LDS social group...how was your Sunday?

[Amira]

The Lorenzo Snow book is in Kindle form as well for $.99. I know the other is free, but I don't like to read on the ipad and I have not lost my Kindle yet.

 

DH was called to be Scoutmaster. I am very, very, very unhappy about it and I don't want to be scolded about it so just ignore that comment.

 

Amber in SJ

 

No scolding here! I don't think it's unreasonable to feel that way. Being a Scoutmaster is a demanding calling. It's even worse depending on the age and gender of your children. I could deal with it now since I have two boys who are the right age and I wouldn't resent the time requirement so much, but most of the time I would have major reservations about my husband getting that calling. I'm sorry, but I also really hope it's not as bad as you think it'll be.

[ashfern]

We had a quiet Sunday. It was Stake Conference which we don't go to because of the behavior of the youngest two. :blushing: DH went last time with the older two but decided he didn't want to go. So we just hung out and played games all day. I wanted to walk around the neighborhood but it was cold & rainy all day. A repeat of that today. :glare:

[TKDmom]

The Lorenzo Snow book is in Kindle form as well for $.99. I know the other is free, but I don't like to read on the ipad and I have not lost my Kindle yet.

 

DH was called to be Scoutmaster. I am very, very, very unhappy about it and I don't want to be scolded about it so just ignore that comment.

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

ooh, I'll have to look into the Kindle version. It would be easier than scrolling through the text on my almost-dead phone during RS.

 

My dh's last calling was the the Varsity Scout Coach. They told us it would be "easier" than being the EQ President when I had a heavy leadership position. :glare: No it wasn't. Overall, I didn't mind the time commitment, but there were times that I felt some bitterness towards BSA when he was on yet another campout. I don't think I'd mind the calling nearly as much if we had teenage boys for him to go camping with. It'd be nice to have a girls' night at home while the boys went camping.

 

Since he's been the Bishop I actually see him on the weekends! Not so much the rest of the week (or at all on Sunday)...but we spent all day Friday and Saturday doing yardwork together. It's really nice to be able to see him on the weekends. And have him make dinner on Friday night. :D

[stansclan89]

My dh had callings in scouts for the first 13 years of our marriage. As soon as we had a son old enough to go with him, he stopped getting those callings :glare: . It is a huge time commitment for a young family.

[meggie]

Church went ok yesterday. I brought one notebook, one pen, one Friend for each of them. I also had a sippy cup of water in my bag so they wouldn't have to go out for drinks. After Sacrament, I brought out the pen and notebooks and they were all occupied and quiet during the first talk. I listened in peace. It started downhill from there, but nothing too terrible. Except a fight over a different issue of the Friend and a fight over a pen *sigh* and a ridiculously long, loud and ear piercing shriek from baby girl over the pen, it was ok. We're working on the habit of keeping our feet off the bench and not standing on the bench.

 

Chuck took some convincing to go to Nursery. Kept trying to escape and cry. Eventually I got her settled w/ some toys and she was ok. Digby still hates Primary and always wants to go back to Nursery. He was in charge of the AoF for the week, so I stayed to help him with that. They ended up bringing him down to me about halfway through. Apparently he was running all over and not wanting to be there. I had my Kindle and asked if he wanted me to read to him. He said he wanted to read to me. So I helped him "read" me the first part of Beatrix Potter. Then he got down and walked around. Then he said he wanted to go back. Then he refused to go in his class. So we went back downstairs to the foyer and I told him he'd have to stay on the couch. No walking around. So he said he wanted to go back. I told him if he didn't go in, he didn't get anymore chances. So he went in and stayed in.

 

Then we came home, ate, and DH, Chuck and I took naps. Sundays are so long, but I think it's getting better

[garddwr]

Primary was rough for us today too. I had one little boy get physical with me, which required a lot of extra attention, which turned to irregular contractions for the rest of the time. BUT, he decided to sit and finish out Sharing Time and then when he went to leave he said something along the lines of, "We should behave at Church because Heavnly Father wants us to?" I think paying the extra attention to him made a big difference. We'll see in two weeks, though. Next week is stake conference! :)

 

I have a five year old who regularly acts out during church. She does much better when she gets a lot of individual attention, and I'm incredibly grateful for the primary leaders who take the time to give her extra attention (and feel rather guilty that it is necessary).

 

Our Sunday was very nice. We had Stake Conference, with really good talks by our local mission president as well Bishop Davies of the Presiding Bishopric. Bishop Davies told several stories about working with the committee that selects sites for new temples. One story was about going into a meeting with the mayor of Philadelphia regarding the site the church wanted to build a temple on there. The mayor was very brusque at the beginning of the meeting, informing the church representatives that the city wanted to use that site for a commercial development and were not interested in the church acquiring it. During the course of the meeting, and following what amounted to very spiritual testimonies from both members and nonmembers present (including a non-LDS city councilman) the mood of those present changed, and the meeting ended on a positive note with regards to the temple project, and the mayor asked if they could close the meeting with prayer. It was a pretty neat story, much better in the original telling

[WistfulRidge]

