momofkhm Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 My 18 yo has not graduated high school yet and will be covered by our health insurance until she graduates college. But how involved should I be in her health care? Is it enough to make her appointments? Or should I make her do even that? This is new territory for me. The last time she went to the doctor, it was a dermatologist. The practice states up front that anyone under 18 still needs a parent to make changes to care. If the child comes alone, they will do the exam, but will not prescribe new meds, make changes to care, etc without a parent being present. (This would mean 2 office visits) Of course I went with her and in with her. The last time she went to a GP, she still expected me to do most of the talking, explaining what was going on, why she were there. I tried to let her take the lead, but after about 2 or 3 questions, she just looked at me for the answer anyway. I'd say she was 16 1/2 or young 17 at the time. And I've been asking her for a while, maybe since 14 or 15 if she wants me to come in. (Yes, obviously.) We're due for eye appointments this month and I'm thinking about physicals this month or next. What do you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 I've been content to wait out in the waiting room--for routine visits. If there are further questions, the staff will just come out and ask you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myra Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 I have an 19 year old son and so I know where you are with this! Since he turned 18 he has been going to routine appointments by himself - eye exams, allergy shots, mild ear infections, etc. However, before he goes we go over what questions he might expect and what questions he might need to ask (sometimes jotting them down on a post-it note) I think if it was any appt besides routine I'd go with him at this point and wait in the reception area - just in case he needs a stand-by. But I caution him to always bring his cell phone with him and if unsure about a question or medical procedure or immunization or even a bit uncomfortable or whatever to stop immediately and call me to confer right there with the doctor present. I want him to move towards being independent but not all at once at a cost to his health. Myra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Since we are financially responsible for your older teen's healthcare, I am involved. Since my kids are relatively healthy and have not had as much experience dealing with healthcare providers on their own, I look at it that they are still learning and my job is to help them learn to how to communicate effectively, navigate the system and advocate for themselves. I don't think that, at 18, they magically know how to do this. (Perhaps I could have done more coaching and training when they were younger, but, then again, since they are healthy, they haven't had many opportunities.) So, that means I encourage them to do most of the talking, remind them of things they forgot to say or didn't think of and then have them repeat back any suggestions or recommendations they were told. If they don't think of questions, I remind them so they ask. The doc always asks me to step outside for certain parts of the exam and discussions, which I think is totally appropriate. I wish someone had taught me how to do this for myself. The knowledge and skill would have preventedsome expensive and damaging mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 .......tmi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 Thanks ladies! I'm not ready to "throw her to the wolves" but I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me being over protective. I'll follow her lead in the office, but continue to do as I've done for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 By 18 she should definitely be taking the lead on her health care, to include making her own appts. My oldest is only 8 but when she has an appt I sit in the chair in the corner and she discusses her health with the doctor. If she needs help answering a question or clarifying something I will help her but it is her body and her health, she needs to learn to handle it independently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 My dd is 19. I like to go with her and be in the waiting room in case she and/or dr want to speak to me, which has happened. I'm glad dd trusts me to help her make decisions. Especially since I'm paying for the care! Slightly off topic, but related: After dd turned 18 she signed one of those forms...living will, I think? It allows dh to make medical decisions for her if she is unable to. I'm listed as secondary. Just another thing to think about with your young adults! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 my daughter is 20 and it varies. I do expect her to make her own appointments (esp since i'm busy and she is impatient) but i go if she wants me to. She is pretty unfriendly towards me at the moment, despite living here and on our insurance, so i wont help unless she asks me to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 My daughter is 20. She has her own insurance. But I am very involved with her health care. And it is a good thing I am, because she is learning a lot. If I had not been with her on several Dr. appts, there would have been massive screw ups, and she does not know the right questions to ask. The last one was when she was sent for bloodwork, and on the labslip it CLEARLY stated CBC/diffs. I let her go and get it done alone. Big mistake. They didn't run that test, and we needed to get it done again. When I go to the lab, even for myself I demand to see the print out tickets of what is being tested to make sure it matches with my lab slip. Now she knows that whenever she gets lab work, to ask to see the stickers and to make sure it lines up with lab order. I also speak with her Dr's. Mainly because she is hard to get a hold of. I have had her sign all the release forms when she turned 18 with all of her Dr's so they can speak to me about her care, test results etc. I wish my mother had done this with me because I was clueless. She still sees a pediatrician. She can do this until she is 21. But the rest of her Dr's are "adult" Dr's. And she is beginning to realize how different the "adult Dr." world can be. HORRIBLE. When I need something done, I call her Pedi and it gets done. No issues, no questions. They will even go in on a Sunday if you are worried and do not want to go to the ER. She is finding out that in the adult world, you are lucky to even get a Dr. to call you back. When she changes her PC Dr. to an adult Dr. there will be no calling and telling them when you can come in that day if she is sick. She will be lucky if she gets an appt. within a few days. It's really sad. No wonder we have overcrowded Er's. We love our Pedi. To bad she will be done in November because that is when she will turn 21. I still have my youngest there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMA Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Honestly, with the current state of healthcare, EVERYONE, regardless of age, needs a second adult to come along. I go with my husband and he comes with me sometimes when there are tests involved. There are so many procedures and terms thrown at a patient that everyone needs a second adult with them. You need to bring someone to ask the right questions or to refuse certain procedures for you or to even just ask the cost of the procedure. Most patients do not have a clear head to do this at the very moment when they need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 I find this topic very interesting and illiminating. My kids are still very young so this isn't something I have even thought of, but my initial reaction upon reading the OP was "who goes to the doctor with a child that old?" I never would have allowed my mother into a doctor's office with me at that age, nor do I think she even came with me after the age of 17 to sit in the waiting room. I also sense a little bit of "entitlement" (not