Does anyone here NOT love Christmas?

[Jenny in Florida]

Here's a question. Do you all hide your dislike from your family and everyone else and pretend to be cheerful about it all? Put on a smile and fake it? Or does your family know how you feel?

 

 

They know, but it bothers them so much that I've tried to backpedal and downplay my feelings.

 

And, again, please remember that I really do love certain aspects of the season. I just feel like the stuff I love gets lost in the rest of it.

 

Unfortunately, it's become very clear that any attempt to communicate this to my family, especially to my husband and son, so dampens their own enjoyment of the holiday that it's not worth the trade off to me.

[Desert Rat]

Which would be great advice if we had families who would be cooperative about it.

 

Instead, I have a husband who simply cannot be cheerful unless he gets good enough presents and teens who look forward all year to the routine of rehearsals and performances AND the "few" special traditions that require the most time and effort from me AND who get their feelings hurt if I even hint that it's become a little tougher to keep up with creating the magic of those traditions now that I have virtually adult kids who don't go to bed any earlier than I do.

 

I could, of course, insist on having the holiday I would prefer . . . by ruining it for the people I love most in the world.

 

 

This is the truth!

 

My friend said last year that if holidays were left up to men (no offense, Men) that they either wouldn't happen or they would be a lot less important.

 

I think she's got a point. My dh is an awesome partner for me. He helps or tries to help with all I ask. But, it still falls on me to do the Christmas cards, thank you cards, shopping, gift buying (even for his family), food preparing, etc. I realize some of this is the expectations I have set for myself or have been set for me by generations of women before me, but still..... He loes putting up the lights outside. And he loves the tree. Me? I fight for the Charlie Brown tree every year and still lose. And I notice less and less Christmas decorations coming out of the box each year.

[momtokea]

I loved Christmas when I was young and someone else was doing all the work. Now, I am too tired to like it. It's just another job that needs to get done.

[twoxcell]

Which would be great advice if we had families who would be cooperative about it.

 

Instead, I have a husband who simply cannot be cheerful unless he gets good enough presents and teens who look forward all year to the routine of rehearsals and performances AND the "few" special traditions that require the most time and effort from me AND who get their feelings hurt if I even hint that it's become a little tougher to keep up with creating the magic of those traditions now that I have virtually adult kids who don't go to bed any earlier than I do.

 

(And I do love those performances, but the rehearsal schedules are exhausting.)

 

I could, of course, insist on having the holiday I would prefer . . . by ruining it for the people I love most in the world.

:sad: I'm sorry. I hope you are able to find a bit of Joy even in the craziness.

[Liz CA]

I love the meaning of Christmas...Love came down to save us.

I don't care for the commercial side of Christmas but I don't let that depress me. I have a choice how to have Christmas in my heart and make it pleasant and restful for my family. I refuse to let other's busyness dictate my Advent and Christmas time. I am aware that none of us really know when Jesus was born but since the rest of my world chooses to observe this time of year, I will join them in the observance but not in the craziness, the stress and the disappointments.

 

I have always emhasized the "giving" more than the getting, the baking of cookies, inviting people and sharing food. Decorations are only those that are meaningful to us. Lots of real candles...nativity scene and eventually the tree. The house is not full of glitter and Santa Clauses.

 

We give fairly small gifts (in terms of monetary value) just to remind each other of the bigger gift we received.

[Hoot]

Get him a Spongebob Chia Pet. I bet next year he'll want to go back to the lists.

 

:lol: I love it.

[CheerioKid]

I do not love the EXTREMES of Christmas.

 

I dislike the materialism that comes with it. Sure, my kids have a few things they want, and Christmas is a good time to ask...that's common sense. I know people who seem to have NO budget for Christmas. They spend and spend and spend, for what? Spoiled kids? Does a 4 year old really need a new iPod Touch?

 

On the other hand, I also dislike the whole "Jesus's birthday" thing. I grew up Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist...and I was always taught (how could I not be) that Christmas is "all about Jesus". We do not know when Jesus was born. The story of his birth, to the visiting of the wise men, played out over as much as a year or more. I don't believe God ever intended for his birth to be celebrated annually. Jesus was on this earth for about 33 years, but not a single mention of a celebration of his birthday is recorded. It's such a worldly thing that we have created. Don't get me wrong...the story of His birth is important, but the story of his life is so much more so. We've created a monster.

