I don't feel like doing this any longer.

[Gentlemommy]

Omgosh. Reading this has been so good for my soul. I am in the exact same place as you OP. I have a 2nd grader, K'er, and a 2 year old. My husband travels erratically and unpredictably. Just to give you an idea, this month has been/will be-

 

Gone for 5 days

Home for 4

Gone for 4 days

Home for a week

Gone for 6 days

Home for a day

Gone for 3 days

Home for 3 days

Gone for 3 days

 

 

On the days he is home, he is working at his regular job, so he's not even home home, kwim? Also, in that same length of time, we've had two foster placements (infant and toddler). Which I LOVE, but it adds another level of unpredictability.

 

I always feel like I'm pushing a boulder uphill. I think 75% of my stress and exhaustion comes from his unpredictable 'schedule'. I can never count on time off, or schedule anything for myself because I might be home alone. It's not his fault of course, but it is very frustrating to feel like a slave to his schedule. Just recently he's given me to ok to hire a mothers helper if he's gone for longer than a week. He'd love to say to hire sitters and house keepers while he is gone to make life easier, but it's just not in our budget right now. My poor oldest dd. I expect SO much from her. And she's not even a really acedemically inclined kid, kwim? School is something she does so she can go and play. She doesn't find any of it fun, or what have you. It's not the method, we've tried just about everything, it's that she'd much rather be climbing trees, fishing, or digging in the dirt lol.

I'm actually taking a small break for a while. I lost my temper with dd the other day and it made me realize just how burnt out I am. We are doing the very minimal in the 3 R's and unschooling the rest. We do daily memory work from CC, because she actually does love that. They listen to it via the iPhone app in the car, so its not like I'm pulling them away from playing to do it.

[Critterfixer]

When it's time to get back to work, it's always all on me to restart the engine. Again and again and again. I am tired of it.

 

I'm not burned out currently, and really never have been (yeah, yeah...I know MY time's comin'!). But this struck a chord with me, because I've been having something of an intense internal mulling over motherhood. I feel like I'm always the bad guy, you know? Before spring break I came in to find two fine renderings of myself as Calvin's bitter teacher drawn on the board by my little students and although it was funny for all of us, and probably cathartic for them I couldn't help feeling that so much of my time is given to what I DO for them that I'm not all that sure what I AM for them? Does that make sense?

 

Not trying to hijack, but I feel this is a struggle to be the kind, loving, patient, sweet, always-there-for-you Mom while I have to be the schoolmarm. And believe me, I've got to be. Two nine year old boys who really need someone to keep them on task, or it's just never going to get done....

 

The DH doesn't have to be the bad guy. Dad home is the time to just go be with Dad, and I go to work....

There is no time to be Mom, even if I knew what Mom was supposed to be. Of course, perhaps that is simply one of those expectations that turns out to be wrong, and I should simply accept that being Mom is what I currently do and nothing more than that.

[HS Mom in NC]

Other ideas to get you some time to yourself:

 

Mandatory bedroom time

 

My mother (who didn't homeschool us) has always had a 2pm-4pm official siesta. The kids (all 4 of us: 3 older boys and me) had to go to our rooms and do something she couldn't hear and didn't involve her during that time in the summer and holidays. We could read, do art projects, listen to music quietly, contemplate our navels, or whatever as long as we didn't disturb her. We had to be bleeding from our eyeballs to interrupt her siesta.

 

Mandatory outdoor time

 

We grew up here in AZ, so we know about cabin fever because of extreme weather, but mom didn't fuss about it. When we were rowdy we had to go outside-even if it was 115 degrees. There were plenty of shade trees and we could play in the hose in our swimsuits, and there were Popsicles in the outdoor freezer next to the water cooler. We weren't going to DIE or be permanently damaged playing in hot weather. We could be out there for a few hours even in the worst part of the day whether we wanted to be or not. If we wanted to sit and sulk-so be it. As long as we didn't disturb her with our sulking, she didn't mind. The back yard was fenced and the neighborhood was rural and friendly. If there was no threat to life or limb, we had to stay outside and entertain ourselves.

 

I live in the suburbs now but we can put up a canopy and let the kids play in the backyard safely year round.

 

Kids who grow up in cold weather can do the same assuming there's not a blizzard and they have the appropriate clothing. It's a hassle getting them pottied and dressed before they go out and cleaning up wet cold weather clothing, but it may be worth it on days when mom needs a couple of hours to herself.

 

Strategic use of screen time

 

If you allow screen time with your kids, you can maximize it to your advantage. If you save it for times you need the electronic babysitter, you can get a couple of hours when you do use it. Give them a snack or a not too messy meal and give them something to watch that isn't garbage. You might even be able to do this with other electronic devices if everyone or the most demanding ones out of the bunch each have one and they use them at the same time. If screen time allowed less frequently most kids tend to really focus on it.

 

Daily chores

 

I grew up on a farm, so my idea of age appropriate chores are usually a little different than most people in mainstream America. Either way, daily work makes daily play better. After school is done, then the chores are supervised and done, lots of kids will naturally want to do their own thing for awhile. When they have too much idle time they get restless. It also reinforces a "Work first, then play" norm. It's tempting sometimes to fall into the trap of knowing you can do a chore better and faster than your child so you do. Freedom comes when they've been taught to do it and can do it without help. Even small children can put away laundry and toys. They can learn to clean bathrooms and floors. There are plenty of threads you can search to see what kids are capable of doing.

