vent: other kids wanting to play in our classroom

[Arcadia]

The more I think about it the more I wonder if part of the problem is that most of the kids who come over attend public school and have a 'what's yours is mine' mindset.

Our neighborhood schools are Title I schools. Only kindergarten supplies are communal. For 1st grade onwards, kids are responsible for their own supplies which are to be labelled. Most teachers enforce the rule of respecting other people's property.

The blame if any would have to rest on the parents.

[Dmmetler]

That would be a nightmare house for me to visit, and I would try to make plans for the park.

 

I have two little ones and I need to stay in places appropriate for us.

 

For my older son -- I would be appalled and want it mentioned to me if it were a drop-off playdate.

 

I also agree in telling them no. You are the voice of authority. You are helping them learn. It is doing them a favor, not being mean.

What I do for my groups is to let people know up front what the rules are and that the house is NOT baby/toddler safe-parents with babies/toddlers/preschoolers can arrange with me to drop off, can take advantage of the back yard (which has a big screened porch) if they want to stay close but aren't comfortable with the layout, and I can move the duplos and similar toddler-safe things out there, or they can choose not to come to things I host, which I entirely understand.

 

And, to be honest, usually it's worked for moms with babies/toddlers to stay in the living room, with some selected toys, which is out of direct line of sight of the interesting stuff.

[MotherOfBoys]

I have the toy room downstairs and my upstairs is more of a sitting room, school room, kitchen, and bedrooms. I had a friend that said she didn't want to come over because I always made them go downstairs and she wanted to be in the lovely upstairs. I said thank you for the complement but the toys are down there for a reason sorry. She didn't like it and we did a circle about why I have nice things upstairs when I have young boys. I simply told her I bought them (curtains, china cabinet) before I had kids and I don't plan to replace them ever. My kids need a place to explore just like they need a place to learn no. 5 years later I still have my stuff in nice condition.

 

My boys friends do better with rules. They seem more comfortable here when I say up front "no going in the office or school room". Parents seem to like it too. It sets the tone. If they get too rowdy or whatever I tell my boys to stop doing it and the friends usually know enough to follow suit. If they don't then I'll correct them all together next with the option of going home.

[Hwin]

I have my son's friends restricted to a very small indoor area (or they can go play in the huge yard outside). I can't even let kids in my son's bedroom because they throw things on the ceiling fan and jump off the bunk beds. School supplies definitely have to be put away out of sight, just because they are on a shelf doesn't mean another child won't grab the science kit and just scatter supplies every where. I ended up not doing half of our science experiments last year thanks to our little visitors, although I am still finding the pieces in the strangest places. 

 

Being strict is worth it, although I have had a few 6yos yell at me that my house is SO BORING! 

[airforcefamily]

No idea if schools around here collect/redistribute supplies or let kids keep their own. It would be interesting to find out.

 

I can't really try and claim my house is not set up for babies, toddlers, or preschoolers when I have children those ages myself. Our kids have learned what they are and are not allowed to touch and when they may or may not go in the classroom. Kids who come over don't know those rules and I don't have time to go explain then enforce a bunch of rules. I need to be able to say 'you're not allowed in there, if you really want to play with similar things they are in this box and can be played with elsewhere. Maybe I could try phrasing it in terms if school. 'You wouldn't go into the classroom next to yours to play, would you? Think about our classroom like that, it's set up for our family to do work so we don't let anyone play in there'.

 

The big problem is parents who stay. It's been an issue in other areas. One mom gushed about how funny it was her kids were 'helping' me organize the master bedroom closet. Uh, those kids were out of control - they were sweaty and dirty from playing outside then ran around in and wiped their faces on every article of clothing we had hanging in there. Rewashing everything took days and left me behind on our regular laundry. They shouldn't have been in there in the first place. I kept telling them, so the mom could hear, they shouldn't be in there. She didn't do anything and, really, what could I do? Drag them out? Another kid was told, by me, over and over not to go in the pantry. The mom didn't do anything, just said how her kid likes to explore and how she encourages it. Great. That kid explored despite my protests until a huge bag of rice was dumped out which the kid decided to start walking on in bare feet. It took hours and moving the appliances to get it cleaned up then we had ants coming in anyway on top of being out $15 worth of rice.