 

With all that said, I will choose all the "Happy Birthday Jesus" over people not knowing the story of Christ at all. I just think we take it a bit far. If the only time someone ever hears about Jesus is "Happy Birthday Jesus" at Christmas, that's not much to go on. I'm sure there are people out there who think Jesus is still a baby. Shame on us.

[Mama Geek]

 

I could, of course, insist on having the holiday I would prefer . . . by ruining it for the people I love most in the world.

 

 

I am in the same boat. If I say I want to stay home and not spend it with dh's parents dh gets upset, even now if he ends up having the week off which we don't know yet, he wants to drive 14-15 hours each way with a 2 1/2 year old and a dog to visit his folks. I know most people know this but his mom and I mix like oil and water and that idea is just not appealing to me at all and I know it is what he wants more than anything else.

 

I also know I carry a lot of baggage from childhood. My parents split up just before Christmas and I can remember getting into a hugh fight with my dad on Christmas that year and calling my mom in tears to come and pick me up. The following years that I lived at home were spent part of the day with my mom in my home and part of the day with my dad and his girlfriend and her nutty family. Throw my birthday and our wedding anniversary in there and it is a mess. They aren't on Christmas but both are within a couple of weeks of Christmas.

 

I do figure I will just go along with the long trip, so I don't ruin it for dh. He and dd should have a good time even if I would much rather be somewhere else.

[shanvan]

Which would be great advice if we had families who would be cooperative about it.

 

Instead, I have a husband who simply cannot be cheerful unless he gets good enough presents and teens who look forward all year to the routine of rehearsals and performances AND the "few" special traditions that require the most time and effort from me AND who get their feelings hurt if I even hint that it's become a little tougher to keep up with creating the magic of those traditions now that I have virtually adult kids who don't go to bed any earlier than I do.

 

(And I do love those performances, but the rehearsal schedules are exhausting.)

 

I could, of course, insist on having the holiday I would prefer . . . by ruining it for the people I love most in the world.

 

 

Exactly.

[elegantlion]

Which would be great advice if we had families who would be cooperative about it. Instead, I have a husband who simply cannot be cheerful unless he gets good enough presents and teens who look forward all year to the routine of rehearsals and performances AND the "few" special traditions that require the most time and effort from me AND who get their feelings hurt if I even hint that it's become a little tougher to keep up with creating the magic of those traditions now that I have virtually adult kids who don't go to bed any earlier than I do. (And I do love those performances, but the rehearsal schedules are exhausting.) I could, of course, insist on having the holiday I would prefer . . . by ruining it for the people I love most in the world.

 

Yes, I bite my tongue a lot because they enjoy it. I try to tell my dad every year let's not make a big deal out of it, then wham, they end up bringing a ton of gifts and it becomes about that.

 

 

This is the truth! My friend said last year that if holidays were left up to men (no offense, Men) that they either wouldn't happen or they would be a lot less important. I think she's got a point. My dh is an awesome partner for me. He helps or tries to help with all I ask. But, it still falls on me to do the Christmas cards, thank you cards, shopping, gift buying (even for his family), food preparing, etc. I realize some of this is the expectations I have set for myself or have been set for me by generations of women before me, but still..... He loes putting up the lights outside. And he loves the tree. Me? I fight for the Charlie Brown tree every year and still lose. And I notice less and less Christmas decorations coming out of the box each year.

 

My dh said he'd like to do Christmas cards this year. I said go ahead. I wasn't going to do them, we don't have stamp money or card money. We got about 3 last year and I don't have the time (or want to make the time). So yes, I'd be happy to provide a list if he wants to make it a priority. I don't. Like the ornaments, he thinks I get excited about those, I don't. This year he's talking about tablets. I'd like one, but I don't know which one. I have to actually look at them to decide, I have 3 in mind. He keeps saying you need x - well, I told him again last night, I don't know if that's the one I want. We tend to save and buy electronics at Christmas if we need them because of the sales. This year I don't want to do that. I'd like to wait and buy what I want, not what he thinks I want. Argh!!!

 

:sad: I'm sorry. I hope you are able to find a bit of Joy even in the craziness.