[happypamama]

I love the idea of the schedules, especially your names for them -- how adorable! But also, giving them names puts them on the same footing in terms of importance -- you're not goofing off; you're taking a planned light day.

 

After you move, may I suggest building up slowly? One or two subjects a day, adding a few more every few days or every week or so, until you're at full workload? I did this at the beginning of the school year, as well as after Christmas vacation, and it really helped a lot with cementing the new routine.

[Alte Veste Academy]

:grouphug: I get it.

 

I have to agree with AVA (I wanna be like her when I grow up, btw :laugh: ) that the constant in and out is definitely the hardest. Longer deployments we miss them, but we have (almost) total control over how we want our schedule and day to go. All the training mini-deployments, work-ups, gotta go do this for a couple days kind of stuff is WAY tougher. This is where we're at right now - burnt out. DH was gone for two weeks, home for two, gone for three. Now he's back, and I haven't even ATTEMPTED school one day this week - we just pretend it doesn't even exist. Actually right now, I am so crispy fried that I have my DH phoning me every morning *just to get me out of bed*. Even the alarm clock isn't cutting it these days - if left to my own devices, I'll turn it off and I'll sleep until noon.

 

I'm off to pour over AVA's sage wisdom again until it embeds deep within my *fried* brain cells.

 

I'm not that great, I promise. :lol: I feel like a tired, old shrew most of the time. I just don't share my shrewy stuff here...mostly. LOL How old are your kids, fraidycat? Mine are 10, 8, and almost 7 now and I honestly think their aging has been at least as large a factor in making my life easier as all my deep thoughts and planning. I really only started to pull myself together after the youngest turned 5, I think. But who knows, really? My memory is shot. :lol:

[Meriwether]

:grouphug: I'm not home yet and it's hard to type on this Kindle, but I wanted to say that moving to a new house is a great time to implement new routines. In THIS house we ______________. So many things are going to change to some degree anyhow. I always use moves to work on problem areas. This move we worked on lining our shoes up nicely. ;)

[readinmom]

It's time to shake up your schedule. Homeschooling does not mean you should be tied down to one particular spot to educate. Go to the park, a museum, anywhere there are lunch tables or a place to spread out and sit. Get in the car and go. Have your kids help pick a spot. When dh is home, choose the subjects that you know kids can finish independently giving you some quality time with you hubby.

[cathmom]

One of things I love about my dc being in school this year is that it's no longer all on me. I couldn't handle that pressure any more, of being the only one who makes it happen. I was at the point where I couldn't even stand to think about homeschooling, let alone try to do it!

 

I'm sure there are children who cry about public school, but my younger ones really like it.

[Sahamamama]

Fwiw I have a 2nd and k'er as well. We've just done the 3rs all year and I don't feel the least guilt about that. I will be adding content next year for the 3rd grade but it will be optional for the 1st grader. I have had some weeks with interruptions and such. I like to look at our work in one week chunks. If we have something that keeps us from work one day, then I have at times just distributed that work over the other days or work on Saturdays. I think on days daddy comes home I'd perhaps work until he comes home and try to start early if possible and then quit when he gets there, making up the rest of the work on the other days of the week. Of course that is more possible with the small ones and would be more difficult/impossible as they get older. I do prefer to keep regular work every day but sometimes at least at this point it has worked ok to make up our missed days in this manner when needed.

 

I also like your idea of having different schedule depending on the day. Is there anyway to schedule your breaks around when he is home, that way the break is guilt free? Or perhaps scheduling to work through summer so you can take more breaks through the year. I probably missed an answer to that somewhere so forgive me for repeating..

 

First, I want to say a heartfelt "Thanks" for simply being able to blow off some steam here, LOL. Yesterday was a better day, who knows what got into me on Wednesday? Exhaustion, perhaps.

 

As for a schedule -- forget about it! One week chunks would be lovely, if only we could depend on the schedule for that long, I would be thrilled. Just this week, we had these scenarios of how it was going to play out.

• Last Friday -- "I'll be home all week next week."
  
• Sunday night -- "I have to go in tomorrow, but should be home the rest of the week."
  
• Monday -- He worked all day.
  
• Tuesday -- He had off, we went to Philadelphia to see Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, etc.
  
• Tuesday night -- "I have to go up to ________ tomorrow for a few hours."
  
• Wednesday -- He worked all day. (See? I can't even plan SUPPER.)
  
• Thursday -- He said he would be "home" all day. I said we were doing school, would he like to be a part of it? Yes. Okay, so I planned him into our school day. As I was putting in a load of laundry, he came and said, "I'm going to the bank to refinance the van." And out the door he went. I wasn't going to get into it, KWIM? I figured there was still Friday.
  
• Thursday night -- "I have to go to ______________ tomorrow for a few hours. Oh, and I'm going to be at _________ Hospital (overnights) all next week."
  