We just moved to a new area last week so yesterday was our first sunday in our new "branch" (branch in " " because, even though it was just split off one of the other 2 wards in the area a few weeks ago it has an average sunday attendance of around 250...). I am cautiously optimistic about it. We spent the last 6 months living with family and attending one of the wards that I grew up in, in which my dad is currently the bishop - so altogether a very, very supportive, loving ward which is exactly what we needed because the ward that we were in for the 4 years prior to that was simply... not good. We only stayed for sacrament meeting yesterday (DH and DS1 were/are fighting colds) but it took us almost half an hour to leave the chapel because we were repeatedly ambushed by people welcoming us to the "branch" and wanting to get to know us. The RS president also seems to very nice and very on top of things... she called me last week the day after we moved in to chat and made sure I had a Visiting Teacher assigned to me by yesterday (a lovely woman who stopped by last night with fresh, homemade cookies to make sure I knew who she was and that I had her contact info... very helpful given that #3 is due on the 21st).

 

If I'm being honest, I'm desperately hoping that this good, welcoming trend continues. We are desperately in need of being in a ward that is a good fit for us. The ward we were in for the first fourish years of our marriage was very unkind to us... especially so to DS1 for the last 18 months we were there. It very much sucked all of our love, even our "like", for the church and the gospel right out of DH and I and made DS1 terrified of church. (Thankfully, the time spent in my parents' ward has taken a lot of that fear away for him)

 

Question: DH and I are really not sure how to handle 2nd & 3rd hours... DS1 is sunbeam age but still cannot go to class by himself. He'll attend singing/sharing time (and enjoy it) if DH goes with him but he still goes into an all out panic attack if we try to take him to his actual class... even if one of us stays with him. While we do want to eventually attend class it is not something we're willing to push too far...(ie: more than taking him there and sitting with him as long as he is comfortable doing so) because the last time we tried more he became so terrified/anxious of church that we couldn't even get him to go into the building for almost 2 months. So we're not sure what to do there, especially because DS2 is just barely nursery age and while he is much more laid back and easy going (no anxiety like with DS1) we did just move to a strange new place with strange new people and church now meets at 1pm - naptime - so we doubt that just dropping him off at nursery would work at this point, ignoring the fact that we're not super comfortable doing that anyway until we get to know the nursery leaders a little. Add in the fact that I'll be having a baby in the next couple of weeks and both DH and I would like to attend some of the adult classes, if only so we can get to know people and listen to the lesson (we're trying to get that like/love back)... :svengo:

 

Any suggestions?

[dangermom]

:grouphug: I don't really have any great suggestions, but there is a woman in my ward whose youngest son (of 6) frequently comes into RS with her. I think he's a Sunbeam this year, or maybe even a 4, but I've never seen him happy away from his parents. He screams and freaks out in class or Nursery, and I think he might put up with it sometimes (though not happily)...but mostly he just comes in with his mom or goes with his dad. Nobody minds. :grouphug:

[blondeviolin]

We just moved to a new area last week so yesterday was our first sunday in our new "branch" (branch in " " because, even though it was just split off one of the other 2 wards in the area a few weeks ago it has an average sunday attendance of around 250...). I am cautiously optimistic about it. We spent the last 6 months living with family and attending one of the wards that I grew up in, in which my dad is currently the bishop - so altogether a very, very supportive, loving ward which is exactly what we needed because the ward that we were in for the 4 years prior to that was simply... not good. We only stayed for sacrament meeting yesterday (DH and DS1 were/are fighting colds) but it took us almost half an hour to leave the chapel because we were repeatedly ambushed by people welcoming us to the "branch" and wanting to get to know us. The RS president also seems to very nice and very on top of things... she called me last week the day after we moved in to chat and made sure I had a Visiting Teacher assigned to me by yesterday (a lovely woman who stopped by last night with fresh, homemade cookies to make sure I knew who she was and that I had her contact info... very helpful given that #3 is due on the 21st).

 

If I'm being honest, I'm desperately hoping that this good, welcoming trend continues. We are desperately in need of being in a ward that is a good fit for us. The ward we were in for the first fourish years of our marriage was very unkind to us... especially so to DS1 for the last 18 months we were there. It very much sucked all of our love, even our "like", for the church and the gospel right out of DH and I and made DS1 terrified of church. (Thankfully, the time spent in my parents' ward has taken a lot of that fear away for him)

 

Question: DH and I are really not sure how to handle 2nd & 3rd hours... DS1 is sunbeam age but still cannot go to class by himself. He'll attend singing/sharing time (and enjoy it) if DH goes with him but he still goes into an all out panic attack if we try to take him to his actual class... even if one of us stays with him. While we do want to eventually attend class it is not something we're willing to push too far...(ie: more than taking him there and sitting with him as long as he is comfortable doing so) because the last time we tried more he became so terrified/anxious of church that we couldn't even get him to go into the building for almost 2 months. So we're not sure what to do there, especially because DS2 is just barely nursery age and while he is much more laid back and easy going (no anxiety like with DS1) we did just move to a strange new place with strange new people and church now meets at 1pm - naptime - so we doubt that just dropping him off at nursery would work at this point, ignoring the fact that we're not super comfortable doing that anyway until we get to know the nursery leaders a little. Add in the fact that I'll be having a baby in the next couple of weeks and both DH and I would like to attend some of the adult classes, if only so we can get to know people and listen to the lesson (we're trying to get that like/love back)... :svengo:

 

Any suggestions?

