So upset...sensitive topic...kids who choose to fail

[Jen in NY]

Wow... I just want to give you props for doing all you can for your son. No matter the outcome, it is better than it would have been because you care so much.

 

He's really lucky to have you!!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

I am so sorry I have not been consistently thanking everyone who has been so kind to reply!

 

THANK YOU ALL!!!

[Jan in SC]

Have you met with an educational psychologist to form a plan for him? Non verbal learning disabilities can be so overwhelming for the student and family. I think he needs more help. (I mean accommodations at school.) He might be giving up because it is so, so hard for him.

 

This diagnosis was considered for my son and I read everything I could find, which wasn't much, at the time. It is so hard! (Hugs)!!! Hang in there and look for help understanding his needs and enforcing them at his school.

[Caroline]

Are there other accommodations that might help with testing? I know you said he gets extra time, but there are other types of accommodations such as having the test read, taking away the m/c until after he has worked the problems, small group, individual testing, and I don't know what else. You might want to check into that. Of course, students are allowed to choose to test without their accommodations. You can request that the algebra teacher attend the IEP meeting to offer suggestions.

 

Good luck. And hugs.

[*********]

I *so* wish I couldn't identify with what you're going through.

 

My stepson; oh. my. goodness. The kid is going to be the end of me.

 

He's got like two weeks of school left. (He's been ps all the way, now finishing up his sophomore year). It looks very likely that he is going to fail the semester in both Algebra and Chemistry. First semester he pulled a C in both classes. So not stellar, but not failing either. He's literally going to get an E in both classes this semester. As in, no credit. And it's been going this way since the very beginning of the semester. Which means we've been on him about it for MONTHS.

 

He refuses to tell us if anything's wrong. All he'll say is that "everyone" is failing the Chemistry class because the teacher is so bad. ^_^ , I find that hard to believe. Plus which, WAY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, GUY. And it doesn't answer why he's failing Algebra. That's a different teacher.

 

Dad and I have offered to help him, get him tutors, whatever. The plain truth of it is, the boy is being lazy. He's not doing his homework, therefore he's bombing quizzes and tests. He doesn't like the classes, so he's just. not. doing. it.

 

Driving me crazy, I'm telling you. In fact, dad ratted him out to the extended family at Easter, and all the aunts, uncles, and grandparents gave him what for. Even that didn't help. Even the fact that the manager at the Dairy Queen he just got a job at (right by the highschool) TOLD HIM when he hired him that they fire any kid who fails a class.

 

I dunno. I'm hoping this all will come crashing down and the boy will learn a lesson, instead of it being the beginning of the end, you know?

 

All that to say, I have no answers, :D, but I can certainly commiserate.

[FeFe]

I have a 16 year old boy whose grades are a direct reflection of how well he likes and respects the teacher. He can barely get by English one year and have amazing grades the next. It drives me insane and it's NEVER his fault - always theirs. So, I can sympathize with you there.

 

Math is a subject that he struggles with each year. It seems that if it's a teacher he likes then he'll get by enough to pass the class. If it's a teacher he doesn't like, he'll fail. We've found that paying an outside tutor is best for him. They work on concepts from the past to make sure he grasps it and they also work on what's coming up for the week in his current class. It's expensive but it has been worth it.

[Amy in NH]

He got some accommodations like extended time for tests

 

 

 

I don't think he's far behind. I think the testing method (mostly multiple choice) is horrible for his learning style and his LD. He knows more than the tests show.

 

 

 

 

Perhaps the accommodations he is getting (extended time) are not really the right thing if they are not showing how much he actually knows?

[Venia]

Hmm, just thinking out loud here about backup plans. *If* he does fail, can he maybe be enrolled in those subjects at a local community college for the summer? I am thinking that maybe if it really is the teacher (who you often do not get to pick in highschool), then a change of scene just may be the ticket he needs. Would the school give him dual credit if he passes those?

[unsinkable]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Thank you.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

Wow... I just want to give you props for doing all you can for your son. No matter the outcome, it is better than it would have been because you care so much.