 

Those are the sort of things we have encountered in the past that make me feel like I have to guard the classroom (and keep the master bedroom locked) when other kids are over. I don't want books or supplies ruined, messes made, or personal desks gone through. I guess I just want one part of our house that doesn't have to be set up to accommodate other people. I don't mind the kids having friends over and playing outside or in their rooms even though I have to put some things away so they won't be broken first (like baby toys).

 

Maybe what it comes down to is my annoyance over the lack of respect. When did it become commonplace for kids to ignore what adults are saying to them and treat other people's houses and belongings as if they were their own?

[airforcefamily]

grab the science kit and just scatter supplies every where

This exactly! The kids who come over don't want to use or even play with things. They want to make a quick mess of everything then walk away. Why do they do that?!

 

We now have to put all the doll clothes and items away when other kids come over because kids would open every box and bin, dump it all out, then go looking for something else to make a mess of. It would take forever to pick it all back up. Some kids are indignant when asked to clean up after themselves. Are they never asked to pick up their own messes at home?

 

Board games too. We have to keep them in storage because neighborhood kids would create an hour of work for us in five minutes by opening all the boxes and mixing the pieces together then running home when asked to help pick up.

[Amie]

No idea if schools around here collect/redistribute supplies or let kids keep their own. It would be interesting to find out.

 

I can't really try and claim my house is not set up for babies, toddlers, or preschoolers when I have children those ages myself. Our kids have learned what they are and are not allowed to touch and when they may or may not go in the classroom. Kids who come over don't know those rules and I don't have time to go explain then enforce a bunch of rules. I need to be able to say 'you're not allowed in there, if you really want to play with similar things they are in this box and can be played with elsewhere. Maybe I could try phrasing it in terms if school. 'You wouldn't go into the classroom next to yours to play, would you? Think about our classroom like that, it's set up for our family to do work so we don't let anyone play in there'.

 

The big problem is parents who stay. It's been an issue in other areas. One mom gushed about how funny it was her kids were 'helping' me organize the master bedroom closet. Uh, those kids were out of control - they were sweaty and dirty from playing outside then ran around in and wiped their faces on every article of clothing we had hanging in there. Rewashing everything took days and left me behind on our regular laundry. They shouldn't have been in there in the first place. I kept telling them, so the mom could hear, they shouldn't be in there. She didn't do anything and, really, what could I do? Drag them out? Another kid was told, by me, over and over not to go in the pantry. The mom didn't do anything, just said how her kid likes to explore and how she encourages it. Great. That kid explored despite my protests until a huge bag of rice was dumped out which the kid decided to start walking on in bare feet. It took hours and moving the appliances to get it cleaned up then we had ants coming in anyway on top of being out $15 worth of rice.

 

Those are the sort of things we have encountered in the past that make me feel like I have to guard the classroom (and keep the master bedroom locked) when other kids are over. I don't want books or supplies ruined, messes made, or personal desks gone through. I guess I just want one part of our house that doesn't have to be set up to accommodate other people. I don't mind the kids having friends over and playing outside or in their rooms even though I have to put some things away so they won't be broken first (like baby toys).

 

Maybe what it comes down to is my annoyance over the lack of respect. When did it become commonplace for kids to ignore what adults are saying to them and treat other people's houses and belongings as if they were their own?

WOW.  You need new friends.  Maybe this sort of parenting attitude varies by region??  I was originally going to suggest some sort of friendly sign you could hang on the outside perimeter of the your schoolroom--like a "closed" and "open" sign on a store front.  Maybe something about school is/is not in session.  Then maybe a small list of rules listed underneath.  But after reading this last post?  This goes beyond your school room and you are obviously dealing with some difficult parents.  I really can't quite imagine...??  It sounds like almost all socializing needs to begin taking place in a location outside of your home.