 

I'd contact both the primary president and his teacher. Maybe one of the, has a child in his class or can recommend a family he can buddy with. Perhaps having the primary president or his teacher over a couple of times at HIS house (a more comfortable environment) to do something fun (make cookies, a craft, play game?) might make him feel more open to staying in primary or class. I'd also lets his teacher/leader know that you're there, you'd like him to attend, but it may take a bit of finessing.

 

As a leader, I'd much rather a parent sit with an anxious child and help him ease into primary rather than he miss or the parents drop a screaming kid and then I have to take the kid back to Mommy because it really can be stressful.

 

You might also want to go over whatever Article of Faith they may be working on and maybe even pre-teach him his lesson for class so if he ever made it to class, he might have to be concerned about the answers or what-have-you.

 

I'd also strongly encourage you to make an extra effort to be singing primary songs at home so those things are familiar. Feeling the spirit through song at home and then recognizing the same spirit while singing in primary could be a boon to a young child. Don't underestimate a young child's ability to feel the spirit!

 

[gardenmom5]

Question: DH and I are really not sure how to handle 2nd & 3rd hours... DS1 is sunbeam age but still cannot go to class by himself. He'll attend singing/sharing time (and enjoy it) if DH goes with him but he still goes into an all out panic attack if we try to take him to his actual class... even if one of us stays with him. While we do want to eventually attend class it is not something we're willing to push too far...(ie: more than taking him there and sitting with him as long as he is comfortable doing so) because the last time we tried more he became so terrified/anxious of church that we couldn't even get him to go into the building for almost 2 months. So we're not sure what to do there, especially because DS2 is just barely nursery age and while he is much more laid back and easy going (no anxiety like with DS1) we did just move to a strange new place with strange new people and church now meets at 1pm - naptime - so we doubt that just dropping him off at nursery would work at this point, ignoring the fact that we're not super comfortable doing that anyway until we get to know the nursery leaders a little. Add in the fact that I'll be having a baby in the next couple of weeks and both DH and I would like to attend some of the adult classes, if only so we can get to know people and listen to the lesson (we're trying to get that like/love back)... :svengo:

 

Any suggestions?

first: some kids just have a harder time than others and take some flexibility. does he show signs of anxiety in other areas?

talk to the primary president, and let her know he has anxiety about primary. if one of you has to go to sharing time - go. If you have to keep him with you, very quiet, do that. If you have to attend his class - do that.

 

my son (anxiety is part of his asd) hates sharing time - so the primary president's goal for him currently is five minutes. right now, they try to get him to come take roll (and see if any sunbeams are sleeping.). some days he'll do it, others he refuses. they even went so far as to divide a small primary in half so he's only with the jr primary for sharing time. He has a primary worker/aid who spends the 2nd hour with him. days that he's not up to it, he goes with me - and life can be boring. he must sit quietly by me, and draw or a quiet toy. he'd rather go with his primary-aid, and did so on sunday just as I was about to take him out where he could sit as not-quietly as he wanted. it took a few years to work the kinks out, including changes in teachers and the primary presidency.

 

If you have to keep him with you - you can also assign him to helping with the baby. rules are he must be quiet.

[WistfulRidge]

:grouphug: I don't really have any great suggestions, but there is a woman in my ward whose youngest son (of 6) frequently comes into RS with her. I think he's a Sunbeam this year, or maybe even a 4, but I've never seen him happy away from his parents. He screams and freaks out in class or Nursery, and I think he might put up with it sometimes (though not happily)...but mostly he just comes in with his mom or goes with his dad. Nobody minds. :grouphug:

 

 

Neither DH or I really mind bringing him to class with us but it is something we are kind of gun shy about. My parents' ward didn't have a problem with it (he's very well behaved) but the ward before that... there were definitely some people who had a problem with it (even though he wasn't disruptive) and were very vocal to us (and everyone else) about it and quite cruel to DS1 over it. It is why we went to being a "sacrament meeting only" family for over a year and a half.

 

 

I'd contact both the primary president and his teacher. Maybe one of the, has a child in his class or can recommend a family he can buddy with. Perhaps having the primary president or his teacher over a couple of times at HIS house (a more comfortable environment) to do something fun (make cookies, a craft, play game?) might make him feel more open to staying in primary or class. I'd also lets his teacher/leader know that you're there, you'd like him to attend, but it may take a bit of finessing.

 

As a leader, I'd much rather a parent sit with an anxious child and help him ease into primary rather than he miss or the parents drop a screaming kid and then I have to take the kid back to Mommy because it really can be stressful.

 

You might also want to go over whatever Article of Faith they may be working on and maybe even pre-teach him his lesson for class so if he ever made it to class, he might have to be concerned about the answers or what-have-you.

 

I'd also strongly encourage you to make an extra effort to be singing primary songs at home so those things are familiar. Feeling the spirit through song at home and then recognizing the same spirit while singing in primary could be a boon to a young child. Don't underestimate a young child's ability to feel the spirit!

 

 

Getting in contact with the primary president and his teacher (there are two sunbeam classes!) is definitely on my to do list. I also like the idea of having some of his classmates over to play/make cookies.

