Handwriting in almost 7YO. Might be the death of us both. Help!

[tammyw]

My son will be 7 in June. He has always HATED handwriting. Hated it. Here is a picture of his grip:

 

 

We've been using the grips for a year. He doesn't always use them (like in the picture above), but even when he uses them, he just hates writing. Well, I shouldn't say he hates writing. I should say he hates writing that I direct (anything to practice with writing, any work that requires writing). He likes writing his own stuff. He likes writing his own stories, pictures, etc. He hates when I tell him what to write or try to help him with a proper seating position and grip.

 

Seriously. We both end up so mad at each other. I hate this.

 

So the problems are:

 

1. his grip

2. he doesn't really care to learn about uppercase and lowercase (when to use each - he often uses mostly uppercase)

3. sloppy

 

I guess I just wanted confirmation or guidance. Tell me it's okay. Tell me that lots of *almost* 7 year old boys are like this. That eventually he will learn to write.

 

For what it's worth, he's VERY bright. He is great at math (though he doesn't love sitting down and doing math "work"). He's knowledgeable about science. He even knows how to spell surprisingly well if you ask him and he spells it aloud (when writing it, his spelling isn't as good). Essentially, he's a smart kid who doesn't want to do any book work. And big sigh, he loves playing computer/iphone games. Somehow he learned to add big double digit numbers because of a game he was playing. So when it came to adding something like 27 to 38, it was a breeze for him.

 

It's okay right?

 

How do I gently guide him in the right direction without both of us ending up angry at the other?

[scbusf]

I think you are describing my son :laugh: I suspect that my son has Dysgraphia, but he has not been evaluated or diagnosed.

[jenbrdsly]

I have a Pinterest board about Creative Handwriting Solutions that might help. You are describing my DS last fall. Now his handwriting is average. I'm thrilled!

[Katy]

Does he hate drawing too? I think it's fairly common for boys who are gifted in math to have a strong preference to do what comes easily to him (the math) and avoid what is challenging. I'd try something like Draw Write Now, explain that this is a skill not a talent, insist that for the handwriting practice he put his thumb in the correct place, and make him practice every day. I would use narratives rather than writing for everything other than the daily handwriting lesson, which I might do one lesson twice a day (morning and night) for about 10 minutes each, closely supervising so that he's using the correct grip.

 

Drawing and coloring in the lines can help develop grip and fine motor skills without feeling like work too.

[PentecostalMom]

I do have to say that 1) he is a boy, and 2) he is six. Give it time. My dd is just now improving after we switched from ARFH to HWT. She turned seven in March.

[km123175]

My 8 year old daughter still has letters that are not clearly formed, awkward spacing between letters/words and sometimes completely illegible.

 

She hates the physical act of writing - holding a pencil, etc.

 

I have found that having her write on the white board is more palatable to her and on there I can encourage correct production.

 

It's frustrating and I try to have some assignments where I 'let it go" and others where I'm more particular about how neatly the work is done. This has taken some pressure off because some work is "for her" and as long as she can read it it's good enough for me. :) Having her read those assignments to me a few days after she writes them has become an incentive for writing more clearly.

 

I'm not much help, but I still have hope that we'll get there someday.

[tammyw]

Does he hate drawing too? I think it's fairly common for boys who are gifted in math to have a strong preference to do what comes easily to him (the math) and avoid what is challenging. I'd try something like Draw Write Now, explain that this is a skill not a talent, insist that for the handwriting practice he put his thumb in the correct place, and make him practice every day. I would use narratives rather than writing for everything other than the daily handwriting lesson, which I might do one lesson twice a day (morning and night) for about 10 minutes each, closely supervising so that he's using the correct grip.

 

Drawing and coloring in the lines can help develop grip and fine motor skills without feeling like work too.

 

 

He loves to draw!

[Katy]

He loves to draw!

 

 

Definitely check out Draw Write Now - it's half drawing lesson, half handwriting. I think the skills are transferable -both involve fine motor and hand-eye coordination. Just insist on the correct grip. And if he makes it through all the books and his writing is still illegible, have him go through the curriculum again.

[mrs.m]

confession: I hold a number of pens that way. But for some reason I have the correct grip for a pencil. I noticed that my DD is the same way with the thumb up high.

