Paige Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 How long does it last and how do you survive? I've read on here about preteen/early teen boys losing their minds and it has happened here as well. DS turned 12 a week ago. Since then, he has been absolutely stupid. I'm not even kidding. It's just nonstop stupidity. Like Monty Python stupid- stuff I think he should be able to control and is doing somewhat purposefully for fun. Some of it is also a general lack of attention to anything. He is over the top silly and stupid and driving us all up the wall. He also started to get sweaty boy stink for the first time. Poor kid...Please tell me he's having a hormonal tsunami and it will pass- quickly. He's normally got his silly phases but overall was a smart kid who knew when to turn it off. Are there any tips for helping him return to somewhat normal? Do I need to feed him protein? Send him to bed earlier? Make him go outside and run a mile? It's only been a few days and it is terrifying to think that he will be like this until he's 16! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 how long it lasts varies. a healthy diet, plenty of exercise, plenty of sleep good activities (a friend put it as keeping them busy so they don't have time to do stupid things) all help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 My oldest son is 13. He will be 14 in a few weeks. It hasn't so much as ended as gotten a little better. I think it will be until his mid twenties. :D I'll say with my girls it varied. With my oldest dd one day we woke up and I had my girl back. My second dd has been a bit different, not as drastic a change, but not seeming to pull out of it as quickly either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaNYC Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Sweaty boy stink will go away as soon as he cares enough to do something about it! My 13 year old still doesn't care..... :toetap05: The rest really depends on the kid. 13 year old can forget his name or remember every detail of something......it just depends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Well, it depends on the kid. But I will say that you just need to embrace the "new normal" or you will go crazy. I've had 4 12 yo boys and have not found any way to fix them yet :) Some things that help you retain your sanity and allow your son to grow in heart, mind, and body: 1. Assume it's a new normal (your son may be as mortified at his behavior as you and may not understand it). 2. Plenty of sleep and plenty of exercise 3. Talk, talk, talk...even when it's unpleasant for you. Even when it's unpleasant for him. 4. Be very patient with school-linked stupidity. One son tried to convince me that I had never taught him how to add/subtract/multiply/divide fractions when he started geometry. Sigh...it does pass and they truly do have a mind in that skull. And around age 16 you may be amazed at his abilities. 5. Laugh at his lame jokes but do not allow the jokes to go beyond the pleasant type. He is testing his boundaries and wanting to be his own person. Allow it to a degree, but let him know when he has stepped outside of the acceptable social norms. 6. If he is like mine were, he may want to begin developing his own "style". Suffice it to say, that can be mortifying for a mom. Allow him to pick his clothing and accessories within established family guidelines. Begin to treat him as an adult by allowing him to make some decisions. These small decisions set the base for the larger decisions that will come with age. Discuss "style" and how people may interpret his style. Allow him to learn from his decisions without saying "I told you so". 7. Purchase a good "Gentleman Manners" type of book - http://www.amazon.com/Gentleman-Would-Say-Responses-Situations/dp/1558538461/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377527063&sr=8-1&keywords=what+a+gentleman+would+say , http://www.amazon.com/How-Gentleman-Revised-Updated-Gentlemanners/dp/B00CVDMEP8/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1377527165&sr=8-5&keywords=gentleman+manners 8. Try to schedule fun time with your son. While they may act big and tough and think they don't need mom, they really do enjoy time you spend with them. Just relax and enjoy him. In a few years you'll be delighted at the man he has become. All my fellas are kind and pleasant and love their family. And they do learn how to be socially acceptable. They are just a bit like puppies for a while :) Best wishes and enjoy these days...they pass quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 12 is when we started ds in taekwando. 12 is also when it started to become much more important for him to have some quality dad time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 1. Assume it's a new normal (your son may be as mortified at his behavior as you and may not understand it). They are just a bit like puppies for a while :) I needed to hear the first part and it is true. I've asked him what is going on with him and he really seems a little disturbed by his own lack of control when he reflects on it. And yes- Puppy is the perfect word for it. He's just like a puppy! At least he's already house trained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 how long it lasts varies. a healthy diet, plenty of exercise, plenty of sleep good activities (a friend put it as keeping them busy so they don't have time to do stupid things) all help. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: And, for you, wine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 We have that disease here, too. I am trying, really trying hard, to keep his hormonal state in mind ... but I still blow up sometimes. :( It kind of reminds me of when he was four, though. I was leafing through a dinosaur book at a book sale, and another parent commented on it (I don't remember what, specifically); I said, "yeah, he can remember 100 different dinosaurs, but remembering four rules is impossible." We seem to be covering this ground again in some ways.... At least I got to tell him that his will be over in a couple years but mine shows up monthly for about 40 years! I never pass up a "you think you have it tough?!" moment. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 So that's why dd12 burst into tears yesterday when I commanded her to stop pretending to be dumb? Yeah, I took it so well - I was sure she was doing it on purpose. (we were arguing about which computer she would use to watch a certain video that had been emailed from her math teacher and she got stuck on the idea that it needed to be mine... I have no idea why.) I guess ds10 isn't going to stop driving me crazy any time soon - I suppose it helps to know in advance that it's going to get much worse before it gets better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Okay, I clicked on this thread and read a bit and thought that this doesn't really apply to my 12 year old son. Then I went to check his schoolwork and realized he hadn't done spelling in roughly a month. Sigh. I asked him how often he'd been doing that subject and he said, "Once a week". So the daily spelling lessons we've been doing for the last 7 years didn't clue you in to the fact you're supposed to do spelling every day????? Argh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 how long it lasts varies. a healthy diet, plenty of exercise, plenty of sleep good activities (a friend put it as keeping them busy so they don't have time to do stupid things) all help. I read this as "plenty of soap." haha. Soap helps, too. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Protein. Even when he says he is not hungry. Hydration. Compromise and let him have Gatorade or whatever you said you'd never let him have. Exercise and fresh air. Even if you have to get the whole family out of the house and lock the doors behind you. Sleep. It may mean that you have to turn off the wi-fi, confiscate electronics and go to bed early yourself, but sleep helps! Warm bath. With a non-flowery scented oil. Talk,. OK, even with all the above, times will still be hard, but it helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I think chilling about the silly stuff, having a sense of humor, and turning reminders over to my robot-self (who doesn't care emotionally and just reminds and hands out consequences in an normal every-day voice) covers most of it for me. I haven't noticed huge changes here. Over the top humor. Forgetfulness. Emotional surges. Defensiveness. Stink. That's about it. I think they're more fun right now then a few years ago (which is good because I have a 14 & 13 year old right now and a 10 & 8 year old making their way up). I do examine the inside of my eyeballs and count to 10 or 20 before turning things over to the robot-self. I need that time to do an inner eye roll. Oh, and the phrase "I'm not really the target audience of that (humor, story, thought). You should probably find one of your brothers for that one" is your friend. It cuts down on some of the grossest-most disgusting-silliest stuff you have to hear and makes them realize different people enjoy different things. I try to appreciate some of the more middle of the road gross stuff. We can bond over weird what-ifs and bodily functions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 My husband just finished reading Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind and bugging me to finish it so we can discuss. I've read a couple chapters so far and it's excellent. So far it's helped with the "just did something really stupid or without thinking" and why they can't answer why or give any plausible reason at all. We've quit with any yelling, doing our best to talk kindly and gently, discussing everything (even til we're are tired of repeatedly repeating ourselves) Sometimes I'll ask him how old he is when he starts acting like a 5 year old and sometimes it makes him stop and start thinking and realize oh. okay. not supposed to do that. We've gone from punishment and removing privileges to positive feedback and cooperate and you'll get X, Y or Z which is usually extra video game time or time watching you tube stuff with dad. It's working! Just takes patience and yes, a sense of humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danybug Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Luckily, my 12 yo ds is kind of obsessive about cleanliness (I worked hard to instill that ;), so we do not have that going on here. But he is a hormonal mess at times. It definitely varies and is normally lovingly referred to as a "testosterone rage". Most of the time I find when days are especially bad it is directly linked to not enough sleep. He has also been very reflective at times asking if it is normal he is not interested in the same types of things like non stop Playmobil and Lego play. He now has a one track basketball mind ;) I have found the time hard because he is still very innocent and immature for his age, but is turning in to a big young man with size 11 feet :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Thank you for this thread. I needed to hear some of these things today with my 11 year old DS. I never thought it would start this early, but there are times that I swear the boy is brain damaged. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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