[VeteranMom]

I'm sorry you're having that problem. 

Have you thought about using book cases as "walls"?  I have our school room in the formal living room and it was the first room people would see when they'd come in the door.  It had no walls, so I had dh build some tall book shelves that are like walls.  It's really made the school room less accessible to visitors.  Just a thought. 

[airforcefamily]

We 'try out' new friends all the time. We've moved, on average, every 15 months. Our families don't live nearby and the kids need other kids to hang out with. I've found there aren't many people willing to invite a large family over to their house so we end up hosting all the time. It's too hot this time of year to do anything outside and a couple trips to indoor play places every week would get expensive. It is what it is, part of military life is having to constantly be trying to make new friends.

[airforcefamily]

I'm sorry you're having that problem.

Have you thought about using book cases as "walls"? I have our school room in the formal living room and it was the first room people would see when they'd come in the door. It had no walls, so I had dh build some tall book shelves that are like walls. It's really made the school room less accessible to visitors. Just a thought.

I've thought about using low expedit shelves/cubes from ikea to form a half wall but I'm not sure if kids would either push things off them from the back or climb on them and walk across the top.

[TraceyS/FL]

I've encountered the same people - and no, the kids appear to NOT be learning any type of respect for others property from the "adults" in their lives. Drives me insane.

 

How much longer until you move again????

[msjones]

The behavior described by the OP is almost bizarre.  Some kids are dumpers, but that's over the top.  

 

If those kids come over again, I'd keep 'em outside.  Really.

 

Just say (kindly but clearly and firmly) that last time such a mess was made that you've decided today will be outside play.  Drag out a chair for the fellow mom, pour some lemonade, and keep an eye on those little stinkers.  

 

Good luck.  

[laundrycrisis]

I would enforce the boundary with no exceptions.  If you want a way to physically mark it, perhaps some cones ?  

http://www.discountschoolsupply.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?product=3083&es=237530000ESC&utm_source=CSE&utm_medium=weblink&utm_campaign=froogle&cvsfa=408&cvsfe=2&cvsfhu=33303833&gclid=CLDUjIvS8LgCFZFaMgodLksAxg

[Amie]

We 'try out' new friends all the time. We've moved, on average, every 15 months. Our families don't live nearby and the kids need other kids to hang out with. I've found there aren't many people willing to invite a large family over to their house so we end up hosting all the time. It's too hot this time of year to do anything outside and a couple trips to indoor play places every week would get expensive. It is what it is, part of military life is having to constantly be trying to make new friends.

 

Well every family/individual is different when it comes to friends and socializing, and I know for a fact that I am nothing close to the social butterfly.  That being said, I would suggest re-evaluating your thoughts on how much kids really "need other kids to hang out with".  Yes, everyone will have their own thoughts on this and you have to decide what is best for your family.  However, it is quite possible to raise normal, healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids without giving them play dates with peers a couple of times a week.  I get that some people simply enjoy doing that, but this sounds like it is adding unnecessary stress to your life.  Not to mention--honestly?--these don't sound like the kind of kids I'd care to have mine around for long periods of time.  We work very hard to teach our kids to be the very opposite of what you described...especially when visiting someone else's home.  I want my kids to be able to hang out with other kids sometimes too, but not at that cost!  It isn't always worth it.  

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I do hope you can find some quality friends.  However, you don't have to settle for stress and bad influences in the meantime just because you feel pressured to give your kids regular play dates.  A "social break" won't ruin your kids.  We've all gone through seasons where good, local friends were scarce if not completely absent.  But hopefully it only lasts a short season.  At least with a bigger family you have some built-in relationships and playmates already at home; don't undervalue those!  (I come from a large family).  Hugs to you!

[Murphy101]

We 'try out' new friends all the time. We've moved, on average, every 15 months. Our families don't live nearby and the kids need other kids to hang out with. I've found there aren't many people willing to invite a large family over to their house so we end up hosting all the time. It's too hot this time of year to do anything outside and a couple trips to indoor play places every week would get expensive. It is what it is, part of military life is having to constantly be trying to make new friends.