 

I stopped with the grip correcters and focussed on proper letter formation for my son. Instruction did get easier and the grip did correct itself this year. Although it looks strange because he is a tripod.

[kdownie]

My dd, age 7, sounds similar. I don't battle her much on it. I think the Draw Write Now sounds intriguing. I monitor her carefully for 1 page of HWT and one copywork sentence.

[Forgiven]

I hold my pens and pencils exactly like the OP's son. I can have neat or messy handwriting, depending on my mood and how fast I'm trying to write. All three of my kids hold their pencils like me (and the OP's son too). I guess I don't see what's wrong with it since that's how I hold mine too. LOL I guess we all need remedial training. :( If holding their pencils properly will help, I'm all game. My two oldest write cursive very neatly, but their printing is atrocious.

[poiema]

His drawing looks exactly like what my 7yo does all the time. :)

 

I agree with PP. He's 6 and a boy. I think it's pretty common for boys that age to hate writing. I pretty much gave up on handwriting and writing with my ds when he was 6. At the beginning of this year (August) he was still writing in all caps (except i) and cried every time I asked him to write more than 3 words. But he had no problem spending hours drawing intricate drawings like your son. The only handwriting he did this year was a little cursive for fun. We just started WWE a few weeks ago (about the same time he turned 7) and I am amazed at how well his handwriting and attitude (maturity?) have improved over the course of the year. It's probably just a matter of time for your ds.

 

About his grip...my ds's grip is wrong too. He does the thumb and middle finger grip. I tried to so hard to fix it his K year that it just ended in frustration for both of us. I finally gave up when I realized how ridiculous it was to try to fix something about him that he obviously got from me. My teachers tried to fix my same wrong grip. I even tried to fix it on my own. Now I don't care if my grip is wrong, so why should it matter if his is wrong. BTW, my 5yo writes that way too. Oh, and they both hate those pencil grip things. I think it would be okay to occasionally remind him to adjust his grip, but I wouldn't make a big deal about it. My "wrong" grip is the right grip for me, KWIM?

 

Also BTW, my ds didn't care for Draw Write Now at all. The drawing part was okay, but it did not make him want to write.

[scootiepie]

My son has the exact same grip and does not like writing at all. It just seems tedious for him and he does not have a lot of stamina.

 

My question is this- is writing tedious for him because of the incorrect grip? Would correcting it make the physical act of writing easier?

 

That is what I'm struggling with.....figuring out if writing is tedious because of the incorrect grip (and therefore worth the battle to correct it), or would it be tedious for him anyway with a correct grip.

 

I feel bad because I didn't "catch" it until just a month or two ago. He just turned 7.

[CookieMonster]

I guess I just wanted confirmation or guidance. Tell me it's okay. Tell me that lots of *almost* 7 year old boys are like this. That eventually he will learn to write.

...

It's okay right?

 

How do I gently guide him in the right direction without both of us ending up angry at the other?

 

 

Yes. It's totally ok. Lots of almost 7 yo boys are like this. He will eventually learn to write if you continue to provide practice.

 

My son disdained handwriting instruction also. He ignored the rules for when to use capitals. My solution was to 1) use a timer and, 2) make "correct" handwriting only a big deal during penmanship lessons and, 3) use cursive straightaway.

 

One day I sat down and tried to complete a penmanship exercise on my own. I cannot even remember why. But, I do remember how tired my hand was after just ten minutes of trying to make exact, well-formed, properly spaced letters. I had a hand cramp. And I have legible, nice handwriting otherwise. So if it was hard for me, I figured it was stressing my son out. I decided to limit his toture sessions to a length of ten minutes. I took the time to introduce the correct way to do a letter, then set the timer and had him work as much of the paper as he could finish in that time. He had good days and bad days. I guided him as he wrote ("remember to retrace"). And I kept it all as positive as possible.

 

I gave up expecting correct handwriting during his other activities. All the other drawing and writing he does help perfect his fine motor skills. It wasn't until 3rd grade that I thought he should be expected to transfer his acquired penmanship skills to his other assignments. I made the announcement at the beginning of the year. I was consistent in enforcing it. That worked well for us.

