OP's family and others like them are being called out on it, little by little, in an increasingly public and unsympathetic way. Sadly, those friends might not ever stop, but hopefully they won't teach their own kids to do the same.

[albeto.]

I always tell missionaries that I'm very happy with my current church but I wish them all the best in reaching others. They have good intentions, so there's no reason for me to be rude to them about it even if I have zero desire to hear their spiel.

 

These aren't missionaries, they're ten year old friends. And the don't stop talking about it. What would you do?

[Aelwydd]

I always tell missionaries that I'm very happy with my current church but I wish them all the best in reaching others. They have good intentions, so there's no reason for me to be rude to them about it even if I have zero desire to hear their spiel.

Nobody's talking about missionaries or adult proselytizing. If the well meaning evangelical family down the street were telling your child that the Pope is the anti-Christ, and always pushing their church brand, it's not rude for you to intervene. That's what's being discussed, viable ways for the OP to do that.

[Crimson Wife]

These aren't missionaries, they're ten year old friends. And the don't stop talking about it. What would you do?

"I'm glad that you are so obviously happy with your church. We are happy with our current one, and let's just agree to disagree on theological matters." Repeat (politely!) as often as necessary.

[albeto.]

"I'm glad that you are so obviously happy with your church. We are happy with our current one, and let's just agree to disagree on theological matters." Repeat (politely!) as often as necessary.

 

My ten year old be comfortable saying all that. It just sounds so... formal and awkward for a kid. Besides, the OP's son doesn't have a church. He's a spiritual wasteland ripe for the planting. ;)

[Crimson Wife]

Nobody's talking about missionaries or adult proselytizing. If the well meaning evangelical family down the street were telling your child that the Pope is the anti-Christ, and always pushing their church brand, it's not rude for you to intervene. That's what's being discussed, viable ways for the OP to do that.

I've had people say extremely rude things to me about Catholicism, but the solution is to kill them with civility. Be the better person and resist the temptation to be rude in the face of rudeness.

[Flowing Brook]

I'd take it to the parents.  I am a very conservative christian.  If my child did that I would love for the parent to come to me and tell me what my child was doing.  I would sincerly  thank you and apologize that my child was making yours uncomfortable. I would  then privavtely have a talk with my child.  I would explain that his intentions were good but if we sense someone does to want to hear what we are sharing than we let it be and pray for the person.  How we are not to push or try to force our beliefs on others.  I would instruct my child to  be nice to yours and to keep playing with him.

[Aelwydd]

"I'm glad that you are so obviously happy with your church. We are happy with our current one, and let's just agree to disagree on theological matters." Repeat (politely!) as often as necessary.

That's the problem, CW. The OP's ds has been nothing but polite and deferential. Other options to keep things civil are what the OP is looking for.

[Aelwydd]

I've had people say extremely rude things to me about Catholicism, but the solution is to kill them with civility. Be the better person and resist the temptation to be rude in the face of rudeness.

Right, but in this case, the child's patience is being treated as opportunity for more evangelizing.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Things my kids have said to deflect others from things they weren't interested in.

 

"Dude.  That was asked and answered.  Knock it off, 'kay?"

"Hey, have you seen ___________?"  Ie. the ignore it and just keep talking about other interests you share tactic.

"No".  (In answer to "Would you like to _______" of any kind.  No explanation.  Just no.)

And this isn't a verbal answer but is a tactic - avoid specific kids who persist and hang out with the ones who don't.

[Crimson Wife]

My ten year old be comfortable saying all that. It just sounds so... formal and awkward for a kid. Besides, the OP's son doesn't have a church. He's a spiritual wasteland ripe for the planting. ;)

NPR had a segment the other day about Sunday Assembly, a congregation/fellowship for atheists. Sounds like the perfect solution: http://www.californiareport.org/archive/R201312131630/b

[wintermom]

Can you avoid activities where the people sit around and chat? Maybe stick with swimming, or running or martial arts. There isn't usually much opportunity for the kids to start talking about anything.

[trlt]

NPR had a segment the other day about Sunday Assembly, a congregation/fellowship for atheists. Sounds like the perfect solution: http://www.californiareport.org/archive/R201312131630/b

Not everyone feels the need to belong to a church. That's not really a solution.

[Aelwydd]

NPR had a segment the other day about Sunday Assembly, a congregation/fellowship for atheists. Sounds like the perfect solution: http://www.californiareport.org/archive/R201312131630/b

Except he is not an atheist, he is a polytheist. You should read the entire thread.

[Crimson Wife]

Not everyone feels the need to belong to a church. That's not really a solution.

If the problem is that the child is seen by his/her peers as unchurched and therefore "ripe for the planting", then belonging to a congregation would be an easy way to reduce the evangelizing.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Can you avoid activities where the people sit around and chat? Maybe stick with swimming, or running or martial arts. There isn't usually much opportunity for the kids to start talking about anything.

Yeah, I can't imagine this coming up at the Y, martial arts or other activities that my kids are involved in.  But other than actual church, we don't hang out with a specifically Christian crowd.  Or a homeschooling crowd, for that matter.  

[Crimson Wife]

Except he is not an atheist, he is a polytheist. You should read the entire thread.

Then a Unitarian church or whatever. The Unitarians in my hometown ran the full gamut of spiritual beliefs (from atheism to very liberal Christianity).

[Aelwydd]

If the problem is that the child is seen by his/her peers as unchurched and therefore "ripe for the planting", then belonging to a congregation would be an easy way to reduce the evangelizing.

OP's ds does not have the luxury of joining such a group, not the least of which is a complicated and serious medical condition.

 

Again, addressed earlier in the thread by OP.

[albeto.]

NPR had a segment the other day about Sunday Assembly, a congregation/fellowship for atheists. Sounds like the perfect solution: http://www.californiareport.org/archive/R201312131630/b

 

The problem isn't that the child doesn't have a church. The problem is the child's friends won't stop trying to convince him to join their religion.

[Guest inoubliable]

If the problem is that the child is seen by his/her peers as unchurched and therefore "ripe for the planting", then belonging to a congregation would be an easy way to reduce the evangelizing.

 

Your solution to a kid being harassed by evangelical kids is to have him join any old church just for the sake of being able to say he already has a church?

LOL.

Shady. 

 

Sorry, but I think the best thing is to tell the parent that they need to teach their little pukes some boundaries, and then I'd have my kid think real long and hard on whether they wanted to be friends with someone that rude. Joining a congregation so that you don't get harassed sounds as stupid and oppressive advising someone to stay in the closet so that they don't get beat up for being gay. 

[Χά�ων]

NPR had a segment the other day about Sunday Assembly, a congregation/fellowship for atheists. Sounds like the perfect solution: http://www.californiareport.org/archive/R201312131630/b

 

 

If the problem is that the child is seen by his/her peers as unchurched and therefore "ripe for the planting", then belonging to a congregation would be an easy way to reduce the evangelizing.

 

 

Then a Unitarian church or whatever. The Unitarians in my hometown ran the full gamut of spiritual beliefs (from atheism to very liberal Christianity).

 

From earlier in the thread.

I doubt it as well.

 

There is a "church" (not sure that is the word) semi-locally for those of a similar belief system as DS. I am going to be really honest here. I am lazy. DS has medical needs that I have to take him into town weekly for and Sunday is one of my few home days and I do NOT want to wake up early, take a shower, get all prettied up and drive over an hour each way for it. DS seems to feel the same way about it. He has talked about going to a "church" (seriously, what is the proper term?) but he has no interest when I explain it means getting up early, and driving into the big city.