I'd get new friends or do without because no, your kids do not need other kids to hang out with, especially kids like that. Children in history did just fine without other kids to play with.

 

I too understand always hosting, and I'm okay with it, but I wouldn't host people who disrespected me like that.

[Amie]

I'd get new friends or do without because no, your kids do not need other kids to hang out with, especially kids like that. Children in history did just fine without other kids to play with.

 

I too understand always hosting, and I'm okay with it, but I wouldn't host people who disrespected me like that.

 

Yes!  Martha said what I was trying to say, but in three sentences! :)

[airforcefamily]

I too understand always hosting, and I'm okay with it, but I wouldn't host people who disrespected me like that.

What do you do when someone is already at your house and it's either a kid who just won't listen to you or a parent who doesn't care what their kids are getting into?

 

I want to stand up for myself but some of these families are neighbors whom I'd rather stay on the good side of and others work with my husband. If I ask them to leave it will turn into a source of gossip. It wouldn't be 'so and so refused to control their children at so and so's house' but instead 'so and so kicked so and so out because her kids were looking at books'. It won't matter if the reality is that those kids were pulling books they were asked to leave alone off the shelves and coloring in them, that's not the way people will talk about it.

 

Taking a break from socializing is a good idea. I'm not sure ill be able to shake the feeling my kids are missing out on something but it sure will be less stress. As the weather cools down it will be ok to expect kids to play outside, that'll help too.

[mrs.m]

I find the behavior of the parents that come to your home very odd. The parents might think you have the situation under control? Have you directly asked the parents to tell their children to stop? For example, "I have personal items in my closet and bedroom that aren't for children. Will you please ask them to play here in the living room?" Really the privacy of an adult bedroom should be honored by guests. If they give the little explorers explanation, then say that it isn't appropriate for them to explore your personal items or pantry or whatever and suggest a place they can explore.

[Murphy101]

What do you do when someone is already at your house and it's either a kid who just won't listen to you or a parent who doesn't care what their kids are getting into?

I'd bet you are being too sweet about it. Sadly the saying that "b_ _ _ _es get stuff done" is too accurate sometimes.

 

I would not ask. Do not ask rhetorical questions that are actually demands.

 

Iow. Do not say, "Would you get out of the school room/pantry please. It is not a play area."

 

Instead say, "Get out of the school room/kitchen/my bedroom! I do not want kids messing around in there. Either play in X or Y areas or come sit on the sofa quietly. Thank you."

 

If mom says something like, "Ohhh they are just so curious...hehe"

Refrain from smacking sense into her or rolling your eyes and instead say, "I don't find it curious to have them leave areas a mess or broken. That's why I do not allow kids to play in those areas."

 

I want to stand up for myself but some of these families are neighbors whom I'd rather stay on the good side of and others work with my husband. If I ask them to leave it will turn into a source of gossip. It wouldn't be 'so and so refused to control their children at so and so's house' but instead 'so and so kicked so and so out because her kids were looking at books'. It won't matter if the reality is that those kids were pulling books they were asked to leave alone off the shelves and coloring in them, that's not the way people will talk about it.

And you know what? None of those people are ever going to be your friends. People who know me first hand are going to quickly know who I really am and people who are going to base what they think they know of me on what some other person told them lack the ability to be my friend. And after almost 40 years, I have FINALLY learned to be okay with that.

 

I doubt I'd kick them out. I'd probably decide to cut the visit short. (Oh my I need to get dinner started, or go to the store or.. There's always something to do, right?) But I sure wouldn't invite them back. There was a time I would have. Because I felt insecure about either myself or that must be with other kids hooey too often pushed. But now? No. Just no.

 

I actually really love and very frequently offer to have people over. Total strangers or long time friends. For a playdate. For a cup of coffee. For lunch or dinner. And I'm truly not an ogre about it. I hope I come off as relaxed and casual as I hope to be. But when I've come across the situations you describe, and I have, I'm okay firmly deciding that we are better off having only each other for company than keeping bad company.

