1bassoon Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Background: Dh was/is a trained musician - taught school, did gigs on the side. Lost his job a year ago. Was recently hired by a health insurance co. (go figure!), now works M-F in Chattanooga and is home only from Fri. p.m. til Sun. p.m. Tonight he called and told me that he has a chance to play West Side Story for a local theater co. - they need a sub for next weekend. He thought about asking his boss to work from home on his laptop on Friday. Then, he could drive from Chatt. to the gig Thursday, come home around midnight/1 a.m. Work from home Friday. Gig Fri night, Sat matinee, Sat night, home late. Gig Sunday matinee. Return to Chatt. What do I say? He asked me for my opinion. The $$ is pretty good - around $450 for the weekend. We could use it. But - I know what that would mean. He'd be tired, exhausted, not pleasant, and mostly gone that weekend. I know that what I say holds tremendous say with dh. I have to be careful - if he really feels like this would help our family, I need to "take one for the team", kwim? Plus, who knows when he'll have a chance to do this kind of thing again, now that he's taken the Corporate Plunge. Thanks - needing some opinions tonight - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Do you think he needs to do this for more than the money? I worked for an insurance company in underwriting and lets just say that industry can suck the creativity out of you. Everything is statisical, everyone grouped in categories, I found the whole job very confining. I'm loopy tonight so excuse my wording, but maybe he needs to have a creative outlet and if it pays that's even better. If it's only one weekend I say encourage him and let him do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 It sounds like it's just one weekend? If it were my dh I'd say "Go for it, and have fun!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashleen Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I think that if it's just for one weekend or a few weekends (i.e. not long-term) that you will find him reenergized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 maybe he needs to have a creative outlet and if it pays that's even better. If it's only one weekend I say encourage him and let him do it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I'd say that if everything is good in your marriage, (not perfect, good) I'd say do it. You and the kids eat pizza and watch stupid movies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I think he should take whatever gigs he can get! And since it's only one weekend, surely you could deal with that, right? But make sure you know *exactly* what the union regulations are (if there are any.) Right after dd was born, dh and I were living on grad. student assistantships (read: next to nothing,) and he was offered a job playing in the pit for 1776. We were not aware that he would have to join the union and pay DOUBLE what he made on that one gig for dues. They didn't bother telling him until months later when the union threatened him with legal action. -Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda in FL Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Do you think he needs to do this for more than the money? I worked for an insurance company in underwriting and lets just say that industry can suck the creativity out of you. Everything is statisical, everyone grouped in categories, I found the whole job very confining. I'm loopy tonight so excuse my wording, but maybe he needs to have a creative outlet and if it pays that's even better. If it's only one weekend I say encourage him and let him do it. :iagree: After reading this post I have visions of Mr. Incredible stuck in his office job! Maybe you have a musical "super" itching to be back in his element!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon in SC Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 The $$ is pretty good -We could use it. Plus, who knows when he'll have a chance to do this kind of thing again, now that he's taken the Corporate Plunge. Hi, dear heart. Personally, I always look for a *good* reason *to* do something when trying to make a decision. In reading your post and fwiw, the notes I've highlighted above are the good reasons I would support dh in this (in addition to what others have said about how the opportunity alone would probably be a blessing to dh. Any reasons supportive of not doing it (ie cranky, tired dh, etc) would be very shortlived (not to mention possibly even negated by the fact that he is so enthused by the chance to perform that he's less tired and more encouraged, kwim?) I say give him the go ahead with your blessing! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Background: Dh was/is a trained musician - taught school, did gigs on the side. Lost his job a year ago. Was recently hired by a health insurance co. (go figure!), now works M-F in Chattanooga and is home only from Fri. p.m. til Sun. p.m. Tonight he called and told me that he has a chance to play West Side Story for a local theater co. - they need a sub for next weekend. He thought about asking his boss to work from home on his laptop on Friday. Then, he could drive from Chatt. to the gig Thursday, come home around midnight/1 a.m. Work from home Friday. Gig Fri night, Sat matinee, Sat night, home late. Gig Sunday matinee. Return to Chatt. What do I say? He asked me for my opinion. The $$ is pretty good - around $450 for the weekend. We could use it. But - I know what that would mean. He'd be tired, exhausted, not pleasant, and mostly gone that weekend. I know that what I say holds tremendous say with dh. I have to be careful - if he really feels like this would help our family, I need to "take one for the team", kwim? Plus, who knows when he'll have a chance to do this kind of thing again, now that he's taken the Corporate Plunge. Thanks - needing some opinions tonight - I would encourage him to do it if it's something he really wants to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 *Since* it's only one weekend, and it sounds like a creative outlet / affirmation he may need, I'd try to be encouraging and find some way to make the weekend special for just me and the kids. Is there any chance you and the older kids could go see the play one night? (I know you have a 3yo, and that could complicate things though...) I do guard our time with dh fiercely. But I also know that if he isn't fed creatively and getting positive feedback on what he really brings to the world, he's an unhappier person. And consequently, no one is getting what they need... I would tell him, "Honey, we'll really *miss* you! And while the money is nice, it isn't worth it to me to lose you for our few precious days together. *But* it would be worth it to me if this is going to feed your soul -- in that case, I want you to go for it!" If it were a longer term thing -- like every weekend for a period of time or something (when he's already forced to be away during the week!), I would really struggle. But for one weekend? Yeah, I'd encourage him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karenciavo Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I would be happy for him and encourage him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PariSarah Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 *Since* it's only one weekend, and it sounds like a creative outlet / affirmation he may need, I'd try to be encouraging and find some way to make the weekend special for just me and the kids. Is there any chance you and the older kids could go see the play one night? (I know you have a 3yo, and that could complicate things though...) For one weekend, and for the chance for dh to dip his feet back into something he loves, I'd support it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemywhirlygirls Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Sounds like a great opportunity for you to fill your hubbys "I love all of you" love tank and at the same time make some unexpected money for the family. Guard your heart against any resentment for the work it will mean for you in not having hubby at home to help you with the kids. This is very important. If you're going to encourage him in this opportunity...go "all in". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Niffercoo Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I'm also the wife of a musician, and $450 for 4 performances isn't very much money. Unless it's a short performance with no rehearsals, it's not even scale. And by the time you take self-employment taxes out of it, that leaves you clearing about $225. Having said that, though, I wouldn't stand in my husband's way if he wanted to take the gig. It is just one weekend, and though you'd miss him and it would be hard on you, it might be really good for your husband to get to play again. My husband went through about a 2 year period in between the time he gave up being on the road full-time when our when our son was born, until he got picked up by a local church to play in their praise band (and through them found his current booking agent who does the wedding and corporate party bookings). It was incredibly hard on him, and on all of us. He missed it so much. So yeah, I'd send him with my blessing! When my dh has a gig, the kids and I usually get some easy junky food (frozen pizzas, ice cream or other sweets), and a DVD, and we have a little party. That way it's not as hard on me, and the kids know that they have something to look forward to when they see "Dad gig" on the calendar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 Thanks, y'all! I did call him at work this morning, and gave him the green light - he sounded relieved! He's still got to clear the day working "remote" with his boss, plus he won't have really any time to practice in advance - but it was clear that my call meant a lot to him. I love you for your advice! I need to go spread some rep around. . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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