• Friday -- Who knows when he'll come home? Do I care? Do I not care? Does it matter? Do I control anything about our routine, except myself? What do I do with the resentment? (The Big Question) Does he really NOT know these details ahead of time? Sometimes, I overhear him talking to my parents on the phone, and that's how I find out he's working the next day. Grrrrr..... He always says he told me, but he hasn't, unless he told the back of my head while I was washing dishes. I really do need to get him back into the habit of putting it on the hall calendar. I need a visual.
  

In a larger space, we would and could go right on doing our thing. In this house, it's a different reality. I hate to ignore him, in a way, but I do (now that I think of it) think that he's ignoring OUR need to KNOW and DEPEND on what he says the week will be. The girls feel it, too, so it's not just me. They cry (on me) when he leaves, if they were expecting him to be home. So there's that emotional impact, as well.

 

Of course, it may just be the nature of his work that the schedule truly changes from day to day. :confused1: There have been days when he's officially "off" (vacation days, holidays) and they still call him in. He never gets those as make up days, either.

 

There is no planning on my horizon, either long-term or short-term, as you can see. I get in my head an idea of what our week will be, and what my pace should be, based on what my husband tells me. It's always blown to bits before we finish the week. The only planning I can do is what the work for the year will be, and -- to the best of my ability -- how we will go about structuring our days and weeks, whether he is here or not.

 

My husband is the wrench thrown into it all, and this is my training in being "flexible." :tongue_smilie:

[Sahamamama]

Reading this has been so good for my soul. I am in the exact same place as you OP. I have a 2nd grader, K'er, and a 2 year old. My husband travels erratically and unpredictably. Just to give you an idea, this month has been/will be-

 

Gone for 5 days

Home for 4

Gone for 4 days

Home for a week

Gone for 6 days

Home for a day

Gone for 3 days

Home for 3 days

Gone for 3 days

 

 

On the days he is home, he is working at his regular job, so he's not even home home, kwim? I always feel like I'm pushing a boulder uphill. I think 75% of my stress and exhaustion comes from his unpredictable 'schedule'. I can never count on time off, or schedule anything for myself because I might be home alone. It's not his fault of course, but it is very frustrating to feel like a slave to his schedule. Just recently he's given me to ok to hire a mothers helper if he's gone for longer than a week. He'd love to say to hire sitters and house keepers while he is gone to make life easier, but it's just not in our budget right now. My poor oldest dd. I expect SO much from her. And she's not even a really acedemically inclined kid, kwim? School is something she does so she can go and play. She doesn't find any of it fun, or what have you. It's not the method, we've tried just about everything, it's that she'd much rather be climbing trees, fishing, or digging in the dirt lol.

I'm actually taking a small break for a while. I lost my temper with dd the other day and it made me realize just how burnt out I am. We are doing the very minimal in the 3 R's and unschooling the rest. We do daily memory work from CC, because she actually does love that. They listen to it via the iPhone app in the car, so its not like I'm pulling them away from playing to do it.

 

 

Hey, we have the same life. :grouphug:

 

I could have typed up that schedule for our family. And, when my husband is "home," he's still answering that #$%^&^ phone, doing expenses, reading articles, stocking us up on groceries, or running up to the office (two hours one way) -- "for a few hours" -- which on our end means all day.

 

I said the exact same words to my husband the other night, "I feel like I'm pushing a boulder uphill." Most mornings, I can and do face this challenge, but Wednesday, I sat and stared at the boulder. All day. All that long day.

 

[bOULDER] :sad: [Little Me, staring at it, again]

 

I lost my temper, too. It was made worse by the fact that I lost my temper on my Angel Child :Angel_anim: (the eight year old, also my oldest). Why? I have no idea. I quickly backed off from going down that road, because no education is worth losing your daughter over. Oh, I remember now. I was teaching something, and she popped up in the middle of it to go get an ice pack, because her toe hit the chair. It was so random, and uncharacteristically flaky-ditzy, but I was the one who over-reacted. Gentle Mommy I was not. :blushing: We worked it out, though.

 

Sigh. They all asked me at the end of yesterday, "Were we good today, Mommy?" Break my heart, why don't you? :crying:

 

You're right, though, it's hard to schedule anything, even for ourselves. I keep putting off scheduling my medical appointment, because, well -- When will he be home? I don't know, so I put off the doctor visits for myself. The girls are all caught up, because I do those, anyway. The mother is behind on everything. Not good, I know. But if I have my Gyn lined up, do I really want to take three girls in with me for a pap smear or a mammogram? I think not.

 

GM, what works for you? What have you figured out about the boulder? I'm still thinking that there is a strategy here, and if we find it, we will do well.

 

The WHOLE Boulder = All the work for the entire day = Breakfast + Lunch + Supper + Homeschooling + Listening to Small Children (that's work) + Laundry + Cleaning + Organizing + Errands + Nurturing the Family + Self-Care + Connecting with Husband (also takes effort to talk on the phone when we've been talking & directing traffic all day)

 

The idea is to chip off a chunk of the boulder, and just do that amount for those days when there's not enough to push the whole thing uphill. It really makes me set priorities, KWIM? Because there is NOT enough of me to ALWAYS do ALL those things.

