teaching religion to child opposed to it?

[La Texican]

Although it's not very relevant because a child/parent dynamic is much different.

Still, I like this cartoon Well said, Mr. cartoonist.

It's worth bringing up because a lot of what's directed at Christian kids does fall in that category.

I am reading "The Fallacy Detective" right now, to see if it's usable because I don't know what else to use for secular logic. It is very cheesy, and cheap, and it reduces people in order to earn punk points with its apparently shallow, smart mouthed, and conceited audience. For example it use as an example, "Surfer Dude: "Hey, man. Like, these waves are, like, so cool, I just can, like, spend my life here, man. Like, this is, like, life, man." And they keep using examples like that to show how everybody else in the world thinks, according to them anyway. I don't know enough about logic to know what kind of fallacy the author has been guilty of so far this whole book. Which one is it when you charachterize an opponents thoughts as the ridiculous extreme that his arguement could be taken to? I'm only six chapters in, but so far that's what the author had don throughout the whole book.

One thing that comes to mind is have you raised your children to respect your elders?

That is a totally different thing than respect/admiration.. it's also the one that the church relies on.

You're going to have to go with, "My house, my rules," for that kind of respect.

 

 

 

[Mandy in TN]

Orbiting with Logic?

 

[Colleen in NS]

But you say that as a person who doesn't believe in fairies, and that's an important distinction. I'm the same way with your god. And fairies.

 

I describe myself as atheist and skeptic ...

My God is everyone's God.

First, I never imply. Second, God is available to everyone who seeks Him.

 

OK, well, if you didn't imply it, I'll assume you meant to tell her outright, despite her description of herself. And then you did it again! It's disrespectful to her as a fellow adult human being. How would you like it if she had said to you, "My godlessness is everyone's godlessness" and kept pushing it?

 

Third, I do not agree with the generally accepted assumption that teen rebellion is normal and to be expected.

 

I wasn't even thinking about teen rebellion when I asked if you'd raised teens! And since you didn't answer my question, I'll assume you haven't.

 

Raising teens is completely different from raising, say, 6-11 year olds, who are generally between the physically busy baby/toddler/preschooler stage and the mentally busy stage of adolescence. A LOT of mental gymnastics is involved in parenting teens, and that is NOT always due to rebellion - it's just part of raising people who, developmentally appropriately, are starting to think for themselves.

 

My "rigidity" is parenting. I have experience and knowledge my child does not. If a 14-year-old is not able to be left alone for several hours, he is also not ready to make large decisions concerning God.

 

Your "rigidity" is in for a wakeup call in a few more years. And I don't mean that your kids are going to rebel against you. I just mean that all will not be black and white, esp. if you hope to have a great adult relationship with them later and hope that they will respect your beliefs (and perhaps own them).

 

Newsflash - many 14 year olds make all sorts of mental decisions about all sorts of things, and you'll have no control over what they think. You'll only be able to do what the OP is seeking to do - wrestle through the issues, try to figure out how to talk about them, and try to figure out how to help them think through big decisions.

[Colleen in NS]

My oldest son who is 14 has now told me he is Atheist. It upsets me because I feel like I didnt teach him much about Christianity until now so he has formed his own opinions from outside sources. He is not open to it at all. He has an argument for every story in the Bible and is negative about God. And complains all the time about going to church, etc. I am just not sure if I should continue to have him go to church and teach him about it. I know it is possible that he can turn around and see things in a different way. I am worried he will just feel negatively about it and feel pushed away though. I feel very torn as what I should do.

 

 

 

OP, my son once told the son of some fellow Christian homeschooling friends that he was a/an (insert different set of religious beliefs). I. was. speechless. But that wise mother who was already raising teens brushed it right off and said, "Oh, so he's starting to test the waters, is he? It's normal; don't worry about it."