 

See, that's the thing. I find joy in daily life. Right now I'm stressed and sound like it, but generally I find the joy in every day. At Christmas it all feels so forced and you're supposed to be happy, well geez, I was grateful yesterday and in July, I'm good now. We don't buy a lot of things, but we generally buy throughout the year what we need and use it then. I bought ds a 3.00 Napoleon Dynamite DVD the other day. I could have saved it for Christmas, but I gave it to him. It just seems kind of silly to hide it and wrap it when we can enjoy the movie together before Christmas. Again, I think it was more fun when ds was little and he would get super excited about surprises. When there were new toys and things to do on the day. Now, we all generally know what we're getting because we asked for it. We don't have the budget for big surprises etc. That's totally aside from the hubbub of the holiday which I've gotten good about ignoring.

 

Gosh, I do sound like a scrooge, but I like my family well enough all year, they know it. I don't need to cram the joy of the season into one month when the weather is normally bad and there are a ton of other financial obligations going on.

[dirty ethel rackham]

In theory, I love Christmas. But I hate the reality. I would love to be the person who makes 8 different kinds of Christmas cookies and gives them away. Heck, I'd settle for one kind. I would love to be able to decorate the house well and have people over and fill the house with love, joy, and merriment. I would love to be making hand-made gifts for family and friends. I would love to be the mom who sends her college son stuff on a regular basis and I wish I had ideas of what to send him for finals week. I would love to be organized enough to have a wonderfully spiritual Advent. I would love to have the fun and laughter of my siblings and nieces and nephews around. But, the reality is ... none of those things will happen. Most of my siblings will be in Florida attending my niece's wedding (that I wasn't invited to.) The annual Christmas Eve caroling is still on, but the open house where I get to visit with my long-time homeschooling friends will not be happening. I had thought about having it here, but the reality of my cluttered, undecorated home and my serious deficit in hosting skills make this a pipe dream. I am sad that dh's sister has distanced herself from the family and know that it has hurt dh and FIL. We don't know why.

 

I hate that at a time when I want to do so much, I have the least amount of energy. I have SAD and this time is so difficult for me. On top of that, I "broke up with" my thyroid doc and have been without meds for 2 months so my energy levels are in the toilet. (I did finally get a scrip from my fp doc so this will be addressed.) It is all I can do to keep on my kids to get their work done and get meals ready. Dh already does so much around here that I just can't ask him to put up Christmas lights or anything.

 

So, for me, the reality of my life just doesn't match up to expectations - even when I dial down those expectations. I am sad and missing important people in my life and know that many of those people are drifting away and I can't do anything about it. I am feeling very isolated right now - away from family and have lost a couple of close friends. It takes a ton of energy not to succomb to envy.

 

Going to have a cup of tea and think of all that I am thankful for instead of my usual wallowing.

[jujsky]

I....put forth an effort to love it. It's hard. It's a very busy, stressful time of the year in general for moms. All the kids activities seem to have a little Christmas party or something that requires me to get or make extra food or gifts. We do Hanukkah & Christmas, so I have to plan out this whole weird gift-schedule to make sure I save the gifts they really want to play with for a night when we're not swamped with activities (it would be dumb to give DS a new video game on a night where we're gone until 7:00 or 8:00 because he won't be able to play it and would be distracted during school the next day). Also, my dad left my mom the day after Christmas when I was 16 and after my dad moved away, Christmas was the only time I saw him. He's now deceased, so it's painful -- both for him leaving us, and not being able to see him the one time each year that I always could.

 

I try to keep it positive and good for the kids. Last year seemed a lot easier. I was all into the Christmas spirit and then got in a big fight with my mom at our extended family Christmas party (we NEVER fight). That's left another cloud this year. We're also just so freakin' busy this year that I really haven't been able to enjoy anything. Tree? Yeah, that's not up. The kids keep bugging me to put it up, but with all of our weekends pretty much full until December 23rd, I have no clue when we're going to do it. Cookie Swap I'm invited to every year? Trying to figure out if I can go and if I will have time to even make cookies. It's this Sunday. DD has a dance team rehearsal Friday night, Hanukkah with my ILs Saturday, and then dance during the same time as the cookie swap Sunday. DH could take her to dance Sunday, but that still leaves me no time to make 4 dozen cookies.