 

He's really lucky to have you!!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

Thank you. I don't I deserve your props. I feel like really failing on the emotional relationship level with him.

 

We fight all the time. And it's over stupid stuff.

 

What prompted this post yesterday afternoon...after going around and around for a while, we finally reviewed some biology, then he did some practice questions. I know he gets mentally exhausted from this. So he ate lunch, took a break and then I was going to review/ teach him his algebra.

 

And that's when the stupid fight started. He was writing in pen and wrote something down wrong but it was in the middle of the area to solve the problem, then he half-crossed it out, but then he asked twice what THAT (the half crossed out mistake) had to do with the problem. The 3rd time he asked, I yelled at him that if he had listened to me and used a pencil he could have erased it and it wouldn't keep distracting him.

 

And that was it for algebra. He quit working. And that's when I thought I'd have a stroke.

 

Argh. But no stroke, thank God.

[unsinkable]

Have you met with an educational psychologist to form a plan for him? Non verbal learning disabilities can be so overwhelming for the student and family. I think he needs more help. (I mean accommodations at school.) He might be giving up because it is so, so hard for him.

 

This diagnosis was considered for my son and I read everything I could find, which wasn't much, at the time. It is so hard! (Hugs)!!! Hang in there and look for help understanding his needs and enforcing them at his school.

 

 

Well, he has an IEP. Is that what you mean?

[unsinkable]

Are there other accommodations that might help with testing? I know you said he gets extra time, but there are other types of accommodations such as having the test read, taking away the m/c until after he has worked the problems, small group, individual testing, and I don't know what else. You might want to check into that. Of course, students are allowed to choose to test without their accommodations. You can request that the algebra teacher attend the IEP meeting to offer suggestions.

 

Good luck. And hugs.

 

 

I'll have to ask about other test accommodations.

[unsinkable]

I *so* wish I couldn't identify with what you're going through.

 

My stepson; oh. my. goodness. The kid is going to be the end of me.

 

He's got like two weeks of school left. (He's been ps all the way, now finishing up his sophomore year). It looks very likely that he is going to fail the semester in both Algebra and Chemistry. First semester he pulled a C in both classes. So not stellar, but not failing either. He's literally going to get an E in both classes this semester. As in, no credit. And it's been going this way since the very beginning of the semester. Which means we've been on him about it for MONTHS.

 

He refuses to tell us if anything's wrong. All he'll say is that "everyone" is failing the Chemistry class because the teacher is so bad. ^_^ , I find that hard to believe. Plus which, WAY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, GUY. And it doesn't answer why he's failing Algebra. That's a different teacher.

 

Dad and I have offered to help him, get him tutors, whatever. The plain truth of it is, the boy is being lazy. He's not doing his homework, therefore he's bombing quizzes and tests. He doesn't like the classes, so he's just. not. doing. it.

 

Driving me crazy, I'm telling you. In fact, dad ratted him out to the extended family at Easter, and all the aunts, uncles, and grandparents gave him what for. Even that didn't help. Even the fact that the manager at the Dairy Queen he just got a job at (right by the highschool) TOLD HIM when he hired him that they fire any kid who fails a class.

 

I dunno. I'm hoping this all will come crashing down and the boy will learn a lesson, instead of it being the beginning of the end, you know?

 

All that to say, I have no answers, :D, but I can certainly commiserate.

 

 

Wow, I'm sorry. What a tough situation.

[unsinkable]

I have a 16 year old boy whose grades are a direct reflection of how well he likes and respects the teacher. He can barely get by English one year and have amazing grades the next. It drives me insane and it's NEVER his fault - always theirs. So, I can sympathize with you there.

 

Math is a subject that he struggles with each year. It seems that if it's a teacher he likes then he'll get by enough to pass the class. If it's a teacher he doesn't like, he'll fail. We've found that paying an outside tutor is best for him. They work on concepts from the past to make sure he grasps it and they also work on what's coming up for the week in his current class. It's expensive but it has been worth it.