 

I think you've received a lot of great advice here. See this new adventure as a learning time for all of you - you are learning about a faith that is new to you, and he is wondering what the heck is going on, lol. Have patience with yourself (believe me, I have tons of regrets about content I didn't know before starting to teach my kids various things - such as the Bible, science, history, literature, religions, etc...) and with him. Find a way to help him explore what he might be questioning. Or, if he doesn't care to research evolution and Christians at the moment, let him be. If you foster curiosity in him, he may get around to it sooner or later.

 

As to whether or not to make him go to church with you, only you can really know. I've not been in your shoes, but I'd tend to say have him go with you, if only as a short, weekly family activity. On the way home, comment on the scenery, the weather, whatever; just don't ask him "So what did you think of the service?!?!?!" :D Alternately, if you decide he can stay home while you go, don't go home afterwards and say, "Oh, you should have been there!!" Just say, "So did you have any lunch yet?" lol Best wishes to you!

[Element]

I'll probably offend everyone by saying this, but there's usually no harm in making him go to church. I was a believing child and became an atheist as a teen. My parents still made me attend church because 1.) they thought it was a phase, 2.) keeping up appearances was important to them, and 3.) "It's what our family does and you are still an underage member of our family." In the end, I'm glad they made me go. It wasn't a phase, and I'm still not religious; I stopped going to church as soon as I moved out. However, church didn't hurt me. Occasionally people would try to "save" me, and sometimes I'd play along, but it certainly didn't harm me. I value family traditions and considered sending our whole family to church (none of us are religious) just because we are otherwise so bad at creating our own family traditions.

 

I don't think you can make an atheist teen believe anything he or she doesn't want to believe. I do think you can continue to include him or her in activities your family values. If all of those activities happen to be church-based, then make him join you. You're probably going to have an atheist/agnostic child. It's okay. Most of us are very compassionate. Some of us pray or meditate. Many give to the needy and try to make the world a better place. Few (but some) do convert to Christianity or some other religion later in life, and that's okay too. But right now it's not really about turning him back into a Christian. It's about not letting a teen disengage entirely from family traditions.

[Element]

 

I'm not offended. I agree. But the OP seems to be going way beyond that and wants her child to sit attentively while she reads from a bible, talks about her god, etc. She also wants advice on how to convince him that he should believe.

 

Oh. Well, I am in no way qualified to give advice on this matter, so... :leaving: .

 

Carry on.

[Haiku]

I don't think you can make an atheist teen believe anything he or she doesn't want to believe. I do think you can continue to include him or her in activities your family values.

 

If you had said "activities you as a parent value," I would be more inclined to agree with you, but it is clear from the OP's comments that church is not a valued family activity. Her son is part of the family, and he doesn't value it.

 

In more mundane areas I'm more inclined to be of the "suck it up and do it" mindset, but as religion can be a very contentious issue and is also a highly personal one, I'm more inclined to say "you have your beliefs and I'll have mine." Meaning, I won't make you go sit through weekly sessions of being told all about my beliefs.

 

Four-fifths of my family is vegan. Our teenager is not. I could try to force her to be, but a) it wouldn't work, b.) it disrespects her ability to decide for herself what is right for her and c) it's likely to backfire. She eats vegan in our home, which could translate to "You don't trash our beliefs in our home," but outside the home, she's free to eat as she likes (and really, we all are, it's just that some of us choose to be vegan), which could translate to, "I won't try to dictate your spiritual life."

 

Tara

[cdrumm4448]

 

Is this really rebellion though?

 

My thought is if my kids don't learn to think for themselves I have failed.

 

When I think rebellion, I think of stuff like sneaking out of the house, staying out later than the agreed upon time, etc. Not contemplating one's own religious beliefs.

 

Refusing to comply with the request of your parents is, in my home, rebellious. He should give it a chance because his parents asked him to.

[Rosie_0801]

Refusing to comply with the request of your parents is, in my home, rebellious. He should give it a chance because his parents asked him to.

 

Presumably then, the correct thing for the parents to do is make it as easy as possible for him to comply?