 

As mentioned he usually does fine in singing/sharing time. In our last ward he was fine sitting with his class as long as DH was still in the back of the room and he could run back to DH for a hug if he got overwhelmed - usually during sharing time. He loves singing time. We sing a lot at home already. We usually end up singing throughout the day and we have a routine of primary songs that have to be sung after he's said his prayers and been tucked in bed every night.

first: some kids just have a harder time than others and take some flexibility. does he show signs of anxiety in other areas?

talk to the primary president, and let her know he has anxiety about primary. if one of you has to go to sharing time - go. If you have to keep him with you, very quiet, do that. If you have to attend his class - do that.

....

 

 

 

 

He has never done super well being away from myself or DH (unless he is with my parents, siblings, or best friend), even as a baby. New places and people make him anxious because he is afraid that he will get left, which is always his response if asked why he doesn't like [insert new place/person]. He calmed down to "just nervous" by the time the passing of the sacrament rolled around yesterday because even though the people/building where different it was still the same routine, same words, familiar songs etc... Outside of that he is a friendly, outgoing, inquisitive kid.

[Xuzi]

Our Sunday was bittersweet. It was our last day in our old ward, after being regular attendees for over ten years. The Primary presidency gave our whole family a red carpet send off (complete with a red carpet!). Bags of goodies for the kids, each got to pick their favorite song to sing (all picked Once There Was a Snowman) and they also each got a framed picture of them with their class. They were all born in this ward. Their Primary classes have been Their friends almost since birth. It was hard to leave. :(

[gardenmom5]

He has never done super well being away from myself or DH (unless he is with my parents, siblings, or best friend), even as a baby. New places and people make him anxious because he is afraid that he will get left, which is always his response if asked why he doesn't like [insert new place/person]. He calmed down to "just nervous" by the time the passing of the sacrament rolled around yesterday because even though the people/building where different it was still the same routine, same words, familiar songs etc... Outside of that he is a friendly, outgoing, inquisitive kid.

 

I had two like that. we're still working with dudeling, but he is asd and the anxiety is just one of his symptoms. he does take supplements specifically for the anxiety recommended by his ND.

2dd . . .as an infant, if anyone looked at her she'd scream. I gave her the reassurance she needed, and she eventually outgrew it. NO ONE who knows her now would ever guess she was as difficult an infant/toddler/preschooler as she was. I was glad she was a fall baby, as she was into school age though before she'd calmed down that she could function away from me. I joke that she hated being a baby and that she was mad she got a body that coudln't do anything when she had things to do, and places to go. she's now in grad school, constantly on the go, and is amazing with people.

[garddwr]

Neither DH or I really mind bringing him to class with us but it is something we are kind of gun shy about. My parents' ward didn't have a problem with it (he's very well behaved) but the ward before that... there were definitely some people who had a problem with it (even though he wasn't disruptive) and were very vocal to us (and everyone else) about it and quite cruel to DS1 over it. It is why we went to being a "sacrament meeting only" family for over a year and a half.

 

 

We lived in a ward like the one you describe for several years. I remember going home from church crying because it seemed the only thing my daughter and I could do at church was walk the halls. The nursery leader was very rigid and would not allow parents in the room at all, and one of the Relief Society teachers absolutely could not handle children being in the room (even non-disruptive children) and talked about it incessantly. My oldest was a child who would scream for hours on end any time she wasn't with me.

 

Fortunately, none of the other wards we have been in have been like that. It was upsetting at the time, but I also learned to have compassion for the people who obviously had mental/emotional/control struggles of their own (not so very different from my daughter) such that they could never relax and enjoy church without constantly being bothered by other people's children etc..

 

 

ETA: one way we have dealt with having high anxiety/high needs children at church has been to volunteer for callings in the nursery and primary where we could be with them. Doesn't give us the chance to attend RS/Priesthood as much, but it has been worth it to help our kids have a good experience at church.

[Amira]

Our Sunday was bittersweet. It was our last day in our old ward, after being regular attendees for over ten years. The Primary presidency gave our whole family a red carpet send off (complete with a red carpet!). Bags of goodies for the kids, each got to pick their favorite song to sing (all picked Once There Was a Snowman) and they also each got a framed picture of them with their class. They were all born in this ward. Their Primary classes have been Their friends almost since birth. It was hard to leave. :(

 

 

:grouphug:

[welovetoread]

we moved 3 years ago from a big city to a small farm and it was really hard to leave. I hope everyone transitions well and the new ward is warm and welcoming and wonderful.

 

My little guy is down with a stomach bug and cold and fever. My almost 11 year old is officially in puberty (so the dr told me yesterday) and her attitude gets better everyday.

 

Day 4 with no coffee is going well. I actually feel really well. I still miss my morning coffee with scripture reading though....

[garddwr]

 

Day 4 with no coffee is going well. I actually feel really well. I still miss my morning coffee with scripture reading though....

 

Congratulations!

 

I can understand missing the habitual coffee-with-scripture reading. Is there anything that could take the place of coffee for you? I like some herbal teas; there's quite a variety of non-caffeinated teas (I think they're technically called "tisanes" because they're not made with the tea plant) that can be fun to try. There's something very comforting about a warm drink in a cup sometimes. Obviously they don't help jumps-start the day the way a caffeinated drink would, but they can be nice to sit and sip.