 

 

I know what you mean about relating to the teacher. On one level, I think I understand why kids do this, but on another, I don't get why they'd hurt themselves because they don't like someone?

 

 

[unsinkable]

 

 

 

Perhaps the accommodations he is getting (extended time) are not really the right thing if they are not showing how much he actually knows?

 

 

I'm going to ask about different testing accommodations.

 

I've talked about it a bit with his guidance counselor and she said it might also be testing anxiety.

[*Lulu*]

((Unsinkable))

 

I wish I had awesome words of wisdom or a magic wand to wave and make it right. Watching your child struggle is about the worst feeling in the world.

 

I agree with pp that the accommodations in the IEP need to be revisited. Sadly, unless you can give super specific examples of something he needs changed in the presentation of material during instruction, the testing is where you are most likely to get real change.

 

The fact that you are being proactive and staying in communication with the school is very good; the teachers and staff are much less likely to write him off because of the parental involvement.

 

I think if you can get him to a place where he is at peace with his LD and has found a way to reframe it for himself you will have won the war.

[unsinkable]

 

 

He has a point. The way he learns best is probably not being included.

 

It's tough for them to ask for help. The very word 'help' makes them feel stupid. They want to understand it in class, from the teacher's explanation. It makes my son very mad that science class is a total waste of time for him. He would be better off taking the book to the library, reading it and doing the review questions for both math and science unless it is a teacher that is trained in multisensory. Auditory presenters in these subjects are useless to him, but both his math and science classes had no instructor choices this year so he's stuck. The math teacher by the way gave up on her auditory presentation about half the way thru the year. Every kid in the class is like my son -- does not learn math by memorizing verbal steps of algorithms, needs to see why. She changed her teaching to a short lecture with visuals and has them work problem sets while she circulates. Much better success rate.

 

For algebra, jmap dot org has many resources. If he's taking chem next year, the Prentice Hall Regent's Review book is the one you want.

 

Later in the summer, when you are talking about learning styles, here is a nifty exercise: teach him to make an origami box. First time thru, only verbal instructions. Second time, only visual. Third: both verbal, visual and if you like kinesthetic. See what conclusions he draws about ease of learning when the teacher's style works for him.

 

 

I've talked to DS about the ways schools are set up and the way teachers teach work best with a learning style that is different from him. And that bio and Alg teachers aren't a good match. But that he has to use other resources to learn the info. And not just quit bc he thinks the teachers aren't good.

[unsinkable]

Hmm, just thinking out loud here about backup plans. *If* he does fail, can he maybe be enrolled in those subjects at a local community college for the summer? I am thinking that maybe if it really is the teacher (who you often do not get to pick in highschool), then a change of scene just may be the ticket he needs. Would the school give him dual credit if he passes those?

 

 

That's an idea but he is not ready at all to go to a CC.

 

The odds are he won't fail algebra for the year because he's been in the 80s up until this quarter. He might fail the state exam.

 

Bio is where it's tricky. If he passes the state exam, he passes the year. If he fails the state exam by a little, he can still pass the year. If he fails the state exam by a lot, he'll fail the year.

[bettyandbob]

I have a son with NLD. He has a very high IQ and does not have trouble comprehending anything, including higher math. Disorganization is what kills him. He would do research and write position paper for Model UN, when he should have written an English paper or completed a calculus assignment. He is ver headstrong and refused almost all help. I was completely unable to help him organize and he refused to prioritize anything. And so up until graduation last year it was not clear he would pass English. A year later he has a year of college done, he's home and doing some cc classes for summer. He is starting to realize he has to get in control, organize and prioritize. But he has along way to go . AND I expect he will mess up badly first. He has always had to find out on his own what doesn't work . I've had to learn that there is nothing I can do.