[cdrumm4448]

OK, well, if you didn't imply it, I'll assume you meant to tell her outright, despite her description of herself. And then you did it again! It's disrespectful to her as a fellow adult human being. How would you like it if she had said to you, "My godlessness is everyone's godlessness" and kept pushing it?

 

 

 

I wasn't even thinking about teen rebellion when I asked if you'd raised teens! And since you didn't answer my question, I'll assume you haven't.

 

Raising teens is completely different from raising, say, 6-11 year olds, who are generally between the physically busy baby/toddler/preschooler stage and the mentally busy stage of adolescence. A LOT of mental gymnastics is involved in parenting teens, and that is NOT always due to rebellion - it's just part of raising people who, developmentally appropriately, are starting to think for themselves.

 

 

 

Your "rigidity" is in for a wakeup call in a few more years. And I don't mean that your kids are going to rebel against you. I just mean that all will not be black and white, esp. if you hope to have a great adult relationship with them later and hope that they will respect your beliefs (and perhaps own them).

 

Newsflash - many 14 year olds make all sorts of mental decisions about all sorts of things, and you'll have no control over what they think. You'll only be able to do what the OP is seeking to do - wrestle through the issues, try to figure out how to talk about them, and try to figure out how to help them think through big decisions.

 

I don't spend my days looking for something to be offended by, so I couldn't care a whit if anyone would like to claim their godlessness is everyone's godlessness. Stating my opinion is not "pushing it". I have my opinion and others have theirs. Life goes on quite well anyway.

 

I do not have a teenager, you are correct. If my soon-to-be teenager doesn't like how our family functions, he is free to secure meaningful employment and support himself. We spend a majority of our time as a family meeting everyone's needs and hopefully wishes. However, there are times when "rigidity" plays an important role in guiding children. Others have clearly expressed an opinion to let the child do what he wants. I'm not in that camp. My gray area is quite small, thankfully.

[Colleen in NS]

Refusing to comply with the request of your parents is, in my home, rebellious. He should give it a chance because his parents asked him to.

 

 

I reread the OP's posts, and can't find *anywhere* where she said he was rebelling.

 

I don't spend my days looking for something to be offended by, so I couldn't care a whit if anyone would like to claim their godlessness is everyone's godlessness. Stating my opinion is not "pushing it". I have my opinion and others have theirs. Life goes on quite well anyway.

 

I do not have a teenager, you are correct. If my soon-to-be teenager doesn't like how our family functions, he is free to secure meaningful employment and support himself. We spend a majority of our time as a family meeting everyone's needs and hopefully wishes. However, there are times when "rigidity" plays an important role in guiding children. Others have clearly expressed an opinion to let the child do what he wants. I'm not in that camp. My gray area is quite small, thankfully.

 

 

I reread your posts in this thread, and I think you are just trying to provoke.

 

Good luck with that small gray area in a couple more years.

 

Signed,

 

The mother whose 15yo thinks she is too strict because she still does tell him what to do in certain areas, but who picks her battles after careful consideration.

[melmichigan]

I wouldn't think to tell my oldest DD that she has to believe in any particular religion any more than I would think to to tell my younger DD that she can't believe in any particular religion. You aren't going to "make" him believe. You can teach the history of religion to your son so that he is aware of how they came to be what they are, and you can teach what individual religions believe, but I don't think you are going to teach your son what he should believe at this point in his life.

[serendipitous journey]

RE the OP:

 

First, I must gently point out that an open mind and heart are simply not sufficient to ensure that a person develop Christianity. Nor are they necessary. The Scriptures themselves are quite clear on this: faith is a gift of God.

 

Secondly, note that Scriptures themselves also point out the futility of forcing someone to listen to Scripture if their heart is closed to it; this only makes matters worse. So I wouldn't force the child to participate in the Bible study meant for practicing Christians, such as yourself.