 

I'm interested in strategies. :D

[Sahamamama]

Other ideas to get you some time to yourself:

 

Mandatory bedroom time

 

They have a Quiet/Nap Time nearly every day, from 3 pm to 5 pm. Believe it or not, they willingly go to bed at 8 pm, and sleep until 7 or 8 the next morning. Yes, I know I'm blessed in this. :)

 

Mandatory outdoor time

 

They do have to play outside when I send them out. The cold weather gear is a pain, though, because we have no place to store it, except the basement. Now that they are older, I send them down for play coats, snow pants, and boots. They have the drill down pat at this point! :) I can sit and sip my tea, or wash a few lunch dishes, or check math books. They can play outside. When they come in, they smell like fresh air. I love that.

 

Strategic use of screen time

 

Currently, we are using Liberty's Kids as the daily screen time. We have no television (no space, no interest). We do enjoy DVDs from the library. Once or twice a month we have a Family Movie Night. Last night was Black Beauty. :)

 

Daily chores

 

They do daily chores. They fold laundry and put it away (all their own, some household, some of ours). They empty trash baskets, sweep the kitchen floor, clean the mirrors, feed the cat, sweep the deck, dry and put away dishes, help with cooking, make salads, get the mail, and a few other things that I more closely supervise (like heat up soup for lunch -- only the 8 year old).

 

 

 

I like your ideas! :)

[Sahamamama]

:grouphug: I'm not home yet and it's hard to type on this Kindle, but I wanted to say that moving to a new house is a great time to implement new routines. In THIS house we ______________. So many things are going to change to some degree anyhow. I always use moves to work on problem areas. This move we worked on lining our shoes up nicely. ;)

 

This literally made me laugh out loud. The girls said, "What's so funny, Mommy?" How is Shoe-Lining 101 going for you? LOL! We had a great time in Philly with you all, and it was nice to meet you and your (entire) family! Not all 112 of you, but close. ;) It was a good thing we headed for the bathrooms when we did. I know my girls and their, um, capacity. Thank you for inviting us to meet you and take the tour. When we come to your neck of the woods, we'll have to tour the pencil. ??? (R mentioned this, I have no idea).

 

Good idea about using the move. Closing is not today... sigh. Not sure what will happen, perhaps Monday? Or Tuesday? Or not at all? If we ever get out of here, then we will implement new routines. In the meantime, we will just do our best to do our best.

 

Have a safe trip back!

[Gentlemommy]

 

 

First, I want to say a heartfelt "Thanks" for simply being able to blow off some steam here, LOL. Yesterday was a better day, who knows what got into me on Wednesday? Exhaustion, perhaps.

 

As for a schedule -- forget about it! One week chunks would be lovely, if only we could depend on the schedule for that long, I would be thrilled. Just this week, we had these scenarios of how it was going to play out.

• Last Friday -- "I'll be home all week next week."
  
• Sunday night -- "I have to go in tomorrow, but should be home the rest of the week."
  
• Monday -- He worked all day.
  
• Tuesday -- He had off, we went to Philadelphia to see Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, etc.
  
• Tuesday night -- "I have to go up to ________ tomorrow for a few hours."
  
• Wednesday -- He worked all day. (See? I can't even plan SUPPER.)
  
• Thursday -- He said he would be "home" all day. I said we were doing school, would he like to be a part of it? Yes. Okay, so I planned him into our school day. As I was putting in a load of laundry, he came and said, "I'm going to the bank to refinance the van." And out the door he went. I wasn't going to get into it, KWIM? I figured there was still Friday.
  
• Thursday night -- "I have to go to ______________ tomorrow for a few hours. Oh, and I'm going to be at _________ Hospital (overnights) all next week."
  
• Friday -- Who knows when he'll come home? Do I care? Do I not care? Does it matter? Do I control anything about our routine, except myself? What do I do with the resentment? (The Big Question) Does he really NOT know these details ahead of time? Sometimes, I overhear him talking to my parents on the phone, and that's how I find out he's working the next day. Grrrrr..... He always says he told me, but he hasn't, unless he told the back of my head while I was washing dishes. I really do need to get him back into the habit of putting it on the hall calendar. I need a visual.
  

In a larger space, we would and could go right on doing our thing. In this house, it's a different reality. I hate to ignore him, in a way, but I do (now that I think of it) think that he's ignoring OUR need to KNOW and DEPEND on what he says the week will be. The girls feel it, too, so it's not just me. They cry (on me) when he leaves, if they were expecting him to be home. So there's that emotional impact, as well.

 

Of course, it may just be the nature of his work that the schedule truly changes from day to day. :confused1: There have been days when he's officially "off" (vacation days, holidays) and they still call him in. He never gets those as make up days, either.

 

There is no planning on my horizon, either long-term or short-term, as you can see. I get in my head an idea of what our week will be, and what my pace should be, based on what my husband tells me. It's always blown to bits before we finish the week. The only planning I can do is what the work for the year will be, and -- to the best of my ability -- how we will go about structuring our days and weeks, whether he is here or not.

 

My husband is the wrench thrown into it all, and this is my training in being "flexible." :tongue_smilie:

 

 

YES!!!! My dh doesn't ever know when he's working or for how long. And he regularly calls mid week and changes everything anyway.

Honestly, I don't have very many strategies. I'm still trying to find mire...I used to muse to dh about wanting to be a 'sister wife'. :-/ Because then I'd have someone else here! Lol.