[TKDmom]

we moved 3 years ago from a big city to a small farm and it was really hard to leave. I hope everyone transitions well and the new ward is warm and welcoming and wonderful.

 

My little guy is down with a stomach bug and cold and fever. My almost 11 year old is officially in puberty (so the dr told me yesterday) and her attitude gets better everyday.

 

Day 4 with no coffee is going well. I actually feel really well. I still miss my morning coffee with scripture reading though....

 

 

:D I've got one of those 11yo's too. It's all too obvious to her that I'm getting dumber by the day. :banghead:

 

My morning routine is to sit on the couch with a green smoothie. I know it's not hot or caffeinated, but it wakes me up and I feel like I'm getting some actual nutrients into my body before the kids wake up and mayhem descends upon me.

[DianeW88]

Our Sunday was bittersweet. It was our last day in our old ward, after being regular attendees for over ten years. The Primary presidency gave our whole family a red carpet send off (complete with a red carpet!). Bags of goodies for the kids, each got to pick their favorite song to sing (all picked Once There Was a Snowman) and they also each got a framed picture of them with their class. They were all born in this ward. Their Primary classes have been Their friends almost since birth. It was hard to leave. :(

 

 

It's always hard to leave your ward family. We had a difficult time moving from Denver to Utah after we'd lived there for 12 years. But one of the things I love best about this church is that you get a new family with your new ward. Being LDS = instant friends in your new home within a week. I know people who are not LDS and have moved who complain about not having friends even after living there for YEARS! I can't even imagine. And I'm so glad I don't have to. :D Best wishes in your new home!

[MeaganS]

This Sunday was interesting for me because my dh is a 3rd year med student and was on call for the first time this weekend, so I was at church alone with my girls. It went pretty smoothly except that my 9mo refused to sleep. Luckily I'm in nursery anyways, so she could just do her thing. Dd4 has gotten used to her new Primary class, so that went smoothly. She could even tell me that she learned about Adam and Eve and that they ate fruit, which for her is amazing. And the lady behind me in Sacrament meeting complimented me on how well behaved my girls were during the meeting without Daddy. So a good Sunday, mostly. :)

[welovetoread]

My morning routine is to sit on the couch with a green smoothie. I know it's not hot or caffeinated, but it wakes me up and I feel like I'm getting some actual nutrients into my body before the kids wake up and mayhem descends upon me.

Recipe please? we love smoothies. An LDS friend of mine sent me some choffee. Natural and non coffee. Its really just chocolate and its okay, but not coffee.

[Amira]

[/size]

Recipe please? we love smoothies. An LDS friend of mine sent me some choffee. Natural and non coffee. Its really just chocolate and its okay, but not coffee.

 

 

I've been wanting to try that for a long time, but have never gotten around to it. That, and I don't have a coffee pot. If you're not comparing it to coffee, how is it?

[prairiewindmomma]

With all of the missionaries coming out of the MTC now, we've been assigned another set of sisters to our ward. And, we're going through the usual shakedown of trying to find members who will house them. Many of the members of our ward have children of both genders still at home....so it's only a few couples who are available to take on the assignment....but we all get to hear the guilt trips over the pulpit, in newsletters, via email, etc. It's just uncomfortable all of the way around. :(

[ashfern]

Day 4 with no coffee is going well. I actually feel really well. I still miss my morning coffee with scripture reading though....

 

Teeccino tastes just like coffee. For a tea replacement I drink Rooibos.

[welovetoread]

I totally forgot about teecino. I love rooibos. Choffy compared to coffee, brown water, lol. It tastes like chocolate and smells like it too. It a little hard to find the right sweetener balance. But it's ok.

Missionaries were here today to talk to the kids. The kids didn't talk at all. Baptism interview tonight.

[gardenmom5]

My little guy is down with a stomach bug and cold and fever. My almost 11 year old is officially in puberty (so the dr told me yesterday) and her attitude gets better everyday.

 

 

fear not. eventually she will be human again. there is NOTHING in the world like listening to what was a difficult tween/teen tell a younger sibling to "she's trying to help you, just do what she says". three down . . . . .

 

good health to your little.

[welovetoread]

This one is so different than my first. My oldest just turned 15 and is such a joy and sweet and quiet etc. My next 3 in line ARE NOT that way. Drama is their middle name haha

[garddwr]

With all of the missionaries coming out of the MTC now, we've been assigned another set of sisters to our ward. And, we're going through the usual shakedown of trying to find members who will house them. Many of the members of our ward have children of both genders still at home....so it's only a few couples who are available to take on the assignment....but we all get to hear the guilt trips over the pulpit, in newsletters, via email, etc. It's just uncomfortable all of the way around. :(

 

That's interesting. I believe missionaries in most areas have their own apartments, but I know there are some areas where members are asked to house them. I wonder what the difference is? Do you live in a more rural area without apartments? I think housing missionaries would be nice--when I no longer have a bunch of small children underfoot! Definitely not something I would be up to right now. It sounds like there is a rule that they cannot be in a house with opposite-gender children?