 

Thirdly, consider that your first priority is not to raise a child who considers himself Christian, but to raise your child well; I would say to raise a child who is Christian. If you raise a child who his characterized by his love, who feeds the hungry and works to clothe the unclothed and house the homeless, to aid the prisoners; who embodies joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, temperance and an enduring faithfulness to the truth he has been given; then he will be recognized by Christ as "righteous".

 

Finally, Christianity simply cannot be proven. If it could there would be, for example and at the very least, rather more agreement on what Christianity is by the Christians -- the Catholics & Protestants & Anabaptists would not have such wildly incompatible beliefs. I find it always safest, in these circumstances, to work on my own inner life -- the log in my eye -- and being of service to the other person, and leave their soul in the Lord's hands. I am sure that my beliefs are radically different from yours, so I do not pretend to be counseling you as a fellow in the particulars of your faith; but perhaps something here will sit well with you, upon prayer and reflection, and be of use. Blessings.

[Haiku]

Refusing to comply with the request of your parents is, in my home, rebellious.

 

Children reach an age where this simplistic parenting strategy is no longer in anyone's best interests. It reduces the parent-child relationship to "because I said so," which will not sit well with adolescents who are going through the very developmentally appropriate stage of investigating and asserting their own identity. Labeling any disagreement as "rebellion" on the child's part will be a tough row to hoe.

 

Tara

[WishboneDawn]

 

cdrumm448 gave a Christian answer to a question from a Christian. This is a thread where a member is asking for help, not about debating belief in God.

 

I just wanted to say that I apologize to Nmoira for the above response. I thought cdrumm448 was responding to the OP but she was responding to Nmoira and in that light my response was stupid and unfair.

[cdrumm4448]

I reread the OP's posts, and can't find *anywhere* where she said he was rebelling.

 

 

 

I reread your posts in this thread, and I think you are just trying to provoke.

 

Good luck with that small gray area in a couple more years.

 

Signed,

 

The mother whose 15yo thinks she is too strict because she still does tell him what to do in certain areas, but who picks her battles after careful consideration.

 

 

You are free to hold your opinion, as I am mine.

[cdrumm4448]

Children reach an age where this simplistic parenting strategy is no longer in anyone's best interests. It reduces the parent-child relationship to "because I said so," which will not sit well with adolescents who are going through the very developmentally appropriate stage of investigating and asserting their own identity. Labeling any disagreement as "rebellion" on the child's part will be a tough row to hoe.

 

Tara

 

 

The OP asked for assistance. She has received many opinions. I have offered mine without criticizing those radically different than mine.

 

I certainly never said all disagreement is rebellion. However, a 14-year-old who cannot be left home alone for several hours, is not, in my opinion, ready to make any sort of decision regarding something as large as belief in God and Christianity. It is not, "because I said so". It is, "because I have much more life experience and can be trusted to help you along your path because that is my job as your loving parent."

 

You are free to disagree. The OP is free to do as she sees best.

[chiguirre]

If my soon-to-be teenager doesn't like how our family functions, he is free to secure meaningful employment and support himself.

 

 

The problem is that a teenager is not free to secure meaningful employment and support himself. You can't get a legal job until you're 16 (at least in most states) and you can't sign legal documents until you're 18. The only option for a teen who can't stand his home any more is running away and supporting himself through illegal employment. As a parent, I think I'd like to avoid that at all costs. So, if I thought that I might drive my dc out of my home by insisting on his conversion to my faith, I'd back off. He hopefully has a long life ahead of him and I wouldn't want to destroy my relationship over an issue that might resolve itself in 10 years.

 

Since it hasn't come to that point, I think the OP needs to think about the atmosphere at her church. Will her son be pressured to pray the sinner's prayer or answer an altar call? If he doesn't do these things will he be ostracized by his peers? Could he be separated from his group and taken off by himself to be pressured by adults? Could he be named and shamed publically? There's a huge variety of Christian churches and your decision will depend entirely on what the culture of your church is. Although I am not a Christian, I require my kids to attend church because it's a big part of our family's heritage. But, I know that they won't be subjected to any pressure tactics at all. If this wasn't the case, I wouldn't make them go.