 

Organization is a major issue with NLD. Loosing assignments, not managing a calendar, missing events, forgetting about tests. If your ds will accept your help daily to maintain a file system for classes and a calendar so he knows when the English paper is due and when the French test is, that will go a long way towards keeping grades up ith put even building in time to study and review. The file system should be very simple. Empty the backpack daily. Put all math papers in one file, English in another, etc. then, when he needs something for biology, he only needs to look through the biology file. He does not need to go through his desk drawers, backpack, and under the bed looking at every paper. If school maintains an online system for teachers, check it daily with ds and update his calendar with him. Schedule time with him to review the calendar weekly to see what is coming.

 

We did hire a tutor for math. Honestly, I think that is the nl time ds sat down and did his math homework. Not the best use of tutor money for most people's standards, but it was the only way he did his math work in high school.

 

To get through the remainder of the year, I think you may need to daily work with him making sure each bio and math assignment s done. And I would recommend being in daily contact with te teachers t make sure assignments get handed in. Watch him pack his backpack. Give him a folder for homework in the backpack so he can quickly locate it.

 

My ds doesn't have trouble with multiple choice and high high school was IB so there was heavy emphasis on essay writing. To help your ds with multiple choice, I'd start by looking at SAT test prep materials for strategies. You may find there's a simple strategy that helps. Your ds probably has no strategy. Whn my ds did not do as well as I thought he old on the critical reading section, I told him to read the questions first. That is all I told him. He made a multipoi t improvement th next time he tested.

 

When ds was 6 a doctor told me, ds would do great in grad school. He would do poorly before then. He tod me I had to keep him alive until grad school. It 's been difficult getting to this point and my ds, at 18, has a long way to go.

 

High school was very hard on our family. It went down hill from 9th grade. Every year we started with new hopes. I hope you have a better time than we did.

 

 

[unsinkable]

((Unsinkable))

 

I wish I had awesome words of wisdom or a magic wand to wave and make it right. Watching your child struggle is about the worst feeling in the world.

 

I agree with pp that the accommodations in the IEP need to be revisited. Sadly, unless you can give super specific examples of something he needs changed in the presentation of material during instruction, the testing is where you are most likely to get real change.

 

The fact that you are being proactive and staying in communication with the school is very good; the teachers and staff are much less likely to write him off because of the parental involvement.

 

I think if you can get him to a place where he is at peace with his LD and has found a way to reframe it for himself you will have won the war.

 

 

That is a good point about reframing the LD and finding peace with it. I try to do that with talking about learning styles like I mentioned a bit above.

[unsinkable]

I have a son with NLD. He has a very high IQ and does not have trouble comprehending anything, including higher math. Disorganization is what kills him. He would do research and write position paper for Model UN, when he should have written an English paper or completed a calculus assignment. He is ver headstrong and refused almost all help. I was completely unable to help him organize and he refused to prioritize anything. And so up until graduation last year it was not clear he would pass English. A year later he has a year of college done, he's home and doing some cc classes for summer. He is starting to realize he has to get in control, organize and prioritize. But he has along way to go . AND I expect he will mess up badly first. He has always had to find out on his own what doesn't work . I've had to learn that there is nothing I can do.

 

Organization is a major issue with NLD. Loosing assignments, not managing a calendar, missing events, forgetting about tests. If your ds will accept your help daily to maintain a file system for classes and a calendar so he knows when the English paper is due and when the French test is, that will go a long way towards keeping grades up ith put even building in time to study and review. The file system should be very simple. Empty the backpack daily. Put all math papers in one file, English in another, etc. then, when he needs something for biology, he only needs to look through the biology file. He does not need to go through his desk drawers, backpack, and under the bed looking at every paper. If school maintains an online system for teachers, check it daily with ds and update his calendar with him. Schedule time with him to review the calendar weekly to see what is coming.

 

We did hire a tutor for math. Honestly, I think that is the nl time ds sat down and did his math homework. Not the best use of tutor money for most people's standards, but it was the only way he did his math work in high school.

 

To get through the remainder of the year, I think you may need to daily work with him making sure each bio and math assignment s done. And I would recommend being in daily contact with te teachers t make sure assignments get handed in. Watch him pack his backpack. Give him a folder for homework in the backpack so he can quickly locate it.