[garddwr]

double post

[Lisbeth]

Sensitive issue... what do you do about spending time with family members who are living wayyyy outside of LDS standards?

 

The conflict is: family focus vs. avoiding bad influence.

 

More BG: Neither of our families of origin are LDS anymore, and I don't care, it is their choice. However, my dh has several brothers and a sister who are pretty reasonably called WILD. Cursing every sentence, drinking, hanging with very bad sorts (the types that always have arrest records and jail time), getting arrested, tattoo covered, sleeping around, and alternating between dating men and women. Their FB pages are full of cursing/pics of these behaviors.

 

Full disclosure: my MIL also plays favorites and seems to admire her wild kids (and as a result, their kids) as "free spirits" who are "never ashamed of anything." As a badge of honor. (We literally get told, in glowing terms, how so-and-so is "so comfortable in his/her skin" and is "never ashamed of anything!") She also "likes" a lot of their "bad behavior" posts on FB. So I just stopped looking, because that is not my business, but it does illustrate her admiration. My dh is the square one who does the right thing, never drank, and works to take care of his family. She seems to be extremely underwhelmed by that, even though she is not particularly a "wild child" herself. She seems to want to live through her wild ones.

 

But it is obvious to all, my children too, that she holds up the rebellion on a pedastal. It is a terrible, ongoing lesson. Mine are def. second class to all of their cousins.

 

I understand this is their lives and their business, and I don't expect them to change. If these were random strangers, I would just not hang with them ever and the problem would be solved.

 

Mormons get accused of "shunning" people and I don't want to fall into that, but .....

 

What do you do about family respect vs. bad influence?

 

I am just curious what others think of this problem.

[stansclan89]

How close do they live to you?

[garddwr]

Sensitive issue... what do you do about spending time with family members who are living wayyyy outside of LDS standards?

 

The only answer I have found is to pray and pray and pray for discernment, and act on whatever promptings I receive.

 

I have been blessed with many family members with strong testimonies of the restored gospel and of the blessings that come from living by its precepts. I love the positive influence these family members have on my children. I also have some family members who are luke warm at best, and a couple who have chosen to reject the gospel and live life however they feel like living. In the case of one particular family member, I have felt strongly impressed that I need to protect my children from negative influence by not allowing them to spend a lot of time with or develop strong personal relationships with this person. My impression is that this is not so much because of the particular choices this person is making but is more because this particular person is very, very charismatic. I as an adult feel the pull of this person's personality, and the urge to agree with whatever they are saying (do you know anyone like that?) even when it goes completely counter to what I KNOW to be true; that is an influence I cannot afford to expose my children to. This talk by Elder Packer comes to mind, along with the story of Korihor flattering people away from the church.

 

My primary responsibility is to teach and protect my children, which in this case has meant that some relationships with extended family members have had to be limited. It is a hard balance to find. I know this person sometimes feels shunned, and while that is not my own or anyone else's intention, I have had to weigh my impressions about what would be best for my children against the real desire to have strong relationships with other family members, and to not judge and cause hurt to other people. The problem is, we do have to judge the impact of relationships and their influence on our families, we are responsible for the experience of our own families; at the same time, we want to be charitable and non-judgmental towards other people in our lives. Sometimes it's not possible to do both at once, at least not from the perspective of a person we choose to limit our interactions with.

 

A life free from the constraints of living in accordance with God's commandments can seem so appealing--and the very real cost in broken relationships, broken health, and broken lives is often not apparent until long after the "fun" is past.

 

sigh. Dealing with this again in an extended family context right now.

[gardenmom5]

Sensitive issue... what do you do about spending time with family members who are living wayyyy outside of LDS standards?

 

The conflict is: family focus vs. avoiding bad influence.

 

More BG: Neither of our families of origin are LDS anymore, and I don't care, it is their choice. However, my dh has several brothers and a sister who are pretty reasonably called WILD.

Full disclosure: my MIL also plays favorites and seems to admire her wild kids .

 

Mormons get accused of "shunning" people and I don't want to fall into that, but .....

 

What do you do about family respect vs. bad influence?

 

I am just curious what others think of this problem.

 

I can answer as I"m the only member in my family - and came from a dysfunctional/wild family. (on the wild side, shop lifting, drug dealing, rampant immorality, repeated abortion, jail, etc.)

 

Honestly - I think you MIL is a far *bigger* problem than your dh's siblings. It might not be nice, but I'd be tempted talk to my kids and to equate her behavior with those in the great and spacious building mocking and scorning those on the path. I almost feel sorry for the siblings - this is how they get her approbation. that is sooooo messed up. that woman is sick and twisted. (and it has nothing to do with the different religion) you have to look at will they respect your standards when they are around you, or are they in your face offensive? then you can go from there.

 

My mother and I had *very* different standards - however, she could respect mine, she knew where I stood and we rarely discussed things where we strongly disagreed, and we got along fine. only very rarely did she try to trick me into condoning something she liked, but which is quite counter to the Lord's standards. I would reiterate the correct principle - and the subject would again rest.