[momma2three]

 

The OP asked for assistance. She has received many opinions. I have offered mine without criticizing those radically different than mine.

 

I certainly never said all disagreement is rebellion. However, a 14-year-old who cannot be left home alone for several hours, is not, in my opinion, ready to make any sort of decision regarding something as large as belief in God and Christianity. It is not, "because I said so". It is, "because I have much more life experience and can be trusted to help you along your path because that is my job as your loving parent."

 

You are free to disagree. The OP is free to do as she sees best.

 

Did OP say that the 14yo can't be left home alone for a few hours?

[Parrothead]

So refusing to comply with the request that your child believes as you want him to is being rebellious?

 

Good luck.

 

And really...that's the best argument you got?

 

I was raised like that. Once I figured out I could think for myself I gave my parents a hell of a ride. After a certain point that rebellion just can't be beaten out of a kid. I'll second your "good luck". She is going to need it.

[Haiku]

You are free to disagree.

 

 

Of course I am. I never for one second was under the impression that I had to think and believe as you do. I have, however, raised a teenager (who will be going off to college in the fall), so I was just giving my perspective. My opinion is that if you turn the issue of developing a personal identity into an issue of rebellion, you will have a hard time. And it starts younger than you perhaps believe it does. Fourteen is exactly the time when many kids are grappling with the big issues. My 14 year old was quite immature in some ways but like all kids, her development was asynchronous and she was pondering quite a few deep things at that age. It took me a while to catch on to that fact.

 

Tara

[Parrothead]

Evolution - Not all Christians profess that the Bible is totally factual. Would you ds consider theistic evolution?

 

Bible stories - Again not all Christian profess that the Bible is to be read literally. Biblical inspiration.

 

Perhaps your ds will take to a different profession of Christianity if you present him with other options.

[Parrothead]

 

Did OP say that the 14yo can't be left home alone for a few hours?

 

 

I went back and looked. There was nothing in the OPs posts that said her ds could not be left at home for a few hours.

[cdrumm4448]

 

 

The problem is that a teenager is not free to secure meaningful employment and support himself. You can't get a legal job until you're 16 (at least in most states) and you can't sign legal documents until you're 18. The only option for a teen who can't stand his home any more is running away and supporting himself through illegal employment. As a parent, I think I'd like to avoid that at all costs. So, if I thought that I might drive my dc out of my home by insisting on his conversion to my faith, I'd back off. He hopefully has a long life ahead of him and I wouldn't want to destroy my relationship over an issue that might resolve itself in 10 years.

 

Since it hasn't come to that point, I think the OP needs to think about the atmosphere at her church. Will her son be pressured to pray the sinner's prayer or answer an altar call? If he doesn't do these things will he be ostracized by his peers? Could he be separated from his group and taken off by himself to be pressured by adults? Could he be named and shamed publically? There's a huge variety of Christian churches and your decision will depend entirely on what the culture of your church is. Although I am not a Christian, I require my kids to attend church because it's a big part of our family's heritage. But, I know that they won't be subjected to any pressure tactics at all. If this wasn't the case, I wouldn't make them go.

 

I do not advocate pressuring him to convert to anything. I do advocate he keep an open mind and acquiesce to his parents' request he attend church with them.

[cdrumm4448]

I was raised like that. Once I figured out I could think for myself I gave my parents a hell of a ride. After a certain point that rebellion just can't be beaten out of a kid. I'll second your "good luck". She is going to need it.

 

Thank you for the well wishes. I accept them in the spirit I assume they were intended.

[Mandy in TN]

 

You are free to hold your opinion, as I am mine.