 

(((hugs)))

[Murphy101]

I find the behavior of the parents that come to your home very odd. The parents might think you have the situation under control? Have you directly asked the parents to tell their children to stop? For example, "I have personal items in my closet and bedroom that aren't for children. Will you please ask them to play here in the living room?" Really the privacy of an adult bedroom should be honored by guests. If they give the little explorers explanation, then say that it isn't appropriate for them to explore your personal items or pantry or whatever and suggest a place they can explore.

To me, this is the sticking point.

 

I totally understand that kids don't always do what we want or expect. Btdt. That part doesn't bother me much. It's frustrating, of course, to deal with, but such is life with kids.

 

But when the parents don't step up or seem to almost encourage the problem? Yeah. No. I've always said I never have a problem with an unruly kid. I have a problem with parents who don't address their unruly kid. I can handle a kid misbehaving in my house. I do not want to handle parents who won't insist they stop misbehaving. As long as the parent is handling it (in whatever way idc) then I don't have a problem with their visit. If anything I tend to sympathize with the mom in those cases. Btdt and know how embarrassing and inadequate it can make us feel.

[Denise in IN]

What do you do when someone is already at your house and it's either a kid who just won't listen to you or a parent who doesn't care what their kids are getting into?

 

I want to stand up for myself but some of these families are neighbors whom I'd rather stay on the good side of and others work with my husband. If I ask them to leave it will turn into a source of gossip. It wouldn't be 'so and so refused to control their children at so and so's house' but instead 'so and so kicked so and so out because her kids were looking at books'. It won't matter if the reality is that those kids were pulling books they were asked to leave alone off the shelves and coloring in them, that's not the way people will talk about it.

 

Taking a break from socializing is a good idea. I'm not sure ill be able to shake the feeling my kids are missing out on something but it sure will be less stress. As the weather cools down it will be ok to expect kids to play outside, that'll help too.

 

If you don't want to ask them to leave and you don't want the kids to destroy your house (who would??!!), then you must set boundaries.  It's not an issue of wild kids or their lack of parenting, it's just you setting the lines of what is acceptable in your house.  I would firmly (but kindly, if possible) say "we don't do x in this house".  I would get close to the child and down to their level and repeat myself as needed, firmly letting them know that they must stop/move.  Not asking, but telling. 

 

They are in your house, and they need to respect your home.  It doesn't matter if they are curious, like to explore, if the parents have different rules or parenting styles.  It's simply a matter of respecting the space that they're in and the people who live there.

[Alte Veste Academy]

What do you do when someone is already at your house and it's either a kid who just won't listen to you or a parent who doesn't care what their kids are getting into?

 

I want to stand up for myself but some of these families are neighbors whom I'd rather stay on the good side of and others work with my husband. If I ask them to leave it will turn into a source of gossip. It wouldn't be 'so and so refused to control their children at so and so's house' but instead 'so and so kicked so and so out because her kids were looking at books'. It won't matter if the reality is that those kids were pulling books they were asked to leave alone off the shelves and coloring in them, that's not the way people will talk about it.

 

Taking a break from socializing is a good idea. I'm not sure ill be able to shake the feeling my kids are missing out on something but it sure will be less stress. As the weather cools down it will be ok to expect kids to play outside, that'll help too.

 

Well, I wouldn't throw kids out because they were looking at books. I would absolutely throw kids out who were going into my master bedroom closet and wiping their sweaty, dirty faces on the clothes or pawing through my pantry knocking food over. I mean, good grief! Where were these kids raised!?! Luckily, I have never had a parent over who would not be even more appalled about it than I am because it is their kid, you know? You need a new friend pool! If my kid did something like that at your house?! First of all, we would have bought you a new bag of rice. For the laundry situation, I can't imagine you would have felt comfortable with kids doing your laundry, but we would have bought you a giant vat of the detergent of your choice and probably a Starbucks gift card so you could relax after all that work. I mean, really, you are hanging with the wrong people! I wouldn't give a rat's behind what they said about me. And I am an Army brat and an Army wife so I get the cliques and gossip. I don't give a whiz.