 

At this time, I'm not comfortable leaving the kids with a hired sitter, but I am ok with having a teen (she used to be our neighbor, so I've known her family for years) come over twice a week for two hours to play with the kids. The deal is we will somehow find the $ for 4-6 hours (at $10 per hour) for the sitter when dh is gone longer than a week. For now, she will be coming from 5-7 pm. I plan to use the first hour to work with dd1 in the kitchen while I'm cooking dinner, then the sitter will feed the kids while I clean up the kitchen, and the last half hour she will take the toddler to give her a bath and I'll work with dds1 and 2 again.

 

Um, I use paper plates when he's gone. I know that is environmentally horrid, but it's one less chore. And I allow us more leeway for eating out. Even just going to the coffee store for a few bagels/cream cheese and coffee...it's only around $6, and it means we A. Get out of the house, B. I don't have to cook and C. I don't have to clean.

 

I've made a few really amazing mom friends who HS, and when dh is gone a lot, we schedule more play dates. For example, this week, we had coop (which is just play at the park type of coop) on Tuesday, and ended up hanging out for *5* hours chatting while the kids explored the woods, the stream, and the shore. On Thursday I met with two of our hs friends and their kids (we all have three kids, similar ages) at the lake and were there from 10-3:30!!! Again, the kids got to explore the lake, climb trees, catch minnows, and build sand castles while we sat and chatted.

 

I use Librivox every morning and let it play while I make breakfast. Right now it's Alice in Wonderland. Two chapters is about 20-30 minutes, so they listen while I make breakfast and while they eat. It encourages them to sit quietly. I need that first thing in the morning. Lol.

 

I switch to less intense work and less of it when dh is gone. Today we did ten word problems from PGcM. Not a lot, but they were tricky! And dd kept asking for more, which is NOT what she does for MM, Miquon, or MEP. So I do what SHE likes and will do willingly for these crazy weeks. Playing an. iPad game for math or spelling counts as school when dh is gone. SOTW on cd, I can give oldest dd headphones and she happily listens to it for a while.

 

I pay my older two $1 to entertain the toddler for half hour. They switch off so I can school with the other one. I have the school room gated (which the toddler can open, but it's kind of a visual reminder to stay behind the gate, kwim?) and I take one into the school room and let the other one play with the toddler. My 8 year old is allowed to walk her dog and the toddler (buckled into her stroller) around our block.

 

Food is simplified. I cook once and make multiple meals. I've got an entire turkey in the oven right now. It will feed us at least four dinners. Each day I only have to modify it a little, and heat stuff up. I also allow convinience foods when dh is gone. Chicken nuggets, pasta, cereal, those are things I normally don't buy, but will if dh is in and it of town a lot.

 

Man, I sure do wish we lived close!!!

[happypamama]

I'm glad you've been able to come here and blow off some steam, and I'm sorry your closing didn't happen today.

 

This is probably what I'd do with your unpredictable schedule (and it's fairly close to what I actually do, since my days are unpredictable with small kids/pregnancy). It sounds like in your case, including your husband in formal schooling really isn't going to work very well, so I'd leave his role in homeschooling to be for enrichment: trips, spontaneous games and read alouds, projects of *his* interest. But nothing core or required.

 

I'd choose curricula that didn't require a ton of advanced prep from me, OR I'd spend a big chunk of time well in advance (not a few weeks, but several months) planning things, printing whatever's necessary, making lists of library books to look for, even gathering and storing project materials (which I know is tough in limited space). That way, when you actually were ready to do the unit, it would be open-and-go.

 

I'd decide how many days each subject should take, but beyond that, I wouldn't plan "do lessons 5-9 this week."

 

I'd get workboxes, one for each subject for each child (or one for each subject that you do as a family).

 

Say, Sunday night, I'd load the workboxes -- the math book in one, the history book in another, the writing assignment in the third, and so on.

 

Monday morning, I'd see what the day brought. If DH was home and wanted to do something with everyone, we'd skip the workboxes completely. But they'd keep for Tuesday, if he went into work that day. Or Tuesday, if he went to run a couple of errands but would be home the rest of the day, I'd do just a few subjects, whatever fit into the time he was gone or unavailable. Maybe that would be one subject, and then it would be playtime with Daddy, or maybe he'd come in and see a groove going and more would get done.

 

I'd decide on the most important subject to cover each day and do that first -- maybe that means you want to cover as much math as you can, so any day that you do any school, you do math. Or maybe it means that you think "well, it's been a while since we did a writing assignment, so we'll do that today but no math." But if you didn't do math, it would be in the workbox, all ready to go the next time you were ready to do math. Yeah, you might need more than 180 days to get through the curricula, but that's okay! I would feel stressed at not having accomplished a lot of bookwork (in my own opinion) each day, but I'd be able to take a breath and remind myself that I had it all under control, we'd get to it soon, etc. Planning to do less, but accomplishing what I did plan, would make things a lot easier for me. I wouldn't be thinking, "I've neglected history;" I'd be thinking, "I have planned to do history another day." For me, the mindset would make the difference.

 

And I love the idea of "new home, new routines" too!