 

I say this gently as a mother who has raised two sons and still has one at home: parenting a teenager different than parenting a younger child. You can choose to be a safety net and a sounding board as you get to know this budding adult who is under your roof. This adult-child will be figuring out what he wants to do with his life and how he wants to get there. You can rejoice in his growing independence with him or you can choose not to listen.

 

You can choose not to be a sounding board. You can choose not to participate in his journey towards independence. You can choose to attempt to stifle this journey and demand that your teenager blindly obey you without question, but is this what you really want? Do you want to have a child that you don't know, because he is not allowed to speak his thoughts? A child who sits mute and listens while quietly biding time until he can leave your home and then in adulthood doesn't tell you about his life, because you are not interested in hearing. Do you want a child that just rebels doing the opposite of what you say or yells back the opposite of what you say without truly forming an opinion of his own because he has never been guided in how to do so. Or scarier yet, do you want a child who doesn't even try to think for himself, to make decisions for himself, to be a leader instead of a follower going off to college by himself or moving into an apartment by himself?

 

If you want an adult child who is confident in his ability to make decisions little and large, then at some time, some age you will need to start guiding him in how to make decisions. If he is allowed to think for himself and make some little mistakes like ordering an ice cream and then not having enough money for the new toy he wanted, then he will have that knowledge to reference when his friends ask him to go out but his electric bill is due. lol With this ability to make decisions and fail comes choices and opinions and all kinds of things that may be different from your choices and opinions and all kinds of things.

 

So, you may find that your opinion changes as your children grow older. ;-)

Mandy

[Parrothead]

Do you want to have a child that you don't know, because he is not allowed to speak his thoughts? A child who sits mute and listens while quietly biding time until he can leave your home and then in adulthood doesn't tell you about his life, because you are not interested in hearing.

 

This. This is exactly what my mother got.

 

cdrumm - I say this as gently as possible. I was your child. I was the child who had to respect the parent because the parent's word was law. I was not allowed to do things my way. No, actually I was not allowed to find my way. The day I turned 18 was the day I walked out and made just about every bad decision I could because I finally was allowed a bit of growing up.

 

Luckily for me, at about year 2 I met someone who helped me turn things around. I ended up in law enforcement. But it could have so easily turned out that I ended up dead.

 

To this day (and I'm in my mid 40s) I cannot tell my mother anything about my life that isn't sanitized to meet her approval. Otherwise I'd meet nothing but disapproval again, and again.

 

Dd's time alone with my mother is very limited because I don't want the control exerted over her the way it was exerted over me. And my mother knows I can and will cut contact.

 

Please, rethink this whole my way or the highway stuff. Don't end up like my mother just because you have life experience and you think you know best. Even if you won't admit it here on the forum. Please think about my story and what you want from your adult children.

[faiths13]

I'm not offended. I agree. But the OP seems to be going way beyond that and wants her child to sit attentively while she reads from a bible, talks about her god, etc. She also wants advice on how to convince him that he should believe.

 

 

I find it amazing that I ask a simple question about whether I should have him go to church or not, and if I should teach him about what were learning. Now all of the sudden I am trying to "convince him to believe what I believe" and I want him to "sit attentively while I read the Bible".

 

This thread has gotten completely out of control. Which I should have known would happen as any matter of religion cannot be discussed maturely among adults. There are always going to be ppl who are going to take their own personal experiences and judgements and use them against you or to prove something.

 

I just want to say I stopped following this thread for that reason. I came back just to say I have recently had a moment of enlightenment and have decided to teach my son about the teachings of Jesus. I believe it is important to teach him and then it is up to him to do what he wants with it.

 

My son also hates math and science. Actually he hates school in general. He also hates doing chores. Should I just tell him he doesnt need to learn the subjects he doesnt like? Or that he doesnt need to help out around the house? I am his parent, he is a child and under my care for the next 4 years. If my son had it his way he would sit on the computer 24/7 or play his 3DS. Children do not know what is best for them and its a parents job to teach them how to take care of themselves, be part of society, etc, etc. I cant tell him what to believe and I never, ever have. But I would not be doing my job if I just decided to continue to not teach him about religion ever. One doesnt learn about God and religion if they are never taught about it. Even I as an adult had to seek outside help to learn about Christianity.