 

HTH

[Katy]

Re questions about grip: Having the correct grip will give him more precise control once his brain learns how to control the nerves and once the muscles in his hand have gotten strong enough. Developing both takes practice, probably at least three months of practice. Athletic trainers call this sort of thing "muscle memory," neuroscientists refer to it as neuroplasticity - but basically, just like in physical therapy, the brain will create new neural pathways to direct the correct movements. If you practice incorrect movements, the incorrect will always feel natural until you force yourself to correct it.

 

If you have knee surgery a physical therapist will force you to focus on walking without a limp because if you allow yourself the limp your brain will think it's normal and you will never walk without the limp again.

 

Having the most precise finger control might not matter if he's not going to be an artist or a brain surgeon, but why handicap him in that way? Besides, teaching him that overcoming bad habits is possible is a good lesson.

[tammyw]

Well we've been using HWOT on and off for two years, and that really hasn't helped / changed things. Every time I pull out those books, he hates it.

 

We also have several Draw Write Now books and he really doesn't like those any better.

 

What he does like is drawing what he wants to draw and writing what he wants to write. He doesn't love "instruction". He wants to do his own thing. He's bright, but he's strong willed. Yesterday he started reading this pretty advanced "Body" book and then proceeded to write himself a note and put it on the fridge that essentially said "No junk food, no chips, no ice cream, no waffles" He loves writing little notes and stories, but he doesn't want me to instruct him.

 

Even when he uses the grip, his thumb goes a little too far off it, and when I correct it, he gets frustrated.

 

On the other hand, my daughter didn't like writing at his age, though she would do the "work" willingly. She didn't have a proper grip until probably a year ago, and now she is a prolific writer and has hand written a story that is over 60 pages long. So maybe I need not worry yet.

 

I just don't want him to hate writing even more because of the stress I put on him to do it all properly. Perhaps we just need to wait a year and try again.

 

I tried having him color something yesterday and he complained after a short time that his hand was hurting (it was pencil crayons). Problem is I'm not sure if it was really hurting or if he just didn't want to do it. As I said, he likes to do his own thing, not what I tell him to do. And we never did any coloring, because when mine were very young, I read a book that it was better for them to create than to finish others' work. So mine love to draw, but not so much coloring in coloring pages.

 

Bless you if you've read this far!

[Tracy]

Many people have success remediating handwriting by teaching cursive. Writing in cursive will automatically remediate the uppercase/lowercase issue, as well as other common problems, such as reversals and spacing issues.

[MusicMama]

Ok, I'll approach this as I would for a young piano student. It is very common for boys that age to struggle while keeping their hands in a proper curved form. This form is necessary for them to be successful pianists. But if I refused to let them pass off a piece until they had perfectly strong and curved fingers, I would be waiting up to two years. :tongue_smilie: Instead, I'll have them pick a piece that they know well and have a "Focus on Form". They will take that familiar piece home and work at achieving perfection in that piece. Constant, gentle reminders and praise for every success eventually leads to a strong capable hand. So to translate that to hand writing, I would ask him to write one letter while holding the pencil perfectly. Then two, then CVC words, etc. Continue at a pace that is easy and gentle. Try your best to start at a level that is extremely easy, it may even be one stroke of the pencil while in perfect form. I would praise him often, recognizing that this is an extremely unpleasant task. It could take a year or more before he uses a correct grip voluntarily. Be patient. It will come.

[momtoamiracle]

Well we've been using HWOT on and off for two years, and that really hasn't helped / changed things. Every time I pull out those books, he hates it.

 

We also have several Draw Write Now books and he really doesn't like those any better.

 

What he does like is drawing what he wants to draw and writing what he wants to write. He doesn't love "instruction". He wants to do his own thing. He's bright, but he's strong willed. Yesterday he started reading this pretty advanced "Body" book and then proceeded to write himself a note and put it on the fridge that essentially said "No junk food, no chips, no ice cream, no waffles" He loves writing little notes and stories, but he doesn't want me to instruct him.

 

Even when he uses the grip, his thumb goes a little too far off it, and when I correct it, he gets frustrated.