 

However, aside from these (I hope!) extreme and more unusual examples of poor behavior, if they see you as generally uptight (not letting the kids in the room, not letting them look at books...and I can see your point but others are likely to see this as uptight), it's time to either loosen up (with firmly stated rules about what can and can't be touched and guidelines for cleaning up) or give up caring what they think and say. Either choice is fine.

 

And earlier you asked what you could do. I see nothing at all wrong with escorting a child out of your closet, pantry, off-limits areas if you have verbally told them to leave. After you ask them nicely to stop what they are doing, there is nothing wrong with, "Johnny, I understand that you want to play in here but it is not allowed. Please step out of the _____ now." "Right now, mister; I mean it," with a firm but kind facial expression. If they truly dig their heels in and won't leave, I would absolutely say to mom, "I'm sorry, but the kids aren't allowed in the _____, and little Johnny won't listen to me. I could sure use your help."

 

It simply boils down to the fact that you have to stand up for your own rules.

[briansmama]

I guess I'm in the minority here but I'd seriously consider letting go of the ideal, organized classroom and make some changes to allow the kids' friends to be in there. We have a huge loft that we use for our homeschooling and dc friends play in there a lot. It's actually a huge draw/bonus and kids love coming here.

 

Because it's in the main space of the house with no way to close the door or enforce physical boundaries, I'd consider keeping the curriculum out of the desks and onto a higher shelf. In our space, which can't be closed off or hidden ever, this works so well! We use the large table for crafts/art anytime the kids wish. They are free to draw on the chalkboard and use the art supplies, provided they use them at the table and help clean up, which they do. The math manipulatives get played with...

 

I don't know, I'm not seeing the issue, other than it bothers you. But your home is for your dc too and their friends love it, so why not make it more friendly? We have baskets/bins of blocks, wooden animals, play silks, etc. It's such a part of the heart of our home and our lives that I wouldn't want to close it off and try to keep other children out.

 

By the way, we've had kids from ages 3-13 enjoy the space and there really haven't been any issues. I don't allow kids in our master bedroom, but we keep the door closed and that physical boundary works great.

[PachiSusan]

I guess I'm in the minority here but I'd seriously consider letting go of the ideal, organized classroom and make some changes to allow the kids' friends to be in there. We have a huge loft that we use for our homeschooling and dc friends play in there a lot. It's actually a huge draw/bonus and kids love coming here.

 

Because it's in the main space of the house with no way to close the door or enforce physical boundaries, I'd consider keeping the curriculum out of the desks and onto a higher shelf. In our space, which can't be closed off or hidden ever, this works so well! We use the large table for crafts/art anytime the kids wish. They are free to draw on the chalkboard and use the art supplies, provided they use them at the table and help clean up, which they do. The math manipulatives get played with...

 

I don't know, I'm not seeing the issue, other than it bothers you. But your home is for your dc too and their friends love it, so why not make it more friendly? We have baskets/bins of blocks, wooden animals, play silks, etc. It's such a part of the heart of our home and our lives that I wouldn't want to close it off and try to keep other children out.

 

By the way, we've had kids from ages 3-13 enjoy the space and there really haven't been any issues. I don't allow kids in our master bedroom, but we keep the door closed and that physical boundary works great.

 

I never thought of it that way. This thread has been eating at me and I don't know why. I thought it was about the disrespect, which the way she's been treated IS disrespectful, but that's not why it was sticking with me. I figured it out last night, and then I came this morning and saw your post. 

 

My nephews were over playing and I was reviewing DVD's for the upcoming school year. They are 9 and 12.  They were playing hide and seek and I put the DVD in (Bill Nye - Insects) and the 9 year old wandered in and sat down and started watching. Then Melissa came in. FInally the 12 year old came in and said, "HEY, aren't we playing??" He saw the screen and said, "What's THAT??" and started watching. Pretty soon they were all sitting down talking insects and asking questions and totally pulled into the DVD.  WHen it was over, they went back to playing. This has happened a few times when they were over here. 