 

Also my ds is having fun at church, which I have mentioned in a PP. He plays games, has made friends (one a girl, when he said he would never be friends with a girl). No one talks down to us or tells us to "repent" or whatever. It is enlightening and uplifting. It is a positive environment. I wouldnt be there if it wasnt. The way they talk about the Bible and God is in a way that has completely opened my eyes - the eyes of one who was Pagan for years. I understand what it means to not believe in God, or not to believe in Christianity. I also know what it means to be atheist because I knew nothing of God or religion at all, or the little I did know what heresay and not truth. That is the place I believe my son is in now.

[momto2Cs]

Disagreement does not imply disrespect. Requiring agreement on the other hand can be quite disrespectful.

 

 

Absolutely. I want my kids to show me respect, yes. In turn, I need to respect them as well. It's called modeling appropriate behavior.

 

Children reach an age where this simplistic parenting strategy is no longer in anyone's best interests. It reduces the parent-child relationship to "because I said so," which will not sit well with adolescents who are going through the very developmentally appropriate stage of investigating and asserting their own identity. Labeling any disagreement as "rebellion" on the child's part will be a tough row to hoe.

 

Tara

 

 

And again, I agree. Because I told you so will not work as well with teens as it might with a small child. I have no interest in raising mindless children who agree with me merely because I told them to.

 

If my soon-to-be teenager doesn't like how our family functions, he is free to secure meaningful employment and support himself.

 

 

So if I am to understand you correctly, you would rather lose your child than bend a little in what they are "allowed" to think. I really hope I am misunderstanding. You simply can NOT force someone to think the way you want them to. You can encourage them, share your thoughts, etc., but you can't control what goes on inside their heads. And threatening them essentially with the idea that they can't participate in your family life if they happen to disagree? As I said, I really hope I am misinterpreting your meaning.

[LindaOz]

I just want to say I stopped following this thread for that reason. I came back just to say I have recently had a moment of enlightenment and have decided to teach my son about the teachings of Jesus. I believe it is important to teach him and then it is up to him to do what he wants with it.

 

 

 

I think you have made a good decision.

 

I have always taught my kids from the Bible, and I continue to do so because I believe it is right. However, I have also taught them that they have to make their own choice to follow God - that just because their parents do doesn't mean it automatically flows on. So, I provide the teaching and, ultimately, each child is responsible for his/her own relationship with God. I make this very clear to them. So far, this is working well.

[nmoira]

I find it amazing that I ask a simple question about whether I should have him go to church or not, and if I should teach him about what were learning. Now all of the sudden I am trying to "convince him to believe what I believe" and I want him to "sit attentively while I read the Bible".

 

This thread has gotten completely out of control. Which I should have known would happen as any matter of religion cannot be discussed maturely among adults. There are always going to be ppl who are going to take their own personal experiences and judgements and use them against you or to prove something.

 

That's what people do on these boards -- share their experiences. These either speak to you or they don't, or you take bits and pieces and appreciate the fact that people are willing to share some of themselves with you to maybe help you sort things through. So you feel misunderstood? Fair enough, and maybe you are. But those who've responded can only go by their interpretation of you've written, and won't necessarily have read your couple of follow-up posts before responding. This is an imperfect communication medium, but both ways.

 

I don't think anyone suggested that you teach your son nothing about religion, and many have said it's not unreasonable to require him to attend church with your family. What were you expecting, complete agreement? There's no magical way to make him believe, but I'm sure you realize that. I would suggest though that only seven weeks into your new faith, you focus on your own spiritual concerns rather than his. If you want to set an example -- and yes, I say this as an atheist -- that's the best one you could set. Same for diet, for work ethic, for character issues.. whatever. You need to find your own way and he does his.