 

My brother . . . . .he used to share with me his friend's latest lesson in anti-mormon propaganda. the very last time, I was laughing so hard I nearly fell off my chair. He never brought anything antimormon up again. He does not respect anything that ANYone else believes, and consequently, I never share much with him. I did laugh when he told me I wasn't a spiritual person because I didn't share my spiritual experiences with him. well, gee, I'm sure not going to share something sacred with someone who will mock it. I think he doesn't know what he believes, as shortly before our mother's death, he was trying to force his lates beliefs' down my mother's and eveyone else's throat. (when he tried to share them with me, I shut him down. we were in my mother's hospital room for goodness sake. - and it's not like he had *any* respect for my beliefs - I skimmed through what he gave her as I was going through her things.) I found them particularly offensive, and think it notable my very last conversation with my mother was countering much of the garbage my brother had shoved at her, and assuring her God loved her.

I also think my brother has narcisstic personality disorder. My sister asked me if I thought he was bipolar. He is currently persona non-grata around here - but that has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with his highly offensive behavior.

[gardenmom5]

More BG: Neither of our families of origin are LDS anymore,

 

 

Okay, I missed this (or misunderstood).

 

are you saying your families *were* lds?

if so, that could explain part of why your mil so values the wild-child. she's trying to justify her own choices in any and everything opposed to the Lord's standards. (and it would give me even more reason to compare her to those mocking and scorning from the great and spacious building.) sort of like a rebellious child being openly defiant of authority. it's actually very immature behavior.

 

I would limit my time with her - not because she left the church, but because she is seriously sick and twisted.

 

(edited for clairification).

[Lisbeth]

How close do they live to you?

 

 

30 minutes give or take. :(

[Lisbeth]

 

Okay, I missed this (or misunderstood).

 

are you saying your families *were* lds?

if so, that could explain part of why your mil so values the wild-child. she's trying to justify her own choices in any and everything opposed to the Lord's standards. (and it would give me even more reason to compare her to those mocking and scorning.) sort of like a rebellious child being openly defiant of authority. it's actually very immature behavior.

 

I would limit my time with her - not because she left the church, but because she is seriously sick and twisted.

 

Yep, his were, mine weren't. Ironically, mine are now closer to living the general standards!

[Lisbeth]

 

Okay, I missed this (or misunderstood).

 

are you saying your families *were* lds?

if so, that could explain part of why your mil so values the wild-child. she's trying to justify her own choices in any and everything opposed to the Lord's standards. (and it would give me even more reason to compare her to those mocking and scorning.) sort of like a rebellious child being openly defiant of authority. it's actually very immature behavior.

 

I would limit my time with her - not because she left the church, but because she is seriously sick and twisted.

 

Yep, this is a great point. She is very immature.

 

I appreciate the feedback from everyone! I guess I stick with low -to-no contact and explain exactly why to the kids (as they get old enough to understand.)

I am just super sensitive to the 'shunning' accusation. I have to just shake that off.

[Lisbeth]

 

The only answer I have found is to pray and pray and pray for discernment, and act on whatever promptings I receive.

 

I have been blessed with many family members with strong testimonies of the restored gospel and of the blessings that come from living by its precepts. I love the positive influence these family members have on my children. I also have some family members who are luke warm at best, and a couple who have chosen to reject the gospel and live life however they feel like living. In the case of one particular family member, I have felt strongly impressed that I need to protect my children from negative influence by not allowing them to spend a lot of time with or develop strong personal relationships with this person. My impression is that this is not so much because of the particular choices this person is making but is more because this particular person is very, very charismatic. I as an adult feel the pull of this person's personality, and the urge to agree with whatever they are saying (do you know anyone like that?) even when it goes completely counter to what I KNOW to be true; that is an influence I cannot afford to expose my children to. This talk by Elder Packer comes to mind, along with the story of Korihor flattering people away from the church.

 

My primary responsibility is to teach and protect my children, which in this case has meant that some relationships with extended family members have had to be limited. It is a hard balance to find. I know this person sometimes feels shunned, and while that is not my own or anyone else's intention, I have had to weigh my impressions about what would be best for my children against the real desire to have strong relationships with other family members, and to not judge and cause hurt to other people. The problem is, we do have to judge the impact of relationships and their influence on our families, we are responsible for the experience of our own families; at the same time, we want to be charitable and non-judgmental towards other people in our lives. Sometimes it's not possible to do both at once, at least not from the perspective of a person we choose to limit our interactions with.

 

A life free from the constraints of living in accordance with God's commandments can seem so appealing--and the very real cost in broken relationships, broken health, and broken lives is often not apparent until long after the "fun" is past.

 

sigh. Dealing with this again in an extended family context right now.

 

 

Thank you. What you said and the links = very helpful.

[gardenmom5]

Yep, this is a great point. She is very immature.

 

I appreciate the feedback from everyone! I guess I stick with low -to-no contact and explain exactly why to the kids (as they get old enough to understand.)

I am just super sensitive to the 'shunning' accusation. I have to just shake that off.

 

and when they accuse you of shunning . . . . "yeah, because you are SOOOO respectful of different beliefs it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside." tongue firmly in cheek.

 

ooops, did I say that out loud? ;p

[TKDmom]

[/size]

Recipe please? we love smoothies. An LDS friend of mine sent me some choffee. Natural and non coffee. Its really just chocolate and its okay, but not coffee.