[happypamama]

Also, for supper, unless I knew in advance that he wouldn't be home, for sure, I'd plan meals as if he'd be there. If it turned out that he wasn't there, I'd have leftovers for lunch the next day (or he'd eat them later or take them for lunch).

[Sahamamama]

YES!!!! My dh doesn't ever know when he's working or for how long. And he regularly calls mid week and changes everything anyway.

Honestly, I don't have very many strategies. I'm still trying to find mire...I used to muse to dh about wanting to be a 'sister wife'. :-/ Because then I'd have someone else here! Lol.

 

At this time, I'm not comfortable leaving the kids with a hired sitter, but I am ok with having a teen (she used to be our neighbor, so I've known her family for years) come over twice a week for two hours to play with the kids. The deal is we will somehow find the $ for 4-6 hours (at $10 per hour) for the sitter when dh is gone longer than a week. For now, she will be coming from 5-7 pm. I plan to use the first hour to work with dd1 in the kitchen while I'm cooking dinner, then the sitter will feed the kids while I clean up the kitchen, and the last half hour she will take the toddler to give her a bath and I'll work with dds1 and 2 again.

 

Um, I use paper plates when he's gone. I know that is environmentally horrid, but it's one less chore. And I allow us more leeway for eating out. Even just going to the coffee store for a few bagels/cream cheese and coffee...it's only around $6, and it means we A. Get out of the house, B. I don't have to cook and C. I don't have to clean.

 

I've made a few really amazing mom friends who HS, and when dh is gone a lot, we schedule more play dates. For example, this week, we had coop (which is just play at the park type of coop) on Tuesday, and ended up hanging out for *5* hours chatting while the kids explored the woods, the stream, and the shore. On Thursday I met with two of our hs friends and their kids (we all have three kids, similar ages) at the lake and were there from 10-3:30!!! Again, the kids got to explore the lake, climb trees, catch minnows, and build sand castles while we sat and chatted.

 

I use Librivox every morning and let it play while I make breakfast. Right now it's Alice in Wonderland. Two chapters is about 20-30 minutes, so they listen while I make breakfast and while they eat. It encourages them to sit quietly. I need that first thing in the morning. Lol.

 

I switch to less intense work and less of it when dh is gone. Today we did ten word problems from PGcM. Not a lot, but they were tricky! And dd kept asking for more, which is NOT what she does for MM, Miquon, or MEP. So I do what SHE likes and will do willingly for these crazy weeks. Playing an. iPad game for math or spelling counts as school when dh is gone. SOTW on cd, I can give oldest dd headphones and she happily listens to it for a while.

 

I pay my older two $1 to entertain the toddler for half hour. They switch off so I can school with the other one. I have the school room gated (which the toddler can open, but it's kind of a visual reminder to stay behind the gate, kwim?) and I take one into the school room and let the other one play with the toddler. My 8 year old is allowed to walk her dog and the toddler (buckled into her stroller) around our block.

 

Food is simplified. I cook once and make multiple meals. I've got an entire turkey in the oven right now. It will feed us at least four dinners. Each day I only have to modify it a little, and heat stuff up. I also allow convinience foods when dh is gone. Chicken nuggets, pasta, cereal, those are things I normally don't buy, but will if dh is in and it of town a lot.

 

Man, I sure do wish we lived close!!!

 

 

Thanks! I'm taking notes. :) Even today, I was looking forward to 4:00 pm, when hubby said he'd be able to take over. I took the kids out to a living history farm nearby. Hubby met us there around 3:30 pm (early!), we walked around, looked at the lambs, chicks, piglets, and goslings. As we got to the parking lot, I said, "I'm so glad you're home, and it's your turn to be the Drill Sergeant when we get home and to give them all baths, ha ha."

 

Then he turns and says, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have a conference call in 20 minutes [the time it takes to get home], but it should only last an hour [the time it takes to give all three a bath]." :sad:

 

Yes, if we lived close by we could give each other 2-4 hour blocks of childcare for support. :grouphug: Hang in there. I think something happens when they get to 10 or 11, right? :lol:

[HS Mom in NC]

My husband has had a very unpredictable schedule to varying degrees over our 13 year of homeschooling. While he mostly works from home writing computer software, he's had to go on site for extended and erratic periods of time. Once, for several months he was working 90 hour weeks on site with an hour commute each way. At other times it was a few weeks of crazy hours. Countless times say he was going to be home and then it would all fall apart and he'd have to stay late into the night. Other times he traveled or got called in for emergencies. Not so much lately, but a lot in the past. Here's how I dealt with it:

 

1. I worked him in around our schedule-I didn't work our schedule around him.

 

I set dinner time as late as possible knowing there was a very high probability he wouldn't get there by the time we ate. I assumed he wouldn't be there. If he was, great. If not, no big deal-that's what I was expecting. I started thinking and acting like a single parent because in reality, sometimes I was. When he called apologetically explaining he wouldn't be home I would say, "You do what you need to do. Don't worry about us, we're fine." That way I wasn't adding any pressure to him which could slow down the work. His job is very cerebral, so adding stress to an already stressful situation meant he'd be at these tough jobs longer.

 

When he got pulled away without warning it wasn't too stressful because my day was already planned without him. I always had in mind what we'd be doing if he wasn't around, so we'd do that as soon as he wasn't. Having plenty of ideas for things we could do that required larger or smaller blocks of time made it easier to transition on the spur of the moment.