 

My ds doesn't have trouble with multiple choice and high high school was IB so there was heavy emphasis on essay writing. To help your ds with multiple choice, I'd start by looking at SAT test prep materials for strategies. You may find there's a simple strategy that helps. Your ds probably has no strategy. Whn my ds did not do as well as I thought he old on the critical reading section, I told him to read the questions first. That is all I told him. He made a multipoi t improvement th next time he tested.

 

When ds was 6 a doctor told me, ds would do great in grad school. He would do poorly before then. He tod me I had to keep him alive until grad school. It 's been difficult getting to this point and my ds, at 18, has a long way to go.

 

High school was very hard on our family. It went down hill from 9th grade. Every year we started with new hopes. I hope you have a better time than we did.

 

 

Betty, I'm glad your DS finished and is home for the summer!

 

Thank you for all this.

 

He is organized to an extent and we do many of the things you mentioned.

 

I think your DS is much smarter than mine. My DS gets by on his daily work and his test scores plummet when he doesn't keep up. DS wouldn't be passing anything if he didn't do his homework.

 

Another problem is when he's implemented organizational things and uses them, then is still disorganized.

 

For example, he has planner and he writes assignments down, shows it to the teacher who says yep, that's the assignment and then gets home and says he is not sure what the assignment MEANS. Well, why weren't you talking to your teacher about it??? Like when you showed him the assignment???

 

Or he has written in huge letters BRING HOME DOCUMENT book. And he says he stands at his locker, reads that note and still doesn't put his document book in his backpack.

[*Lulu*]

The trouble with test anxiety is that the more failure you experience, the more the anxiety grows.

 

Is there an educational specialist in your area who could work with him on testing strategies, (for the tests that are not geared to his strengths), and on study techniques that might help him retain information even when the original presentation was not a good match to his learning style?

 

A million years ago my DH spent 3 months at Sylvan going through a study skills program that included test taking skills. It seemed to help him quite a bit. Is there something similar in your area?

[Caroline]

 

 

Betty, I'm glad your DS finished and is home for the summer!

 

Thank you for all this.

 

He is organized to an extent and we do many of the things you mentioned.

 

I think your DS is much smarter than mine. My DS gets by on his daily work and his test scores plummet when he doesn't keep up. DS wouldn't be passing anything if he didn't do his homework.

 

Another problem is when he's implemented organizational things and uses them, then is still disorganized.

 

For example, he has planner and he writes assignments down, shows it to the teacher who says yep, that's the assignment and then gets home and says he is not sure what the assignment MEANS. Well, why weren't you talking to your teacher about it??? Like when you showed him the assignment???

 

Or he has written in huge letters BRING HOME DOCUMENT book. And he says he stands at his locker, reads that note and still doesn't put his document book in his backpack.

 

I have an idea for another accommodation. Please PM me if you would like the information. I don't want to put all of it publicly.

[unsinkable]

The trouble with test anxiety is that the more failure you experience, the more the anxiety grows.

 

Is there an educational specialist in your area who could work with him on testing strategies, (for the tests that are not geared to his strengths), and on study techniques that might help him retain information even when the original presentation was not a good match to his learning style?

 

A million years ago my DH spent 3 months at Sylvan going through a study skills program that included test taking skills. It seemed to help him quite a bit. Is there something similar in your area?

 

I agree about the anxiety. We try to emphasize studying and preparing and not worrying about the score/grade.

 

I have to look for someone around here who knows about NVD and I'll ask at the school about study skills. For the most part, the teachers do go over stuff like that in their classes. It just seems like it doesn't stick with DS.

 

We've go over MC strategies again and again. I've to,d him to CROSS OUT the bad choices, the ones he is certain are wrong. I've seen his tests...there aren't any marks on the multiple choice. He tells me it doesn't matter. It's maddening.

 

Was your DH willing to do the study skills class? Self-motivated?

[unsinkable]

 

 

I have an idea for another accommodation. Please PM me if you would like the information. I don't want to put all of it publicly.

 

I've got to clean out my PM box.