 

 

Sorry I didn't get back sooner. I'm trying to limit my time online lately.

 

I have a zillion recipes, but I've just been making them up as I go along lately, because the recipes tend to be more complex and I have a hard time following directions first thing in the morning. ;) The only disadvantage is that when I make up the recipe as I go along, all my smoothies seem to taste the same.

 

Anyway, here's my basic recipe:

1-1.5 cups liquid (water, OJ, soy milk, almond milk)

Fill up blender to about the 3 cup line with greens (my favorites are spinach, Swiss chard, beet greens, carrot tops, or kale)

1 banana

Fill blender to the top with frozen fruit (strawberries, cherries, blueberries, peaches, mangoes, pineapple, etc)

Blend it all together.

 

I have a Vitamix with an 8c capacity, so I actually double this basic recipe. If you don't have a powerful blender, I would probably avoid the kale. My old blender couldn't handle kale at all and the chunks made me gag. Sometimes I use lettuce (especially romaine) in my smoothies but it has a bitter taste, so I only use lettuce if I have OJ and something like blueberries or mango to mask the bitterness. I also avoid blackberries or raspberries because dh can't stand the seeds. If you use fresh fruit, add some ice to cool it off.

 

I found a Vitamix cookbook in PDF format somewhere online which has some good green smoothie recipes. I also use an app called "Green Smoothies" by Raw Family that I use. But most of those don't taste as good as good as the Vitamix recipes.

 

ETA: here's the cookbook: http://www.qvc.com/cd/pdf/wholefoodrecipe_cookbook_0809_LR.pdf?rewrite=no I think my favorite recipe is the Sailor Man Smoothie (and I can't help but chuckle at the name :) )

Edited February 15, 2013 by TKDmom

[welovetoread]

Oh thank you for the links. I love the idea of green smoothies but have been to gun shy to try.

 

Our tooder truck that we have been using until the insurance settles from our accident is dead. Great. Just what we needed.

[DianeW88]

Can I just say....I love my Young Women. Love them. Awesome, amazing, beautiful girls!! :001_wub:

[prairiewindmomma]

Our missionaries used to be in apartment housing but years ago there were some issues with elders. Everything is couched in terms of holding down costs, but since then we have had missionaries living in member homes. The rules are complex: nobody living in the home of the opposite gender under age 18, have to have separate bedroom and bathroom and microwave/minifridge with access to kitchen facilities and sole access to laundry facilities on p-day. I think there are a few other rules as well.

 

We were told this was a church-wide effort.....

 

How are the missionaries housed where you are at?

[garddwr]

Our missionaries used to be in apartment housing but years ago there were some issues with elders. Everything is couched in terms of holding down costs, but since then we have had missionaries living in member homes. The rules are complex: nobody living in the home of the opposite gender under age 18, have to have separate bedroom and bathroom and microwave/minifridge with access to kitchen facilities and sole access to laundry facilities on p-day. I think there are a few other rules as well.

 

We were told this was a church-wide effort.....

 

How are the missionaries housed where you are at?

 

 

 

I'm in an area with a lot of members right now, our ward shares a pair of Elders with several other wards. I don't actually know where they live. I do know that when I served a mission (1999-2000) we were all in apartments, and my brothers have all been in apartments as well--including the one currently serving in Ukraine. The Elders in our area when we were in California were also in apartments. It is possible the missionaries out here are housed in members' homes and I just don't know about it.

[linguistmama]

Lisbeth, my girls and I do not see one of DH's brothers. I know that this brother and his wife probably think that I am being snotty and think I am better than they are. They are LDS, but not following the commandments about not abusing spouse and offspring. :( It was not an easy decision, but I couldn't deny my intuition or the repeated promptings I received to stay away from them. It bothers me to think what they must tell other family members and that those family members may think badly of me. But, when it comes down to it my responsibility is to my children first and not everyone will understand that. I am also sure that some of the family members probably get it. Hugs! :)

 

In our area all the missionaries are in apartments.

[gardenmom5]

currently, missionaries are in apartments.

 

Years ago, we had elders or sisters living with us for about a year until a new mission president came and put them all in apartments. 1dd was a young toddler. My sil had missionaries living with her for a few years. when she was six months pregnant with her fourth, the elders were replaced with sisters. which is good - as the sisters ended up delivering her baby. (and didn't THEY have a unique mission story!) can you imagine how freaked out elders would have been?

[TKDmom]

We have two sets of elders in our ward rigt now, and we're expecting to get a set of sisters soon, too. Right now each set of elders has their own house. Our city has had a lot of houses rental houses on the market ever since the housing bubble burst. The elders used to share one house, but split up a couple years ago--I think so they'd be closer to the areas they actually cover. I don't know what will happen when they add a the sister missionaries to our area, but I wouldn't be surprised if they move one set of elders back in with the others and let the sisters have their house.

[welovetoread]

we live in a college city or near one, as we are out in the country. The sister missionaries are in an apartment.

Tonight is the night. Kids are excited.

[garddwr]

Tonight is the night. Kids are excited.

 

 

So excited for your family. You will be in my prayers today.

[ashfern]

Tonight is the night. Kids are excited.

 

:hurray: Will be thinking about you & your family.