 

So...getting back to this thread: These boys have a very active mind. They love to be stimulated and they aren't being stimulated at home or at school.  I thought of the kids in this thread that seemed to be drawn like a moth to a flame - and perhaps it's the same thing. It could be an opportunity for them to play and learn in an environment that attracts them. 

 

Just some musings...

[Murphy101]

The problem I have found is that it seems most people do not teach their kids how to take care of books and properly use art supplies. They let their kids rip book, write in them and tear up the covers. They pour out huge amounts of tacky glue and watercolor paints and break prisma and Lyra pencils. Microscope broken. Dissection kit pulled out. 1st edition book binding ripped off. I keep the cheap crayons and Elmer's glue and tray paints elsewhere for those kids. I even have a kiddie microscope set too. So I'm not refusing to let them be creative, but no, I don't think it is "uptight" of me to not appreciate $50-$100+ in damage. Just because it's in that room doesn't mean it is cheap/easy to replace or intended for little kids.

[TraceyS/FL]

I've seen what Susan has, but at the same time what Martha has - they just don't treat the stuff with respect for how expensive it is (and right now there is very little I could replace). Anything that is out I have to consider fair game - hence stuff put out of sight that I would love out and more accessible for my kids.

 

I'm rearranging some this weekend - so that might help me separate it. 

But things are more exciting here, we have cool stuff. I just need it to stay cool for my kids! :D

 

I got yelled at by a person at gymnastics once for tell her precious grandson to stop trying to run up the freshly painted wall behind her chair. She was ignoring him, after 20 minutes I had had it (i had helped paint!). He denied it... so she yelled at me for making up lies. That was when I realized I had a different sense of respect for property than a lot of the people in my area. Over the years there have been more and more of it.

I can see both sides - I live both sides... so i just stay a hermit! 

[PachiSusan]

I've seen what Susan has, but at the same time what Martha has - they just don't treat the stuff with respect for how expensive it is (and right now there is very little I could replace). Anything that is out I have to consider fair game - hence stuff put out of sight that I would love out and more accessible for my kids.

 

I'm rearranging some this weekend - so that might help me separate it. 

 

But things are more exciting here, we have cool stuff. I just need it to stay cool for my kids! :D

 

I got yelled at by a person at gymnastics once for tell her precious grandson to stop trying to run up the freshly painted wall behind her chair. She was ignoring him, after 20 minutes I had had it (i had helped paint!). He denied it... so she yelled at me for making up lies. That was when I realized I had a different sense of respect for property than a lot of the people in my area. Over the years there have been more and more of it.

 

I can see both sides - I live both sides... so i just stay a hermit! 

 

Oh I agree - that's very true, Tracey.  I thought I commented that I still felt the issue was a respect issue...I just wonder about the kids and if it was anything like my situation with my nephews where they're starving for more than Minecraft 24/7 during the summer... 

[Arcadia]

I want to stand up for myself but some of these families are neighbors whom I'd rather stay on the good side of and others work with my husband. If I ask them to leave it will turn into a source of gossip.

I totally get that.  My nephew stayed in military provided housing and moved out after his firstborn was born to avoid gossip.  Have you spoke to your hubby about it to get his feedback?

Since you move often, would it be easier to participate in library events for children than to host playdates?  

Every place we stayed since we move to California, we have neighbors who are only home at night.  My kids get their socialization mainly from free Mommy & Me events, free kids events at the state parks and at the libraries.  My kids didn't need to be playing with the same/familiar kids, they are happy playing with kids around their age.

[kiwik]

(I think many kids have been conditioned to see a kids corner and go to it.)

You might be on to something there. To them it may look like where they are supposed to go. I have noticed my kids who have gone to day care tend to assume they can touch anything at their grandmothers. They are used to an environment where things they can't touch are kept out of sight and things being child proof and safe.

 

I was thinking about the communal supplies thing too - so far we provide crayons and glue and stuff and the teacher doles it out as required to share. But I have never heard of a kid going in to someone roses classroom and using their stuff. They do have quite strong ideas of property.