 

2. I had plenty of ways to give myself mental space.

 

See previous posts in this thread and add to them having the kids spend time with extended relatives. This was shortly after the time my youngest child came to us from S. Korea and had severe sleep issues and transition issues because of the international adoption. My middle child has a couple of significant medical issues at that time too. It was important that I had some time here and there to regroup and recharge. My kids were infant/toddler-late elementary aged at the hardest time.

 

3. The priority chat.

 

I had a list of things in my head that I wanted him to do with us as a family when he was available. It didn't usually involve him running errands or household maintenance. We had to hash out what I wanted him to be doing and what he wanted to be doing when he wasn't working. He needed down time, social time, family time, kid time, and wife time. We talked about it and worked out what needed to be at the top of the list in a way that worked for both of us as time became available. I don't read minds and neither does he. We're two completely different kinds of people, so we have to articulate what's going on in our heads.

[JFSinIL]

Is there space at the local library to take some work to do not only when hubby is underfoot but also just to get you out of the house?

 

And, set an alarm for hubby on days he is home and make him get up and go somewhere for a few hours so you can get school done. Or save messy projects like making a chicken mummy for when he is home ;-) Let him know that no matter what his schedule turns out to be, you need a solid 3 - 4 hours for school with no interruptions.

[chocoholic]

I'm with ya, sister. I'll pray for you. :)

[Meriwether]

First, I want to say a heartfelt "Thanks" for simply being able to blow off some steam here, LOL. Yesterday was a better day, who knows what got into me on Wednesday? Exhaustion, perhaps.

 

 

I have absolutely no idea why the E doesn't want to be bold.

I said the exact same words to my husband the other night, "I feel like I'm pushing a boulder uphill." Most mornings, I can and do face this challenge, but Wednesday, I sat and stared at the boulder. All day. All that long day.

 

 

 

 

This literally made me laugh out loud. The girls said, "What's so funny, Mommy?" How is Shoe-Lining 101 going for you? LOL! We had a great time in Philly with you all, and it was nice to meet you and your (entire) family! Not all 112 of you, but close. ;) It was a good thing we headed for the bathrooms when we did. I know my girls and their, um, capacity. Thank you for inviting us to meet you and take the tour. When we come to your neck of the woods, we'll have to tour the pencil. ??? (R mentioned this, I have no idea). We'd love to have you come by sometime. The pencil is an obelisk. Shoe-Lining 101 is progressing nicely, but I don't think the kids will be ready for a final exam any time soon. Maybe next Christmas. :laugh:

 

Good idea about using the move. Closing is not today... sigh. Not sure what will happen, perhaps Monday? Or Tuesday? Or not at all? If we ever get out of here, then we will implement new routines. In the meantime, we will just do our best to do our best.

 

Have a safe trip back!

 

 

I have an idea why you were so down on Wednesday. That was a nasty morning in Philly, wasn't it? Poor kids and poor us. We toughed it out until 4:00 and then headed out. I am still sick. It was so nice to meet you. Do you know that your speaking voice is completely different than what I heard in my mind (which doesn't make sense because you sound a lot like my cousins who live back East), but the "voice" you write with portrays you really well? I wish it hadn't been so wet and cold for everyone and we could have sat and talked. If you ever go to Philly again with the girls, the kids were much more interested in the Mint and Betsy Ross's house (there was an excellent actress playing Betsy Ross) than in Independence Hall.

 

I was really hoping closing would come through today. Your girls are doing well with school. I dislike getting behind my schedule, but I would honestly consider doing something like the following for the next month or two:

 

When D is travelling (you know he won't be in and out all day), plan full school days.

 

When D is home part of the day, he can help pack. You and the girls could do the most important subjects and then help pack or spend time with Daddy.

 

When D is off for the whole day, the family can work on the move together at either house.

 

You will be progressing on something each day. When you are all moved in, you can officially do things differently like D working in his space while you and the girls work in yours. The move is going to take a lot of time anyhow; it might as well take your least productive time. I'd spend this time thinking about how various models might work for your family. I'd also get D to write down his schedule all week.

 

This is a trying time. Moving always stresses me out, and I usually take it out on A. Sometimes this is good since I usually don't let him know clearly if something is bothering me. Sometimes this is bad since I'm often too harsh in my comments when I'm stressed. After the work of the move and after you settle into your new space you can evalutate what is circumstancial and what D needs to do to make the arrangement work.

 

:grouphug:

[Sahamamama]

I have an idea why you were so down on Wednesday. That was a nasty morning in Philly, wasn't it? Poor kids and poor us. We toughed it out until 4:00 and then headed out. I am still sick. It was so nice to meet you. Do you know that your speaking voice is completely different than what I heard in my mind (which doesn't make sense because you sound a lot like my cousins who live back East), but the "voice" you write with portrays you really well? I wish it hadn't been so wet and cold for everyone and we could have sat and talked. If you ever go to Philly again with the girls, the kids were much more interested in the Mint and Betsy Ross's house (there was an excellent actress playing Betsy Ross) than in Independence Hall.