 

It might take a bit.

 

It's like finding a box of letters in a closet that I want to read again.

[creekland]

I don't have much to offer other than :grouphug: . I wish there were a way to show kids life in their future based upon their choices now...

 

I can say you aren't alone. There are too many kids with similar attitudes/beliefs where I work. It's tough getting through to many of them - and many don't have parents who care either. Your guy is lucky that you care IMO.

[bettyandbob]

 

Another problem is when he's implemented organizational things and uses them, then is still disorganized.

 

For example, he has planner and he writes assignments down, shows it to the teacher who says yep, that's the assignment and then gets home and says he is not sure what the assignment MEANS. Well, why weren't you talking to your teacher about it??? Like when you showed him the assignment???

 

Or he has written in huge letters BRING HOME DOCUMENT book. And he says he stands at his locker, reads that note and still doesn't put his document book in his backpack.

 

My ds never used his locker. I was concerned at first. What high school student doesn't use the locker. Freshmen year he lost the combo and didn't know where the locker was. Then, I realized that HE realized the locker was just another place to lose stuff. So, he carried all his stuff all day long.

 

Does your ds's teachers post assignments online. If not I would inform them that you need descriptions of assignments and may be emailing daily.

 

Do you have a school directory and does your ds know the names of kids in his classes. I bought the school directory and until ds got more involved in facebooking classmates he called classmates for last minute assignments.

 

Asking the teacher for clarification can be difficult for someone with NLD. Knowing what I know now I wouldn't expect him to do that.

 

You do need to request special education services for next year. It's too late to get official accomodations for this year, but get the ball rolling for next year.

 

My ds is still disorganized in the extreme. It is my understanding this is always a problem. We have teach our dc or they have realize and learn strategies to overcome this. And as I've come to realize this step is a long and painful (in my house at least) process. It's clear to me that it will be years before my ds can internalize the things he MUST do to stay organized on his own.

 

The book ADHD and ME Lessons I learned from setting fires at the kitchen has some strategies for organization. It was written by an 18 for a high school project and then he published his freshmen year of college. Obviously, it's written for ADD issues, but some are relevant to NLD. It's written from the kid's perspective. It might be useful to look through over the summer with your ds.

[*Lulu*]

Was your DH willing to do the study skills class? Self-motivated?

 

Yes. He was in college, paying for both school and the study skills course.

 

DH always tested poorly, but, with a lot of effort from MIL, made it through HS.

 

He hit some courses in college that were eating his lunch because of the way the profs had structured the graded work. He had two classes that he had to do well in because they were required for his degree, but were graded on written tests alone. (The classes with applied testing he had 4.0's in consistently. The classes with written testing he usually limped out with a 2.5.)

 

So, yes, He was highly motivated.

 

I also want to add that DH still struggles with seeing himself as stupid. All those years of bombing written tests, even when he knew the material cold, left a definite mark. Even though he now realizes that the tests were not accurate reflections of his abilities, and believes me that he would have been diagnosed with an LD if his parents had known to test, and has a transcript full of classes specific to his degree where he earned 3.8-4.0, he still sees himself as less intelligent than he is.

 

I say all that to say, keeping him from writing his own abilities off is the real challange here, and, in the long run, way more important than the final outcome of the two courses he is struggling in.

 

(I know you already know that, but some times it helps to hear it again.)

 

(((Hugs)))

[Splash]

Sadly I have way too much experience with this. Oldest ds in April decided that he was just going to quit school and be done. He was failing every class not due to work he'd done, those grades were between 80% and 100. It was all the missing assignments and feeling of being overwhelmed. It was exhausting and took councilor, psychologist, teachers willingness to help and lots of help from me to get it done. Went through this all four years of high school with lots of accommodations along the way. He did graduate this month and is sooo proud of himself.

 

Ds has huge fear of failing and sometimes seems to purposely sabotage himself just to prove his point.

