babs Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 With Parkinson's disease yesterday. My dh and I moved several states away about 20 years ago. I have watched her decline in the past 2 years (I was not surprised by her news...I saw the symptoms)... But to have her so far. What can I do to make her feel loved, but not pitied, from this distance? She is a great gift giver, and I am not. I have trouble seeing what others might want...and she has everything anyway! The things I love (books) she does not love...but I love her and want her to know she is loved at this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'm so sorry. Maybe regular phone calls and emails? If you are a letter writer, she might enjoy getting letters or cards as well. Maybe have some flowers delivered? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamatohaleybug Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 No ideas but I am sorry for this difficult news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry about your momma. If it was my mom, I would ask her how best I can support her, especially if our likes were so different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 How about sending her cards? You could make a point of sending one every Wednesday or something so she's have that to look forward to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracesteacher Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My mom has Parky (as she calls it) I would send her video's and ask her to send videos and pics with letters. My mom has had it since 2004 and her memory is already been effected by it Call as many times as you can visit as much as you can that means more to her than the physical thing you can give her at this point. My mom memories come and go. As many times as you can go to her and just be there as much as you can. Get her final wishes in writing while she can do that it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'm sorry. :grouphug: I second the suggestions for regular phone calls, emails, and handwritten cards. I also think Desert Rat's suggestion about asking her how you can best support her is perfect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondeviolin Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'm sorry! Maybe an iPod or iPad would be a good gift? FaceTime would facilitate nice video calls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 So many good ideas! My father was diagnosed with it at 55, and had it for 23 years. He worked for 10 years after his diagnosis, and was clear mentally up until the last few months of his life. The key for him I believe was good health habits and medication. It is a tough thing, but some remain active for many years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I think all the above ideas are great. Sorry about your mom. Maybe she needs a bit of time to absorb the news and then will be more open about what she needs. Perhaps look for things that will make her life easier...perhaps her Dr would have some input? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Would she enjoy writing about her life? "A Story of a lifetime" or a similar book might be something fun to keep her occupied and it would certainly be fun for you to read through when she finished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 :grouphug: My dad had Parkinsons for nearly 30 years. Can you video chat on the computer with her? Maybe have the grandkids video chat with her also? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Everyone has had great ideas, so I'll go in another direction. A maid service or cooking service to ease her load around the house? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Parkinson's sucks. I'm so sorry about your mom's diagnosis. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UrbanSue Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 :grouphug: So sorry. I like the ideas of regular videos of you and the kids. She might like to feel more connected right now. If she isn't set up for Skype/Face Time, maybe facilitating that would be a good gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babs Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 Thank you all for your great ideas. I am going to bless her as she has me for sooo many years. And thanks for listening. You all are such great friends...funny that we have never met! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I know just a little bit about Parkinson's, but since you asked what you could do, I think there are several things that you can do to demonstrate how much you love her. I highly recommend that you ask her about her financial situation. I say this because you and any other siblings need a "heads up" should additional financial support be needed. Evaluate her insurance coverage and make any needed adjustments as soon as they can be made. For example, owning a home can affect your ability to qualify for Medicaid (this depends on the state). Unless she is wealthy, at some point she will need Medicaid assistance if she needs to be in a nursing home. It may be in her best interests to form a trust and have her house deed transferred to the trust. Transferring to one (or all) of her children is another option. There are a lot of legal ways to protect her assets and they are worth exploring, you may need to sell the house to provide additional care for her. A trust could do that (usually, but check with an attorney for regs. in your state), as could children who owned the house. There are various "waiting periods" for asset transfer not to affect eligibility, so again, this is something she wants to look into sooner rather than later. Find out if she has a living will/advance directive. If she does not, talk to her about this. She would probably rather make some decisions now than wait until she can no longer make her wishes known. It will make things clearer for you & your siblings as far as what type of care she wants as she becomes infirm. What is required in the state she lives in as far as a Medical Power of Attorney? This is something else you might want to look into. The person named in that document will be responsible from a legal perspective, for making any care decisions, should she not be able to make them herself. Everyone in the family needs to know who this person is, as well. If you can, have a conversation with her about where she wants to live as she becomes more infirm. It is nearly impossible to get a nursing home bed in a state where the patient doesn't reside. Most patients get better nursing home care if family visits often, so you want to have her close to a family member if at all possible. If she doesn't live anywhere near any of her children, she may want to consider moving closer while she can still get around, make new friends, etc.. If she thinks she might want to go into an assisted living facility, look into these sooner rather than later. They have health requirements and if she does not meet them, she will not be able to move into one. There is a "point of no return" as far as assisted living is concerned. These are probably not things you expected to read, but to me, being concerned about their ongoing quality of life is a great way to show that you love someone. Financial decisions can be really stressful & the earlier they are handled, the better off she will be. I wish her well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'm sorry. :grouphug: My mom has PD, too. I kinda knew before she was diagnosed, but it didn't make it easier to know for certain. I can't advise you on the gift thing because I am in the same boat. Gifts are not my love language. The only thing I can do that I know my mom appreciates is talk/call/visit her and include her in things in my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I had a very dear and sweet aunt that died this week after suffering from Parkinson's for years and years. I'm so sorry! I think gifts that will help stay close and in touch are good - whether it be calling cards or an iPad, etc. Whatever you think she'll use to keep in touch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babs Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'm sorry. :grouphug: My mom has PD, too. I kinda knew before she was diagnosed, but it didn't make it easier to know for certain. I can't advise you on the gift thing because I am in the same boat. Gifts are not my love language. The only thing I can do that I know my mom appreciates is talk/call/visit her and include her in things in my life. So, how do you include her? My mom hates to travel, so I know that she will be more reluctant now. I need to figure out a way to send video messages that are user friendly as neither of my parents are into any tech! We tried to set up Skype with my parents but if we are not in the room with them it falls apart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'm so sorry. Maybe regular phone calls and emails? If you are a letter writer, she might enjoy getting letters or cards as well. Maybe have some flowers delivered? I'm sorry. Yes, all this would be great. And visit if you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babs Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 I had a very dear and sweet aunt that died this week after suffering from Parkinson's for years and years. I'm so sorry! I think gifts that will help stay close and in touch are good - whether it be calling cards or an iPad, etc. Whatever you think she'll use to keep in touch. An iPad may just be a bit of tech that my mom could master...thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babs Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 Quotin TechWife: "These are probably not things you expected to read, but to me, being concerned about their ongoing quality of life is a great way to show that you love someone. Financial decisions can be really stressful & the earlier they are handled, the better off she will be. " (I messed up the quote above from TechWife! ) Great suggestions...I am hoping to fly out to see her in the next month. I can discuss with my dad while there. They are financially solid, but this may add a big wrinkle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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