[La Texican]

I guess you're right and that my problems have nothing to do with yours.

It sounds like you feel that the opinions expressed in this thread were wild, off topic, or out of control. I think it was misunderstood that you were trying to decide what to do, when now it's clear you knew what you wanted but wanted to know how to do it. Parenting is hard and it's nice to hear other people say you're doing good when you're struggling hard to do the right thing. I say hurrah for you for trying to do better for your family. It can only be a good thing if your kid is making friends with teens whose parents are involved.

I've never tried paganism, I grew up Penticostal so I think there might be some common ground there, from the short version anyway. I'll stick with trying to learn how to make a loaf of bread that's edible and maybe find something else to do with my time.

As far as your son, there's a suggestion upthread to help your son deal with his cognitive dissonance. (defined by wiki) In modern psychology, cognitive dissonance is the feeling of discomfort when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognitions: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel "disequilibrium": frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc.

Find a mentor in your church who is open to discuss as he explores non-literal Bible, Theistic evolution, etc.. even if it's not what your church teaches you probably have a sympathetic leader there somewhere who likes discussing ideas who will not make him feel like idot or that he's wrong to think about those things. My impression of my family's chrches was that their members mostly did not like to discuss off topic ideas in depth, but there were some who did. And my family's churches seemed to revere someone who has questioned deeply and then came to conclude their churchs beliefs (after the fact), because they validated the faith of the rest of the church. For example, it might be a myth, but I've heard that CS Lewis started out to disprove the existence of God, and the research he was going to prove it by made him into a believer. He is very highly esteemed by Christians. I don't know if that's a true story or not. If it is, that should give you hope about your sons beliefs IF you can find a mentor in your church to take his ideas seriously and not brush him off with, "because God is God, Hallelujah." Or, maybe my mom was right and you have to guard your spirit against unGodly ideas or else you'll reason your way out of faith. But here I am still talking when you've made it clear that these kind of ideas was not your intention for this thread. This last paragraph sounds to me like I'm still trying to give advice, oh well. Maybe I'm just trying to justify my presence in this thread. I for sure don't have any special insight into your son, whom I've never met. And you've even already said you don't want people confusing their own problems with yours. oh, I know why I'm still typing. I'm trying to improve my own conversation and listining skills. The internet is a safe place to work on that. There's a delete button and if I embarass myself you guys can't see my face turn red.

[Colleen in NS]

I find it amazing that I ask a simple question about whether I should have him go to church or not, and if I should teach him about what were learning. Now all of the sudden I am trying to "convince him to believe what I believe" and I want him to "sit attentively while I read the Bible".

 

I didn't see your posts that way. I saw them exactly the way you just wrote - trying to make a couple of decisions.

 

This thread has gotten completely out of control. Which I should have known would happen as any matter of religion cannot be discussed maturely among adults. There are always going to be ppl who are going to take their own personal experiences and judgements and use them against you or to prove something.

 

The parts I bolded are unfair (and I believe untrue blanket statements) of you to say in a thread where you asked for advice. The bottom line is that we were all trying to help you.

 

Threads get heated on these forums. That does not always equal immature discussions.

 

And yes, sometimes personal experiences are used to argue a point, especially if that experience is common to a large group of people. I still contend my basic point that if one has not experienced something, one cannot always predict or control what will happen when one does go through that experience. Thus in this thread, many of us sharing our common experiences in raising teens.

 

...I have recently had a moment of enlightenment and have decided to teach my son about the teachings of Jesus. I believe it is important to teach him and then it is up to him to do what he wants with it.

 

 

I support your decision.

[Colleen in NS]

 

I do advocate he keep an open mind and acquiesce to his parents' request he attend church with them.

 

 

Depending on many factors, it's likely you can control the second part. But you can't control the first part. You can work hard to influence, you can talk, you can live as an example, you can do all sorts of things to help a teen keep an open mind to your opinions. But ultimately you cannot control what anyone thinks.