 

On the other hand, my daughter didn't like writing at his age, though she would do the "work" willingly. She didn't have a proper grip until probably a year ago, and now she is a prolific writer and has hand written a story that is over 60 pages long. So maybe I need not worry yet.

 

I just don't want him to hate writing even more because of the stress I put on him to do it all properly. Perhaps we just need to wait a year and try again.

 

I tried having him color something yesterday and he complained after a short time that his hand was hurting (it was pencil crayons). Problem is I'm not sure if it was really hurting or if he just didn't want to do it. As I said, he likes to do his own thing, not what I tell him to do. And we never did any coloring, because when mine were very young, I read a book that it was better for them to create than to finish others' work. So mine love to draw, but not so much coloring in coloring pages.

 

Bless you if you've read this far!

 

 

my son is JUST like this, except his grip is fine. Draws beautifully and write just fine when it's something he wants to write.

 

anything else is torture for him and for me.

[zoobie]

Our health insurance covered an OT eval for my daughter. It was recommended by the psychologist who did testing. She has dysgraphia (and dyslexia) and a funky grip. We're still working on sorting everything out...

 

She loves to draw and can write neatly, though it is difficult!

[zoobie]

Double post. Sorry!

[DarlaS]

 

On the other hand, my daughter didn't like writing at his age, though she would do the "work" willingly. She didn't have a proper grip until probably a year ago, and now she is a prolific writer and has hand written a story that is over 60 pages long. So maybe I need not worry yet.

 

 

I was going to ask about that, It's clear from your photo that you're a photographer, so I went off to look at your photo stream (I'm easily distracted...). I can almost see her thumb sticking up in the same way in one of the photos.

 

You do great work btw. (The kids and the photography. ;) ) I especially loved the jumping on the bed pics.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

confession: I hold a number of pens that way. But for some reason I have the correct grip for a pencil. I noticed that my DD is the same way with the thumb up high.

 

I stopped with the grip correcters and focussed on proper letter formation for my son. Instruction did get easier and the grip did correct itself this year. Although it looks strange because he is a tripod.

 

 

Thank you for saying this! It's what I'm hoping for, and the tack I've opted to take with my youngest DD. I've explained the need for proper grip a thousand times, and I can see her trying to correct it sometimes, so I know it's on her mind. She fought hard to switch from all capitals all the time and is working hard on making her writing neat, so I've decided to accept that as good enough for now!

 

Anyway, tammyw, your son sounds just like my youngest DD (7 1/2)--bright but SO strong-willed, hates instruction, just wants to do what she wants to do, how she wants to do it. She's been writing for two years now, and she writes ALL the time, but until about a month ago, she write everything in crazy messy capitals. I was worried about dysgraphia, but after doing some research (she didn't fit the description in other ways) and asking her to write me a short sentence of her choice as correctly as she could (she wrote it cheerfully and perfectly :confused1: ), I decided that wasn't the issue.

 

About six weeks ago, though, she suddenly started writing things her sister asked her for using correct lower case and upper case. Then she started writing things correctly voluntarily. Now she's rarely using capitals incorrectly. I don't know what changed, but this is the third time in her short educational career that I've seen this happen--where it looked like we'd never make progress, like something was really wrong, and then bam! She made some kind of connection, and we were over the hump.

 

So maybe your little guy just needs some extra time, like your DD did? I hope that's the case. I know the frustration you're experiencing!

[momtoamiracle]

 

Thank you for saying this! It's what I'm hoping for, and the tack I've opted to take with my youngest DD. I've explained the need for proper grip a thousand times, and I can see her trying to correct it sometimes, so I know it's on her mind. She fought hard to switch from all capitals all the time and is working hard on making her writing neat, so I've decided to accept that as good enough for now!

 

Anyway, tammyw, your son sounds just like my youngest DD (7 1/2)--bright but SO strong-willed, hates instruction, just wants to do what she wants to do, how she wants to do it. She's been writing for two years now, and she writes ALL the time, but until about a month ago, she write everything in crazy messy capitals. I was worried about dysgraphia, but after doing some research (she didn't fit the description in other ways) and asking her to write me a short sentence of her choice as correctly as she could (she wrote it cheerfully and perfectly :confused1: ), I decided that wasn't the issue.