the best word but only one I could come up with) because they are on your insurance so you pay for it. As a Canadian, all my medical stuff was covered so my parents had no "investment" in my medical care. This has given me a lot to consider for when the kids are older because I am much more involved in their lives than my parents were in mine and I can see myself wanting to still be involved (or at least informed) of medical issues until they are older. We are in Australia now which has a Medicare system but we still have to pay a little copay and we do hold private insurance to cover some things that Medicare doesn't cover (physio, dental, etc) so it will be interesting to see how this goes when they are older. Thanks for the topic which has made me think about something I never considered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 My son has special needs so I always go with him. I try to let him answer/ask the questions but honestly he doesn't always get things right so I am there to clarify, etc. I do step out of the room for part of the exam, etc. I really like a family practice as we have had the same nurse and doctor since he was adopted 18 years ago and he can keep them long term. The whole family goes there. I would make sure that your dd signs a release of information form if she wants the doctor to be able to discuss anything with you regarding her care, appointments, etc. I would say to try to let her take the lead---make the appointment, fill out the forms, etc. but be there if she needs help and go back with her if she still wants you to. I do agree with the other poster who said that most people need a second adult along in the room with them for the discussions, etc. My husband is terrible with doctors and I go along to make sure that all of the questions are answered correctly. I tend to go alone but I am quite medically savy now. My dh is NOT a doctor person so he doesn't really want to go with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Honestly, with the current state of healthcare, EVERYONE, regardless of age, needs a second adult to come along. I go with my husband and he comes with me sometimes when there are tests involved. There are so many procedures and terms thrown at a patient that everyone needs a second adult with them. You need to bring someone to ask the right questions or to refuse certain procedures for you or to even just ask the cost of the procedure. Most patients do not have a clear head to do this at the very moment when they need it. Dh and I try to go to appointments together- what you wrote is absolutely what we've experienced. Dd is 20 but lives at home (college student) and recently went to the doctor and although dh was there, he was in the waiting room. They gave dd a prescription that is $78 a month on our insurance- and it's an ongoing medication, so when we found out that a slightly different dose would only cost s $4 a month, dd had to call and ask for it to be changed. The doc's nurse was irritated and asked if SHE wanted it changed or if WE wanted it changed. Well, we're paying for it, so of course we're cost conscious. But she also wants to minimize the cost so she can pay for it herself. Having adult kids on your insurance can be tricky- I want the kids to take charge of their health care but when we're paying and they're still learning HOW to navigate the health care maze, it makes sense to walk together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 Slightly off topic, but related: After dd turned 18 she signed one of those forms...living will, I think? It allows dh to make medical decisions for her if she is unable to. I'm listed as secondary. Just another thing to think about with your young adults! Do I really need to think about that? I guess I do. Ugh. Kids growing up is not easy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 Honestly, with the current state of healthcare, EVERYONE, regardless of age, needs a second adult to come along. I go with my husband and he comes with me sometimes when there are tests involved. There are so many procedures and terms thrown at a patient that everyone needs a second adult with them. You need to bring someone to ask the right questions or to refuse certain procedures for you or to even just ask the cost of the procedure. Most patients do not have a clear head to do this at the very moment when they need it. You are so right. I hadn't thought about it but the first time dh got gout I was with him cause when we left home, he was sure his foot was broken. But I am the one that asked the important questions. I was "sitting in the corner" taking it all in and dh was happy with what doc said. "If it comes back soon." well, what is soon? "If it becomes a regular occurrence" what's regular? Stuff like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Honestly, with the current state of healthcare, EVERYONE, regardless of age, needs a second adult to come along. I go with my husband and he comes with me sometimes when there are tests involved. There are so many procedures and terms thrown at a patient that everyone needs a second adult with them. You need to bring someone to ask the right questions or to refuse certain procedures for you or to even just ask the cost of the procedure. Most patients do not have a clear head to do this at the very moment when they need it. This is how we feel too, nobody goes alone if it is anything other than a routine check up. I have spent many years being a health advocate for my family, kids, Mom, sister, you name it. Even when someone is there, things can still get screwed up. Our other family rule is never, ever, ever leave a family member alone at the hospital under any circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I went - but if they didn't answer questions from the provider, I would rephrase the question (or ask another) and make them answer. after all, they need to learn to do it. I would only make comments if they were lacking in the vocabulary to describe what they needed to say. eta: it also depends upon the type of appointment. routine, or a concern? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
windmillmarie Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Ever since my great-grandmother lost a child to a medical error (wrong medication prescribed by the doctor) that side of the family have always had a someone accompany to doctor appointments. In my generation, some of us has stopped this and some have just had people come for certain exams, but my mom's generation still does a buddy system for medical appointments. My kids are small, but I will probably be involved for as long as I need to. I keep very good medical records now and will give that to them when they are mature and teach them how to keep more records though. My DH was brought to different clinics throughout his life, then just went to the university health center in college, then just toughed things out or went to the ER. He had insurance, but not the experience of having a primary health provider. He is now struggling to put together his medical history. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 My parents were hands off on the Dr visits when I was about 15/16. I made my own appts and had to learn to ask questions if I had them. So college time they really never asked or cared. I ended needing surgery for severe endometriosis in college but at that point I wasn't on my dad's insurance. I had to deal with the costs and never did they offer to help pay. Even when I hurt my knee in college and was on dad's insurance I had to push him to get me to a Dr to get my surgery scheduled. They just truly were no help and I wish they had been. So as a kid who wished they were more involved I would ask your child what she wants from you. Does she want reminders to get an annual visit? Does she need you to go and help talk to the Dr? Does she need help with co-pays or insurance stuff? I would take her lead and support in learning to care for her health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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