 

The one change we've made that has made Christmas day stress-free (if not the season as a whole) is that we stay home on Christmas. We don't travel and no one travels to see us. We are blissfully, wonderfully alone. We get up when we feel like it, open presents, have a huge bunch, watch the movies that the kids get in their stockings, and they spend the rest of the day playing and lounging around. It has become the one day each year I can depend on not to feel obligated to go anywhere or do anything. It's so nice!

[Impish]

There are moments that I truly enjoy, then other moments where I'd rather nail my tongue to the table.

 

The whole family mess. On one hand, I'm truly grateful not to have to deal w/the drama and carp that goes along (or would go along) w/being near my family for the holidays, or MIL. On the other, I miss not having a positive, loving relationship w/extended family that would mean the holidays were loving and warm...basically, it shines a huge spotlight on what I've never had, more so this time of yr than any other.

 

Financial stress sucks.

 

But...I love my children enjoying the holidays. I love seeing their faces light up. I love seeing them enjoy the traditions we've started.

 

So, I do my best to stuff any negative emotions away, and focus on the positive.

[milovany]

On the other hand, I also dislike the whole "Jesus's birthday" thing. I grew up Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist...and I was always taught (how could I not be) that Christmas is "all about Jesus". We do not know when Jesus was born. The story of his birth, to the visiting of the wise men, played out over as much as a year or more. I don't believe God ever intended for his birth to be celebrated annually. Jesus was on this earth for about 33 years, but not a single mention of a celebration of his birthday is recorded. It's such a worldly thing that we have created. Don't get me wrong...the story of His birth is important, but the story of his life is so much more so. We've created a monster.

 

To be fair, this "birthday party for Jesus" idea is a relatively recent development in Christianity. The church of the first few hundred years DID begin celebrating the coming of Christ, but not in a "birthday party" kind of way, but in a "let's especially remember the Incarnation of God at this time of year" kind of way, and this has been done for more than 1600 years. It wasn't manmade, it was what the Holy Spirit led the early church to develop (the Holy Spirit gave us a yearlong cycle of feasts and fasts). It's not a bad thing to have commemorations for things for which the written word God didn't detail; God is a God of commemorations, as shown in the Old Testament. I do understand what you're saying about the commercialism but just because some error has crept in with the keeping of the feasts doesn't mean the remembrances themselves are in error (which I realize is not what you said, but it is something that's often said in this line of thought; I used to state it myself).

 

In the Orthodox church, we still commemorate the incarnation at Nativity as we have for more than 1600 years. The way we do so in our services hasn't adjusted to current culture or personal preferences. We fast through Advent as the church always has, our service prayers and songs are the ancient chants and hymns that we've sung for hundreds and hundreds of years (more than a thousand, close to 1500), those songs and chants are focused on the incarnation of Christ, we celebrate Nativity from that day and on for 12 more, etc. There are other historical churches that can make similar statements.

 

I, too, have gotten weary of Christmas as it has developed in recent history. We try to do things that create happy memories for our family, yes, but also try to remember that the reason is Christ, and more than anything, we try to go to church more, we try to pray more, we try to give more, and try to fast more; we follow the rhythm that's existed almost from the beginning. It can be a hard, but joyful, season of rest in this way.

[Kate in Arabia]

When I first converted to Islam (abt 20 years ago) I had relatives who asked me "won't you miss Christmas?" Umm, not really. The main thing for me was the family togetherness, which we do at other times. Looking at it now as an outsider, it does make what we do to celebrate our own religious holidays pale by comparison. I was at the grocery with dd tonight and we were wading through the Christmas decorations/gifts area, and she said "Isn't Christmas already over?" She had assumed since she's been seeing deocrations for a couple of weeks now it should already be done.

 

She also got an advent calendar in a magazine she gets over here, and opened up all the little windows the first day. I guess she's not into building the anticipation, lol.

[LaxMom]

I love it in theory. A time of renewal, etc.

 

In reality, as others have said, the pressure, the surly, stressed out people, the greed... Yeah, not so much.

 

Maybe it's like a spiritual/social chemical peel...

[Julie Smith]

I don't. I have nothing against it. It's just not a big deal to me.