 

As for multiple choice tests, what worked for me was to read question and write down my answer. Then I look at choices provided to she closest match to my answer. Did much better after switching to this. Also for ds we asked if some sections could be done orally as he could demonstrate so much more through talking about subject compared to what was written. In math he did better talking it out as well. Sometimes what he'd write down wasn't anything like what he'd just told me. Takes teachers who are willing to work with you though.

[unsinkable]

I don't have much to offer other than :grouphug: . I wish there were a way to show kids life in their future based upon their choices now...

 

I can say you aren't alone. There are too many kids with similar attitudes/beliefs where I work. It's tough getting through to many of them - and many don't have parents who care either. Your guy is lucky that you care IMO.

 

 

I wish there was a way, too. And I wish I could assure him that if he did XYZ, it would mean he would pass.

[unsinkable]

 

My ds never used his locker. I was concerned at first. What high school student doesn't use the locker. Freshmen year he lost the combo and didn't know where the locker was. Then, I realized that HE realized the locker was just another place to lose stuff. So, he carried all his stuff all day long.

 

Does your ds's teachers post assignments online. If not I would inform them that you need descriptions of assignments and may be emailing daily.

 

Do you have a school directory and does your ds know the names of kids in his classes. I bought the school directory and until ds got more involved in facebooking classmates he called classmates for last minute assignments.

 

Asking the teacher for clarification can be difficult for someone with NLD. Knowing what I know now I wouldn't expect him to do that.

 

You do need to request special education services for next year. It's too late to get official accomodations for this year, but get the ball rolling for next year.

 

My ds is still disorganized in the extreme. It is my understanding this is always a problem. We have teach our dc or they have realize and learn strategies to overcome this. And as I've come to realize this step is a long and painful (in my house at least) process. It's clear to me that it will be years before my ds can internalize the things he MUST do to stay organized on his own.

 

The book ADHD and ME Lessons I learned from setting fires at the kitchen has some strategies for organization. It was written by an 18 for a high school project and then he published his freshmen year of college. Obviously, it's written for ADD issues, but some are relevant to NLD. It's written from the kid's perspective. It might be useful to look through over the summer with your ds.

 

 

betty,

 

he does have official accomadations. One of them is extended testing. There are other things like "teachers will present material verbally when possible" and 'will check for understanding."

 

Most teachers will help if he needs it. His algebra teacher really wants him to be successful and he seems to know what DS is capable of. So when DS bombs a test or a quiz, he'll have DS in for review and give him another chance at the material. That is why DS has a 45 right now. He blew a few things and reviewed them with the teacher 1 on 1 last week. Hopefully, he'll retake the quizzes/tests this week and he won't have a 45.

 

Some teachers post assignments, others don't.

 

We have a directory and he has boys' numbers, twitter accounts, etc. He sometimes will call and get assignments and clarification from classmates. And most of his teachers will answer his questions by email. And mine, too.

[unsinkable]

Yes. He was in college, paying for both school and the study skills course.

 

DH always tested poorly, but, with a lot of effort from MIL, made it through HS.

 

He hit some courses in college that were eating his lunch because of the way the profs had structured the graded work. He had two classes that he had to do well in because they were required for his degree, but were graded on written tests alone. (The classes with applied testing he had 4.0's in consistently. The classes with written testing he usually limped out with a 2.5.)

 

So, yes, He was highly motivated.

 

I also want to add that DH still struggles with seeing himself as stupid. All those years of bombing written tests, even when he knew the material cold, left a definite mark. Even though he now realizes that the tests were not accurate reflections of his abilities, and believes me that he would have been diagnosed with an LD if his parents had known to test, and has a transcript full of classes specific to his degree where he earned 3.8-4.0, he still sees himself as less intelligent than he is.

 

I say all that to say, keeping him from writing his own abilities off is the real challange here, and, in the long run, way more important than the final outcome of the two courses he is struggling in.

 

(I know you already know that, but some times it helps to hear it again.)

 

(((Hugs)))

 

 

Lulu

 

I agree about the real challenge. It kills me that within a few months of formal schooling, he's got such a negative view of his abilities.

 

I'm glad to hear about your DH being self motivating!