 

Thanks, Meriwether. Yeah, I think I was down Wednesday because I realized the closing wasn't going to happen Friday -- or ever, maybe? We have the "guarantee" and the "commitment," but the USDA hasn't come through yet.

 

Philly was fun, even though it was cold and rainy and cold. Did I mention it was cold? :) We had to get to the bathrooms, then we had lunch on the benches outside the IVC. The sun came out, it was warm, LOL. So I felt rather favored and blessed.

 

I think coming home on Tuesday, expecting D to "be there" the next day, only to find that he had other plans was... disappointing? Well, when were you planning to tell me? Hello, I'm just your wife. We are going to work on this. Ahem.

 

Do I sound like I'm from Noo Joizee? Huh? Huh? Youze gotta problem widdat, Dollface? I'm gonna hafta talk to my Uncle Louie about you!

 

Thanks for the tip about Betsy Ross and the Mint. We will go back and see more of the city. Our motivation to do city stuff might increase if we aren't living in it daily. I need cows, man! Cows and fresh air ;) and trees.

 

I was really hoping closing would come through today. Your girls are doing well with school. I dislike getting behind my schedule, but I would honestly consider doing something like the following for the next month or two:

 

When D is travelling (you know he won't be in and out all day), plan full school days. We get on a roll when he's gone more than 3-4 days. I hate to say it, but I like a full week better than the in-out, in-out.

 

When D is home part of the day, he can help pack. You and the girls could do the most important subjects and then help pack or spend time with Daddy.

 

You've got that right!

 

When D is off for the whole day, the family can work on the move together at either house.

 

If we get it.

 

You will be progressing on something each day. When you are all moved in, you can officially do things differently like D working in his space while you and the girls work in yours. The move is going to take a lot of time anyhow; it might as well take your least productive time. I'd spend this time thinking about how various models might work for your family. I'd also get D to write down his schedule all week.

 

This is a trying time. Moving always stresses me out, and I usually take it out on A. Sometimes this is good since I usually don't let him know clearly if something is bothering me. Sometimes this is bad since I'm often too harsh in my comments when I'm stressed. After the work of the move and after you settle into your new space you can evalutate what is circumstancial and what D needs to do to make the arrangement work.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

Good ideas, from the Queen of Moves and Shoe Etiquette. ;)

 

About what D needs to do to make it work: I told him tonight to please put in writing on the calendar in the hallway whatever he thinks his schedule may or may not be for next week, and if he thinks it's going to be "tentative" to write the "tentative" whatever it is or isn't on post-it notes and put them up there OR to put it all in pencil AND to edit as needed. Also, could we please decide who will be the Parent in Charge of Running the Ship this weekend, because it isn't going to be me.

 

Was that sweet and clear enough, Honey? :001_wub:

 

I need a visual. If he writes it down, I can see it. That's one good thing, because for me, :blushing: if it's not in print, it's never going to stick. And, if D has to keep coming back to change it, he may understand why I'm pulling my hair out over the "edits" to our lives.

 

Once again, it was a blessing to meet you and your family.

[roanna]

I didn't read the other replies but I just wanted to say that many things I can relate to. My husband also works at a hospital and is on call and gone for days at time sometimes. I totally felt like putting my son in school. I was at a low point. I'm still trying to get out from under it.

 

I went to bare minimum for school, which is math, spelling and Bible. I do anything else whenever it works. I have gotten a few starbucks coffees.

I also realized, and this is the biggest thing for me... I need to be involved in a co-op or something similar. I was last year, but did not this year. I want my kids and me to be able to have a little time away from each other. I want them to have a different teacher one day a week. I want to not be responsible for every single subject. I want/need to get out to meet other women (I don't have family nearby). So , next year I have made it a priority to do a regular type event at least one day a week to get that break that I think both me and my son need.

 

We are both in situations where the husbands are supportive but we are holding everything together and at times it can get lonely. I am also trying to take them one place a week (until next year co-op) , I plan to go to a nature conservatory next week, just to break the monotony. I also joined a weekly Bible study that provides child care.

 

I feel for you and hope you can find something that can make it work for you. It took a bit of talking to my mom just to figure out what was really bothering me. There might be an underlying problem (like my lack of co-op) that could significantly change your outlook.

[fraidycat]

I'm not that great, I promise. :lol: I feel like a tired, old shrew most of the time. I just don't share my shrewy stuff here...mostly. LOL How old are your kids, fraidycat? Mine are 10, 8, and almost 7 now and I honestly think their aging has been at least as large a factor in making my life easier as all my deep thoughts and planning. I really only started to pull myself together after the youngest turned 5, I think. But who knows, really? My memory is shot. :lol:

 

 

Mine are 10 and 7. :) They are not the problem, usually - aside from attitude once in awhile. *I* am the problem. And I know it - my attitude needs regular adjustments as well!! Note: I am recovering from a fairly serious (situational) depression, so it's almost like I can't remember how to be the me that I used to be - organized, motivated, etc. I am re-learning everything - and my memory is shot as well, so it's harder this time around. LOL. Seriously though, between this post and organizing post and I think a few others that are less clear in my head right now (because I've been taking more breaks from the boards to actually try to accomplish things), it is like you wrote the posts *just especially for me*. You seem to be able to say exactly what I need to "hear" at exactly the right moments - and it just all makes. so. much. sense.