 

About six weeks ago, though, she suddenly started writing things her sister asked her for using correct lower case and upper case. Then she started writing things correctly voluntarily. Now she's rarely using capitals incorrectly. I don't know what changed, but this is the third time in her short educational career that I've seen this happen--where it looked like we'd never make progress, like something was really wrong, and then bam! She made some kind of connection, and we were over the hump.

 

So maybe your little guy just needs some extra time, like your DD did? I hope that's the case. I know the frustration you're experiencing!

 

 

 

I'm thinking my son might do this same thing. He has done that with lots of things in the past. Seems like he'll never get it and then all of a sudden he does it perfectly. I think some kids do some things when they are ready, no matter what we do to force it!

[tammyw]

I was going to ask about that, It's clear from your photo that you're a photographer, so I went off to look at your photo stream (I'm easily distracted...). I can almost see her thumb sticking up in the same way in one of the photos.

 

You do great work btw. (The kids and the photography. ;) ) I especially loved the jumping on the bed pics.

 

 

Oh, I see the picture you are referring to! Interesting. She's always been tough with that grip also. I didn't realize she was doing it because when I focus on her, she always grips it properly, but apparently her natural grip isn't right either. Hmmm. And yet, her handwriting is beautiful and she writes so much. Oh, and she is an amazing artist and draws A LOT, and well. So should I really worry then? It sounds like maybe not. I know when I've tried pushing it in the past, it felt really unnatural to her. It sounds like there are adults who still don't have the "right" grip, so maybe it's not a huge deal?

 

I appreciate all the advice so far. I think I'm going to try and encourage the proper grip, but back off the formal writing instruction for a couple months and try to encourage him to just write on his own without my guidance. We'll see how that goes.

[Mystie]

I waited until my oldest was 8, and then made him erase and rewrite wrong capitals in his schoolwork. Within 2-3 months he stopped. :) He was writing whatever was most convenient, and he finally caught on (and I ignored the complaining) after I made it more inconvenient to capitalize incorrectly.

 

He still makes his d's and b's incorrectly, so now I have him erase and rewrite those. :)

[DarlaS]

I'd let it go. At least for a while until he's more receptive. If he complains about hand cramps, maybe let him know that gripping more gently and with proper grip might help (If you think he'd handle the suggestion well).

 

A few years back the local paper ran a story on a teenage girl who was born without arms. One of those inspiring human interest stories complete with a photos of her doing every day things like driving a tractor, and sitting at her desk at school taking notes in class. She did everything just like any other kid--except with her feet. :thumbup1: I would not even begin to know how anyone could have taught her to grip a pencil...

 

I think of her whenever I'm having one of those days where every thing I try to do seems more difficult than it should be. :unsure:

 

So yes, I think we can obsess a little less about grip. Where there's a will, there's a way. As they get older, any significant amount of writing will be done on the computer anyway (eventually).

 

And if you're thinking the above has little to do with the OP, you're probably right. I'm just sipping a little wine and feeling rambly. :tongue_smilie:

[tammyw]

I'd let it go. At least for a while until he's more receptive. If he complains about hand cramps, maybe let him know that gripping more gently and with proper grip might help (If you think he'd handle the suggestion well).

 

A few years back the local paper ran a story on a teenage girl who was born without arms. One of those inspiring human interest stories complete with a photos of her doing every day things like driving a tractor, and sitting at her desk at school taking notes in class. She did everything just like any other kid--except with her feet. :thumbup1: I would not even begin to know how anyone could have taught her to grip a pencil...

 

I think of her whenever I'm having one of those days where every thing I try to do seems more difficult than it should be. :unsure:

 

So yes, I think we can obsess a little less about grip. Where there's a will, there's a way. As they get older, any significant amount of writing will be done on the computer anyway (eventually).

 

And if you're thinking the above has little to do with the OP, you're probably right. I'm just sipping a little wine and feeling rambly. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Darla, thank you. That's really helpful actually!

 

I don't think I'd even think about worrying about it except that I've read threads here where there's a big panic and "you must fix the grip immediately". So then I start thinking, eeks, I need to fix the grip immediately or his life will be ruined, lol!