[unsinkable]

Sadly I have way too much experience with this. Oldest ds in April decided that he was just going to quit school and be done. He was failing every class not due to work he'd done, those grades were between 80% and 100. It was all the missing assignments and feeling of being overwhelmed. It was exhausting and took councilor, psychologist, teachers willingness to help and lots of help from me to get it done. Went through this all four years of high school with lots of accommodations along the way. He did graduate this month and is sooo proud of himself.

 

Ds has huge fear of failing and sometimes seems to purposely sabotage himself just to prove his point.

 

As for multiple choice tests, what worked for me was to read question and write down my answer. Then I look at choices provided to she closest match to my answer. Did much better after switching to this. Also for ds we asked if some sections could be done orally as he could demonstrate so much more through talking about subject compared to what was written. In math he did better talking it out as well. Sometimes what he'd write down wasn't anything like what he'd just told me. Takes teachers who are willing to work with you though.

 

 

I am so happy for you that your DS graduated! YAY! Pat him on the back for us!

 

What you describe in your last sentences is similar to what made one of his teachers ask his guidance counselor if DS had a IEP.

 

It was his history teacher and he would talk to DS and thought he was a bright kid but then after the first test, which was all MC, the score didn't match at all what he thought DS was capable of. DS's writing is OK, tho.

[laf919]

My best friend growing up had a LD - not sure which one but sounds similar to what you have described in your ds. I don't remember all the accommodations she received, but I do know that she had someone to read all of her tests to her, and someone to write down answers for some types of problems. This person was an aide, not the teacher - her test paper was then handed in to be graded like the others. Anyway, if you are going to talk to the teacher about different ways to test, I thought that idea might help.

Also, not sure about ow the regents exams work, but I know my friend was able to receive similar accommodations on the SAT's and such. For the SAT's, she had to take it once without and then received permission for a non-standard administration - but her scores went from about 500 (combined) to about 1200 - so the work getting the accommodations definitely paid off.

And, FWIW, she now has a masters degree in education and is a fantastic school teacher - so, while high school and college were work, she has long-term success. :grouphug: to you and your ds.

[I.Dup.]

I'm so sorry. You can only do so much. My dh completely gave up in high school. His mom just about killed him. They pushed him to go into the military (and he was on board, he did NOT want to go off to more school at college!) and he is a wonderful man now. He has skills that have landed him in a great-paying job, he has a large family, a loving wife (ahem), he's really doing great. School just wasn't his thing.

 

ETA: And he had to re-take a couple courses during summer school just to graduate with his peers. He missed the senior trip b/c of it, etc.

[Laurie4b]

I'll ask about different forms of tests.

 

I didn't know what phrase to use so I used choose to fail even though I don't think it's accurate. I realize he is saying he doesn't care and it doesn't matter and that isn't what he feels or if it is what he feels, it is to protect himself.

 

Accommodations mean so much more than the form of the test. In a way, he is right. He *is* supposed to be getting the kind of help and instruction he needs *from the school* to enable him to succeed with the NVLD. There are no actual legal limits as to what you can request. There are some practical limits both financially and what individual teachers can do to accommodate.

 

Think of it this way: If you were not there, and the school did it all, what would they need to do so that he was passing biology and algebra right now? How does he learn best? Does he need help with organization? Does he need audiobooks? Copies of the teacher's notes? Fewer problems assigned? Fewer problems per piece of paper? (ie more white space), etc, etc, etc. Individual tutoring? You can ask for any of that type of thing. All of that is fair game for an IEP.

[Splash]

Oh and my son never used a locker and carried his books and violin with him every day. Locker was just too frustrating.

 

Videos on topic were helpful to get information in if he wasn't understanding information. For math an aid would sit next to him and talk him through the tests. Asking him what comes next, helping him get steps down and keeping him organized, just encouraging him through the process. He hate that he needed this though and would fight it sometimes.

[LucyStoner]

One on one tutoring in math and science can make all the difference in situations like this. I would ask for more accommodations through his IEP as well.